Unrequited
by mystikaos
Summary: Everyone at Hogwarts adores the golden girl, Lily Evans. Everyone, that is, except me. Why do I hate her, you ask? Maybe it's because she's so bloody perfect, but if I'm honest with myself, it's because of him. The boy I have been hopelessly in love with for three years, is in love with Lily bloody Evans! I wonder, will he ever notice me, or will my love be forever unrequited?
1. Prologue

_Hi Everyone! Thanks for checking out my fic. Here is the standard disclaimer: I do not own or have any ties to the Harry Potter series, or any characters from the franchise. I am not making any money off of this work. I'm just a fan who likes to write. I hope you enjoy it!_

 **Prologue:**

There she was. My view of her was obscured by the small, ever-present crowd surrounding her in the Great Hall, and I hadn't seen her all summer, but I knew it was her nonetheless. There was no mistaking her smooth, bright red hair that fell to the middle of her back, or her vibrant, shimmering green eyes. Lily Evans. The golden girl, the girl who can do no wrong, the girl who _everybody_ loves. Everybody except me. I loathe her. I despise her. I abhor and detest her. I hate her with the fire of a thousand suns. How else can I say this? The bottom line is that every time I look at the pretty, perky, perfect Miss Evans, all I feel is bitterness, right down to my very core. She makes me want to vomit.

Why do I hate her, you ask? There are so many possible answers. Lily truly is perfect; she is tall, svelte, beautiful, intelligent, funny, talented, and, as if that wasn't enough, she's ambitious and ridiculously nice…to _everybody_ , including the geeks! She is the most popular girl in school and the professors' pet. There isn't _a thing_ wrong with her, and she has everything a girl could ever want. That makes my blood boil. You all know the type; she is the girl who you just can't help but hate. Unfortunately it seems I'm the only one who feels this way. Perhaps I wouldn't have cared about lovely little Lily being so damn perfect and adored if it weren't for one thing.

Him.

The boy I have been hopelessly in love with for three years, and have pined over for even longer. Since the moment I laid my eyes on him on my very first day of Hogwarts, I knew he was special. I was drawn to him, and though I didn't know why, I knew I couldn't fight it. When third year began and the teenage hormones started kicking in, I realized what that strange pull towards him was. It was love. At first I thought it had to be a phase, but here I am three years later, still in love with him.

Every time I look at him he pulls me in deeper. His raven hair shines like my favorite time of night, and his eyes are hypnotizing. It isn't just his looks that I adore, though. Oh no, this isn't just some lustful schoolgirl crush. This runs far deeper. His sense of humor keeps me in stitches, and his bravery knows no bounds. On top of that, his intelligence never ceases to amaze me, and his creativity is second to none. When he speaks, he captivates the room, and his voice sends shivers down my spine. Everything about him is amazing. There's just one little problem.

He's in love with Lily bloody Evans.


	2. Chapter 1

**PART I**

 **Chapter 1:**

"El…El…Hello? Ellie? Earth to Ellie, come in Ellie! Yo, Eleanor!"

"Huh? Oh, hey," I reply to my best friend Cassie (her full name is Cassiopeia, after the constellation, something purebloods seem to do quite often, although I have no clue as to why) after I am jogged out of my fog. "Hey! I told you not to call me that!" I complain as I slap her, once I realize she has used my full name. That's right folks, I am a sixteen year old girl stuck with the name Eleanor. For years I was convinced my parents simply hated me and that's why they gave me a moniker associated with seventy year old grandmothers, but my mother claims it was homage to the great Eleanor Roosevelt. My mum is a world history scholar and has always found American history to be fascinating, so she decided she would name her daughter after one of the most admired women in the country's history.

I appreciate the sentiment, and I even respect the unconventional, bright, tough as nails woman I was named for, but _why_ did her name have to be Eleanor? Why couldn't the woman who said " _women are like teabags. We don't know our true strength until we are in hot water,"_ have been named something cool, like Harley, or beautiful, like Anastasia? Why did it have to be the most boring, conservative, old fashioned name ever? Let's face it; it doesn't matter how mind-blowingly gorgeous a woman is, as soon as a man asks her name and she replies Eleanor, part of her sexy mystique is immediately crushed. And I certainly don't have the aforementioned mind blowing looks to compensate for my antiquated name. I think I'd be better off being named after a constellation.

Anyway, you remember what I said about Lily Evans? How she is so beautiful, intelligent, funny and perfect? Well, I am…decidedly not. I'm not a hideous troll by any means, but I am certainly not a supermodel, nor do I have all the boys in school ogling me as a certain annoying redhead does.

I am diminutive at a mere 5' 2" and I still have a little bit of baby fat clinging to my UK 10 frame. My hair is a pleasing shade of dark honey blonde that tends to lighten in the summer, but it takes after my father's hair in texture, which was unfortunately super thick and poofy. I have to put three calming charms on it each morning just so it will stay down. It's also the reason it is exceedingly long, down to the small of my back, to weigh it down. This means it gets caught in _everything._ I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've left potions class only to find the tips of my hair covered in smoking purple goo, or having actually set it on fire.

The other issue, physically, is that I inherited my mother's eyesight, which is atrocious. I've been saddled with glasses since I was four years old and without them I am as blind as a bat. I actually don't mind my glasses now that I have found a decent pair of retro black framed ones that have some personality to them, but still, glasses in any form rarely serve to increase ones attractiveness to a boy. Partially hidden behind my glasses are a pair of unremarkable dark chocolate brown eyes.

Physically speaking, I'd have to say that my best traits are my full, sculpted red lips and my rather…generous…assets, if you catch my drift. Not that either of them have done me a bit of good when it comes to getting _his_ attention. Plenty of the boys in Hogwarts notice my assets, (really it's difficult not to, so I can't truly blame them, although I still call them out on it when they start obviously staring) but the object of my affection has never once been caught looking at me anywhere other than in the eye on the rare occasion we get assigned to work together. Even when I wore a v-neck dress to the Holiday Ball that showcased said assets rather nicely without being too revealing, he failed so much as to bat an eye. Of course, that's because his beautiful eyes were focused on Lily _all night long_!

"Oh this is ridiculous!" Cassie spits as she physically shakes me to regain my attention again. I smile my lopsided grin at her and shrug as she huffs in exasperation at me. Truth be told, she is used to this type of behavior from me. I have a long standing habit of daydreaming and going deep into my own little world at random times throughout the day. The worst was during a session of Defense Against the Dark Arts last year when I took a little mental vacation in the middle of a practical lesson on shield spells. I ended up getting blasted with a stinging hex and having to spend the rest of the day with a red streaked, swelled up face.

"What has you so distracted today?" my brown haired friend asks as she follows my gaze across the hall. "Seriously? You're glaring at Lily, _again_? El, you have to let this go!" she insists as she forces me to look into her light blue eyes. "She hasn't done a damn thing to you. She isn't even dating him for Merlin's sake!" she shouts, causing our surrounding Ravenclaws to stare at us questioningly.

"I know that," I hiss at her defensively. "But that doesn't change the fact that he's head over heels in love with her."

"Ugh!" she growls. "I don't know why you're so hung up on him anyway. He's not even cute! I think you should just cut your losses and go after someone new. If you're into the whole bad boy Slytherin thing, I heard from Alicia that David thinks you're really, uh, cute," she reveals with a hopeful smile.

"First of all, David is only interested in me for two reasons, and they are both located just below my neck. Every time I walk by him it's like his head is too heavy for him to hold it up he's staring so hard at that part of my anatomy. Secondly, I am not into 'the bad boy Slytherin thing' as you put it; I am into the person. Finally, I don't care what you say. _I_ think that Severus is attractive, plus he's smart, witty, and amazingly talented…and I'm not going to give up on him. I just have to find some way to get him to notice me!" I insist.

"Whatever," Cassie replies with a roll of her eyes. 


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

I know what you're thinking; _Severus Snape_? _That's_ the guy I've been going on and on about? In short, yes. I am not delusional or mental, I know that he's not the most popular guy in school (not by a long shot) and I realize what people say about him. I know that he doesn't have classic good looks as most would define them, but to me, he's a dark, mysterious Adonis. When he looks at me with those deep black eyes, it feels as if they are boring into my soul. His lithe body makes it seems as if he floats down the halls, rather than walks, and his pale skin contrasts so dramatically with his long, inky black hair that it can't help but draw attention. And the way he speaks in that deep, silky, baritone, each word stated with pointed enunciation…oh, that gets me every time! Even if you don't think he's physically attractive, you have to admit that voice is smooth! I am practically melting into a puddle just thinking about it! Yes, I have it bad.

But can you really blame me? Aside from all the physical things I love about him, he's got the greatest sense of humor! What? He does! Okay, so he doesn't go around pulling childish and embarrassing pranks like those incessant Marauders, but that doesn't mean he has no sense of humor. His humor is just more subtle; much more like mine is. He is quiet most of the time, but at just the right moments he'll throw out a deadpanned witty acerbic comment that is so spot-on, it's uncanny. Some people think he can be cruel, but he usually only unleashes his sardonic humor on those who deserve it, those who pick on him or bully people. Besides, at least all he does is wound with words. There are plenty of guys in this school who hurt others utilizing far worse methods.

Then of course there is Severus's astounding intelligence. He is consistently at the top of the class and his knowledge of potions is nothing short of astonishing. Not only can he mix up any potion you give him, but he's even created his own unique ones. I am no slug at potions either, but if I tried to make one of my own from scratch I'd likely blow up the school. Severus is so creative, and he has the knowledge and instincts to put that to use. I've heard rumors that he's even invented his own spells! If he can do all of this at only 16, can you imagine what he'll accomplish once he's graduated? What I wouldn't give to be there at his side as he blazes his path to glory!

Not that I would be one of those girls who simply hangs off the arm of her man and feeds off of his accomplishments, of course. I have plenty of lofty ambitions of my own, and I am going to achieve them no matter how diligently I need to work and how hard I need to study. In fact, I have my hopes set on getting into the top Healer program in the world and finding a way to cure the effects of extensive exposure to the most detrimental curses. Together, Severus and I would be the most accomplished and intelligent couple in decades!

If there is one thing that I have over the ever-adored Miss Evans, it is my academic abilities. Like I said before, Lily is definitely smart, but she can't outshine me in that category. Not to brag, but I am the second highest ranked student in our year (second only to Severus himself), and as a ninth generation Ravenclaw, learning is a passion that is practically in my blood. I have to admit that I take some delight in watching Lily's face contort in disappointment each year when the rankings are announced and she always falls short of the top three. Oh, come on! Don't look at me like that! You'd indulge in the guilty pleasure too if the object of your true love's affection was knocked down a peg by you.

Especially if that seemed like the only consolation you'd ever get. It's true that Lily isn't actually dating Severus, but they are the best of friends. They spend so much time together you'd think they were joined at the hip. Apparently they've been friends since before they came to Hogwarts, having lived on the same block, so I have a decade of history to compete with. Plus, it's crystal clear that Severus wants to be so much more than friends with her. The way he stares longingly at her when she isn't looking is a dead giveaway. His eyes dance and it seems like the weight of the world just disappears for him. If only he would look at me like that, I'd be the happiest person in the world. Why Lily hasn't snagged him up yet is beyond my comprehension. Could it be that she truly is oblivious to his feelings? Or is she just playing with him? If it's the second, and she ends up hurting him, I swear I'll tear out that pretty hair of hers strand by strand until the only shiny thing glistening on top of her head is her scalp.

This is the thought that was swimming through my daydream filled brain as I walk into Advanced Potions and take my usual seat by the front of the class. Lily comes bounding in joyfully with her friend Alice Roberts, and I can't help but scowl as I see her. Of course she doesn't notice as she is too busy shining her thousand watt smile at Professor Slughorn, who is eating it up like it is crystallized pineapple. Roberts sees my sneer, though, and gives me an irritated look. I am about to confront her, but then Severus comes gliding into the classroom with his usual grace, and all thoughts of Evans and Roberts immediately fly out of my brain.

My breath hitches as he brushes by me to reach the front table across the aisle from me, walking so close that I can smell his intoxicating earthy scent of ash, potion residue, ink, sandalwood, and a hint of cinnamon. I nearly let an audible sigh escape my lips as I drink in the scent, imagining what it would be like to be enveloped in that scent, surrounded by his arms…but thankfully I regain control of myself just in time and manage not to moan out loud. I shake my head to clear the fantastic vision from it and try my best to concentrate on the lesson. It wouldn't be good to get into trouble on the very first day of school, after all.

"Hi Ellie," a slick, arrogant voice breaths next to my ear suddenly. "It looks like the summer has been good to you," David continues, licking his lips and staring unabashedly at my chest as I lift my eyes from my textbook to stare at him coldly.

"Shove off, Yaxley," I reply nonchalantly. I've found that if I show that he is getting to me, it is infinitely more difficult to get rid of the creep. He is so messed up he believes that if a girl gets angry with him it means she is turned on. Ugh!

"Oh, such coldness from such a burning beauty!" he retorts with feigned sadness. "I'm hurt, my darling, truly," he says softly as he leans in close to me.

"Alright you two, that's enough flirting. You can continue your romantic rendezvous after class, but right now it's time to brew!" Sluggy suddenly booms with a beaming smirk in my direction. I freeze in horror and can immediately feel myself blushing profusely as the class giggles and Yaxley smiles widely. I turn my head slightly to the right and see to my dismay that the perfect Miss Evans and her friend are chuckling at me, and Severus is looking on in mild disgust, a small sneer appearing at the corner of his beautiful mouth.

"Brilliant," I mutter sarcastically as I allow my head to hit the lab table. I really hate Slughorn.

"Today we'll be brewing the Draught of Living Death. If any of you are skilled enough to brew a passable example of the potion you will win this," he beams as he holds up a tiny glass vial filled with clear liquid. "This, is Felix Felicis. More commonly known as?" he asks as the professor's pet's hand shoots into the air. "Yes Miss Evans?"

"Liquid luck," she says with a confident smile.

"Correct, of course!" Sluggy affirms as he dots on her with sickening pride. Even more sickening is the way Severus's face lights up as he watches her smile widen. I tug my gaze away from the scene before the ache in my chest suffocates my heart and I concentrate on the task at hand. Liquid luck is exceedingly valuable. If I can win it, perhaps I can _finally_ get Severus to take notice of me as more than just 'that geeky Ravenclaw who always comes in second at the school rankings.'

With newfound tenacity, I gather my supplies and carefully read over all of the instructions, following them to the letter.

"Want to help me with my potion?" David asks in a tone that I guess is meant to be enticing or seductive but just seems ridiculous to me.

Without missing a beat or so much as looking up from my textbook, I deadpan "Not in the slightest."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Severus turn slightly towards me as a small, amused smile graced his lips. My heart soared. He noticed me! And he liked my joke! I am now more determined than ever. I set up my cauldron and, for the first time in my potions career, I don't even glance up towards Severus while I work. I can't afford the distraction if I want to win this! Halfway through my brewing, as I am carefully counting my 6 clockwise stirs before switching to 4 counterclockwise stirs, my concentration is broken.

"Is this supposed to be orange?" David asks in a whisper, having snuck right next to my ear unbeknownst to me as I had been so enveloped in perfecting my potion. I gasp and jump back, swearing at him, and effectively dumping my entire cauldron over. I watch my perfect _green_ draught puddle on the table and flow off the edge, splashing onto the floor with a sickening glopping noise, taking all hope of me winning the liquid luck with it as it flows down the drains built into the floor.

"Hmm, guess not," David answers himself with a shrug as he sees the tint of my now ruined potion. I raise my head, narrow my eyes at him, and seethe.

"I'm going to sodding kill you!" I growl, taking him by surprise. "You've ruined it! It was _perfect_ and you've ruined it!" I shout as I advance towards him, the murderous look in my eyes causing him to fall off his stool and stumble backwards.

"Hey, calm down, Ellie. It was just a potion," he says with his hands up defensively.

"It was _not_ just a potion!" I counter, thinking how that potion could quite possibly have been the first step in finally getting somewhere with Severus. "I swear, I'm going to cut out your intestines, fashion a noose, and hang you with them!" I yell as I leap for him, wand drawn. Slughorn shakes himself from his wide-eyed amazement at the scene before him and steps in front of Yaxley just before I can reach him. Unfortunately it was too late for me to stop the hex I had already begun casting, and Sluggy ends up with a face full of ugly boils.

I gasp at the sight and drop my wand, knowing I am _really_ in for it now. My classmates chuckle behind me as Sluggy's face grows red in anger.

"Dumbledore's office! Now!" he bellows before I can so much as start to apologize. I lower my head and leave the room as people snigger at me and Slughorn tries to regain control of the class.

I can't believe it! In five years at Hogwarts I had never received a single detention, never cost Ravenclaw a single point, and here it is the first day of 6th year and I am being sent to the Headmaster's office! I am a prefect for Merlin's sake! Dear Merlin, what if Dumbledore expels me?! I'd be the first Bradford ever to get kicked out of school. All because of stupid Yaxley! I really might kill him the next time I see him.

I arrive at the gargoyle guarding Dumbledore's office and realize with glee that I don't know the password. Oh well, I guess I can't get up there; I'll just have to talk to him later…yeah…later. Just then, much to my dismay, the wall opens and I realize that I am expected. I sigh and step onto the moving stairs, allowing them to carry me upwards at their own slow pace. I'm certainly in no hurry.

All too soon I reach the top and find the door already open. I peer warily into the opening, torn between my anxiety and the amazing mechanisms all around the room.

"Come in Miss Bradford," Dumbledore calls out without any emotion in his steady voice. I move slowly towards the gigantic wooden desk in the center of the room and sit down hesitantly in front of the powerful wizard. "Lemon drop?" he offers with a smile as he extends a small golden bowl filled with candies towards me.

"No thank you," I reply with a slight hitch in my voice.

"Relax Miss Bradford; you aren't going to be expelled," he says with an amused smile.

I let out the breath I have been holding since I entered and feel my body release some of the tension it has been holding onto. "Thank you Headmaster," I breathe.

"You're welcome, but there really was no need to worry. You have a spotless record and are one of the best students in the school," he assures me.

"But I hexed a professor!" I can't help but blurt out, chastising myself silently afterwards. To my shock, Dumbledore just laughs.

"Yes, but it wasn't intentional," he replies with his eyes twinkling. "I am curious, though, as to what provoked you to attack young Mr. Yaxley."

"Uh," I grimace. "Well, you see…he caused me to knock over my potion, which I had worked very diligently upon to make sure it was perfect…" I begin. Wow, it sounds kind of lame when I hear it out loud like this…

"I can see where that would be frustrating, but why was this _particular_ potion of such importance?"

"Well…you see, uh…Sluggy, I mean Professor Slughorn, he said that whomever brewed it perfectly would win a vial of Felix Felicis, and I _really_ wanted to win it," I explain as I feel the blush creeping over my cheeks.

"I see," he says thoughtfully as he reclins a bit in his chair and stroks his long white beard. "Felix Felicis is a powerful and useful potion, but I have always found that we make our own luck. Perhaps, if you attempt your endeavor without the aid of the potion, you will find that the results are just as good. Many times the key to success, and what liquid luck often grants, is simply having the confidence to try. Just making the decision to, say, approach someone and talk to him, building a friendship, can make all the difference in the long run."

"Yes, Headmaster," I answer with a nod as he wishes me luck and dismisses me, amazingly without any punishment at all.

Walking down the halls back to the Ravenclaw dorms, I can't get Dumbledore's advice out of my head. It isn't so much the words he said, but more the way he said them. It almost seemed like he _knew_ what I had planned for the liquid luck, but that isn't possible, is it? Oh Merlin, I hope the old man can't read minds! If so, I shudder to think of the things he's caught me thinking about throughout the years.

I shake my head slightly to purge that disquieting notion and practically fall into one of the plush royal blue armchairs in the common room. Maybe Dumbledore is right; I've been pining over Severus since third year and, sure I've spoken with him in class, but I've never really made a concentrated effort to be friends with him outside of classes. I need to spend more time with him…preferably without Lily around. How to do that, though? They always seem to be hanging out together, that is when she isn't being chased around by James Potter, yet another of her many admirers.

Hmm, how can I spend more time with Severus? Maybe we could share a hobby…what does he like to do? He's always reading, and I've seen him playing wizard's chess fairly often. Most of the time, though, he's content just to work on his potions. "THAT'S IT! POTIONS!" I shout, causing the few other Ravenclaws in the room, all of whom had been studying, to turn towards me sharply and stare at me as if I had finally snapped. I give them a small wave and smile and sat back down in the chair, ducking a little lower to avoid their annoyed glares. I could start letting my grade slip in potions, and then get Severus to tutor me. Despite today's little incident, I am usually one of Sluggy's favorite students, so there's no way he'd let me get a poor grade in his class. When he sees that I am falling behind, he'll want to find a way to help me, and I can suggest a tutor. Seeing as Severus is the best in the class, Sluggy will appoint him to help me. Then, it will just be me and Severus, alone, bonding over his favorite subject. All of his focus will be on me and we'll get to talking about things other than just school. Soon enough he'll realize how compatible we are, and with any luck, he'll forget about Lily and I can make my move!

But what if he _doesn't_ think that we're compatible? What if, after spending all this time alone with me and getting to know me better, he still has no interest? What if he still wants Lily? I'll be crushed! I'll be heartbroken…but…at least then I'll _know_ for sure. If he doesn't feel the same way that I do, then maybe it _is_ time to move on. Yes. I have to do this. I've wasted too much time wondering 'what if'. It's time to find out for sure…whether I like the result or not.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

I steel myself as I walk into our next potions session, being sure to arrive a few minutes early. I approach Professor Slughorn as he casts a scourify charm at the blackboard to get it ready for the class. "Professor Slughorn," I call, trying to cover up my nervousness.

"Miss Bradford," he says with a slightly hard edge.

"I, I just wanted to apologize for my behavior last class. It was immature, and reckless, and I truly am sorry. I'm especially sorry that my actions caused you harm," I say despondently, shifting my gaze from him to the floor.

I hear him sigh and stop cleaning the blackboard as he gives me his full attention. "Thank you Eleanor; I appreciate that. Your behavior was quite disappointing, especially from such a skilled and well-behaved student, but I can understand that you were frustrated with your potion being ruined. You have always taken your work quite seriously, and I respect that. In the future, though, if something should go wrong, please try to control your temper."

"I definitely will," I assure him. He gives me a huge smile and I know that I am back in his good graces. Too bad I am going to fall back out of them when my performance in class begins 'slipping.' Especially since it was going to begin its downward spiral today.

The other students begin pouring into the classroom a few moments later, and, not surprisingly, Severus is one of the first ones to arrive. For once, though, Lily is not walking in with him. Maybe my luck is turning even without the Felix Felicis.

"Ah, Severus, good afternoon," Sluggy greets him cheerfully.

"Professor," he replies simply with a slight nod of his head.

"Congratulations again on your Draught of Living Death. I haven't seen that potion brewed so well since I myself did it. You are the first person I have awarded the Felix Felicis to in all my years teaching."

"You won it?" I ask before I can stop myself.

"Yes," Severus answers as he meets my eyes for a moment, then goes to take his seat across the aisle from me.

"That's great," I continue with a smile that has naturally formed just from being in his presence. "It was a really complicated potion."

"Indeed."

I am thrilled that Severus is talking to me, but I can't help but wonder if I'll ever be able to get more than one-word answers from him.

"Do you have any particular plans for your spoils?" Sluggy asks him as he claps him on the back, making Severus look distinctly uncomfortable.

"I am weighing the options," he drawls, earning him another smile from Sluggy.

"Of course you are! I know you'll use it wisely."

"I shall," he agrees distractedly as Lily enters the room and he follows her to the front with his eyes.

"Hi Sev!" she greets happily as she flounces down into the seat next to him.

He smiles softly at her and his black eyes seem to sparkle just a bit. "Hello Lily," he replies with a hint of happiness in his voice that kills me just a little.

I turn away from him so that I don't have to see him moon over her and notice that Yaxley has opted to sit all the way in the back right of the room, as far away from me as he can get. At least there is one positive consequence of my embarrassing explosion yesterday.

The rest of the class goes by as usual, except for the fact that for the first time in my Hogwarts career (other than yesterday, which I don't count do to extenuating circumstances) I fail to correctly brew a potion. Slughorn peers into my cauldron with a furrowed brow and a troubled look in his eyes.

"What happened Eleanor?" he asks me.

"I don't know," I reply with a shrug as I look at the runny blue liquid that looks nothing like the thick purple sludge pictured in our books.

"Well, perhaps you are still out of sorts from our last class. You've never had any issues before, so I am not concerned. I am sure you'll get it next time," he says with a half-hearted smile.

Severus raises an eyebrow in my direction and leans over a bit to peek into my cauldron, recoiling back, almost in horror, when he sees my erroneous concoction. I give him a small shrug and a half smile/half grimace but he doesn't make a comment.

"Excellent work as usual Lily!" Slughorn praises as he evaluates the contents of her cauldron. Severus looks at her work and gives her his shy smile, making me want to punch her. I almost reconsider my plan, but I know I have to do something drastic if I ever want to get Severus alone, so I suck up my pride.

The next four weeks go by without me getting a single potion right and failing two quizzes. One thing is certain; I have gained Severus' attention. Each time that Slughorn laments my failure, my tall, dark, and handsome love interest turns that upraised brow upon me and leans over in curiosity to see what I could possibly have brewed this time. Once I thought he had even given me a sympathetic look, but lately it seems like they are more suspicious. I hope he isn't catching on to what I'm doing.

"Miss Bradford, could I speak with you?" Sluggy asks as he dismisses the rest of the class after a particularly spectacular failure of mine that results in projectile green sparks and a melted cauldron. I nod at him and see that Severus hangs back for just a moment, looking at us both curiously before Lily calls for him from the hall. He turns away, quickly grabbing his book, and putting it into his black shoulder bag as he moves purposefully down the aisle to the door. He gives us one more quick glance then exits.

"I honestly don't know what's going on with you," Slughorn huffs at me as he settles his girth upon the edge of his desk. "You used to be one of my top students, but lately…well quite frankly, your work is atrocious! You melted a cauldron today! While trying to make a freezing potion!" he shouts in exasperation as he tugs on his sparse blonde hair.

"I know," I lament. "I'm sorry…I just can't seem to get the hang of the potions this year. Advanced Potions is turning out to be much more difficult than I had imagined," I say with a crushed look on my face.

"You are far too good of a witch and a student to fail Potions," he says pointedly. "It would reflect very poorly upon me as your Professor…and on you, of course. We have to do something about this."

I smile quickly before suppressing it. He is playing right into my hands! "I definitely agree. I was thinking that perhaps I could benefit from some more personalized attention. Maybe a tutor? Someone who is learning the same things I am, but understands them explicitly," I suggest innocently.

"A tutor! That's an excellent idea," he agrees with a wide smile. "I have the _perfect_ student in mind, too."

I smile widely, this time letting the Professor see my hopefulness. "That's wonderful! Thank you Professor."

"My pleasure, my dear. By our next class it should be all arranged."

"Excellent!" I exclaim with an irrepressible grin.

At dinner that evening, my smile still had not faltered. I just keep imagining Severus and I sitting together, side by side at the lab table, knees occasionally touching, as he demonstrates his genius. He would lean over to point something out in my text book, and then glance up at me with his silky black hair falling into his eyes. I would gently push the hair back, tucking it behind his ear, and he would lean into my touch. Then, he'd raise his head fully and stare into my eyes for a moment, surprised at the depth of feelings that were manifesting within him, before moving slowly closer and pressing his sculpted thin lips softly against mine.

"Who cast a Cheering Charm on you?" Cassie asks suddenly as she practically throws herself into the seat across the table from me, effectively breaking me out of my daydream, much to my dismay.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I say with feigned ignorance.

"Ellll…." she leads, making it clear she is not going to be dropping the subject anytime soon.

My smile widens even further as I cave and tell her of my brilliant plan to get closer to Severus.

"You're _purposely_ failing Potions!" she shouts far too loudly.

"Shhh!" I hiss as I look around in horror, but thankfully none of the other tables were paying any attention to us.

"Eleanor Ann Bradford! You've never failed anything in your life! You freak out when you get a 95% on an exam! You were _disappointed_ at getting ONE 'E' and EIGHT 'O's on your OWLS! What in the name of Merlin has gotten into you?!" she seethes in disbelief.

"Calm down, Cass. I'll be able to bring my grade back up way before the end of the term, so there won't be any harm done, and I'll finally have a chance to spend time with Severus."

"You're mental, you know that? Completely, utterly, barmy!" she huffs in exasperation.

"Maybe, but I prefer to think of myself as eccentric, as _all_ geniuses were," I retort haughtily, causing her to roll her eyes and smile a bit at my false egotism.

"Fine, I'll let it go for now, but if you haven't gotten your marks back up by November I'm pulling the plug on this plan of yours."

"Deal," I agree with our traditional handshake as the huge smile once again creeps onto my face as I picture Severus and I huddled close together over a Potions book in the deserted library.


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

The next day on prefect rounds I receive a letter from Professor Slughorn, explaining that my tutoring had been arranged and was set to begin the next night at 8 pm in the Potions classroom. He enclosed the password to get past the wards and wished me luck. I fold the note up tightly and smile as I move to put it into my pocket. Distracted by my actions (ok, ok, a daydream about Severus), I plow head on into someone coming out of the kitchen.

"Hey, watch it!" Sirius Black shouts as he tries to stabilize the two cream pies he is carrying in his outstretched arms.

"Sirius," his friend Remus Lupin warns in a harsh whisper.

"What?" he asks, annoyed as Remus extends his hand to help me up. "Oh," he breathes with a dejected tone upon seeing my shining prefect badge. "Shite," he mutters, knowing he has been caught out of his dorm after hours, and being in the kitchen, which is off limits to students, as well.

I narrow my eyes at him, not bothering to disguise my dislike for the boy. I can't deny that the boy is attractive…actually, he is downright hot with that long wavy black hair and his shining silver eyes. His rebel attitude is definitely intriguing, and I have to admit that many of his jokes and pranks are actually quite funny, but he teases and torments Severus mercilessly. For that, I can't stand him.

"Sorry about that," Remus interjects before either Sirius or I can say anything to one another. "It's Eleanor, right?" he asks as his amber eyes look almost pleadingly into mine.

"No," I snap. "It's El."

"Oh, right. Sorry about that," he says with a friendly smile. "I'm Remus," he states, extending his hand. "And this is Sirius."

"I know who you two are," I say as I pointedly ignore his outstretched hand. Truthfully, I don't really mind Remus. He seems like a very sweet guy and is always willing to help anyone who needs it, but he is still one of the 'Marauders' who terrorizes Severus. Granted, he never personally makes fun of him, but he never stops his friends from doing it either.

"Oh, uh, well then…" he stutters awkwardly.

"Look, luckily for you two, I'm in a great mood tonight, so I'm not going to write you up or take any points," I begin as I let the smile reform on my face.

"You're not? Ace! Thanks El!" Sirius exclaims with a glowing, and rather gorgeous, smile.

"BUT," I continue, "If I find those pies on top of anyone's head, you're both going to be docked 20 points. Also, if I find out either of you are harassing Se-Slytherins," I amended quickly, "you'll wish you were never born," I threaten quite seriously.

Sirius' eyes widen and he looks questioningly to his shorter friend, who is now running a hand through his short light brown locks nervously. "Uh, got it. Thanks El," he says softly as he grabs Sirius's sleeve and pulls him away.

" _That_ was her in a great mood?" I hear Sirius scoff as they walk away. "I'd hate to see that bird when she's brassed off,' he grimaces.

I can't help but smile and laugh a bit at the thought that I, a tiny little bookworm, managed to scare the legendary rebel aristocrat, Sirius Black.

"Well she _was_ happy before you nearly poured two pies onto her head," Remus replies. "I mean, Merlin, did you see that loopy smile she had? I think that girl's in love," he says with a smile I can hear in his voice.

Shit! I'd better get control of myself before I meet with Severus tomorrow!

"Are you nervous?" Cassie asks me as she sits down across from me at breakfast.

"No, I just particularly like the taste of my fingernails," I reply sarcastically as I continue to bite my nails.

"Stop it," she commands as she grabs my hand away from my face and charms my nails to repair themselves.

"I can't help it. What if I bugger it all up?" I ask her worriedly.

"You won't! Just be yourself…except, without being brill at Potions," she adds with a shrug. "Remember, if he doesn't fancy you for who you are, then he isn't worth it," she reassures.

"Yeah, I know," I say half-heartedly as I watch him stride into the Great Hall, an Arithmancy book already open in his hands, scanning it as he walks to his table. My eyes follow him until he sits, then linger for a few moments before I can gather my wits and pull them away. I direct my attention to the food that has appeared and take a Belgian waffle, but find I have no interest in eating it once it is on my plate. It feels like a hundred Chinese Fireballs are flying around in my stomach. I haven't been this nervous since my first day at Hogwarts!

Cass gives me a stern look and forces me to eat something. "El, you know I adore you, right? You're my best mate, and I know you'll probably hex me for saying this, but I feel that I have to. Are you really _sure_ that Snape is the kind of guy you want to go after? Everyone knows he's into the Dark Arts. He came into Hogwarts knowing Dark spells even the seventh years don't! Remember when he cut James Potter's face last year with that weird spell no one had ever heard of? I just don't want you to get hurt…or sucked into that," she says with pleading eyes full of concern.

"Cass, I know Severus has done some rotten things and that he has more than a passing curiosity for Dark magic, but I also know that he's been hurt. I can tell when I look into his eyes that he's been through some kind of Hell, and it's only going to get worse if everyone continues to see him as just an unpopular kid who likes the Dark Arts. Think about his time here at school. Since first year he's been teased and picked on, by almost the whole school! That takes a toll. I know what it feels like to not fit in, as you know, being my only real friend, and that's one of the reasons I relate to him I think. I want to give him the chance to see that not everyone is going to look at him and pick out only his faults."

As I say those words, I can't help but think back upon my childhood. I try as much as possible _never_ to think of the first ten years of my life, but no matter what, there are always times when the memories come flooding back, like they do now. You see, my biological father was abusive to my mother and to me. He was highly elitist and believed that purebloods were better than all other wizards, and muggles were no better than vermin. My mother, being from a long standing pureblood wizarding family, was forced to marry him by her parents. My mother, though, vehemently opposed his views on blood purity and muggles; she believes muggle culture and history is amazing, as is evidenced by my name (although my father didn't know that at the time). Whenever she would voice her opinion on the subject, or even just 'speak out of turn' as he used to say, he would beat her into submission. If I cried or tried to defend her he would direct his wrath to me as well. He also constantly verbally abused us, putting us both down as stupid, ugly, or a disappointment to the noble Coddington family.

As you may have noticed, I do not share my biological father's surname. I was saddled with it for the first ten years of my life, but after he died, my mother went back to using her maiden name and, thankfully, changed mine accordingly. She has retained it to this day, despite the fact that she remarried when I was fourteen. She is now quite happy with the quirky, lighthearted, yet still noble man whom I call my dad despite the lack of blood ties. Life at home now is tolerable, and for the most part, even pleasant, but being raised in a hellish environment like mine takes a permanent toll, leaving scars that, even if they can't be seen, will never fully heal. Somehow, I _know_ that Severus has these too, and I believe his fascination with the Dark Arts is a way to empower himself against whatever tortures created his scars.

Cassie shakes me out of my daydream, or in this case, more of a day-nightmare, and forces me to finish half of my waffle before I am able to excuse myself and leave. Since I don't really have anywhere to go, I get to Transfiguration early, beating even Professor McGonagall there, and slump to the floor, leaning heavily against the stone wall next to the classroom door. I shut my eyes and take a deep breath to steady my nerves and shake the disturbing memories from my mind

"All right?" a somewhat familiar voice asks from above me. I open my eyes and look up to find Remus Lupin standing over me with a quizzical expression on his face.

"All right?" I reply, expecting he will then move on, but instead he sits down heavily beside me. I raise my brow at him, waiting for an explanation. "Shouldn't you be in the Great Hall having breakfast?" I ask when he fails to say anything.

"I could ask you the same thing," he retorts with a tired smirk.

"I was already there. I was up early today. It doesn't look like the same can be said for you, though," I remark, taking in his sallow skin and the large dark bags under his eyes. Lupin's normally bright, shining face appears as if he is one step from death this morning.

"Ooh, someone's shirty this morning," he quips back at me, but with a heavy weight hanging upon it rather than his usual joking cheer. "If you must know, I'm feeling a bit dicky today," he explains seriously. "I don't have much of an appetite."

"Sorry to hear that," I answer honestly. The man looks more than _a bit_ sick and I feel bad for him. "If you want to go back to your dorm for a kip I can cover for you with McGonagall."

"Thanks, but I'll be okay. It was nice of you to offer though, especially after last night."

"No big deal. You guys were just going to the kitchens for some grub. It's not like you were charming all the turkeys to do the cha-cha or something," I say offhandedly. For a brief moment I see the mischievous light return to Lupin's eye and I groan.

"That's a bloody fantastic idea!" he exclaims. "You'd make a great prankster El. Maybe you could be the first female Marauder," he suggests with a jovial smile.

"Yeah, and then I can go to an ice cream social with Voldemort," I retort immediately with a roll of my eyes.

Lupin pulls back in surprise at my use of the megalomaniac's name, but recovers quickly. "Ouch! Comparing me and my mates to Voldie, that's harsh. What did we ever do to you?"

"Nothing to _me_ ," I answer with a distinct edge of bitterness in my voice, "but you guys have done plenty of atrocious things to other people in this school, and I wouldn't want any part of it." Lupin is obviously taken aback and a little hurt by my words, but I don't care. It is true, after all.

"Our pranks are harmless most of the time," he argues with a tone of defiance.

"Yeah, _most_ of the time, but not always. I don't think publicly humiliating people is harmless at all," I point out, now well and truly seething as I recall the many times the Marauders have teased, taunted, and pranked Severus in front of the entire school.

"We don't do that!" he nearly shouts with a look of horror on his face that I would even suggest such a thing. "At least, not to anyone other than Snivellus," he adds thoughtfully, quietly.

"You see? Right there. Why do you have to insult him?" I ask pointedly as my anger noticeably rises.

"Ok, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called him that. I actually don't like it when people are called names; I guess it just slipped out after hanging around with Sirius and James so much. But you have to admit that he's a smarmy git and he always has been," Lupin argues. "He hexes James all the time too. Besides, what do you care if we humiliate one Slyther-" he begins to rant, cutting off abruptly as he looks deeply into my eyes. I quickly pull my glare away from him, but it is too late, and I know I am buggered. "You _fancy_ him, don't you?" he cries in wide-eyed amazement.

"What? You're off your trolley," I counter with a scoff, noticing that I can't bring myself to outright deny it. For some reason, it seems to do so would be as if I am ashamed of my feelings, and that would be disrespectful to Severus.

"You didn't deny it," he points out with a growing smirk, confirming my suspicion that the unsuspecting Gryffindor is too smart for his own good. "Merlin's beard! You _really_ _are_ arse over elbow for him!" he mutters in amazement. "Why? You seem so…nice," he adds after a momentary pause, now with nothing but perplexity on his face and in his voice.

"I don't have to explain my feelings to you, Lupin," I spit defensively. "And perhaps Severus wouldn't be such a 'smarmy git' to you and your friends if you weren't such blinkered idiots all the time!"

Lupin's mouth is now hanging open in shock, but before he can retort Professor McGonagall arrives, giving us both wary stern looks before opening the door and ushering us inside.

As we walk in, I casually lean closer to him to whisper harshly into his ear. "If you breathe a word of this to _anyone_ I'll skin you and turn you into a throw rug for my dorm." I'm pleased to see a look of sheer terror manifest itself on Lupin's face.

After that, the day seems to both fly and crawl by, and before I know it, I am arriving at the Potions classroom, saying the password to disable the wards. I sit down, glance at the Muggle watch my mother gave me for my 16th birthday and see that it's 7:55. Only five more minutes before Severus arrives and I get to spend an hour _alone_ with him. Sweet Merlin! I need to calm down. I'm going to be all sweaty and gross when he arrives if I don't. Okay, deep, calming breaths. Just remember, if it's meant to be, it will be. Just be myself…he liked my sense of humor that one day with Yaxley, and we got along well that one time we were assigned to work together in Charms, so it should be fine. I just need to have some faith…everything will work out, I just know it!

My breath hitches as I hear the door to the Potions classroom open, and I take a moment to smooth out my hair and try to act casual. I think of Severus and a huge, genuine smile spreads across my face, even as my heart races. I hear the footsteps and straighten in my chair as he steps around the corner.

The world stops. I can't breathe. Finally, after a moment of awkward stunned silence I sputter a word out.

"Evans?!"


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5:**

She looks at me with confusion in her disturbingly bright jade eyes, but after no more than a moment her sickeningly happy smile is back on her face, showing off her perfectly straight white teeth. "Hi Eleanor," she greets me as she crosses to the front of the room where I am seated.

"Don't call me that," I growl between clenched teeth.

"Oh, sorry," she apologizes, taken aback by my forcefulness and probably apparent hatred. "What do you prefer?"

"Bradford is ideal. El, if you insist on calling me by my first name," I say coldly. Surprisingly, she laughs in response. I raise my brow at her quizzically, which, for some reason, only causes her to laugh more as she takes the seat across from me.

"You sound just like Severus," she says with that infernal smile. "You even do that eyebrow raising thing that he does all the time."

I have no idea how to respond to that. Part of me is thrilled because on some level I think this supports my hypothesis that we are compatible, but another part of me is enraged that she is so close to him that she can so easily recognize his mannerisms. I settle on staring back at her, expressionless, with no words.

"Uh, so, Professor Slughorn said you've been having some trouble lately?" she asks awkwardly when I fail to respond to her comment about my similarity to her friend.

"Obviously. Why else would he arrange tutoring for me?" I say with thinly veiled annoyance.

"Right, of course," she says as she averts her eyes to her book and fixes her hair, seemingly nervously. I can't believe it. I've managed to unnerve the Princess of Poise? I must be better than I thought! I can feel a small smile slip onto my face at the tiny victory, which seems to only confuse her more. "Okay then, what do you need help with?" she asks, trying to be professional.

I shrug. What am I supposed to say? I honestly don't need help with anything. I know this stuff like the back of my hand, including the most convincing ways to screw it up. With Severus as my tutor I was more than willing to feign confusion about the subject if it meant spending more time with him, but Lily was the last person I wanted to spend time with. Why would I drag this out anymore than I have to?

"Well, what was the first potion that gave you difficulty?" she asks, still valiantly trying to salvage the session.

"I don't recall," I deadpan.

"Oh…okay, well I seem to remember you had some difficulty with the Everlasting Elixir just after that, uh, _incident_ with Yaxley," she suggests, twirling her red strands between her fingers while using her right hand to find the page in our textbook with that potion on it. "Do you want to start with that?"

"Yeah, sure," I acquiesce, lamenting my life and cursing the heartless bitch that was fate (or three bitches if Greek mythology is to be believed). Lily is explaining all of the instructions in the book and consistently stopping to ask if everything is clear, grating on my nerves more and more with each good-natured inquiry. Finally, after what feels like 2-3 millennia, we get to the part where we actually brew the potion. Lily is watching me closely as I execute each step so that she can point out any 'missteps' that I might take. I reach the final part and execute it flawlessly. Lily peers into my cauldron and seems to be torn between smiling and furrowing her brow in confusion.

"That's perfect," she states as she looks up at me to gage my reaction, which is none. "Do you know what went wrong the first time you tried to brew it?" she asks hopefully.

"I don't know. I guess I was just not paying attention," I shrug. She's starring at me far too intensely now. I want to look away, but it seems like that is equivalent to surrendering, so I keep my brown eyes locked on her green ones, giving my all to this visual game of chicken.

"That doesn't seem like you," she finally says.

"How would you know what seems like me and what doesn't?" I sneer back, unable to hide my disdain at her presumptuousness.

"I've had enough classes with you and lost enough academic titles to you in the past five years to have a pretty good idea," she responds calmly, almost calculatingly.

"That doesn't mean you know me," I retort. I've had classes with Severus for five years, too, and he clearly doesn't know me, I can't help but think bitterly.

"Perhaps not, but still. In all the years I've been around you, you've _never_ let anything get in the way of your schoolwork and you've certainly never seemed like the type who is easily distracted. There must be some extenuating circumstance that is causing this recent slide in your performance," she insists as she searches my face for a reaction. She gets none. I perfected stoicism by necessity long ago thanks to my tumultuous childhood. "Is it because of your break up with Yaxley?" she asks with sympathy seeping from her voice.

"What?!" I nearly shout. My break up with _Yaxley?_ When the Hell was I dating that cretin and why wasn't I aware of it?

"Oh, sorry, are you still together? I had just assumed you guys had broken up since he doesn't sit with you anymore in Potions and I don't see you two around together anymore."

"Together?!" I sputter. I know, my verbal prowess is impressive right now. I regain some semblance of linear thought and formulate more than a single word reply. "We were _never_ together. Ever! Merlin's beard; did _everyone_ think that?" I ask in horror, thinking of Severus in particular.

"Um, I think they might have…I mean, Yaxley said…" she trails off as the cold dread grows within me.

"Said what?" I prompt, seething.

"He said you were his girlfriend," she admits sheepishly. I think she might be afraid that I am going to curse her for being the bearer of bad news. I don't particularly blame her. Overall, I am a fairly quiet person and usually very calm, but once I am pushed past my threshold, my temper can be legendary. I am well known for my creative threats despite the fact that most of the time they remain just that; threats. This time, I might make an exception, though. I stand as I feel my face burning red with my anger.

"When did he say that?" I ask, barely restraining my rage.

"Last…last year, around April?" she stutters. I growl…literally. She pulls back a bit and seems to be debating something in her head.

"What?" I ask.

"Uh, well…he also said some other…things."

"Such as?"

"That you two had…well, _you know_ ," she eeks out as a blush creeps onto her cheeks.

"He said we had sex?!" I cry out, furious and beyond the point of caring about someone overhearing the conversation.

"Yeah," she softly admits, looking down towards the desks.

"I'm going to sodding kill that little wanker!" I scream as I tear out of the room in a blind rage.

I don't even remember how I get to the door to the Slytherin common room, but here I am, pounding on the stone door, ignoring the shouts of protest from the surrounding paintings. Finally, Avery comes to the door and tears it open.

"What the hell is going on out here?" he shouts.

I push him forcefully out of the way, taking him by such surprise that the 6' stocky boy lands flat on his arse. "YAXLEY!" I shout at the top of my lungs, directing the call up from the common room towards the dorms. "GET YOUR ARSE DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW IF YOU WANT TO WAKE UP TOMORROW WITH YOUR BITS INTACT!"

A minute passes with hardly a breath from any of the stunned Slytherins in the common room. Then, I see the tosseled blonde hair and wary blue eyes of David Yaxley peeking out from the wall at the top of the staircase. He quickly pulls back when he sees my enraged face, but it is too late. I cast a body bind at him and hear the thud as he falls onto the landing of the stairs. Before anyone has the chance to stop me, I charge up the stairs and levitate him down to the common room. I see the fear in his eyes but can't find it in my heart to feel anything for him other than outrage.

"Why the FUCK have you been telling people that we were together?! We are NOT together! We are NOT dating! We are NOT even friends! What gives you the right to spread lies about me? Huh? I would NEVER date a conceited, spoiled, shallow, thick, lying little prat like you! You couldn't care less about who I am as a person. All you care about are my bloody knockers! Oh, and by the way, I'd AK myself before I'd EVER have sex with you! Set these lies straight NOW or I swear to Merlin your death will be slow, painful, and involve the removing of your appendages one by one…the Muggle way!" I threaten as I lean in close to his terrified face and give him a kick to the abdomen before releasing the bind and leaving the common room, stunned silence in my wake.


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6:**

Whispers are following me everywhere I go today. I know what it's about, obviously, but it's still annoying. I would much rather prefer it if people would just come up to me and ask me personally what happened. The rumors are getting ridiculous. I overheard one of the girls in the loo claiming that I transfigured Yaxley into a giant cockroach. I have to admit, I laughed at that one and couldn't help but reveal myself from the stall to ask if my name had suddenly become Kafka. Sadly it didn't seem like any of the girls understood my reference, despite the fact that one of them was Muggle born. Oh well, I found it entertaining.

It seems as if even the Professors have heard the greatly exaggerated tale of Yaxley and my supposed love affair and violent falling out as Professor McGonagall has been eying me warily with curiosity all throughout Transfiguration. Maybe she's waiting to see if I can turn my Wizarding Wireless set into a giant cockroach as well. Thankfully the magical chime sounds, signaling the end of the class period, and the start of my free period. I have every intention of wandering to the Black Lake and having my own private, quiet picnic under the large oak tree, since I have no intentions of going to lunch today after the ridiculous amount of staring and whispering that was going on at breakfast. I sigh in slight longing, thinking of just me and the giant squid enjoying some gossip-free quality time. I stride purposefully for the door, ignoring the staring and pointing, and I _almost_ make it.

"El," a sweet, melodic voice calls as I feel a delicate hand fall upon my shoulder. I already know who it is without seeing her face. Maybe I can make a run for it. If I take one of the secret passages she'll never be able to find me. For some reason I can't explain, except perhaps that I am too tired to run, I turn around instead and glance at her flawless face with vaguely annoyed expectation.

"You're free this period, right?"

"Yes…why?"

"I wanted to talk to you, about yesterday, and I am free this period too so I thought maybe we could go somewhere and chat," she says hopefully.

"Look, Evans, I know you're only trying to help, but please, don't. I'm fine," I insist.

"If you're so fine then why are you failing Potions?" she asks in an insistent whisper so as not to attract the attention of the passing students in the hall. She pulls me into an empty classroom before I can protest. "You can talk to me you know," she soothes in an understanding and empathetic tone that grates on me.

"No, I can't!" I shout, completely forgetting about my cool collected mask that I am used to putting on when it comes to my feelings. " _You_ are the _last_ person I can talk to, and, in case you haven't noticed Evans, we're not friends! Stop trying to act like we are. I know this may come as a shock, but not _everyone_ in this school worships the ground you walk on. If I had known that Sluggy was going to assign _you_ to tutor me, I never would have suggested the stupid idea! Now just leave me alone!" I shout as she recoils with a look of pure shock on her face, almost looking like she is going to cry. Satisfied that she is speechless, I secure by bag on my shoulder, spin around and make for the door, only to find it blocked by my favorite tall, dark-haired Slytherin. I stop dead in my tracks and I am pretty sure my mouth is slightly agape. Shut, stupid mouth!

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to my life! It figures that my crush would be standing right there when I tear the object of his affection a new arsehole for trying to help me! Yep, _that_ should help my chances with him. He's looking at me with a mixture of confusion and anger, and more expression on his controlled face than I have ever seen before. You know that Muggle expression 'be careful what you wish for'? Now I know what that means. I think it's fairly safe to say that Severus has noticed me now, but this isn't _quite_ what I had in mind.

After a moment I recover my momentum and continue heading for the door with my head held high and a determined look upon my face. Severus steps back just a bit to let me pass and I foolishly breathe in as I pass, once again flooding my idiotic brain with his intoxicating scent. As I rush out into the hall I hear Severus's measured steps move into the room and I hear his velvety voice laced with an unusual edge of concern ask "what was _that_ about?"

I curse under my breath and punch the hallway wall. "Shite!" I shout as the pain courses through my hand and my knuckles begin to turn red. I shake my hand out; I'm pretty sure nothing is broken but I figure it is better to be safe, so I head to the hospital wing. At least there I can escape the whispers for a while.

…..

The morning comes far too quickly, bringing with it another frustrating day sure to be filled with unwanted attention. I reluctantly pull myself out of bed and use my early free period to go to the Potions classroom. Slughorn is inside with his 7th year Advanced Potions students, and, as expected, he has his feet propped up on his desk and is eating candy while reading the latest edition of Wizard Quarterly as his expert students brew their potions. I knock lightly on the door so as not to startle anyone, and he waves me in.

"Ah, Eleanor, to what do I owe the pleasure?" he asks as he casts a Silencing Charm. "How did your first tutoring session go?" he continues with a twinkle in his eye, apparently pleased at _his_ brilliant idea.

I grimace thinking out it, but keep my face expressionless. "I brewed the Everlasting Elixir without any issues," I say, thinking it is best to stick with the facts in this case.

"Excellent! I knew this would be beneficial!" he beams.

"Yeah, uh, I do have one question though. Why did you assign Evans as my tutor? I thought you would want the best Potions student to tutor me. Isn't that Severus?" I ask as I tried to keep my voice neutral.

"Severus is indeed the top student. However, he isn't exactly the most…convivial person, shall we say? I thought it would be much more conductive to your learning to work with someone more relatable, more sociable. Since Lily is quite brilliant at potions as well, and such a delight to be around, I knew she would be the perfect choice. "

"Oh yeah, _perfect_ , that's Evans all right" I huff sarcastically, my tone clearly going straight over Sluggy's head as he grins stupidly at me. "Actually…" I begin, an idea popping into my head. "She's _so_ perfect that she's already helped me figure out what my problem has been. I'm confident that from here on in and I am going to be the excellent student you remember from last year, so I don't even need to waste anymore of Lily's time," I say with false excitement and a nearly painful smile.

Sluggy looks shocked, but still pleased. "Well, that is excellent news Eleanor, and I have no doubts about Lily's superb teaching abilities, but given what's at stake for your future, I think you should continue your sessions at least until the end of the term."

"The end of the term?" I blanch. He wants me to spend two nights per week with Evans for ELEVEN MORE WEEKS?!

"Yes, then if your marks have stabilized, you can cease the tutoring sessions when we return from Hols. Now, run along, I have a class to teach you know," he says with a wry smile and a nod towards the students who clearly don't need his instruction.

In a trance, I force my lead-laden feet to shuffle towards the door and I somehow manage to make it into the hallway before I slump down the wall and sit upon the floor. How in the world did this plan go so horribly and entirely wrong? It all seemed so simple when I thought of it. And now, Severus thinks I am insane and probably hates me for yelling at his golden girl, and I am forced to spend three months one on one with little Miss. Perfect.

Maybe I can drop out and disappear into the Muggle world. My mum has taught me enough about it to get by. I could get a job waitressing and rent a little flat, even get myself an automobile, and I'd never have to think about how barmy my life has become.

"Why is it I always seem to find you sitting on the floor in the hallways?" a jovial voice says, slicing through my mundane Muggle fantasy. I look up and see the amber tinted eyes of none other than Remus Lupin looking down at me, nearly laughing.

"I was a snake in a former life so I like being close to the ground to reacquaint myself with my former habitat," I deadpan back to him with barely a look up. He bursts out laughing, the sound echoing in the stone hallways.

"Well that at least explains why you like Snape," he retorts when his laughter fades off.

"Shut it, Lupin!" I hiss, frantically looking around to make sure no one heard him.

"Keep your wig on, El. No one else is around," he says as he plops down next to me. Why, why in Merlin's name is he plopping down? Can't he tell when he's not wanted? Stupid do-gooding Gryffindors!

"Did I black out? I don't recall asking you to join me," I quip. I am not normally mean to people without a reason, but this guy is best friends with the people who torment Severus, and he knows my secret. No good can come of him sitting down with me.

"You're funny, you know that? Not in the way that James or Sirius is funny, but in a more…witty way. A bit biting, perhaps, but still funny."

"I've amused the great Remus Lupin; my life's ambition is now complete. I can die a happy witch," I retort without any emotion. He's smiling at me, and I instantly know that he's up to something more than a casual conversation. "What do you _actually_ want?" I ask.

He clears his throat and suddenly looks much more serious. "I, uh, I wanted to ask you about your threat, from the other day," he stumbles out, nervously running his hand through his sandy light brown hair.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I was wondering, why exactly did you choose _that_ threat? The one about skinning me and turning me into a…uh…a throw rug."

I raise my brows at his apprehension. Could it be that this guy _really_ thinks I would do that? Shite, I didn't think I had been _that_ bad towards him! "I have a rotating repertoire of retorts for those who mess with me; that one was next on the list," I reply airily.

"Impressive alliteration," he comments with a look of relief on his face.

"Why? Have I stumbled upon some weird fetish of yours Lupin?" I ask mockingly. I smile when his eyes widen in horror and a scarlet blush begins to burn at his cheeks.

"What? NO! Why in the world would you think that?" he questions worriedly.

I can't help it, I burst out into laughter. The look on his face, and the fact that he thinks I might actually believe that to be the case, is too much for me. "Just a hypothesis," I say thoughtfully once my laughter has died down.

"You're mental, you know that?" he asks, but without malice.

"So I've been told."

"So, uh, El…what happened with you and Lily?" he suddenly asks, effectively bludgeoning to a pulp any sense of ease that we had built up in the last few minutes.

"That's what this is about?" I angrily ask. "Bloody bollocks, if Evans sent you over here, why didn't you just say so? Instead you had to waste my time with false niceties and fake camaraderie. Boys!" I say in exasperation as I stand and get ready to walk away. Suddenly I feel his rough hand on my forearm, stopping me.

"No, El, it isn't like that, I swear!" he argues. "She didn't send me over. She just asked for my advice while we were on rounds last night. She's really worried that she upset you, and all she wants to do is help you. She's afraid she's failed as a tutor, and Lily doesn't do well with failure."

"No, of _course_ she doesn't. We can't have Miss Perfect not succeed at something now can we? She has to be wonderful at everything! She has to be loved by everyone! She has to have everything!" I rant.

His eyes widen and I can tell you the moment he puts 2 and 2 together as that wave of realization hits him again. "You don't like her because of Sniv-uh, Snape! Because he likes _her_."

"Congratulations, you're a regular Sherlock Holmes. Now if you'll please let go of my arm, I have waitressing applications to fill out."

"Waitressing applications?" he asks as he tries to figure out what the hell I am talking about. His distraction is enough for me to pull my arm out of his grasp and hurry away before he has the chance to reach out again and stop me.

"El!" I hear him call, somewhat sadly, but I blatantly ignore him and make a beeline for my dorm, praying it is empty.


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

I'm sitting in Potions and Severus won't stop staring at me. This should be a dream come true, right? Maybe it would be if he were actually _looking_ at me, rather than _glaring_ at me. His black eyes seem cold and fiery at the same time, and it is disconcerting to say the least. I am torn; part of me wants to look back at him and take in his sexy smoldering stare, but the other half of me just wants to duck away and hide from the accusations I see behind the stare. I focus back on my potion, mentally kicking myself for my weakness.

Sluggy smiles and claps me on the back when he peers into my cauldron and sees that my blood replenishing potion is correct. "Excellent Eleanor!" he beams as Evans looks up towards me, surprised. I pretend that my notes have suddenly become the most interesting thing in the world and read them with the concentration of a great literary scholar. I can't keep up this avoidance much longer, I know that. Despite my pretending these past few weeks, I am far from stupid. After this class, it is time for dinner, and then my second session of tutoring, where there will be no escaping the redheaded elephant in the room, so to speak. Maybe I should just not show up. It isn't _required_ per se, so it isn't like I could be punished for skipping it…but I am sure Saint Lily would tell Sluggy and then he'd read me the riot act, or worse, give me one of his patented guilt trips.

A sigh escapes my lips as the chime sounds and I gather my things more slowly than even remotely necessary, waiting for everyone to clear out before I stand up to leave. The last thing I need right now is an awkward confrontation. I've made it to the door! I am home free! I feel a quick jab on my upper arm…shite! So close! I turn and gave a disgruntled look to Cass, who I knew was the point of origin of the jab.

"Oh no, no, no," she immediately warns. "You're not running up to the dorm and skipping out on dinner again."

"Cass," I plead, giving her my best puppy dog eyes.

"Nice try, but I'm immune to your puppy dog eyes." Shite! Now what? "You are coming to dinner Ellie! No arguments! You've missed three meals this week; it isn't good for you."

"Neither is being the laughing stock of the school," I grumble as she pulls me towards the Great Hall.

"You aren't a laughing stock. If anything, Yaxley is for getting beaten up by a girl. You're just…interesting."

"Gee, that's reassuring. I believe what you mean to say is, I'm frightening, or hated, or weird," I suggest with false helpfulness.

"So what? You've always been weird. It never bothered you before."

"I know, but paired with frightening and hated it isn't as easy to deal with. And on top of all this shite, I have to go to tutoring with _Lily_ tonight," I complain as I mock the adoration Sluggy always has when he says her name.

Cassie chuckles and tries to stifle it, earning a death glare from me. "Sorry, but you have to admit, it's pretty funny. You concoct this grandiose plan to spend time with Severus, and instead you get stuck spending time with his crush instead!"

I'm glaring at her and growling, waiting for her to notice and cower.

"Nice growl, Bradford," a haughty laughing baritone belts out behind me. I turn and see the steely gray eyes of Sirius Black. "Are you part werewolf?" he asks with a wink.

"Are you part bloodhound?" I retort in exasperation, flinging my hands up into the air. "How do you bloody Gryffindors keep finding me? Ugh!"

Sirius laughs at my frustration, his long soft black curls bouncing as his body slightly shakes. "Close," he affirms as he leans near my ear and whispers the rest, "I'm a Utonogan."

"At least you admit that you're a dog," I reply without missing a beat. He tilts his head slightly to the side, just as a dog would do, as if to illustrate the veracity of my statement. A pleased grin appears on his face and a nearly predatory look flashes in his eyes. Wow, and I thought _I_ was weird!

"Well played. I'm impressed you even know what an Utonogan is," he says with that damn smile still on his face, but at least he's backed away from my freaking ear. I was seriously contemplating hitting him for that one.

"Ravenclaw, remember?" I say with a haughty air of my own. Two can play this game, Black.

"How could I forget? Intelligence is _very_ sexy," he purrs in a suggestive tone that might have made me weak in the knees if I wasn't sure he used that tone on every bird in the school, and if I didn't hate his stinking guts.

"I guess that explains your utter lack of sex appeal then," I toss out coolly. Out of the corner of my eye I see a shocked look appear on Cassie's face.

Black lets out a barking, short laugh, tossing his head back with its force. "Touche!" he exclaims. "Miss Bradford," he goes on to say with a refined aristocratic air and a low bow, "it has been a supreme pleasure verbally sparring with you. I look forward to our next encounter." With that, he _finally_ leaves, sauntering down the hall, filled to the brim with self-assurance and arrogance.

"Ugh!" I scoff, turning back towards Cass. Her eyes are large and her mouth is still hanging open a bit. "What?" I ask, perplexed.

"Sirius Black was _flirting_ with you!" she squeals in an octave that surely would have made his head explode if he were still here and actually were a canine.

"Oh, Merlin, don't tell me you're enamored with that prat?" I ask in disbelieving disappointment.

"Have you _seen_ him? He's gorgeous!"

"Maybe on the outside," I point out grudgingly as we enter the Great Hall, much to my chagrin.

"What are you talking about? He was perfectly nice to you just now. Besides, I thought bad boys were your thing," she says with an insinuating shove of her shoulder. "I'd take _him_ over your Slytherin any day."

"You're free to have him," I tell her nonchalantly. "Be my guest."

"Thanks, too bad it wasn't _me_ he was flirting a storm up with."

"He'll flirt with anything in a skirt. It was probably just that he had reached the B's on his list today. So given the number of girls in the school within an acceptable age range, and your last name, he should be flirting with you in approximately 6-8 days."

Cassie rolls her eyes at me and huffs loudly. "You're such a smart arse."

"Better a smart arse than a daft tart," I retort as I dig into the honey roasted chicken that has appeared on the table.

…

Dinner passes far too quickly for my liking, but I did manage to avoid any other run-ins with barmy Gryffindors, angry Slytherins, or frustrating professors, so I suppose that is something.

I glance at my watch and see that it is 1 minute before 8. It's official, I can't put it off any more. I have to go the potions classroom. I drag my feet and make it to the room right at 8. I sigh, utter the password, and push on the heavy wooden door. As expected, Evans is already there, sitting at the front table with her books spread out and what appears to be some pre-planned notes. Please don't tell me she's actually made up a lesson plan!

"Evans," I greet without any discernible tone.

"Eleanor," she answers with equal formality. My eyes must have narrowed because I see her pull back just a hair, then correct herself. "Sorry, El."

I nod curtly and put my bag down, concentrating on pulling the textbook and notes out as slowly as possible to avoid looking at her and talking about our confrontation.

"Listen, about that thing after Transfiguration," she starts. Damn Gryffindor bravery! I reluctantly look at her deep green eyes and she continues. "I'm sorry," she says with what appears to be genuine regret.

If I were a Muggle cartoon character, my eyes would be bugging out of my head right now. Is she serious? _She's_ apologizing to _me?_ "What?" I ask in confusion after a loaded moment of silence.

"I shouldn't have stuck my nose in your business. You're right; we aren't really friends, and I probably wouldn't want to discuss my private affairs with a classmate either. I just want you to know that I really wasn't digging for gossip, I was only trying to be supportive. I would love it if we could become friends, but if you just want to focus on Potions, I totally understand, and we can do that from now on."

She's a freaking saint! Seriously, is there _nothing_ wrong with this girl? As if it wasn't bad enough that she has the affection of the man I love, now she's doing her damndest to make it impossible for me to even hate her! "Why are you being so nice?" I ask with a mixture of suspicion and frustration.

"Well, for one, I really would like for us to be friends, and two, Remus came to see me and he told me that you-"

A white hot, blinding fury washes over me like I've never known before. I can't see straight and my hands curl into tight fists. "He _told_ you?! That colossal prat! I'm going to kill him! Throw rug city!" I shout as Lily stares at me in total bewilderment.

"El, calm down! I don't see what the big deal is," she offers with an unsure shrug.

"You don't see what the big deal is? How would _you_ like it if someone promised not to tell your secret and then went and blabbed it to the worst person possible? Well, I guess not the _worst person possible_ ; it would have been worse if he'd gone and told _Severus_ himself that I'm in love with him, I suppose. But still, telling _you_ is bad enough!" I seethe.

Evans' eyes grow to, I swear, twice their normal size. "You-you're in _love_? With _Severus_?!" she gasps.

Merlin's pants; he didn't tell her! I am a complete and utter moron! Maybe if I bang my head into this desk hard enough I will knock myself out and give myself brain damage so I don't remember this. Oh crap, she's looking at me expectantly. Quick, use that famous Ravenclaw intelligence and think of something clever.

"No." Really? That's what you come up with, brain? Lousy, good for nothing…

"No? But you just said you did," Evans counters.

"I don't have any idea what you're talking about," I claim.

"Playing dumb doesn't work for Ravenclaws, El," she says, shaking her head at me with a slight smile. Shite! Damn you Rowena Ravenclaw and your bloody reputation! "Sit down; tell me what's going on," she insists with sympathy dripping from her lips.

I sigh and resign myself to my fate of humiliation and eventual rejection, once she tells Severus about this. I see them laughing together, laughing at me and my foolish little crush, listing all the reasons he could never be interested in me. "Fine, ok, I like him."

"Really?" she asks as her green eyes light up and a huge smile spreads across her face. Why does she look elated? I just told her I like the guy who adores her. Shouldn't she be angry, or jealous, or at least laughing at my hopelessness? "That's wonderful!" she exclaims.

I furrow my brow and tilt my head a bit. She must be messing with me…or she's just barmy. "Have you breathed in too many potions fumes?" I can't help but ask, apparently causing her to laugh heartily.

"You're perfect!" she beams.

"No, what I am, is lost. Why are you so happy? I thought you'd be angry."

"Angry? God, no! I'm ecstatic! Why in the world would you think I'd be angry?"

"Perhaps because I am trying to move into your territory?" I supply, thinking that should be fairly obvious. How can such a smart girl be so thick?

"My territory?" she scoffs. "Sev is hardly my territory, El."

"But you guys are constantly together! I see the way he looks at you," I admit dejectedly, feeling the ache in my chest as the words spill forth.

"He's my _best_ friend. We've known each other since before Hogwarts, and I care about him very deeply, but we're not dating. I know he has more than friendly feelings for me," she admits, looking pointedly sad, "but I just don't feel the same. I've tried to see him in that light, because I want more than anything for him to be happy, but I just can't return his feelings. Honestly, I think of him as a brother. I love him, but in a familial way."

I am dumbfounded. Speechless. Is she serious? She has _no_ romantic feelings for Severus? "Are you serious?" I finally manage to spit out.

She laughs lightly; I guess I look kind of ridiculous. I know my mouth is hanging open and my eyes are probably as wide as saucers, so I really can't blame her. "Yes, I am," she says. "So…how long have you liked Sev?" she asks with a mischievous glint in her eye.

I tell her of my very long standing infatuation with her best friend, and how it really hit me hard in third year that this was more than a simple crush. Her eyes are shiny and I'm afraid that she might actually cry.

"That is _so_ sweet!" she squeals. I roll my eyes at the emotional display and she snickers. "You really would be perfect for Sevy. You both have that scathing sense of humor, and value logic, but deep down you are both very caring. So, are your feeling for Sev the reason that you aren't doing well in Potions this year?" she asks.

I sigh, figuring I might as well come clean about this too, since she already knows everything else. "In a roundabout way, yes," I begin. I tell her of my apparently not so brilliant plan and I think she might die from her laughter.

"I'm sorry," she gasps between giggles, "I'm not laughing at you, it's just that the plan went so horribly wrong-" she tries to explain without offending me.

"Tell me about it," I retort with another roll of my eyes. "I guess that's why I wasn't sorted into Slytherin."

OH!" she switches gears without warning, "I should set you two up!"

"Uh, I don't know if that's such a great idea, Evans. He's still obviously hung up on you."

"Yes, but maybe that's just because he hasn't found someone better suited to him. Let's face it, Sev doesn't exactly have a lot of mates, and I'm pretty sure I'm the only girl who talks with him on a regular basis," she reasons.

"That's true, but, I'm not exactly…you," I admit.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Well, physically…"

This time she rolls her eyes and huffs in exasperation. "Don't tell me you're one of those insecure girls who frets about her looks all the time! That doesn't seem like you."

"No, I don't _fret_ about them, but I am a realist. I don't consider myself to be ugly, but I'm not on the same scale as you. By the way, if you tell anyone I complemented you, you won't live to regret it."

She smiles and I wonder if my vicious threats have lost all of their power. "Good, because you are adorable!" I start to sigh in response to her platitudes, but she stops me with a look and continues to explain. "Your hair, for one, is beautiful. Girls would kill for that rich golden blonde color. And those retro glasses you've got? Super cute! They give you that mysterious sexy librarian appeal. Then of course there's your figure. You've got the perfect hourglass shape, and I know for a fact that the guys here go barmy over your, uh, well…" she stutters.

"My bristols?" I supply unabashedly, causing her to giggle again.

"Yeah, those," she says with a slight blush.

"Not that Severus has ever noticed," I mutter bitterly. Evans raises her eyebrow in amusement.

"And you know this, how?" she asks cheekily.

"Ugh!" I scowl, knowing my pathetic attempt at tempting Severus at the ball has been uprooted. I come clean and she's laughing her bonce off again. I'm starting to clearly recall why I despised this girl for so long. I put my head in my hands. "This is hopeless," I lament.

"No it isn't!" she assures me. "We just have to ease Sev into it. He's not very comfortable with feelings in general, so we don't want to scare him off, but I think if I start bringing you around as my friend and Sev gets to spend time with you, things are certain to develop naturally. I just _know_ you two will be great together!"

I sigh and shake my head at her, trying to convey my doubt and vexation, but inside there is a tiny irrepressible spark of hope brewing that forces a small smile to my face.


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8:

"So what's the deal with that prefect bird?" Sirius asks Remus out of nowhere as they are studying in the library.

"There's twenty something prefects Siri, you might need to be _a bit_ more specific," Remus retorts without looking up from his book.

Sirius sighs as if Remus is the one being unreasonable. "You know, that one from the other night." Remus raises a questioning brow that seems to say 'you've got to be kidding me.' "The one with the pies!" Sirius adds with frustration, tossing his hands into the air and sending his Transfiguration textbook flying to the floor with a loud bang. The librarian gives them a dirty look and shushes them, causing Remus to roll his eyes at his excitable friend.

"Ah, that's El Bradford. She's a Ravenclaw," he says matter of factly. "Why?" he adds with a scrutinizing glare.

"She's fiery," he answers with a sly grin.

"Sirius, no," Remus warns, adding a glare for good measure.

"What?" he asks with a mischievous chuckle.

"I know what that look means, and I am telling you no. Forget about it."

"But she matched me innuendo for innuendo, snarky comment for snarky comment! She didn't get flustered at all by my flirting! She totally told me off!"

"And that's a good thing? I would have thought that meant she wasn't interested."

"Oh Moony, you have _so much_ to learn about women," he replies in a pitying tone.

"By insulting me, she was playing hard to get and flirting at the same time! It was so bloody hot!" he nearly shouts, earning them another warning from the librarian.

"You're going to get us kicked out Pads! Shush! And El is a lost cause, okay? So just drop it."

"A lost cause? Ooh, a challenge! Now I am even _more_ intrigued! Why is she a lost cause? Is she into birds? Is she seeing someone?"

"No! Merlin, Sirius! She's not into girls and she isn't dating anyone, but…she's got it _bad_ for Se-someone," he rattles off, nearly revealing the girl's secret. He mentally kicks himself and hopes that Sirius hasn't noticed the flub.

"Hmm, really? What was that stutter about, Moonykins?" he mocks with a digging tone that signals he is onto Remus's game.

"Nothing, I just got slightly tongue tied. If you don't mind, I'm trying to study here," he retorts dismissively.

"Oh no, you don't get off that easily. Who does she like? I know you know."

"No, I don't know," he insists; now mentally kicking himself for saying anything in the first place.

"You're a crap liar Remus Lupin," Sirius immediately retorts. "Come on, just tell me. What's the big deal, anyway?" he goads. "Unless…Remus, do _you_ like her?" he asks with wide, excited eyes. "Why didn't you just say so? I would never move in on your girl. Have you asked her out yet? Oh, Hogsmeade is coming up, you could-"

"Sirius! Stop! I don't like her. Not like that, anyway," Remus interjects.

"Aw, come on, Moony, you can admit it. Sure, she's not the most popular girl but she's pretty cute in that academic way, and that spicy personality is totally a turn on. I bet she'd go for you; come on, let's go find her and you can tell her," he rambles as he pulls excitedly on his friend's arm, practically dragging him out of the library. Remus tries to object and correct him again but his friend is in his own world and not listening to a word he says.

"It's Snape! She likes Snape!" he blurts out, causing the entire library to turn and stare at them as Sirius freezes on the spot. He turns slowly to look at Remus with disbelieving, horror struck eyes.

"You can't be serious?" he whispers.

"Bloody hell," Remus mutters, realizing he has just revealed the secret he swore to take to his grave, in front of the entire library nonetheless. _I'm dead. She's going to turn me into a rug!_ He thinks miserably.

"Remus, tell me you're joking!"

"Okay, that's it," the librarian fumes as she gets up and crosses over to the pair. "This is a place for reading and studying, not talking. Both of you, out."

Remus apologizes and quickly gathers his books, dragging a still stunned Sirius out with him. They head into the nearest empty classroom and Remus shuts the door, casting a silencing charm.

"She can't _possibly_ have a thing for the greasy git! What would she see in Snivillus? What would _anyone_ see in him?" Sirius gapes in disbelief with a distinct edge of repulsion.

"Sirius," Remus scolds, "that's an awful thing to say. My mum always said there is someone out there for everyone."

"I know, but for him I thought it'd be a flobberworm!" he shouts.

Rather than the laughter or reluctant smile he expected from his shorter friend, Sirius receives a narrow eyed glare. "I'm trying to be serious-and don't say that _you're_ Sirius," he adds quickly, even as his friend's lips are parting to make his signature comment. "Listen, El was rather pissed off that I found out about her, eh, infatuation, and threatened some rather gruesome acts if I were to tell anyone, so under no circumstances can you go blabbing this to _anyone_. Besides, threats aside, she seems like a nice girl, and I don't want her to get embarrassed. Promise me you won't say anything."

Sirius huffs and rolls his eyes, but acquiesces. "Fine, fine, don't get your knickers in a twist. I won't tell anyone about her inexplicable crush on that slimy bastard. If they actually start dating, though…ugh, just thinking about it makes me sick. If I ever see them kissing I guarantee you'll be seeing some pavement pizza," he scowls.

"Sirius, I thought you were going to try to be nicer to him…after everything that happened last year," he sighs pointedly.

Sirius has the sense to go pale at his friend's mention of The Prank that nearly cost Severus, Remus, Sirius, and James their lives in one way or another, and looks down towards his worn trainers in shame. "I know, you're right. I haven't hexed him this year, though!" he offers with a hopeful smile.

"No, you haven't, and I am very proud of you," Remus assures with a smile of his own.

"Alright, I'll hold my tongue about El and Snivillus, but if that plonker turns her down, I'm making a move," he says with a smirk.


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

I've gone insane. Completely, totally, utterly, lock-me-in-a-padded-room-with-a-special-white-jacket insane. I'm sitting in the library waiting for Lily Evans to show up…and I can't wait for her to get here. That's right, within the span of a month I have somehow managed to turn my most hated enemy into my only hope for happiness. You can't make this stuff up. Perhaps my life should be featured on one of those ridiculous Muggle 'reality shows' that Cassie watches in the summers. At this point, it seems to be about as real as they are.

I hear footsteps and whip my head towards the door so fast that a pain shoots through my neck. Smooth, way to be nonchalant El! Why am I so anxious and bothered about meeting Evans, you ask? Because Severus will be with her. This is Phase 1 of Evans' plot to get Sev to fall 'madly in love' with me, as she says. Evans has asked Sev to help her tutor me, and he agreed. She seemed mildly surprised that he had acquiesced so easily, but I am sure all she had to do was bat her pretty emerald eyes at him and he'd agree to be dipped in a vat of Fiendfyre.

No! I have to stop thinking like that. I have to stay positive. After all, this was what I had wanted; to spend time with Sev and get to know each other better. Granted, there were no red headed Sirens in my plan, but if life has taught me anything its that you have to roll with the punches. Suddenly, a flash of that aforementioned red hair catches my peripheral vision, and I turn my head, slowly and casually this time. Sure enough, there she is…and he is right by her side.

My breath hitches as I take in his shining obsidian locks that sway ever so slightly with his movement, his deep, intense eyes that are focused purposefully on the seating area, and the graceful way his lithe body glides through the stacks of books. His robes are unbuttoned and I can see the crisp white dress shirt that accentuates his chest and black pressed pants that fall perfectly over his hips. A flare of heat fills my chest as want and desire hit me full blast. Bloody hell! Why did I ever agree to this? I am going to say something epically stupid and make a fool of myself, I just know it!

Evans waves, and somehow my brain manages to free a neuron or two from its lust induced stupor and I give her a small wave back just before they reach the table.

"Hey Ellie!" she greets me with grating cheeriness. "I hope you don't mind, I brought Severus to help with our session today. You know Severus, right?" she asks coyly.

"Yes, hello Severus," I greet politely, desperately hoping my face isn't as flushed as I fear it is.

"Good afternoon Eleanor," he replies in his undeniably sexy drawl, emphasizing each syllable and making my heart skip a beat. I smile as Evans chimes in.

"Sev!" she scolds as she shoves his side lightly, "she hates being called that. I told you, call her El or Ellie."

"No!" I hear myself say a bit too quickly and too loudly. They both look at me as if I've grown an extra head. "I mean, it's fine. I really don't mind," I add more softly. After all, when _he_ says it, it sounds wonderful. Evans smirks at me and giggles, earning herself a surreptitious death glare from me.

"Very well," Severus answers as he takes out his potions book. "Lily was telling me that you were having some difficulty with the theory behind mood altering potions and their effects as tied to the genetic traits of the person utilizing them. Is that correct?"

"Huh?" I ask, having been lost in a daydream of Severus and I sitting under the shade of the large oak by the lake, watching the giant squid playfully reach out of the water, my head resting on Severus's shoulder as he gazes down at me with a soft smile and he runs his long fingers through my hair. "Oh, yeah, mood changing potions, right."

"It _is_ a complex subject. Perhaps an analogy would work better than the literal explanation. I've noticed you are rather fond of music, are you not?"

"Yes, definitely," I answer in a mild state of shock. Severus knows something about me? Something that he didn't learn from randomly being assigned as my partner in a class, or revealed at a class rankings awards ceremony? Amazing!

"Perhaps this will help, then. Mood altering potions are a bit like a song. The song itself can be sung by anyone, as a mood altering potion, or MAP, can be given to anyone. The type of MAP, be it joyful, despondent, angry, or any other emotion, does not in and of itself, change. It remains whatever it was brewed to be, much as the words and notes of a song remain constant. However, it cannot be denied that a song is drastically influenced by _who_ is singing it. Think of the different impact and effect that Bob Dylan's version of _All Along the Watchtower_ has from Hendrix's, or the widely divergent feels of The Shirelle's rendition of _Baby It's You_ verses Smith's…what?" Severus asks, noticing that both Lily and I are staring at him questioningly, mouths gaping open.

"You're into music?" I ask, wide-eyed and trying desperately to repress my giddy excitement.

"As a matter of fact, yes. Though I hardly think it's worth going slack-jawed over," he replies with an air of defensiveness and a tightness in his jaw.

"SEV!" Lily exclaims as she slaps him lightly on the arm. "All this time we've known each other and I never knew you liked music! Muggle music at that! Why didn't you tell me?"

"You never asked," he replies plainly, still seemingly put off as he crosses his arms over his chest tightly. Lily flashes me a lost look and shrugs slightly in Severus's direction, silently telling me that she isn't sure what is wrong with him.

"That's great," I say to him after gathering my resolve and trying to steady my breathing. I will my face not to flush as he raises his head abruptly, directing his piercing dark gaze away from the table and up to my eyes. "I fancy myself somewhat of a music aficionado, and I can tell you from experience that most people, let alone wizards, wouldn't have a clue who sang those songs. I'm quite impressed," I admit, my words sounding much steadier than I feel.

Severus looks at me with an analytical stare for a moment, apparently trying to figure out if I am mocking him or not, before a small smile graces his strong, pink lips. I think this is what a heart attack feels like. I may need a Muggle surgeon. My heart feels like it is going to explode! I can feel myself smiling back at him, much wider.

He clears his throat-sweet Merlin that is sexy!- and turns his attention back to the potions book. "So, just as the songs' words and notes stay the same, but the effect is different, such is the case with Mood Altering Potions. They have varying effects depending on the subject taking them. Does that make it clearer?" he asks, looking

I shake off the euphoric fog that has descended upon me and think about his words. "Completely!" I say with genuine enthusiasm. I get it! I _finally_ get it! I don't need help understanding much in potions, but this theory always seemed to elude me, no matter how many times Slughorn tried to explain it to me. Now, with one analogy from Severus, it was clear as day! "You're a genius! Thank you Severus!"

Much to my surprise, Severus blushes slightly. It is quite faint, and very brief, but it was unmistakably a blush. "That is a gross exaggeration, but I am…pleased…that you comprehend the concept now," he states in a perfectly composed and proper tone. "If my services are no longer needed, I'll excuse myself. Good evening Lily, Eleanor," he says in that same tone as he stands up and gathers his things.

"Thanks Sev! See you later," Lily says cheerfully.

"Thank you, very much," I reply sincerely. He nods slightly and sweeps out of the library. I can't help but audibly sigh at the loss of his presence. The moment the library door banged shut after him, Lily let out another of her girlie squeals, breaking me of my reverie.

"That was amazing!" she exclaims happily. "He _smiled_ at you! Severus never smiles at anyone!"

"He smiles at you," I counter with a bit of jealousy seeping through in my voice.

"Yes, but that's because I've known him since we were mere babes. The point is, in all my years at Hogwarts, I have _never_ seen him genuinely smile at anyone else. I _knew_ this would work! You two are so cute together!" she squeals as her emerald eyes dance madly.

I roll my deep brown eyes in response to her, but I can't repress the small curl of a smile that tugs at my lips.

"Lovely Lily! There you are!" a joyous tenor rings out, far too loudly for the library.

"Mr. Potter," the librarian calls out in exasperation, "I have warned you a thousand times. If you cannot keep your voice at a reasonable level you will be banned from this library. I don't need any more trouble from you Marauders. Do you understand?"

"Yes Madam," he replies in a bored tone before whipping around again to focus squarely on the red head seated across from me. The movement shows off his sinewy muscles that have been built up from years of being a Quidditch Chaser, and his disheveled mop of thick black hair flows wildly for a moment. Looking at him objectively, I can see where many of the girls find him attractive, in that 'boy next door' sort of way, and I am sure his status as the school's Quidditch star certainly aides him, but to me, he is nothing more than a pompus jerk who thinks he is entitled to anything he wants. And Severus is far more attractive. I'll take the dark, mysterious, brooding type over the excitable, athletic jock any day.

"What do you want James?" Lily asks as she sighs in his direction. There is a blatant edge of annoyance in her voice, but it is mixed with a dash of something else…something that sounds suspiciously like amusement. My theory is confirmed by the edges of her mouth turning slightly upward.

"The same thing I always want," he replies airily as he half sits upon the table, sidling up next to Lily. "You." He adds in a low, seductive tone.

Before I can think about it or stop myself, a derisive snort comes out of my mouth, drawing both of their attentions. Lily chuckles and shakes her head. "Thanks _Severus_ ," she mocks. I guess he has the same low tolerance for cheesy pick up lines as I do.

Potter's response is not quite so light hearted. He glares at me as if I've just insulted his mother. "And who, exactly, do we have here? Given the petulant attitude, I'm almost inclined to believe Lily that you are the greasy git."

"Potter, shouldn't you be running along to your next class now? You know, Potions for Pillocks?" I retort calmly, evoking a hearty laugh from Lily, who is nearly crying she is chuckling so hard.

James eyes her and his face flushes deep crimson. "Are you truly Snivellus? I mean, we all know he's a nancy-boy, perhaps he's-or _you've_ -finally stopped pretending and transfigured yourself into a girl. I have to say Snivy, this look is an improvement over the big-nosed, greasy haired bastard that you were bef-"

A wash of rage crashes over me at his insults and before I know it, I am bolting up out of my chair, balling my fists, and slugging him hard across the cheek. He falls to the floor, clutching his bleeding face in utter shock.

"MISS BRADFORD!" the librarian shouts as Lily gasps and I hear the gossiping murmurs of all of the students in the library. "To the Headmaster-NOW!" she huffs at me.

FUCK! Really? I'm getting my second trip to Dumbledore's in a month? After _years_ of not having a single incident on my record? This is getting ridiculous! Especially since Potter deserved it. Still, I lower my head in submission and march out the door towards the gargoyle guarded staircase. I briefly think of just ditching, but I know that Dumbledore will be expecting me, even if the librarian doesn't contact him. He always has a weird way of seeming to know everything. Perhaps he has surveillance spells all over the castle.

All too soon I arrive and, as suspected, the gargoyle opens the moment I step near it. I sigh and head up the moving staircase. "Miss Bradford," his light cheery voice greets me. "It seems our little visits are becoming something of a tradition. Sherbert lemon?" he offers.

"Why not?" I reply with a shrug, giving into the fact that there is no way I am going to escape punishment this time and might as well have something sweet to counteract the sour sentence I am about to be dealt.

"I hear you and Mr. Potter had a bit of a scuffle in the library. I must say, Eleanor, I was quite shocked to hear it. You have never been involved in an act of violence in your life," he says calmly.

Involuntarily I wince, knowing that statement isn't true, but I recover quickly. "I'm sorry. I lost my temper. I assure you it won't happen again."

"I'm sure it won't. I am however, quite curious as to the catalyst of your altercation. Is there something going on that I should be made aware of?"

"You mean besides the fact that you have an infestation of troglodytes at this school, posing as students?" I snap. Thankfully Dumbledore only chuckles and silently waits for me to continue. "Um, Potter was just being a pra- annoying," I amend as Dumbledore smiles knowingly at me.

"I see," he says, clearly really saying _elaborate._

I explain to him how Potter was insulting Severus and I notice that his eyes widen marginally as something such as realization seems to settle upon him. He regains his characteristic laid-back composure almost immediately, though. Then he grins. An infuriatingly wide, smug, knowing grin.

"Despite the fact that I understand you were defending the honor of someone you care for, I am afraid I cannot condone violence in my school, and I will be forced to take house points, as well as issue a detention."

"I understand," I say sheepishly, incredibly disappointed in myself for letting Potter get the better of me, but still not truly regretting my actions. I am assigned to polish all of the trophies in the trophy room, by hand, and docked twenty points, then sent on my way. I reach the door before Dumbledore softly calls out to me, halting me.

"Oh, Eleanor, good luck with Severus. He can seem quite aloof, as I am sure you have noticed, but he really is a remarkable young man, underneath all of that derision."

"I know," I reply emphatically, without hesitation. He nods and I head out the door hearing him mumble softly to himself as I go.

"I'm sure you do," he says.


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

If someone had ever told me that the times I would most look forward to would be those in Potions tutoring, I would have thought they were completely daft. And yet, for the past month, that has been the case. Ever since Severus's success in teaching me about MAP's, Lily has managed to goade him into coming to our tutoring sessions. That's right, for a month I have had the extreme pleasure of sharing Severus's company twice weekly, and it has confirmed all of my deepest desires and amorous feelings for him. His rapier wit captivates me, and he has such a knack for taking complex ideas and boiling them down to their core so that everyone can understand them. I wish I could tell him he didn't have to, though. I feel increasingly guilty about deceiving him with each meeting; especially since he is giving up his free time and evenings for this, but he's like a drug and I am hopelessly addicted to him. I can't give him up…especially not when he's staring inquiringly at me with those intense, mysterious obsidian eyes that seem to see right to my soul. Oh, wait, he's staring at me. Did he say something?

"Sorry, uh, what?" I ask as I return to reality. Yep, really eloquent there El! That should convince him that you're not a moron.

"I asked if you needed any further assistance with truth serum potions," he replies, still looking at me with a mix of confusion and…suspicion?

"Oh, no, I'm fine now. Your explanation cleared it all up," I answer with what I hope is a casual smile.

"I see," he drawls, emphasizing the 's' in the sexiest manner I've ever heard. I have to hold myself in check to stop from audibly sighing. "Lily," he says, turning his attention to her and drawing her away from reading a note that flew onto her shoulder in the form or a parchment bird a few moments ago. "We appear to be finished for the evening, so you may go." She nods and mutters thanks as she turns back to her note for a moment, smiling as she finishes reading it and shoving it deep into her bag as she rushes out, waving as she goes.

I begin to pack my things up when Severus turns his glorious attention back to me. "Eleanor, I wonder if you could stay a few more moments," he asks. A few more moments? How about a few more years? Or an entire lifetime?

"Of course," I reply with a wide smile.

"Why am I here? What are you up to?" he asks me accusingly, his tone suddenly turning cold and catching me completely off guard.

"Excuse me?" I ask, trying my best to sound simply confused and innocent. Inside, my heart is beating a mile a minute though. Does he know that I like him? Bugger, I hope not. He seems angry…not that I would blame him. I _have_ been wasting his time and lying to him.

"You can desist feigning ignorance. I have been in Potions with you since first year, and have shared many other classes with you and the Ravenclaws. I am fully aware of your pedagogic prowess and do not believe for a moment that you possess anything less than complete comprehension of this material," he explains, gesturing at the Advanced Potions textbook. "So, what is truly going on?" he asks pointedly.

I stare at him with wide, worried eyes, and I can feel that my mouth is opening and closing slightly, but I can't for the life of me make any words come out. This is it; he's going to loathe me after this. Any chance I had of being with him is shot now, thanks to my stupid plan and my deception.

"If you intend to somehow harm Lily, I must warn you that I will not stand for it," he adds as I gape at him like a fish. "I will take _any means necessary_ to protect her," he adds fiercely.

"What? No!" I exclaim. "I don't want to hurt her," I assure.

"It is no secret that you dislike her," he argues with a disconcertingly even and measured voice. "I have personally witnessed you glaring at her on occasion."

"Bollocks," I mutter before I can stop myself. He raises an exquisite brow at me and waits for my confession. Damn, I need to come up with a convincing lie! Think! I run a few plausible explanations through my mind and look up to (hopefully) convincingly lay one on him…but I am stopped again by those eyes. As I look into those deep dark pools, I realize that I don't want to keep lying to the man I love. And I know for sure now that it _is_ love. This past month has shown me that. I am screwed!

I take a deep breath and resign myself to my fate. "I'm sorry Severus, I've made a real hash out of everything, but I never meant any harm," I begin pleadingly. "I just wanted to spend time with you."

Abruptly, he breaks his perfect posture and his suspicious glare changes to a look of pure shock and incomprehension. "I don't follow. You wanted to spend time with _me? Why?_ "

"I guess I should start at the beginning," I concede as I proceed to tell him the whole sordid story. I leave out the fact that I am in love with him though, opting for the less insane sounding euphemism of having a crush on him. When I finish, he is looking at me with a furrowed brow and an unreadable expression.

"So you purposefully altered your potions to make Professor Slughorn believe you needed assistance? And then Lily lied to get me to come here?" he asks, his smooth voice now betraying a distinct edge of hurt.

"I'm so sorry Severus. If you don't want to speak to me ever again, I understand, but please, don't blame Lily. She was only trying to help me, and, as her best friend, she only wanted you to be happy," I explain as I instinctively reach out and place my hand over his on the table so that he will look at me and, hopefully, see the truth in my eyes. My heart shatters into a million pieces as he looks down at my hand over his and jerks his palm away as if he has been burned. I purse my lips and concentrate on not crying.

A long, uncomfortable silence settles over the table as I avoid looking at him and fight my emotions. I am the biggest berk on the planet! Of course he doesn't want me! Why would he? He only has eyes for Miss Perfect Lily, and he always will. I was a fool to believe I could ever change that.

"I'll just go," I mumble as I get up from the table quickly, conscientiously avoiding looking at him. I know if I do I will lose my last tenuous thread of self-control and begin bawling like a baby. I am up and grabbing my bag, about to flee the scene and my shame, when he suddenly snakes out his arm and grabs my elbow. I feel a fire spread throughout my body, originating at the point where he is touching me, but it isn't the same kind of fire that Severus felt from my touch apparently. This fire warms me, heart and soul, and makes my body tingle in the best way possible. I can't help it; I look up at him.

I'm astonished to see his eyes wide open, their usual defensive shade has been drawn back and for the first time I can recall, Severus looks vulnerable. It takes my breath away and I have to fight back the urge to hug him reassuringly.

"Lily thinks you could make me happy?" he asks softly, unsurely.

I shrug as I again fight the tears that must be glistening in my eyes by now. "It seems she does."

Silence descends once more, but it feels less awkward and more contemplative. Severus still hasn't let go of my elbow and I have no idea what he is thinking. I ease myself back into the seat across from him and wait for him to speak. Finally, he looks back up at me and opens his mouth. Here it is, the moment the rest of my life is determined. I know that sounds melodramatic, but something inside me just _knows_ that this is one of those junctures in life that holds a world of possibilities. A fork in the road that will lead me down Path A or Path B. He'll either forgive me or turn me away forever. Something tells me that Severus is not a man who grants many second chances.

"You truly like me?" he asks in what sounds like disbelief. I look at him as if he has just informed me he's dropping out of Hogwarts to become a Muggle mime.

"Are you serious?" I can't help but ask. Does he honestly not understand how broodingly sexy he is? How amazingly intelligent and witty he is? How his voice and his eyes send shivers down my spine? "Of course I do!" I assure him. "Severus, I've liked you since third year," I admit. "I've tried to forget about you countless times throughout the years, knowing that I didn't have a ghost of a chance compared to Evans, but no matter what I do, I just can't seem to quell my feelings."

He is silent again for a few moments as he releases my elbow and looks down towards his now clasped hands upon the table. His silence says it all; he doesn't feel the same way about me, not even remotely. With that realization the tears I have been holding back break free and I feel a few roll silently down my cheeks. I haven't cried since my eleventh birthday, but the death of a dream I've had for three years seems like an appropriate occasion to give into the tears.

Severus finally looks up and starts at the sign of my tears. "I need to think about this," he states softly then, unexpectedly, he reaches out a hand and wipes the tears away from my cheeks. My breath hitches and my eyes flutter shut. This is heaven. I could die right now and be happy, just having felt Severus's touch upon my face. I can't control myself; I lean into the touch.

He pulls his hand slowly away and my eyes open reluctantly. Dear. Sweet. Merlin. He's smiling at me. He's smiling _at me_. It isn't a wide grin or a large, toothy smile; rather, it's just a small upturning of the corners of his lips, but I can tell it is genuine, and that means the world to me. I can't help but to smile back at him, matching the small curve of his lips.

"May I take some time to think about this and respond to you at a later time?" he asks. "I've never imagined that anyone…" he trails off and I see a dark shadow flicker across his eyes for a moment.

"Of course," I reply to distract him before that shadow settles upon him. I know that shadow, I've felt that shadow; it is the one that signifies someone is being haunted by the memories of their past, and it never results in anything good. "Take all the time you need. I realize this is a bit sudden, from your perspective."

He nods curtly and I can almost see him rebuilding the mental and emotional walls that he wears daily. "Thank you," he says softly before the walls are fully erected. I smile a bit more widely at him as I get up to depart once again, only this time, feeling much less hopeless.

"Thank you, Severus," I reply with my own small nod, then turn away and exit the classroom.


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

It's been five days since Severus called me out on my intentions, and it seems like they have been the longest five days of my entire life. I know what you're thinking; that I've turned into one of those soppy melodramatic girls who pathetically centers her world around a man, but it hasn't simply been the anticipation of Severus's answer that has made my days nearly intolerable. Rather, it has been the incessant queries about it from my best friend and, of all people, Evans. She has been coming to my table at breakfast each and every day to inquire as to whether or not Severus has responded to me yet. I see her bright shiny red hair bouncing near the entrance to the Hall and it's heading this way. Looks like today will be no exception. Why, oh why did I _ever_ tell her what Severus and I discussed that day in the library?

"Hey Ellie!" she greets cheerfully as she plops herself down right next to me. I roll my eyes, as always, and she giggles. It isn't that I hate her anymore, but, first, old habits are hard to break, and secondly, she is just _way_ too happy…all the time. Plus I know she's going to ask me the same question she's asked every damn day for the past five days. Watch, here it comes.

"Hi Evans," I reply predictably with a hint of exasperation.

"Has Severus decided yet?" she asks anxiously, looking so hopeful I think she might burst.

"Nope," I answer curtly and watch as she visibly deflates like a balloon with a slow leak.

"Ugh!" she growls unexpectedly, causing Cass and every other student within a twenty foot radius to turn and look at her questioningly. "What in Merlin's name is his problem?" she spits, still with a trace of a growl.

"Uh, Evans? Aren't you his best friend?" Cass asks warily as she eyes the angry green eyed doppelganger sitting across from her.

"Yes," she replies, clearly not understanding the motive behind the inquiry.

"So, wouldn't you be exactly the right person to ask _him_ such a question?" Cass clarifies.

"You'd think, but he's been avoiding me like the plague since you two spoke. I think he might be embarrassed or something. I really don't know. Sev has always been kind of weird when it came to normal human emotions. I think they make him nervous."

"I can understand that," I say truthfully. Evans turns her emerald gaze upon me and a thoughtful countenance appears on her face before she slowly nods.

"I'm sure you can. That's one of the reasons I think you'd be so great with him. Take this situation right now. If I were in your shoes, I would be freaking out that he hadn't gotten back to me yet, but here you are, nonchalant as ever," she marvels.

"I wouldn't exactly say nonchalant; I certainly care about it, but I understand that it's a big decision and he needs time to examine his own feelings and decide what is best for himself. I would rather wait for him to be sure than have him rush into a decision only to have it come back to haunt him."

"That's very smart of you…although I guess being a Ravenclaw I should have expected nothing less," she says with a sly smile. "Still, if he doesn't talk to you by the end of the week I'm going to corner him and force him to tell me what's going on in that mysterious mind of his."

"Thanks," I say with a small smile of my own.

"Oi! Lily! My perfect little flower. Why aren't you at the Gryffindor tab-" James Potter calls out obnoxiously as he strides confidently towards my table, heading directly for Evans. He freezes with a look of mild horror on his face as he spots me. My small smile blossoms into a full blown self-satisfied grin. "What are you doing over here, with _her?_ " he asks accusingly.

Evans physically straightens her back, looking like a predator about to pounce. "For the _last time_ Potter, I am _not_ your flower, or _your_ anything. And where I sit, and with whom, is none of your concern. Now I suggest you leave me alone before Ellie punches you in the face again!" she seethes.

I can't help it; I burst out laughing. I never thought Evans had it in here, but that was a fairly scathing retort, even if she did delegate the physical violence to me. There's no hint of the amusement she showed the last time I witnessed Potter's pathetic attempt to hit on her.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" I hear Sirius Black chortle as he appears, along with Remus Lupin, behind Potter. "El's the one who gave you that shiner last month? You told us it was that huge seventh year, Sean O'Conner! You got punched out by a girl?! Oh man, that's bril!" he manages to get out between bouts of nearly hysterical laughter.

"Shut up Sirius," Potter mutters under his breath as his face turns as red as Evans' hair. Sirius pays him no mind, though, and instead sits down on the other side of me. Far too close to me for comfort. I sneer at his shoulder brushing mine but he doesn't appear to notice, or at least he doesn't care enough to move.

"El, you never cease to amaze me!" he says too loudly as he pulls me into a side hug. I notice that all of the Ravenclaws around us are staring and starting to whisper, along with quite a few students from other tables who have noticed the scene developing. I huff and push him off of me, then force him to move away from my side, forcibly pushing him a meter down the bench. "I was starting to worry that fiery streak of yours was all talk," he continues, undaunted, with a wink.

"Ug, don't you know dogs aren't supposed to beg at the table?" I retort. I notice Remus's eyes widen and he steps hastily forward, laying a heavy hand on his arrogant friend's shoulder.

"Sirius," he warns as he attempts to pull him up from the table. Sirius shrugs his hand off, though, earning himself the most animalistic growl I've ever heard…from quiet, mild-mannered Remus, of all people. Who would have thought?

"I've been a _bad_ puppy," Sirius says suggestively, his gray eyes focused intently on me. "I think I need to be punished," he whispers as he leans in very close to me. I hear a small whimper escape Cassie's mouth across the table, but Black ignores her and never takes his eyes off of mine.

"I agree," I purr, leaning even closer to him so that our noses are almost touching one another. He smirks victoriously and closes his eyes in anticipation of a snog.

"Uh, El," I hear Cass utter nervously as she taps my arm insistently, but I am too close to my goal to give up now. I look at Black's unsuspecting, smug face once more as I grab the Daily Prophet from next to my plate, quickly roll it, and wap him soundly upon the nose with it.

"Ow!" he shouts as his eyes fly wide open in surprise. I chuckle and shake my head at him, waving the newspaper in front of him to answer his unasked question.

"Bad dog," I state evenly, raising an eyebrow, challenging him to do something about treatment he clearly asked for. All around us, people are cheering and laughing.

He scowls momentarily as he rubs his nose, but then just shakes his head and gives me a small wry smile. "Round 2 goes to you Miss Bradford," he concedes with another of his odd little aristocratic bows. I roll my eyes as he _finally_ stands up and goes with Remus back to the Gryffindor table. Evans gives Potter a pointed look and he reluctantly follows his friends.

"That was amazing, El!" Evans beams as she giggles. I smile, rather pleased with myself, but when I turn to Cassie, I notice she is pale and has a scared look on her face.

"What's wrong, Cass? Upset that I smacked your secret crush?" I joked good-naturedly.

To my shock, she doesn't deny it or even give me a weak slap as she usually does when I tease her. Instead, she just shakes her head and gulps. "Severus," she finally says softly.

"What?" I ask in confusion, looking around for the man in question. "What about him?" I ask, unable to spot him anywhere near us, or in the Hall at all.

"He saw."

"Cass, I'm going to need full sentences here."

"He saw you flirting with Sirius. He had started walking over here when I tapped you."

"Oh, well, I'm sure he didn't mind me whapping Black with that newspaper; he hates him."

"He didn't see _that part_ ," Cassie points out dejectedly. "He only saw up to when it looked like you were going to kiss him. Then he stormed off," she reluctantly says.

Oh. Fuck.

"I have to find him," I hear myself say as I bolt up and rush out of the Hall, ignoring all of the inquisitive stares directed at me. I feel outside of myself; my brain and heart are stuck in a fog, but my body seems to know what to do instinctively, so I go with it. All I know for sure is that if I don't get to Severus soon, everything that has been built up this past month is going to implode and I will have no hope of ever being with him. All because of a stupid misunderstanding.

I am running now, straight to the Slytherin dungeons. My mind goes back to the last time I did this; how ironic it is that I was then also after a boy, but for such a divergent purpose. Well, the blunt approach worked then, perhaps it will work again. I raise my fists as I reach the door to the dormitory, ready to pound upon them incessantly as the testy portrait attempts to threaten me for "daring to return", when suddenly, the door swings open. A small Slytherin girl no taller than my waist steps out, only to gasp in shock as I nearly trample her to get in.

"Sorry!" I call out, not even stopping to turn my head in her direction. I look around the green, black, and silver common room, seeking out the signature raven hair of my would-be love. Unfortunately, my eyes fall on the blond shaggy locks of Yaxley instead. As soon as I make eye contact with him, he tenses up and begins to scuttle backwards on the sofa like an upended crab. "Yaxley," I say as I move purposefully towards him.

"I didn't do anything! I swear! Please," he begs as he literally cowers before me. I raise my eyebrows in shock but don't move any closer to him. I had no idea my confrontation with him had been so effective. I actually feel a bit bad about it now, seeing the state it has put the boy into, and knowing what it feels like to harbor an unrequited desire for someone. Of course, I never lied to the entire school and told them I had carnal relations with Severus, or openly gaped at certain parts of his anatomy, but still, on some level, I can empathize with David.

"Calm down! I'm not here to hurt you," I assure him. He eyes me warily and remains crumpled in one edge of the green sofa. I sigh deeply and press my fingers to my temples in an attempt to quell the headache coming on. "I just want to know if Severus came in here."

"Sev…Severus?" he asks nervously.

"Yes. Severus Snape. About 6 feet tall, long black hair, usually wearing a scowl on his face, really good at Potions and Dark Arts. Seen him?" I ask, trying to sound non-threatening.

Yaxley shakes his head rapidly then meekly adds, "No, not since before breakfast."

I sigh and fall down heavily upon the sofa, noticing that Yaxley flinches as I do. "I told you, I'm not going to hurt you," I remind him dejectedly. "Look, Yax…David, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have attacked you like that. I was just angry and I let it get the better of my rationality. I should have spoken to you calmly, and in private."

His blue eyes grow wide and I can see him analyzing my sincerity in his mind. Damn Slytherins, they are so untrusting!

"Okay," he nearly whispers after a few moments. "It's ok. I shouldn't have lied about us to begin with. It's just…I think you're really pretty, and I told my friends I was going to ask you out last year but…I just couldn't do it. I didn't want to admit that I was a coward when they asked me how it went. So I lied. Then it just got completely out of control," he confessed quietly.

"David, I get it, and I'm flattered that you liked me, but you really should have just said something to me. Ogling a girl's anatomy and quipping suggestive pick up lines at her every time you see her is no way to get her to like you. Maybe if you'd just been yourself and gotten to know me I might have gone out with you," I explain.

"Really?" he asks hopefully.

"Perhaps, but I have to warn you, it isn't going to work now. I…I like someone else, quite a lot, actually, and it wouldn't be fair to you for me to-"

"I get it," he interjects. "Does Severus like you too?" he asks, catching me off guard.

"I'm that obvious, huh?"

"Well, not really, it's just that I've spent a lot of time, uh, watching you, and I see the way you look at him. He's an idiot if he doesn't like you, you know."

For a minute, I'm taken aback by the sincerity I see in his eyes. This may be the first time I've ever seen a real emotion (other than fear or lust) on Yaxley's face.

"Thank you, David. That means a lot to me."

He nods slightly as he bits his bottom lip. "So, does he? Like you, I mean?"

I exhale deeply, pondering his question and wondering what the answer is myself. "I don't know. He was sorting out his feelings this week, but now I fear a misunderstanding has given him the totally wrong idea, and it could cost me any chance I had with him."

There is a moment of uncomfortable silence that drags on for at least a full minute. Then suddenly, Yaxley looks up at me, right into my eyes. "He likes to go to the Astronomy Tower a lot, especially to think," he says pointedly.

"Thank you!" I exclaim as I launch myself at him and give him a fierce hug and a solid kiss on the cheek. He raises his hand up to his cheek in seeming shock and blushes slightly as I jump up off the couch and head back towards the common room door.

"Good luck," I hear him whisper as I leave, and I can't help but think that I owe the little pervert one.


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

My steps seem to echo in the spiraling stone staircase of the tower, reminding me of the hollowness of this place that seems to echo that in my heart. What if Severus won't listen to me? What if he isn't even here? What was he coming to say before my foolish, childish toying with Black had chased him away? Would I ever know? Assaulted by these quandaries, I barely even realize when I reach the final step. It is only the looming presence of the thick wooden door just ahead of me that pulls me out of my musings. I take a deep calming breath to steal my resolve.

Okay, this is it. If he's here, this is my _one_ chance to set things straight. I have to make him understand what happened. Surely he'll understand once he hears the whole story. Right?

I push the heavy door open slowly and slightly, peeking my head around it just enough to see a lone figure perched upon the stone wall looking pensively out upon the expansive landscape of hills and moors surrounding Hogwarts. He has his knees pulled up to his chest and is resting his chin solidly upon them with his long arms wrapped tightly around them. His chin length inky black hair is whipping slightly around his face as a noticeable wind rises up around the tower, and he has a pensive, somewhat sad look upon his face. A wave of empathy and sorrow wash over me and I swear I can feel my heart breaking. He looks so alone.

"Severus?" I call out softly, my voice nearly a whisper.

He snaps his head up and turns to look at me in surprise, but almost instantaneously his face morphs into a glare. His lips curl up into a sneer, but it isn't the usual one I've seen upon him before. Normally his sneer is one of mocking superiority to the students who act immaturely or flagrantly display their ignorance. This one, though, is one of pure, unadulterated hatred. It hits me so hard that my breath hitches in my throat and I am forced to physically take a step back.

"You truly are an exceptional actress," he spits, words dripping with venom. "Where is the rest of the group? I assumed you would all desire to revel in your triumph together, to mock my naiveté, collectively. Is Black too afraid that I will hex him again so he sent his little bint to do his bidding? So much for so-called Gryffindor bravery."

Oh shite…it's worse than I thought. I was worried he'd just think I liked Black, not that I was also in cahoots with him and his idiot Marauders. I have to set him straight. "Severus, you don't understand," I try to explain as I move towards him despite his monumentally off-putting glare.

"I understand perfectly," he interrupts with the coldest voice I have ever heard. "I've suffered enough pranks at the hands of those troglodyte Marauders to comprehend how they operate. I must say, though, this was their most original escapade to date. Not only did you all manage to humiliate me this time, but rather you also succeeded in pulling the wool over my eyes; a feat accomplished by precious few. You almost had me, you know, but dare I say you played your trump card too soon. Had you waited until I acquiesced to your feigned affections to spurn me for Black, the humiliation would have been far greater. Black always did have the patience of a five year old, though, so I suppose I should have expected such a premature execution. Tell me, does he have problems with prematurity in other arenas as well?" he mocks cruelly.

"Wh-what?" I ask, stunned to the point of stuttering apparently. He huffs at me in response and I regain my composure, remembering why I came here in the first place. "I honestly wouldn't know," I finally answer, having caught on to his allusion. "And I have no desire to find out. Despite what it looked like, I have _no_ interest in Black, in any way, shape, or form. As a matter of fact, I find him to be an arrogant git."

"Yes, well, I can see why you were about to kiss him, then," he answers sarcastically. Despite the seriousness of the situation, I can't help but smirk at his retort. It sounds like something I would say.

"I _wasn't_ about to kiss him Severus. You didn't stay for the culmination of my plot. I was just lulling Black into a false sense of security, which is disturbingly easy to do given his gargantuan ego. I actually-"

"I don't care," he spits out emotionlessly and I see the mask he wears slip fully into place on his face. His eyes are empty and shallow and it makes me realize how much I loved seeing them full of fire and passion. "I don't care what your plot was, or what your motivations were, and I certainly don't care about _you_."

His last word seems to reach out and rip my beating heart from my chest. I feel the tears building up behind my eyes, but I absolutely refuse to cry in front of him again. Tears will not sway him; in this state, I suspect only logic will. "Well, regardless, I'd still like for you to know the truth," I manage to say coolly as I straighten my spine and try my best to appear unwounded.

"The truth," he snarls as he stalks up to me, stopping mere centimeters in front of me, "is that you are just like _them_. You think you can toy with people and twist them to your own intentions without giving a damn about the consequences. You used Lily to get to me, and then tried to use me to satisfy your sadistic tendencies and, I can only suppose, impress that neanderthal Black. Well you may have fooled Lily, who is far too kind-hearted and naïve to suspect your true nature, but you have not fooled me. I have had far too much experience with deception and liars to not recognize one when I see it. We are done, and if you _ever_ go near Lily again, I will not hesitate to hex you until you _beg_ for death."

I am flabbergasted at the level of hate that is now in his voice and in his eyes. I don't doubt for a moment that he would follow through on his threat and I realize something that I suspect I knew truly knew all along. My efforts have been futile; they always would be. Even if this misunderstanding had never occurred, he would never be mine. He may perhaps have agreed to go out with me, but he would always have had Lily in his heart. I realize, with crushing finality, that he doesn't merely _like_ Evans, he is hopelessly in love with her. I could never compete with that, just as Yaxley could never compete with Severus in my heart.

I take in a shuddering breath then nod slightly. "I understand," I eek out, refusing to look into his eyes. I don't know what I am more afraid I'll see in them, utter hatred, or detached nothingness. So without looking up, I turn away and retreat slowly, trapped in a numb haze.

Somehow, I end up outside of the castle. The cold November air stings my exposed arms but I barely register the feeling. I feel as if my body is made of lead and every movement is like I'm dragging a ten ton weight. Somewhere in the back of my mind, it registers that I am supposed to be in class right now, but for the first time in my life, I can't bring myself to care about academics. I need to get out of here. I have to escape these oppressive stone walls and all the expectations of what I should do, and who I should be, and the memory of Severus's obsidian eyes narrowed in rage and hatred, and lacking any type of affectionate feeling for me at all.

Suddenly, I'm running. My feet are pounding on the hard dirt, into the soft grass surrounding the school, and within minutes I'm surrounded by the lush, dark foliage of the forest and it is shutting out the bright shining sun that seemed to be mocking my misery. I take in the darkness, reveling in it, and finally drop to the pine-needle covered ground in a heap. My numbness and resolve shatter and tears spring forth like a raging river. I am sobbing so hard that I can't catch my breath. I wonder if it's possible to asphyxiate one's self from crying. I have a feeling I'm going to find out today.

Minutes, or hours pass, I really have no idea which it is. Finally the deluge of salty water slows and then abruptly stops as I hear the distinctive crunch of branches being broken somewhere behind me. I turn quickly, searching the dim area for a sign of someone encroaching upon my sanctuary, but I can't see anyone. Suddenly a cold shiver runs up my spine as I truly take in my surroundings. I am in the _Forbidden Forest_. The place we were told never to enter. The habitat of werewolves, hinkeypunks, Centaurs, and hordes of other deadly creatures. And I am not on the edge of it either; I can't see any sliver of the castle from here. As a matter of fact, I can't see where the trees end at all. This is _not_ good. As if on cue, I hear the snapping of more branches around me.

I snap up from my place on the forest floor and immediately draw my wand, taking up a defensive stance. "Who's there?" I call out, and then mentally slap myself for the idiotic move. Like someone's really going to answer me if they are looking to hurt me. Or if it is a creature that can't speak. I have a momentary flash of the vapid sorority girls in almost every Muggle horror movie I've ever seen and groan at the realization that I am acting just like them. No, I will not play the part of some daft crumpet who gets slain because she ran up the stairs instead of out the door. "Lumos maxima!" I shout. A bright light bursts from my wand, illuminating the trees around me in a 20 foot circumference.

I gasp as I see a gigantic Centaur cover his eyes from the accosting light and rear up on his hind legs a bit. He is covered in dark brown hair that blends perfectly into the bark of the surrounding trees, but the glinting tip on his arrow, poised in a bow and ready to shoot, immediately stands out. "Do you mind extinguishing that infernal light?" he grumbles, much to my surprise.

"Oh, sorry!" I hastily reply, muttering Nox as we are again plummeted into darkness. Now it's even worse since my eyes haven't adjusted at all to the darkness. I feel like I am blind. Maybe extinguishing the light wasn't such a great idea.

"Thank you," the Centaur says, his deep gruff voice now very close to my ear. I pull back a bit in shock, but I recover quickly. I don't want to offend him by running away. Or make him angry. "Having lived in the forest nearly all my life, I am very sensitive to bright light," he says. He sounds rather calm, which is a huge relief, and I let the vice-like tenseness in my muscles abate just a bit. My eyes have adjusted enough now that I can see his huge black eyes looking me over, seemingly analyzing my threat level.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean any harm. I just couldn't see anything and, to be honest, I was a bit frightened. I could hear someone around me, but I couldn't see you."

"Understandable. What are you doing in my forest, anyway?" he asks with a hint of a threatening tone.

"I, uh, I just-" I stumble over the words as I try to explain it without bursting into tears again or inadvertently getting myself killed. The Centaur seems reasonable, but I have learned from my Care of Magical Creatures classes that they are a very territorial species and do not take kindly to interlopers in their midst.

"You have been crying, human," he points out rather blatantly.

"Uh, yes. I was very upset and I just wanted to get away from the castle. I wasn't paying attention and when I finally stopped running and looked around, I was here," I admit with a tinge of embarrassment. I sound like such a plonker! "I didn't mean to disturb you, or encroach on your territory," I add quickly.

"I see," he replies contemplatively as he slowly circles me. It makes me uneasy, but he has lowered his bow, so that's a good sign I guess. He sniffs the air and tilts his slightly elongated head at me. "You are being truthful. The forest is a very dangerous place for a human, though, even with the aid of magic. I suggest you find someplace safer to shed your tears."

"Oh, I think I'm done shedding my tears, but I know what you mean. Thank you."

"You are welcome. I am Chiron. If you encounter any trouble while exiting the forest, explain that you are here upon my orders. No one will dare question or harass you."

"Chiron? Like from Greek mythology?"

Chiron lifted a large bushy brow and seemed to almost smile. "Impressive, young human. He is my namesake, and was my ancestor."

"Really? That's amazing!" I say excitedly, instantly seeing the correlations between the intelligent, kind, and knowledgeable mythological creature and the one standing in front of me. "Well, I can't thank you enough for your help Chiron. If I can ever be of any assistance to you, please don't hesitate to ask. My name is Eleanor, by the way. Eleanor Bradford."

"A pleasure to meet you Eleanor. Thank you for your kind offer. Now, though, I believe you had best be on your way. The acromantulas will be out for their mid-day feeding soon, and they will not be as accommodating as I have been."

I bite my lip, knowing he's right, and, having no desire to be eaten by a giant spider, regardless of how much turmoil my life is in at the moment, I heed his advice. With a final thank you and a hand shake (actually, a wrist/forearm shake) I am on my way. Chiron is even kind enough to point me in the proper direction.

By the time I reach the edge of the forest the sun is nearly directly above me and I can tell that I have spent the entire morning in there. Oh sweet Merlin! I've missed all of my classes! Great, that's all I need. Now I'm behind on my work and probably going to get another detention…or sent to Dumbledore's office again! That would have to be some kind of a record; three times in one term. Still, I got to talk with a Centaur, and how many people can say that? I draw in a deep breath and head up to the castle.

As luck would have it, I arrive just in time for lunch. In case you missed it, that was sarcastic. The _last_ thing I want to do is go back to the Great Hall and have to face hundreds of students…and one student in particular. Not to mention that if I see even one atom of Sirius Black I am going to pull out every forbidden curse I've ever read about, consequences be damned! Yep, it's definitely safer for everyone if I just retreat to my dorm until it's time for my next class. I turn towards the Ravenclaw section of the castle and am able to take four full steps before I hear my name being shouted insistently.

"Ellie! El! Wait!" a familiar alto cries out.

I reluctantly stop and listen as the fast paced footsteps get closer, but I refuse to turn around. Cassie skids to a breathless stop in front of me, worry seeping from her blue eyes. "Where in Merlin's name have you been? We've been so worried!"

"We?" I ask in confusion.

"Yes, we," a soft soprano rings out behind me. _Why_ did I have to ask? Evans takes another step and soon joins Cassie in her concerned vigil before me. "What happened, El? Did you talk to Severus?" she asks as she lays a hand upon my arm, I suppose trying to be comforting. Little does she know she's possibly signing my death warrant, courtesy of my long time love.

"I don't want to talk about it," I snap coldly. "This isn't your problem Evans, so just leave it alone. I don't want your help and I'd appreciate it if you just left me alone from now on too" I say as I pull my arm from her grasp and continue on my way to my safe, isolated bed.

"El?" I hear Cassie reluctantly call, but I ignore her, never taking my eyes off my target at the end of the hall. I can hear her and Evans whispering madly but I don't care what they are saying. I was a prat to Evans, I know, but it's for the best in the long run. Besides, knowing without a doubt that Severus will never feel for me even half of what he feels for her makes it quite difficult to be civil, regardless of whether she returns his feelings or not.

I reach my dorm room and sigh loudly as I close the door and retreat to my bed. I fall into it, staring blankly up at the wooden ceiling, desperately trying to forget the day, the past week, hell the entire year! Maybe I could Obliviate myself and then I wouldn't have to remember ever loving him.

"What happened?" Cass asks meekly as I hear her softly shut the door behind her and cast a locking charm on it. Damn it, why didn't I think of that? Maybe if I stay really still and silent she'll think I am asleep. "I know you can hear me, El. Ignoring me isn't going to make me go away," she says as she sits down on the edge of my bed. Bugger!

"Tennyson's a daft div," I mutter. "It's over," I reluctantly add.

"What?" she gasps. "But it was going so well! I thought for sure he was going to say yes to you. Is it this misunderstanding that's the problem? I'll talk to him," she assures, straightening up and I can tell she is gathering her strength. Despite my seemingly decades old attraction to him, Cass has always been a bit afraid of Severus. After my discussion with him today, I can't say I totally blame her. I smile through my despair; it is truly touching that she is willing to go confront him for me even though he "gives her the cobbly-wobbles" as she once told me.

"Thank you, but no. It won't change anything," I tell her morosely.

"Why not? Oh Merlin…was he coming over to tell you no? That greasy git, He should be thanking the gods a girl like you is interested in him. I'll kill him!" she rants as her fists ball up in anger.

"Cass, calm down. First of all, no offense to you, but in a battle between you and Severus, you wouldn't stand a chance. Like you said, he knows more Dark magic than anyone in this school; maybe even more than the DADA professor. Secondly, I have no idea what he was going to tell me, but one thing became blatantly clear today. Even if he was going to go out with me, his heart would still belong to Evans. He's as much in love with her as I am with him."

"Oh Ellie, I'm so sorry," she states sympathetically as she pulls me into an awkward half hug.

"Yeah, well, I should have known better anyway. I wish I had a time turner so I could go back to September and warn myself not to attempt this stupid convoluted plan."

Cassie nods her understanding but seems to be at a loss for words. "What are you going to do now?" she finally asks.

"What can I do? I'm going to pretend this never happened and go back to the way things were. I'll ignore Severus, and ignore Evans, and bury myself in schoolwork until I pass my NEWTS and can get the hell out of here."

"Then you'll become the most brilliant healer the wizarding world has ever seen and Severus will eat himself up inside for ever having been stupid enough to turn you down," she adds with a smile.

A small chuckle rises up out of my despair and I give her a small smile in return. "Thank you, Cass. You always know just what to say."

"That's what best friends are for," she replies with a shrug, then pulls me into another, stronger, hug.

 _Author's Note: Don't kill me, loyal readers! I swear, this is not the end, (even I am not that cruel) but you know nothing ever comes easy for our favorite irascible Potions Master. The story continues in Part II, which skips ahead to our protagonists' futures. Thank you all for reading, and particular thanks to those who have taken the time to leave a review. You guys rock and you keep me inspired!_


	14. PART II - Chapter 1

**PART II**

 **Chapter 1**

"Eleanor! I'm so glad you could make it. I know you are a very busy woman and I appreciate you making time to come down here. Please, have a seat," Albus Dumbledore greets me warmly as I sit down in one of the two plush blue chairs in front of his desk. My mind immediately flashes back to the three other times I sat in these chairs, which were notably less pleasant than this time is.

As if he is reading my mind, the Headmaster chuckles mirthfully. "A bit different from being called in for disciplinary purposes, isn't it?"

I laugh as I nod in agreement. "Definitely. Although, even when I was in trouble you were always quite amicable. Thank you for that."

"Your transgressions were never dire, my dear, and actually I found a few of them rather amusing. I shall always remember your accidental hexing of Horace in your sixth year. That was quite an eventful year for you, if I recall correctly."

"That it was. I was summoned to your office three times in my entire Hogwarts career and all three were that year." I blink and shake my head slightly to block out the memories that come flooding back with that simple statement. That year was probably the most pinnacle of my adolescence. It was the most painful year I had experienced since I was 10 years old, but it was also the one most responsible for my success today. The trials of that year motivated me to go after my dreams with gusto and never let anything get in my way.

"Indeed. It is difficult to believe that over 15 years have passed since then. You have changed so much, and yet, in many ways, you seem to have remained exactly the same. You're still that bright-eyed, ambitious, intelligent, and rather unique young woman that I had the pleasure of knowing back then. I always knew that you would do great things Eleanor, but I must say you have exceeded even my expectations."

"Thank you Headmaster," I say as I feel a slight blush creep onto my cheeks.

"Please, call me Albus," he insists jovially. "Lemon drop?" he then adds, stretching his arm across the desk to offer me a sparkling yellow sweet from a fine bone china bowl.

"I thought you'd never ask," I reply with a smile as I take one of the offered candies and pop it into my mouth. He smiles back at me as his blue eyes twinkle and his phoenix, Fawkes, lets out a happy trill.

"Please, my dear, share with me what you have been doing since leaving Hogwarts. Of course I know all about your career as Chief Healer at St. Mungos, your research and your astounding breakthroughs in curse treatment; after all, it was the reason for my bringing you here, but I am ashamed to say that I know nothing of the rest of your life these days. Where are you living now? Have you married? Had children?"

I shift slightly uncomfortably in my seat, not being used to discussing my personal life, or lack thereof, but I know that he is not trying to pry, simply being friendly. "To be perfectly honest, there isn't much to tell. My research and work leaves precious little time for much else. Thus, I have not married or had children. I traveled rather extensively during and after my training, researching exotic treatments and ingredients in the Rainforests of Brazil, Australia, the Galapagos Islands, and Italy, but right now I am living in Brighton. I have a nice quiet little place right on the beach."

"Excellent, that is a lovely area, and I am sure you have had some amazing experiences. I am a bit dismayed to hear that you have no children; I was hoping to have them in Hogwarts. Although I certainly understand that your work must monopolize your time. Healers alone often work 12 hours per day, so with your research on top of that, I can't even begin to guess how time consuming it must be."

"It is arduous," I admit with a tired sigh, "but it has been well worth it. Every time we're able to save a life at St. Mungos, or I see the pain ease from a cursed patient's face, I know I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat."

"I can see your work brings you much joy. I am very pleased by this. Your compassion for others, your open-mindedness, and your willingness to see beyond the obvious are some of the main reasons I have asked you to meet with me regarding this opportunity," he stated matter-of-factly, although the wide grin on his face never falters.

"Yes, I have to say, I was intrigued when I received your owl. I can't for the life of me fathom what use my skills would have here at the school, unless Madame Pomfrey is retiring, but since she had just started a few years before I was a student I find that hard to believe. If I recall correctly, most Hogwarts employees are in for life."

He chuckles at that and admits that they have been lucky enough to retain most of their staff for a "rather long time." Then he looks thoughtful for a moment, showing a hint of puzzlement. "That is, except for the Defense Against the Dark Arts position. We can't seem to hang onto someone for that slot for more than a single year. At this rate, I will have employed every qualified Defense teacher in Europe by the time I retire."

"Curious," I reply. I wonder why that is. From what I have heard, Hogwarts is one of the best places to work in the entire Wizarding world. After all, it's the most beautiful setting, the pay, I hear, is quite good, there is free room and (delectable) board, and you get summers off. I can see where Defense would be a particularly taxing subject, especially after all of that nasty business with Voldemort a few years ago, but it still seems odd that _every_ DADA professor would quit after a single year. "Well, I hope you aren't offering me _that_ position, then," I say with a teasing smile.

"No, my dear girl," he answers with a chuckle. "I would prefer to have you around for much longer than a single year. Plus, as talented as you were at Defense, I am far more interested in utilizing your notable skill and unique knowledge in Healing. However, before I elaborate on the exact opportunity, I must stress the sensitive nature of this offer. Regardless of whether you accept or deny, I must insist that you speak of this to no one. Part of your duties will be highly confidential, and keeping them that way is of the utmost importance," he explains gravely.

"Of course, Headmaster. I'm not here for…for you, am I?" I ask with obvious concern.

"No, Eleanor. Although I am not as young as I once was, I am glad to report that I am still in good health. However," he adds, changing his tone to a more solemn one, "I am afraid I cannot say the same for one particular staff member. This person has been a loyal professor for many years, and a good personal friend, whom I owe a great deal to. It has come to my attention that he is suffering some severe aftereffects of prolonged curse exposure. I have spoken with the usual Healers at St. Mungo's, and with Madame Pomfrey, but they have all been unsuccessful in offering a cure, or even an effective treatment. I have noticed that the symptoms have been getting worse as of late, and I fear if we do not take immediate action, we may lose him. I will not allow that," Albus nearly growls, and I can see the fierce devotion in his usually insouciant eyes.

I take a moment to process all that Albus has told me, but I am still perplexed. Why would a professor be exposed to prolonged cursing? Perhaps I could see the Defense teacher having such an affliction, particularly if he had worked as an Auror or something similar, but he had said the victim was a long-time professor, so it couldn't be the DADA professor. "Albus, I would be more than happy to help whomever it is that is afflicted, but I am not sure that this warrants a full time stay at Hogwarts. Even if treatments are conducted daily, they would only last 1-2 hours each. Also, I must warn you that my treatments are still highly experimental, and although I have had some great successes, I have also had complete failures, and I cannot make any guarantees other than that I will work tirelessly and exhaust all avenues to quell the professor's suffering."

"I understand, and I appreciate your candidness. Still, I would like to try, and I wholeheartedly believe that you are our best chance. Not only are you undisputedly the best Healer for curse treatment, but you are also a tenacious and caring young woman. I have great confidence in you. In regards to the time commitment, although the principle reason for my offer is for you to treat the professor in question, I would also like to begin an elective Healing Class for our third year and above students. Many of them have expressed an interest in pursuing the vocation, and as I pride Hogwarts on being the best Wizarding school in the world, I feel it would be a disservice to offer anything less than a complete education to our students. Thus, I would like to have you teach the Healing classes."

For a moment I am stunned. Me? A professor at Hogwarts? I always knew that I wanted to go into Healing, but I never imagined it would lead me to teaching kids. I have no experience with kids. What if they hate me? What if I can't control them?

"If you accept, you would teach three classes per day, three days per week, with one additional class on Thursdays. In addition, you would have treatment sessions as often as you deem necessary. The rest of your time would be your own, for research or personal endeavors, and you would have unrestricted access to the facilities and resources of the school. For your services, you would be given complimentary room and board, as well as an annual salary, paid biweekly."

At this time, he slides a piece of parchment over to me with the salary figure on it, and I can feel my eyes nearly bulge out of my head. It isn't as much as I am making as Head Healer at St. Mungo's, but it is a _very_ generous offer, and far more than I thought professors made. Not to mention the free room and board and the greatly reduced working hours, giving me much more time to focus on my research.

"I accept," I say before I even fully realize that I am speaking. The bright sparkle in Albus's eyes instantly convinces me that I have made the right decision.

"Excellent!" he exclaims. "When can you begin?"

"I need to give St. Mungo's at least two weeks notice, and would like to be able to sublet my flat until the lease expires in three months, but I am fairly confident that I can get that done in a few weeks."

"Very good. Then shall we have you move in on August 1st? That gives you a little less than a month to get your affairs in order, and will give us a month to create your lesson plans and get you settled in."

"That sounds perfect," I say as he stands and shakes my hand enthusiastically. "I shall send over a report on the professor's symptoms and circumstances as well so that you may prepare his treatment program and request any supplies that you may need."

"Thank you Albus," I manage to eek out, despite still feeling like I am in a daze.

"Thank _you_ , Eleanor," he replies whole-heartedly and I can't help but wonder which professor it is that seems to mean so much to him.


	15. PART II - Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

A week after my meeting with Albus, I am sitting down to breakfast and reviewing my latest research notes when I hear a tapping on my window. I look up to see a large brown owl clutching a legal envelope that appears far too heavy for the poor animal. I dart up out of my chair and open the window, immediately relieving the bird of his weighty burden. He seems utterly relieved, and gives my hand a quick nuzzle before nearly collapsing upon my counter. I retrieve a handful of owl treats and set out a bowl of water, which he quickly begins to lap at.

Then I turn my attention to the envelope and see that it is from the school. I tear it open, my heart beating just a bit faster with the reminder that I have set myself down a path I never anticipated taking, and one that brings me back to the place that holds many of my dearest, and most painful, memories. I read the first piece of parchment, seeing that it is a contract of employment. I set it aside to read after my shift at the hospital, then look at the second, much longer document in the packet. It is the notes and case work up that Albus told me he would send along. I notice that the professor in question is unnamed, simply referred to as 'the patient,' and I have to concentrate on repressing my curiosity and focusing on the task at hand. I skim through the synopsis as I eat my cereal, only to spit a mouthful of it out a moment later.

Sputtering, I grab my napkin and wipe the milk and cereal bits off of my scrubs and the table, then re-read the sentence that caused me to lose my composure.

 _The patient is suffering aftereffects of repeated and prolonged applications of the Cruciatus Curse for a period of four years. Lingering effects include convulsions, flashbacks, aversion to touch, phantom bouts of pain, dizziness, migraines, blackouts and nausea._

Four years?! Who the hell gets subjected to an Unforgivable Curse for four years? And how in the world did he survive? A loud hoot pulls me from my fog and I realize the delivery owl is looking at me expectantly. He must be waiting for a reply to the employment contract.

"Sorry, buddy, but I don't have time to read that right now. I have to get to work," I say. "I'll send it back with an owl later tonight, ok?" I ask.

The tawny animal tilts his head dramatically, as if questioning my decision, but lets out a contented hoot after a moment, scoops up the last of the treats, and flies quickly out of the window, seemingly relived that he does not have to struggle with a large envelope again.

I glance at the clock on my wall and realize that I am now five minutes behind schedule, so I throw my bowl into the sink, promising myself that I'll wash it later, and hurry to the floo in my living room. Grabbing the powder, I throw it down and appear in the staff floo of St. Mungo's a moment later. The minute I step out, chaos erupts all around me. Healers are running to and fro, levitating stretchers, calling out for surgeons, and generally looking frazzled. I pull an orderly to the side as he tries to fly by me and demand to know what is going on.

"There was an explosion in Kensington. An entire office building was demolished. So far they've brought in 46 victims, and there could be as much as 30 more," he explains quickly. I thank him and release his arm, watching as he runs off down the hall to prepare another room for the deluge of patients.

Immediately I run to the large board that hovers at the main desk, checking the status of patients being admitted. Magical burns and broken bones from the collapse of the building seemed to be the majority of the injuries, but there were a few cases of severe spell damage that seemed to be of unknown origin. Once I made sure all of the Healers had been assigned patients and knew what had to be done with the new ones coming in, I devoted my attention to these cases.

I flip through the pages of the first patient's chart and frown deeply. This doesn't make any sense. The symptoms are indicative of the Ambustri Dioxsis curse, but it hasn't been seen in over a hundred years, very few wizards have even heard of it, and it is exceedingly complicated to trigger. Plus, given that there was an explosion, all of the victims should be suffering from the effects of the curse, which would have been carried in the blast.

I visit the three other patients with similar symptoms and get the same result. It _has_ to be Ambustri Dioxsis, nothing else fits, but why only these four? Well, I'll have to worry about that later. I rush from the last room and order the nurses on duty to begin immediate oxygen infusion therapy for all four patients and monitor their toxin levels. Once they have fallen below the volatile level I can began negation and healing spells for their burns and lung damage. I also floo call the Auror's office and advise them to put containment and quarantine spells on the building and shield their investigators on site. The Head Auror screams at me about wasted cost and manpower on ridiculous far-fetched precautions, and I scream right back.

"If you don't contain this blast you could have hundreds of more wizards infected, and Merlin only knows how many dead Muggles! If that happens, you can damn sure bet I'll tell the Wizenmegot _exactly_ what I told you and how you flagrantly disregarded my warning, and how it is your Hubris that put thousands in danger!"

"Don't tell me how to do my job!" the Auror growls, as he cuts the call off and disappears from the green flames.

"Arsehole!" I growl as I turn away. I _have_ to get them to quarantine that site!

"Excuse me," a girl in her early twenties says, tapping me on the shoulder. "I couldn't help but overhear your conversation. I'm one of the Aurors assigned to the case. Do you really think the site could be contaminated?" she asks as her bright pink spiky hair flares green suddenly.

"Yes, I do. It might be fine, but a few patients have shown evidence of spell poisoning and I would hate to take the risk. Their condition is fatal without prompt treatment, and instantly fatal to Muggles, but that self-involved prat that heads up your department refuses to listen," I seethe.

"He is a blowhard," she agrees with a mocking smile. "But I think I can help. What's your name?" she asks.

"Eleanor Bradshaw. Head Healer," I answer.

"Perfect. Hang on."

My mouth hangs open as her hair recedes into her scalp and her skin sags, forming a few wrinkles around her now hazel eyes. Her entire face shifts until I am staring at the face of the Head Auror himself. She gives me a wink, then heads to the floo and calls the Chief Auror on site.

"Shakelbolt, Farington here. We need immediate containment and quarantine of the explosion site. I'm talking total particle isolation. Now. This is top priority. You hear me?" she asked in a perfect imitation of the Head Auror's gruff, haughty voice.

"Understood," Kingsley Shaklebolt replied immediately, already signaling to his team to begin the orders.

"And protect the team. Full particle shields. Anyone who has been in the site unprotected should immediately report to Healer Bradshaw at St. Mungo's."

"Got it, Chief," Shaklebolt replies seriously just before signing off.

"Wow, thanks," I say with a touch of marvel in my voice.

"Thank you," the Auror replies as her features shift back into those of the young girl with pink spiky hair. "You're the one looking out for us Aurors. The least we can do is listen to you," she answers with a shrug.

"Still, that was an impressive display, even for a Metamorphmagus."

"What gave me away?" she jokes cheekily. "I'm Tonks," she says, extending a hand.

I shake her hand and ponder a hypothesis that has been swimming around in my brain for nearly two years. Apparently my distraction shows.

"Knut for your thoughts?" she inquires.

"Oh, sorry," I reply, shaking myself back into reality. "It's just that I've had this hypothesis regarding the adaptability of metamorphmagus cell structures and their possible applications in spell damage treatments. I have a theory that the transitive nature of the cells could be integral in offsetting, or possibly even negating, the parasitic bonding that many spells exercise upon cells."

"Whoa, ok, I got about three words of that, but it sounds impressive. Anything I can do to help?"

"Not unless you're willing to donate some of your cells and become my guinea pig," I joke with a bit of despondence. After all, I've been attempting to find donor subjects to test my hypothesis for two years to no avail. Metamorphmagus's are incredibly rare to begin with, so the potential donor pool is small, and many of them aren't too keen on being poked and prodded.

"Sure!" Tonks exclaims with a smile before she quickly transforms into a black and white guinea pig. I burst out in euphoric laughter at her easy going attitude and humor, and her seeming willingness to help.

"Are you serious?" I ask as she transforms back into her witch form.

"Of course. If I can help people who are suffering, giving up a few of my cells and some of my time seems like a small sacrifice."

"You are an angel!" I nearly shout. "Here's my card. I have to get back to these patients now, but if you can floo me sometime next week, whenever you're available, that would be fantastic. My home floo is on there too, if I am not here."

"Great, I definitely will," Tonks answers, and for some reason, despite all of the other disappointments I've had with this theory, I believe her.

She bounds off to interview victims, and I leave to treat them. The rest of the day is a chaotic blur, filled with hastily retrieved cups of disappointingly weak coffee, incredibly sugary donuts, and 10 minute cat naps in the break room. I finally arrive back home a full 52 hours after I last departed, and I collapse on my couch.

I am just drifting off into an exhausted sleep when an insistent hoot drags me back from the precipice of dreamland. Grumbling, I look towards my window, which I realize I left open over two days ago. Merlin's beard! It's a good thing I don't have anything valuable in here. I really should be more careful. My mother would have a fit if she knew how often I forgot to ward my doors and left my windows wide open.

A loud, insistent hoot cuts through my self-castigation and I suddenly remember what drew my attention to the window in the first place. The tawny school owl that delivered my packet sits on the sill, looking at me expectantly.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I know, I promised to send the contract back two days ago, but things got totally out of hand at the hospital, there was this explosion, and…What the hell am I doing? You can't understand a word I'm saying. You're an owl for Merlin's sake! And here I am, still talking to you." Maybe going to the school is a good idea after all. Apparently I'm getting too old for these two day shifts! Plus, having some _people_ to talk to might not be a bad thing. "Okay, I'm looking at the contract now," I grumble, pulling myself grudgingly off the couch, back to the kitchen where I left the packet in a drawer. I grab it and immediately read through each sentence of the contract, paying careful attention to all stipulations. After all, I wasn't in Ravenclaw for nothing.

Seeing nothing objectionable, I sign the contract and stuff it into an envelope, giving it back to the owl. He hoots happily and nudges his face against my hand again, in a seemingly supportive gesture. Maybe he _does_ understand what I am saying. As he flies off, I sag into my kitchen chair, utterly exhausted. I should go to bed. I feel like I could sleep for a year, and nothing would be more welcome than the soft, cool feel of my cushy mattress and cotton sheets. Yes, I _should_ go to bed. But looking down upon the thick case study, I know I won't. Sighing at my interminable curiosity, I flip the packet open to the page I left off on, and summon myself a good, strong cup of coffee.


	16. Part II - Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Somewhere off in the distance, beyond my realm of concentration, I hear a pleasantly pitched chime. A few seconds later, it sounds again. Suddenly, realization washes over me. That's my floo. Grudgingly I pull myself away from my copious notes on the case Albus handed me and trudge to the floo.

"Hello?"

"Hi Healer Bradshaw!" a perky young voice rings through the floo. I lean in a bit and see the spiky pink hair of Auror Tonks. "It's Tonks, from the Auror department," she adds.

"Hey Tonks, how are you?" I ask, trying my best to be cordial despite the debilitating exhaustion and sleepiness that descended upon me the moment I stood up.

"I'm great…but you look like shite!" she exclaims.

"Dora!" I hear someone chastise lightly in the background.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean it in offense…" she trails off, looking discomfited.

"That's ok," I assure her as I rub my hand over my weary face. "I haven't slept in over two days, I'm sure 'shite' is a nice term for my appearance at the moment."

She giggles and gives me a sympathetic smile. "I know how that feels. Actually, if it wasn't for you, I'm sure I'd be in the same situation right now. That tip you gave us really paid off. It turns out that it was the Ambustri Dioxsis spell. Whomever set this explosion up, they sure knew what they were doing. They set the spell inside a shield spell with a Muggle-style detonator, timed to go off. The only thing that stopped the spell from immediately blasting out and infecting everyone within a kilometer is the fact that the floor where the spell was set up also housed the Finance department, which had containment and suppression wards in case of fire. That halted the spread until the roof finally collapsed on the ward and split it. Then all hell broke loose! The spell leaked out all over the place. We would have been facing massive contamination and fatalities if it hadn't been for the quarantine wards we set up, on your warning."

"Really? That's great! It's a good thing we ran into each other," I reply with a huge smile, my tiredness momentarily forgotten. "And that you have no qualms about posing as your boss," I add with a smirk.

"Yeah, you should have seen the look on his face! He was completely baffled, but he accepted the praise for his 'forward thinking and concern for overall safety.' Git," she mutters, making me chuckle. "But anyway, lives were saved, and that's all that matters in the end."

"Very true. Plus, I'm guessing all four of my victims worked on the floor within the wards, which would explain why they were the only ones affected by the curse. That's one less thing to keep me up tonight wondering about."

"Good, because it looks like you could use all the sleep you can get," she comments with a sly smile.

I nod and say "damn straight."

"Given that, I won't keep you long. I just wanted to see if you wanted me to come in for your treatment tests this week. I have Sunday and Monday off, so I could come by the hospital either of those days if it works for you."

I wave my wand and cast a Cursus Horarum to display my schedule in the air in front of me. "I have availability on Sunday from 4 pm to 6 pm. Would that be amenable for you?" I ask hopefully.

"Hey!" she calls over her shoulder. "What time is dinner at the Burrow?"

"Six," a smooth male voice calls back. "I could go with you and we could Apparate right from there."

"Would it be okay if my uh, friend, came with me?" she asks me awkwardly.

"Of course," I answer. "You can both floo to St. Mungo's and just let the receptionist on the 5th floor know that you are here to see me for a research study."

"Great, we'll see you then. Now go get some sleep!" she orders, sounding eerily like my mother.

"Yes ma'am," I mock in reply. When her face vanishes from the floo I flop down upon the couch, grab the blanket draped over the back of it, and wrap myself in a sleepy, snug cocoon. The last thing I remember is my head hitting the pillow.

My eyes feel like they've been sealed with treacle, but I pry them open nonetheless. I squint at the bright sunlight streaming through my window and reluctantly pull my stiff body into a seated position. Either I've slept only a few hours, or an entire day. My knut's on an entire day. Sure enough, a peak at the _Daily Prophet_ that was delivered to my window sill confirms my suspicions. Good thing I don't have to work today!

Although I do have plenty to do to prepare for Sunday, and I really should tell my mum and dad about my new job, not to mention visit my half-brother, who will be turning 13 this year and starting his third year in Hogwarts. I wonder how he'll react to having his older sister as one of the professors at his school.

I head to my bathroom for a much needed hot shower, then decide to go to Diagon Alley for some supplies, and surprise my family for dinner tonight. The water is heaven and I stay in far longer than I need to, but the invigoration and recuperation that results from it is well worth the extra time.

An hour later, I am in Diagon Alley, which is full of ambitious youngsters shopping for school supplies, and plenty of less ambitious teens relaxing at Fortescue's and checking out the latest Quidditch supplies. As I watch their excited faces I can't help but think back to my childhood and my time at Hogwarts. For the first time in years, a feeling of wistfulness hits me and I wonder how different things could have been. Don't get me wrong, I love my life. I've managed to attain all that I had set out to, professionally, with the exception of _curing_ some particular curse damage, but still, I've made some great advancements in their treatment, and I've saved a lot of lives. Who could ask for anything more than that? I've also traveled extensively, seen parts of the world most wizards and witches never will, and have a mum, dad, and brother who love and support me.

Still, that niggling little feeling of regret comes bubbling up when I see a cozy couple gazing lovingly at one another across the table at the Three Broomsticks, or a happy family buying a child's first owl from the Magical Menagrie. It's no secret that my personal life is non-existent; in fact, it's a running joke around the hospital, and, for the most part, I am fine with that if it's the price to pay for coming up with a cure for hundreds of wizards who are suffering.

But somewhere in the darkest recesses of my mind, I know my professional dedication isn't the _only_ reason I am over 30 and still single. It isn't the _only_ reason I've only been on a handful of dates since I hit puberty, and it isn't the _only_ reason that I haven't had a boyfriend for more than three months at a time. The _other_ reasons for all of these things are memories of the horrendous relationship my mother had with my biological father, and the resounding failure and rejection I faced the first time I ever put my heart on the line. I wince at the painful memory of Severus looking at me with his cold dark eyes, accusing me of playing him for a fool, and threatening me if I ever hurt his one true love, Lily Evans.

Ironically, Lily and I actually became somewhat of friends through the entire ordeal. We lost touch when I went to the Healing Academy in Australia and she moved to Godric's Hollow with her husband, James Potter of all people. We exchanged Christmas cards each year, though, until that deranged psychopath, Voldemort, ruthlessly killed her and her husband. Thankfully, her son somehow miraculously survived, and supposedly defeated Voldemort in the process. I suppose he might be one of my students as well now. I wonder if he looks more like Lily or James. I wonder if he _acts_ more like Lily or James. I pray the answer to _that_ is Lily.

Severus. The name and the memories hit me like a tidal wave. No matter how much I try to ignore it, deny it, or repress it, it always comes back to him. I know, it's pathetic, but even after all this time and his utter and complete lack of interest in me, Severus still occupies a distinct part of heart. Every man I have ever dated has been subconsciously compared to him, and every time I have to brew a potion, (which is quite often in my line of work) I can't help but see his tall, lithe frame hunched over a cauldron, long black streaks of hair falling into his obsidian eyes which are fixed in finite concentration.

I wonder what he looks like now. I wonder where he is and what he's doing, if he's even still alive. The familiar tightness I feel every time I think about Severus not being alive settles itself around my heart, but I will it away and focus on my train of thought. Lily had told me in a teary eyed confession in seventh year that she had gotten in a horrible fight with him and their friendship was over. She said, after three chocked, sobbing attempts to get it out, that he had called her a mudblood, and she suspected that he was joining the Death Eaters. To say I was stunned would have been an extreme understatement. I always knew that Severus had darkness in him, and that he was deeply troubled, but I _never_ imagined he could willingly sign up to kill innocent people, or insult Lily, especially with such a hateful word. Her state when she came to see me was incontrovertible proof that he had said the dreaded word, though. The possibility that the other half of Lily's awful declaration was also true never failed to stab at my heart.

Oh Severus, what could have happened between sixth and seventh year to have put you on such a path? Was it something building up over the course of your lifetime that just reached the tipping point, or was it some traumatic incident? If things had worked out between us, would he have made a different choice, taken a different path? Could I have used my own experience with the darkness, both around me and within me, to help him conquer his? Or would he have turned to Voldemort regardless? Sometimes I wish I could actually ask him.

"Excuse me, miss," a young girl's squeaky voice breaks into my memory induced fog as she tugs lightly on my robes.

"Yes?"

"Would you like to buy some Witch Scout Cauldron Cakes? They're only five Sickles per box," she says with shining hopeful hazel eyes.

"Of course," I reply with a smile. "I'll have to get enough for my coworkers, though, so I'm going to need quite a few. Do you have 20 boxes I can buy?"

Her face lights up and she nods her head so vigorously that I fear it may snap off her neck. "Mummy, mummy! She wants TWENTY BOXES!" she shouts excitedly as she scampers off to a tall, svelte woman with light blonde hair and matching hazel eyes, which are now sparkling just as brightly as her daughters at seeing her excitement. She scoops her up in her arms and strides towards me.

"That is incredibly generous, of you. Thank you so much," she says sweetly to me.

"It's my pleasure, and besides, my coworkers and I tend to get stuck at work for long periods of time, and sugar is all that keeps us going," I reply with a smile as the girl pulls a hovering cart of cakes over to me.

Armed with loads of cakes, I pop into the hospital, drop 15 of them off to the ravenous, grateful workers, get chewed out good-naturedly for being there on my day off, and then floo to my parents' house.

"Hullo?" I call out as I dust the soot from my robes. "Mum? Dad? Leo?"

"Ellie! Hi sweetie! I didn't know you were coming over tonight!" my dad says as he whips around the corner with a large bulky set of spectrometer glasses on top of his head and envelops me in a tight swaying hug.

"I figured I'd surprise everyone. I was thinking I could take the family to dinner, if you're all free tonight, that is," I reply, trying to quell my laughter at his ridiculous appearance.

"Of course we're free! Well, your mum and I are. I'm not sure about Leo. What are you laughing at?" he rattles off with barely a breath between sentences.

I gesture to his head as he feels on top of his head absentmindedly, finally hitting the glasses and pulling them off in realization. "Oh, right, I was working on a cursed ring that was recovered from a tomb in Egypt. Very intricate work; it seems that they've put a different curse on each individual stone. Remarkable."

"So it sounds. Just be careful, okay?"

"I'm always careful, El. You worry too much," he softly reprimands. "Helena! Leo! Come down, Ellie's here!" he shouts in the general direction of the stairs. A moment later I can hear a distinct pounding as my (much) younger brother comes flying down the stairs almost as if he was on a broom.

"EL!" he shouts and launches himself at me, his longish dark blonde hair flying up wildly. I put my arms out just in time to catch him and barely avoid tumbling over onto the floor from his weight and momentum. "Damn Leo! Soon you're going to be too big to do that anymore."

"I'm surprised he's doing it now. You should have seen him at Kings Cross when he came home for the summer," my mother starts as I put my brother down to the floor after a hug. "I try to give him one hug and he starts complaining that I'm embarrassing him in front of his friends! I thought that phase wasn't supposed to start until he was a teenager," she pouts while wearing a smirk.

"I'll be 13 in two weeks!" Leo protests. "You're coming to my party, right?" he asks me with wide, hopeful crystal blue eyes. It's his patented puppy dog eyes, but I can tell his desire for me to attend is sincere and I will readily accept his adoration for as long as he is willing to offer it. I know once puberty hits it's going to be all downhill from there.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world, bruv. I even got someone to take my shift that day so there won't be any interruptions to your big celebration."

"Ace!" he exclaims. "So why are you here?" he then asks bluntly. "Are you _finally_ getting hitched?"

"What?!" I spit and give my mum a glaring look.

"Why are you glowering at me?" she asks, seemingly taken aback. " _He's_ the one who said it!"

"Yes, but I _wonder_ where he ever got the idea from?" I ask sarcastically.

My mum puts on her best 'I'm-completely-innocent' face, but ruins it by bursting out into laughter after a few moments. "Oh, Eleanor, have a glass of Horlicks for Merlin's sake. We're only taking the mickey."

"Why do I come here?" I mutter in somewhat false exasperation.

"Actually, why did you actually come here? Tonight I mean," my mum asks genuinely. "Is everything all right?"

"Yes, everything is great, actually. I wanted to take you all out for a celebratory dinner."

"Gino's! Let's go to Gino's!" Leo shouts as he literally jumps up and down in excitement.

"Leo! Let your sister tell us what we're celebrating before you go making demands about the restaurant," my mother gently reprimands.

"Sorry," he mutters apologetically.

"That's okay, Leo. I know how much you love Gino's, and we'll definitely go there. As for the reason…we're celebrating my new job!" I say with a grin.

"Congratulations!" Dad shouts as he hugs me again.

"Sweetie, that's wonderful," Mum says, although I can't help but think there is a hint of disappointment in her voice. Mum's always been completely supportive of my professional aspirations and exceedingly proud of my accomplishments, and she's always lauded my high level of independence, self-reliance, and strength, but I know she also longs for me to find true love. I think she's starting to worry that it's never going to happen. I think she also worries that my childhood may have scared me off the concept of love for good. Truth be told, sometimes I worry that she might be right.

"Whoa! So do you like, run the hospital now?" Leo asks, which causes me to laugh and tossle his hair, which he hates.

"No, actually, the job isn't with St. Mungos. I've accepted an offer to be a professor…at Hogwarts."

Leo's eyes widen to nearly twice their size and his mouth falls open. "You're going to be teaching at _my school_?"

"I hope that's okay," I say, silently hoping that he won't choose this moment to launch into being a teenager and accuse me of trying to ruin his life or mortify him. A few silent minutes pass and I can see him mentally weighing the pros and cons. Luckily, his Hufflepuff loyalty wins out and soon a big smile spreads across his face.

"Of course it is! It's going to be brilliant having you there! You can get me out of classes," he says with a wink.

"Leonardo!" Dad scolds.

"I'm just kidding!" he retorts, laughing at his gullibility.

"Come on, let's finish this conversation at Gino's," I propose. "I'm starving!"


	17. PART II - Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:**

My family was a bit perplexed at my dramatic shift in my career, but they supported me nonetheless. At the very least they could understand my desire for more time to work on my own research, which was my penultimate passion, and to work more regular hours. I didn't tell Leo about my other duties as the personal Healer for one of the professors, but did tell my mum and dad there were 'other aspects' of the position that I wasn't at liberty to discuss. Being used to the restrictions of Healer – Patient Confidentiality, they realized, in a general sense, what that meant. They comprehended the move much more readily once they learned of that. Perhaps the best part, though, was Leo's genuine excitement at having me around for the entire school year. Thanks to my crazy schedule, I usually only get to see him once every week or two, and I've only just begun to understand how fast kids grow up. I'm looking forward to being a bigger part of his life with this new position.

"Healer Bradshaw, Miss Tonks is on her way up to see you," a Healer's aide informs me after a brisk knock on my office door.

"Thank you," I reply, double checking that all of my instruments and supplies are in place. I know my hypothesis is a long shot, but there is a solid basis for its effectiveness in Muggle stem-cell research, and I can't help but be hopeful. I could be on the brink of a breakthrough! Hopefully the young Auror will agree to continue helping me, and will be able to come to Hogwarts for future sessions.

There is a short, strong knock at my door and I know the moment is at hand; this moment could be the beginning of something amazing. If not, then at least I won't have to waste anymore time researching the theory and will be able to concentrate on other avenues. "Come in," I call out to her.

She comes striding in happily, only to catch her foot on the edge of the lab table and tumble towards the floor, face-first. I am up on my feet as quickly as I can manage, but her companion has already raced forward with unbelievable quickness and darted an arm out to scoop her up in.

"Thanks," she says to him with a shy giggle, and he simply smirks and nods in response. It seems she does that sort of thing often from his reaction. "Sorry, I'm a bit of a klutz," she explains to me, confirming my suspicion.

"No problem, " I reply with a friendly smile, hoping to assuage her slight embarrassment and put her at total ease. "I'm just glad your friend here is so quick." Come to think of it, her friend looks _very_ familiar. Where do I know him from?

"El?" he asks with the same curious look I am probably wearing. I notice him check the name plate on my desk and smile. "Merlin's hat! It _is_ you! How have you been?" he asks excitedly.

I stare at him for a moment, mentally taking away the wrinkles around his eyes and forehead, and deleting the gray streaks from his sandy light brown hair, and suddenly it hits me. "Remus?!" I ask in disbelief.

"Yes! I knew it was you! Wow, you've done well since graduation, haven't you? Although, I always knew you would. You were always top of the class."

"Well, not _top_ ," I correct as I feel a slight blush creep up on my cheeks.

"Second is close enough in my book," he counters with an insouciant smile.

"You two went to school together?" Tonks asks suddenly.

"Yeah, we were in the same year. El was a prefect too, although she was in Ravenclaw," Remus explains to her.

"Oh, cool! You can tell me embarrassing stories about Remy!" she says with a mischievous smirk.

I laugh and he chuckles at her antics. "Unfortunately I don't have too much on him, being in different houses and all, but I do recall one time when he and Sirius Black nearly dumped four banana cream pies on my head."

Tonks breaks out in raucous laughter as Remus turns crimson. "Yep, that sounds like the Marauders."

"Hey, _that_ was an accident! Besides, we weren't going to use them on you…you just happened to come across us at the wrong time," he tried to defend.

"Or the right time, from a prefect's point of view," I point out.

"Yes, but as I recall, you were nice enough to let us off with a warning. I think that was what started Sirius's infatuation with you," he laughs lightly. "That and your sarcastic, unflappable zingers."

His laughter stops abruptly when my smile slips and my face darkens. Black. Why did he have to bring _him_ up? If it wasn't for him and his infernal flirting I might have had a chance with Severus. No…I know that isn't true. Maybe I could have dated him, but his heart would always have belonged to Lily.

"Uhm," he clears his throat awkwardly in the now tension filled room.

"Oh, yes, we should get started," I say, thankful for the easy change in subject. "As I recall you two have a function to attend this evening."

With that I get to work, taking a medical history from Tonks, who I learn hates to be called by her given name, Nymphadora, as much as I hate being called Eleanor, and taking a few cell samples from her cheek. She is kind enough to allow me to extract some blood with an Ex Sanguis spell for testing as well, and I explain how exactly I think her generosity could help curse victims.

"I would like to have you come in for a few more sessions and possibly take some more varied cell samples, depending upon the results of these preliminary tests, if you are available. I have to warn you, though, next week I'll be starting a new position and will no longer be at St. Mungo's. My new position makes meeting a bit more problematic, as there is no way to apparate directly to my office, but I could probably work out a floo connection with advanced notice," I explain.

"You're leaving the hospital? That's so sad," Tonks comments. "I would love to still help, though. Where will you be?"

"I've taken a teaching position at Hogwarts," I say mildly. Remus's eyes widen and, much to my surprise, so do Tonks.

"You're not taking the Defense Against the Dark Arts position, are you?" Remus asks insistently.

"No, Albus is starting an elective program in Healing," I reply with confusion clear in my voice. Why does he seem so concerned that I would take the DADA position? Maybe because of the whole one year term issue that Albus was telling me about?

"Oh thank Merlin!" Tonks exclaims. "I swear, that Defense position is cursed! Remy had it last year and I thought for sure he'd stay in it for life, he was _excellent_ at it, and the kids all adored him, but just like all the others, after a year he…uh, he couldn't continue," she trailed off.

"You were a professor? Maybe you could give me some pointers. I've only taught graduate Healer students and, truth be told, I'm scared to death to teach kids. The only experience I have with people under the age of 18 are a few patients here and there and my little brother," I say, partly because it's true, and partly because Remus looks terribly embarrassed about his truncated role as a professor. He obviously doesn't want to talk about what happened, and this provides a good distraction. Not to mention I get some much needed tips.

"It isn't as difficult as it initially seems," he assuages as a smile returns to his face. "Just treat them like you would any adult; with respect. Try to keep things fun and do as much hands on work as you can; they always seemed to like that," he says wistfully. "Try to get to know your students; find out who they are, what they like, what interests them, and try to utilize that knowledge when interacting with them. Other than that, I'd say be tough but fair in your assignments and grading, and _never_ eat any of Hagrid's rock cakes!"

I laugh at his advice, knowing first hand how true that last part is from my experiences as a student. "Great, thanks," I say sincerely. "Hey, Tonks, you just need to sign a release form then you guys are free to go. It's at the Nurses Station right outside. And thank you _so much_ again. You have no idea how much this means to me."

"Oh, it's my pleasure," she smiles. "And of course I can continue the visits at Hogwarts. Just let me know about the floo. I'll go do that paperwork now. Meet me outside, Remy?"

"Sure. I'll be there in a little bit," Remus says as she heads out the door with a wave.

"She's wonderful, Remus…so," I lead as soon as I am sure she is out of hearing range, "does she know?"

"Know what?" he asks, looking perplexed.

"That you're a werewolf," I reply plainly.

"Wh-what?!" he stutters. "Who told you? Was it Se-"

"No one _told_ me, Remus. I've known since sixth year."

"You have? How? Why…why didn't you ever say anything, or do anything?" he asks nervously.

"Do anything? What would I do?" I ask. Apparently now it is my turn to be perplexed.

"Tell everyone, tell Dumbledore, demand my expulsion from school," he begins to rant.

"Whoa, Remus, calm down. I would _never_ do _any_ of that stuff."

"But, weren't you scared of me? _Aren't_ you scared of me?"

"No," I scoff, "why would I be scared of you? Remus, you're not a wolf all the time. The vast majority of the time you're just a person, like anyone else, and actually you're a much nicer person than most. When you weren't aiding Potter and Black in their juvenile pranks anyway."

"How did you find out?" he asks warily.

"It wasn't too difficult to discern, really. Like you said, I was in the top of the class," I mock gently before actually answering his question. "You always called out of prefect duties on nights of the full moon, you were always missing from class the following day, and you looked like utter shite the day of them. You were secretive about your past and you abjectly refused to take your shirt off, even when it was 95 degrees out and all of your friends were topless, even Pettigrew. Ugh," I shudder at the mental image of the boy's flabby, pasty, sweaty skin being exposed to the world. Remus chuckles and I smile in relief at having made him laugh and feel a bit less threatened. "Having studied healing, specifically curses, since I was very young, I knew that werewolves often attacked themselves in the absence of having prey to hunt, and I had a strong suspicion that your reticence to take your shirt off could be indicative of scarring."

Remus looks down and seems to be contemplating how he should handle the situation. Slowly, he grips the bottom of his faded t-shirt and hesitantly pulls it up, revealing a patchwork of crisscrossing scars all across his chest and stomach. Some are old and have a faded, pale appearance, while others are clearly more recent, raised in angry pink and red irritation that stands out sickeningly from his pale skin. He holds it up for only a moment before lowering it and avoiding my eyes.

"Have you had any treatments?" I ask.

He snaps his head up in surprise and looks at me nearly accusingly. "What treatments? Nothing can be done to heal werewolf scratches or bites."

"Ten years ago that would have been true, perhaps even five years ago. But we've made some important strides since then, and I have one therapy that seems to help significantly," I tell him as I make a snap decision and move swiftly to my desk, pulling out my files and thumbing through them quickly. Ah, here it is! I pull out a red folder filled with a patient's records and photos, laying the pictures upon my desk. "These are from the same patient. This one, on the left, was taken six months ago, whereas this one on the right, was taken two weeks ago."

He gasps and picks the photos up from my desk, carefully examining and comparing them. "These are really the same person?" he asks with careful awe. His eyes widen as he compares the torso on the left, which closely resembles his own, though not quite as extensive given the younger age of that werewolf, to the one on the right, which still has some evidence of scarring, but is barely visible without knowing to look for it.

"Yes," I say simply.

"He's your patient?" he asks, wide-eyed.

"He is. He's a great guy; very funny. Every time he came in for treatment it would take twice as long as it should have because I couldn't keep my hand still enough for the procedure with him constantly cracking me up," I say with a reminiscent smile. "I'm really going to miss him," I add a bit forlornly.

"Do you usually treat werewolves?"

"Lycanthropy is one of my specialty study areas, but I don't treat many of them, probably due to the stigma they face in public and the ridiculously restrictive policies of the Ministry," I say with more anger coming through than I had intended. "Most of them are fiercely protective of their privacy, and very solitary if not part of a pack, so getting them to come out for treatment can be…challenging."

"Not to mention most of us are broke since we aren't _allowed_ to work in most industries," he points out sardonically.

"That doesn't matter, at least not for the treatment," I add quickly, hoping that he doesn't interpret my statement as me condoning the Ministry's werewolf employment policies. "I don't charge for the therapy."

"You don't charge? Anything?" he asks in disbelief.

"Nope. My therapies are all still experimental, so the patients are considered research participants. Whenever I can swing it, I give them a stipend for participation. It's never much, unfortunately, but I suppose every little bit helps," I shrug.

"Wow," he breathes. "You're amazing, you know that?" he asks with sincerity glowing in his amber eyes.

I squirm uncomfortably under his seemingly adoring gaze and can hear my mum's voice in my head reminding me, with exasperation, that I never could take a compliment.

"Would you like to participate? In the therapy trials. I can't guarantee they'll work, but so far everyone who has been treated has shown at least some improvement," I ask, in part because I want to help, and in part to deflect the embarrassing praise. "The treatments aren't just for the scarring; they also aim to help ease the pain of the transitions themselves, and maybe even someday…help lead to a cure," I explain, hoping that my wishful end result will someday be a reality.

He sucks in a breath and seems to be having an internal debate. I can see that he is afraid to get his hopes up. Finally, though, he stands a bit straighter and nods once sharply. "Yes, I would like to try it," he says resolutely. "Thank you," he adds sincerely, and I can see a hint of moisture in his eyes just before he unexpectedly wraps me in a tight hug.

I am frozen for a moment. It's been so long since I've had any degree of affectionate human contact from someone other than my parents or brother that I don't know what to do. Thankfully he lets me go quickly and steps back, allowing my body to relax from its rigid posture. "We can make arrangements for the first treatment when I floo Tonks for her next appointment, all right?" my voice proposes without me consciously thinking about it.

"That's perfect. I look forward to your call," he says with a sweet smile that makes him look 16 again, then he thanks me again, waves, and is out the door.


	18. PART II - Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

The last two weeks at the hospital have flown by. Thankfully it wasn't as hectic as the day of the explosion, but just getting my patients squared away with other Healers took an immense amount of preparation, time, and effort. Plus, I have been a nervous wreck the entire time worrying about my two most difficult patients. I have been treating them for ten years ever since they were specially referred to me and I haven't yet succeeded in breaking through their condition. But I know I can do something! I can feel that the answer is there; I just have to find it! Plus, I promised their son that I would _never_ give up on his parents, and I know how badly it hurts when an adult breaks a promise to a child. So I finally worked out a schedule with St. Mungo's and Hogwarts that allowed me to return to the hospital once a week to treat them. With that finally taken care of, I have wrapped up all of the loose ends.

Now it is already August 1st and I will be flooing to the school in an hour. Thanks to Leo's birthday party this past weekend I have already met a handful of the students that I might be teaching. I think I know at least half of the incoming third year Hufflepuffs, and there were a few Ravenclaws and Gryffindors of his year there too. I think Leo knew that I was apprehensive about my new position, so he kept dragging me into the center of the party, having me play Quidditch with his friends, sit with them for dinner, and participate in the relay games with them.

I know most 13 year old boys would rather die than have their 30 something year old sister hanging out with him and his friends at his birthday party, but Leo has never been typical. It's one of the things I love most about him. I really hope that doesn't change with the added peer pressure that the teenage years often bring.

By the end of the party, Leo's best friend Carys was practically itching to take my

class and she said I was going to be best teacher all year. I suspected Leo might have put her up to this, but a few others expressed curiosity and possible interest as well, which really helped to assuage my fears. Leo also helped after the party when we sat down to watch his favorite Muggle movie, _West Side Story_ , despite the fact that he's seen it at least ten times. He gave me a warm brotherly hug and told me that he was certain I was going to be a brilliant professor, and all of his friends thought I was the coolest adult they'd ever met. He then shushed my automatic denial, saying that he was trying to listen to the movie, which was just starting. I just rolled my eyes and tosseled his hair, smirking at his annoyance.

I can feel the stupid sentimental smile spreading across my face at the memory as my chime rings, letting me know that it is time to go to the school. Ok, I can do this…it's going to be fine. I spent seven years at this school, surely I can return and be fine. Besides, I'm going to be teaching students something exceedingly useful, nurturing young minds who also want to help people, and hopefully relieving the pain of a professor who has been suffering far too long.

With those reassuring thoughts, I grab my shrunken trunks and a handful of floo powder and am on my way. A moment later I stumble out into Dumbledore's office, where a pair of sparkling blue eyes and a welcoming smile greet me.

"Eleanor, right on time," he comments in a pleased manner. "Welcome."

"Thank you Headmaster," I reply, trying not to move too much so that I don't spread soot all over his beautiful marble floor.

"You can put your trunks down. Dobby will take care of them for you," he explains, moving aside to reveal a small thin elf wearing a potato sack and one sock that keeps slipping down his bony calf.

"Yes, Dobby will take them Healer Bradford," he says anxiously with a subservient dip of his head.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Dobby," I say as I bend over carefully and extend my hand. His huge eyes widen and get even bigger, although I wouldn't have believed that possible had I not been witnessing it, and he seems frozen. Did I do something wrong? I haven't had a house elf since I was 11. Perhaps hand shaking is an insult to them, like biting your thumb is a curse in Italy? I learned that one the hard way! All I can say is, never bite your thumb, as a result of indecision, deep thought, or any other reason, when haggling with a tomato vendor! The stains wouldn't come out with all the cleaning charms in the world, and my hair was tinted pink for a week. It got me into a great punk club, though.

"Go on, Dobby," I hear Dumbledore say in a soothing, reassuring voice, breaking me out of my mental tangent. Then there is a small, shaky, hesitant hand in mine. As I close my hand gently around his, he makes a little squeal/yelp. Oh Merlin! I've hurt him! I'm about to profusely apologize when a joyful smile spreads across his odd little face. I guess it was a squeal of delight. I smile at his reaction and hope that I get half as good of a response from my students. "Dobby is honored to meet Healer Bradford. Dobby has heard many stories of Healer Bradford's good work."

"You have?" I ask in surprise. Why would he have heard of me?

"Oh yes! Mr. Longbottom has come back many times from St. Mungos and said how wonderful you are. He told Dobby two weeks past when Dobby got him butterbeer to make him feel better. He was upset that Healer Bradford would not be treating his parents anymore. He said Healer Bradford was the best Healer in all the Wizarding World, and Healer Bradford always made him feel better."

Neville! Of course! He's the boy whose parents I have been treating for ten years. He really said all of that about me? Why? I haven't even really helped his parents yet, although Merlin knows I've tried! I remember how Alice used to be, back in school when she was friends with Lily, and I can't stand that she and her husband have been reduced to the state they are in. I can feel the anger boiling up in me the same way it does every time I go into their room at the hospital, but I push it back down, knowing this is not the time, and it won't solve the problem.

"Please, Dobby, call me El. Healer Bradford is far too long and formal between friends."

"Friends?" he squeaks as his ears fold back like a cat's. "Healer Bradford considers Dobby a friend?"

"Well sure I do. You seem like a sweetie, so why not?"

He takes in a deep breath and now his entire body is shaking. Is he having a seizure? No, he's still smiling from ear to ear. He looks like he's about to explode though!

"Healer Bradford is too too kind!" he exclaims, nearly crying in joy. "To think that Dobby could be friends with such a witch is too much!" he cries as he bows low before me, nearly groveling.

"Now Dobby, there is no need to prostrate yourself for Eleanor. She is a very unique and kind woman who has often had an interest in befriending those others have shunned," Dumbledore says proudly and pointedly, causing me to shut my eyes for a moment in an attempt to deny the painful memories trying to claw their way to my surface. "You can certainly refuse her friendship, if you do not wish for it," he leads, "but I can assure you that she offers it genuinely."

"No! Oh no, Headmaster! Dobby would never refuse Healer Bradford's friendship. Dobby is just surprised! And so touched," he says as happy tears begin to roll down his cheeks and he directs his attention back to me.

"I'm glad Dobby. I am sure we will be great friends, so please, call me El," I say as I squat down to his level, forgetting about the soot stuck in my hair and robes, thus spilling it out onto the floor. It disappears almost immediately and I see Dumbledore standing over me. He must have used a wordless cleaning spell on it.

"Very well Heal-Miss El," he says with an overexcited nod. "Dobby will be getting your trunks now."

"Be careful; they are heavy. Are you sure you don't want help?" I ask. Clearly this was a mistake as a fresh wave of much heavier tears burst forth from the small creature's eyes. I must have looked alarmed because Dumbledore leans over and whispers that it is fine, and you get used to it. Then he cryptically adds that at least Dobby isn't ironing his fingers anymore.

"Oh! Miss El is concerned for Dobby! Miss El _is_ wonderful!" he cries as he grabs a trunk in each hand and silently disappears with them.

I stare at Dumbledore dumbly for a moment, but he just chuckles in response. "I believe that you have made Dobby's year," he says with a smirk.

"It doesn't take much, does it?"

"Until quite recently, Dobby was bound to a rather cruel master who would often abuse him for the smallest transgressions, or often simply for amusement. Thus, he has a tendency to react dramatically to even small kindnesses. He is rather excitable, but has a very kind and noble heart."

"It certainly seems that way," I respond with a smile.

"Shall I show you to your rooms? Or would you like a bite to eat first?" he asks, effectively moving us along to business.

"No thank you. I had lunch before I left my flat," I explain.

"Very well, then we shall proceed to your rooms," He asserts with a pleased grin and I begin to follow him out of the office. "You recall, I am sure, that the stairways and halls here tend to move about, so do take care to pay careful attention to where you are walking. Once you have settled in, I would like you to meet with the professor I informed you about. Can you be at my office at 4 pm to meet him?"

"Certainly," I assure him. That gives me 3 hours to unpack and organize my notes. That should be fine.

"Excellent my dear girl! After that I shall introduce you to the rest of the faculty that is here and we shall have dinner. Tomorrow you will be given a more extensive tour, although I hardly thing you need it, being a former prefect and all. Ah! Here we are!" he exclaims as we descend down a staircase back to the second floor and down a hallway that turns three times, leading to a sturdy wooden door at the end. "These are your quarters. I realize the view is not quite as enthralling as the one you had from Ravenclaw tower, but I did not want you to be too inaccessible should you be needed quickly. Also, I am confident that the room itself will make up for the lessened view," he says while his eyes twinkle like mad.

He says the password (bezoar) and gestures for me to enter. The torches spring to life the moment I enter, and bask their glow upon the most gorgeous flat I have ever seen. The first room is a spacious living area that is bathed in calming jewel tones of blue and green, reminding me of the Mediterranean Sea, with a light beige carpet that resembles sand. There is a large sandstone fireplace adorning a deep blue wall, and two comfy armchairs are positioned in front of it.

One of the walls is entirely composed of windows, pouring sunlight into the sitting area around the thick green drapes that have been tied back. Outside of the windows I can see the tips of the mores, which will be covered in snow soon after the students arrive. The grounds outside the window are rich, lush, and green, and covered in colorful summer flowers. I can see the Black Lake further out, and catch a splash of water rise, either as a result of the mer-people, or the giant squid. Upon closer inspection I see that the middle window slides open to a small balcony. I can't see the massive expansive of the castle, Quidditch pitch, and Forbidden Forest as I used to from Ravenclaw tower, but the soothing, refined furnishings and ample space certainly do make up for it.

Dumbledore leads me to the back room, which contains a large bedroom showcasing a plush poster bed made of deep cherry wood that appears almost black. It is draped in a thick forest green duvet and sandy tan pillows. Around the periphery of the room there are assorted wardrobes, cabinets, and a desk, all made of the same dark wood. The room has an earthy, refined feel to it without being pretentious, and I am relieved to find that it already feels like home.

Between the two rooms is a washroom that is nothing short of massive. The shower is constructed out of the same stone that the fireplace is, and there is a matching tub next to it. The stone compliments the matte steel fixtures perfectly and makes me think of a mountain resort. The floor is a beautiful black and tan marble, adding to the natural appeal of the room.

"I take it the room is to your liking?" Dumbledore asks teasingly with a smirk as he takes in my awestruck face.

"It'll do," I answer with feigned nonchalance, evoking a chuckle from the man. With a wink he leaves me to get settled in and I fall back onto the plush bed, sinking in deeply. It _is_ as comfortable as it looks! Ahh, bliss! I sigh contentedly, thinking perhaps I made the right decision after all.

The few hours I have to get the room set up go by far too quickly, and before I know it, it's time to go meet Albus and the professor that I will be treating. I've already managed to make a small mess in the room in my attempt to unpack, but my notes and treatment supplies are all neatly organized and arranged, aptly displaying the two divergent sides of my personality: there's "Work El" and "Leisure Ellie." As Work El, I gather my notes, the case packet, my wand, a spare roll of parchment and a never out quill and head up to the Headmaster's office.

The door opens before I even have a chance to knock and I hear Dumbledore's cheery familiar voice beckon me inside.

"Hullo Eleanor. Have you settled into your quarters?" he asks as he gestures for me to sit.

"I've made some significant headway," I say with a smirk. "I spent more time than I had intended just lying on the bed, though. It's ridiculously comfortable."

Albus laughs and nods in agreement. "I would imagine it is even more so compared to the cots at the hospital," he says with that all knowing look in his eyes.

"Quite true."

"Well, your patient should be joining us shortly. This professor can be rather…acerbic, at times, but I'm sure you can handle it. Just do not take it personally."

"Thank you for the warning, but I've had more than my share of difficult patients. I can't really blame them, though. Constant suffering can't be inductive to a sunny disposition," I reply with a shrug.

Before he can respond he waves his hand slightly and a soft scrapping noise echos in the room. He draws his bright blue eyes away from me and looks over my shoulder. "Ahh, there you are. So glad you could join us," he states with a wide understanding smile.

I guess the professor is here. I should probably stand. I place my supplies down on Dumbledore's desk and turn with my hand extended, excited to finally meet the person I will be devoting so much of my research too, and hopefully, helping significantly.

"Eleanor, I'm sure you remember Severus," Dumbledore concludes with a teasing delight in his eyes.

Oh. Sweet. Merlin! I think my heart just stopped.


	19. PART II - Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Shite! Shite! Shite! This can't be happening! I must be having a nightmare…or I'm hallucinating. Oh Merlin, his inky eyes are boring into my soul, setting me on fire and freezing me to the bone all at once, just like that night so many years ago. And I'm still standing here, holding my hand out like a complete idiot!

I look quickly at my extended hand, then back to Severus, who is standing ramrod straight, glaring at me through his narrowed eyes, with his hands firmly clasped behind his back. A few exceedingly awkward moments pass as I look between my hand and his hate-filled form, before I give up and drop my arm. Dumbledore clears his throat and finally Severus draws his intense gaze away from me, glaring pointedly at the Headmaster now.

"Severus, need I remind you that Healer Bradshaw is here to help you?" he admonishes lightly.

A low growl escapes from Severus's throat as he turns on Albus, like a large black panther stalking an antelope. "Need I remind _you_ , Headmaster, that I neither asked for, nor desire, anyone's _help_. Least of all _hers_ ," he spits, pure venom dripping off the last word.

"You may not have asked for it Severus, but the unfortunate truth is that you need it," Albus answers in a severe tone that I have never before heard him use. "We cannot have another incident like the one at the end of last term. I shudder to think what may have become of you if Madame Pomfrey had not happened upon you. You are far too valuable to befall this fate, my boy."

"Sir, don't you think we should discuss this in _private?"_ Severus asks with a piercing look towards me.

"No, I do not," Albus answers without hesitation. "If Miss Bradshaw is to be your Healer she will need to know your full medical history, and have access to the details of your life. Now I know that you are a fiercely private individual and I imagine you are rather displeased with this development, but I will simply not allow you to squander your best chance for a cure for the sake of foolish pride."

"And if I do not desire to be cured?" he asks in that smoky, sexy voice that still sends chills up my spine.

"Severus," Albus replies simply in a very warning tone.

"My primary duty to you was completed more than a decade ago, yet I have stayed in your employ, dealing with these insufferable brats day in and day out. I believe I have earned the right to make my own decisions. I am no longer a foolish student, in case you failed to notice," Severus retorts, his eyes ablaze.

"You know as well as I that our primary duties have a very real chance of resurgence."

"So you have said for twelve years," he snips.

"Do not try to convince me that you believe the danger has passed. You have witnessed the events of the last few years just as I have. You know that he will stop at nothing to return, and I need you here, and healthy, when that day arrives."

"You do not need me; you _need_ the Potter brat."

What in the world are they talking about? Who is returning? And what danger? I desperately want to ask these questions, but something in my gut tells me that I should hold my tongue for the moment. So instead I watch the barely veiled fire and contempt being exchanged between the two men, intrigued at the unusual relationship they clearly have. There seems to be a mixture of fondness, aggravation, dependence, reluctance, anger, and perhaps even affection.

"We do need Mr. Potter, but we need you just as much," Albus assures him with a reassuring sincerity in his tone and a comforting hand on his shoulder.

Severus seems to soften the slightest bit at the words and touch, but then catches site of me out of the corner of his eye and he immediately snaps back to his hard, unyielding stance, complete with his antagonistic sneer.

"Very well," he agrees very reluctantly and seemingly against his better judgment. "However, I must insist on an alternate healer. Madame Pomfrey has many more years of experience-"

"In general healing, yes, you are correct. And Madame Pomfrey is the most skilled healer that has ever graced the halls of Hogwarts. She is the best healer I have ever worked with, but the fact is that she does not have the specialized experience in long-term curse damage that Eleanor does. In fact, no one else in the world has the experience, or success rate, that she does. She has graciously agreed to help us, and we are very lucky to have her," he explains with a gleaming smile at me.

"You are paying her a salary, are you not?" Severus scoffs. "I hardly see the graciousness in accepting a paid position."

"Yes, Severus, we are paying her, but it is significantly less than she was earning as Head Healer in St. Mungo's, and in this position…she must deal with you on a daily basis," he half-jokes. "So I do consider her presence here a favor."

Severus scowls at the Headmaster but does not reply. A tense silence settles over the room and grows until it is unbearable. Severus still refuses to look at me.

"If that is settled, I would like to discuss your case," I say with more professionalism than I am feeling. Inside I feel like I am sixteen again, staring longingly at Severus's beautiful mysterious eyes, watching his long, graceful fingers expertly mixing a potion, swooning as he displays his rapier wit through that suave, velvety voice. He has grown a bit more into his tall frame, but is still slender, and his grace has only increased with age. His face shows the signs of hard living, having noticeable wrinkles around his eyes and on his forehead, and his skin is more sallow than it once was, but I still find him to be broodingly gorgeous. Yet I push that all deep down inside myself, knowing that it's foolish to indulge in such feelings and false hopes. He made it crystal clear how he felt about me almost twenty years ago, and from his reaction to my presence here today, nothing has changed. He is just another patient that I must do my best to help; nothing more. That is how I have to approach this. I'll bury myself in the work and put all of the passion I feel into that. Merlin knows I have enough experience in doing that.

"Excellent!" Albus exclaims with a smile and nod in my direction. "I have some matters to attend to prior to dinner, so you two can utilize my office for your discussion. I shall see you both at supper."

Albus gives Severus what can only be construed as a warning look, then bounds out of the office. The door closing behind him creates a reverberating slam that echoes hollowly in the awkward silence. "Well, shall we get started?" I say with a smile that I hope is not nearly as strained as it feels like it is.

"It appears I have no choice in the matter," he sneers as he crosses his arms in front of him.

"Yes…well," I lead. "It says here that you were subjected to Cruciatus on and off for a period of four years. Is that correct?" I ask, still believing there must be some sort of error in the parchment I received.

He sits contemplatively for a few moments then nods once. "Yes, that seems fairly accurate," he says with no discernible tone in his voice.

"Seriously?" I blurt out in disbelief, rather unprofessionally. "Why?"

He narrows his eyes at me before seething out a response. "That is none of your concern."

"Severus, what happened to you?" I ask as the pain I am feeling in my chest seeps out into my voice. I can't stand to think of him writhing on the ground in agony, having his nerves set ablaze, helpless to stop it, for four years!

"I told you, that is none of your business!" he roars, causing me to draw back in surprise.

"I'm sorry Severus," I apologize with wide eyes. "If you do not wish to discuss the circumstances that's fine, but I do need to know the specifics of the application. How often, for how long, whether the applications were back to back or spaced out…"

"Fine. I will write up the details and have them to you tomorrow morning. If that is all-" he snaps as he rises from the chair and turns to swoop out of the room.

"Actually, it's not!" I snap back, also rising from my chair and stepping purposefully into his path. He stares down at me with hate filled eyes, clearly trying to intimidate me. Despite the 25 centimeters he has over me, and the intimidating scowl, I stand my ground. I can feel the anger rising in my chest as I think of the hope and positive expectations I had coming into this position that he is rapidly stabbing to death, and the way he ripped my heart out back in sixth year without so much as allowing me to explain the misunderstanding.

"I may now be employed as a professor as well as a healer, but I only need to put up with petulance from the children, not from you! Clearly, you dislike me, and that's fine. I had hoped that after nearly twenty years we could put the petty past behind us, but if you want to continue holding a juvenile grudge over an asinine little misunderstanding that happened when we were teenagers, then so be it. You can continue hating me, but you _will_ respect me! I have come here to help you, whether you like it or not, and you _will_ cooperate. I have ceased serving many other patients who are suffering to tend to you, and their sacrifices will not be in vain. When it comes to the healing sessions, _I_ am in charge. You will do as I say and you will not act as an insolent little prat. Do you understand?" I bellow as I poke him in the chest with my forefinger to emphasize each point and glare up into his wide obsidian eyes that burn in fury.

"How dare you!" he growls. "I will not be spoken to like this. I suggest you pack your belongings, for once I inform Albus of this, you are as good as gone." With that he storms out of the office, his black robes billowing behind him, adding to his melodramatic exit.

I fall into the plush chair as my resolve drains away from me and exhaustion, mental, physical, and emotional, takes me over. How could it be Severus that I am here to treat? Do the Fates truly loathe me that much? And what in Merlin's name happened to him since school? I mentally go through my previous long term curse cases, recalling the circumstances that led to them. Was he taken prisoner and tortured? Was it retribution for unpaid debts? Oh Merlin, did his spouse do this to him? Is he even married? My heart flutters at that question and I curse my continual attraction to him. Stupid body! Stop that! He has no interest in you so you might as well just cease this foolish excitement every damn time I see him, or think of him, or dream about him. Shite!

Suddenly, it hits me. Cruciatus; the curse rumored to have been heavily favored by Voldemort. Merlin's beard! Could Lily have been right? Did Severus really join the Death Eaters after school? It would explain the long time frame of being subjected to the curse, but it just can't be true. Dumbledore wouldn't hire a Death Eater, would he? Well, he did hire (and admit to the school) a werewolf…

I look around the empty room and, with a heavy sigh, I gather up my sparse notes and supplies then head sullenly down to my rooms. I flop down onto the bed and cover my eyes with my arm to block out the torch light, and hopefully block out the events and confusing thoughts of the day as well. I can't tell you how long I lay there for, but the next thing I know there is a soft knocking at my door. Maybe if I ignore whomever it is, they will just go away. Nope, no such luck. I drag myself out of the bed and pull the door open cautiously. Albus is standing on the other side, smiling at me serenely.

"Good evening Eleanor. I thought perhaps I could escort you to the Great Hall for dinner."

"Dinner?" I ask in confusion. "But…didn't Severus talk to you?"

"Indeed he did. I understand your first session was a bit…shaky."

"Yeah, like the 1755 Lisbon earthquake was a _little_ shaky," I spout sarcastically with a roll of my eyes.

Dumbledore chuckles and moves into the sitting room of my chambers. "You always did have a quick, cutting wit," he smiles. "That is one of the reasons I always thought you and Severus would get along."

"But we don't get along! That's the problem Albus. He hates me!" I cry, raking my hand through my hair. _And he might be a Death Eater_ , floats through my mind.

"Severus does not hate you, my dear girl. He hates himself," he states factually with a noticeable edge of sadness.

"What? Why?" Is he confirming my suspicions? Did Severus join Voldemort's ranks? Does he regret it now?

"Severus did not have the happiest childhood, as I am sure you discerned long ago. But his life failed to improve after his time at Hogwarts as a student. In fact, he has been through far worse in the past few years. These combined experiences have led him to create a nearly impenetrable wall of hatred, snarkiness, and isolation around himself. He lashes out at others when he fears they are getting too close, and might possibly hurt him. He also fears that he will hurt others, in ways far more severe than injured feelings or pride. You must understand that it is not personal. You remember, I warned you of this."

"Yes, but that was before I knew it was Severus you were talking about! He really _does_ hate me. There was this stupid misunderstanding in sixth year and he thinks I was in cahoots with Black and Potter to make a fool out of him, but it wasn't like that at all!"

"I see. Have you explained it to him?"

"I tried, but he refused to listen to me. He got rather upset and…well…he ended up threatening me back then," I admit softly.

"Did he? My my," he worries.

"I don't mean to cause trouble for him; I just want to help him," I nearly plead. Why am I so adamant about protecting him? He has been unbelievably nasty to me since the moment he laid eyes on me, and it's looking more and more likely that he made the choice to join a war against innocent people. A small but insistent voice rises in my head, reminding me that I've made some monstrously bad decisions as well so I really have no place to judge.

"I know you do. And I am still confident that you will," he assures with a pat to my shoulder.

"You-you mean I'm not being fired?"

"Fired? Merlin no! Why on Earth would you think that?"

"Well, Severus has been here far longer than I have and he said he was going to speak with you…"

"He did ask, or rather demand, for your termination, but I do not take orders from my staff members. I made it clear that his participation in your treatments is a mandatory component of his continual employment, and I am confident that he will comply. Now," he said, changing his tone from serious to jolly in a mere moment, "let's head up to dinner. I am craving a pumpkin patsie. The elves make the best ones you know."

"I remember," I say with a grateful smile as we head up the hallway, momentarily pushing the torrent of worries and questions from my mind.


	20. PART II - Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

My palms are sweating as we approach the massive wooden doors of the Great Hall, but as the doors swing open and my breath hitches in my throat, I see that my worries are unfounded. A quick inventory of the lone table in the massive room shows that Severus is not present this evening. I let out a sigh of relief before I can think about it, and Albus chuckles beside me.

"Severus tends to hold a grudge; I didn't expect him to be at dinner this evening unless he was commanded to be here," he explains as we walk towards the table.

Albus introduces me to the rest of the staff, many of whom I am already familiar with as they once served as my professors. They welcome me warmly, Flitwick even standing to give me a hug, and then begin reminiscing about my time at the school as a student, along with some of their favorite memories from other students. They give me tips about teaching and warn me of the current students to watch out for. The Weasley twins, Fred and George, seem to be the ones most often mentioned in this regard. Odd, I met their sister at Leo's party and she seemed like a sweet young girl. The professors and staff go on to inquire about my activities after graduation and my research, and overall, it is a pleasant and calming meal. As the staff members begin to retire for the evening, I can't help but think back to my conversation with Severus.

There is no doubt that he was being a stubborn brat, but it couldn't have been easy for me to be sprung upon him like that. If we were ever going to get anywhere in our professional relationship, one of us was going to have to 'be the bigger man' and apologize. Since I can't recall the word apology ever having been in Severus's vocabulary, it looks like that task will fall to me. Armed with my newly created serenity and having made up my mind, I stand strongly from the table and head resolutely towards the dungeons. I arrive at Severus's chambers a few minutes later and knock as I feel the power of the wards tingle around me. I wait for a few moments, but receive no reply. I knock again. Nothing. "Severus?" I call out inquiringly. No response.

Ug! He's probably just being obstinate because he doesn't want to talk to me. Either that, or he went somewhere. I could always just talk to him tomorrow I suppose. I turn to walk away, but something keeps nagging at me. I never excelled at Divination, (I couldn't see crap in those damn crystal balls) but I've always had an uncanny knack for sensing when things were amiss. That sense is hitting me like a bludger to the face right now. "Severus?" I call out louder. "I know you probably don't want to speak with me, but if you could just respond to let me know you are alright, then I'll leave you be. You don't even have to open the door," I assure. "Severus?"

There is still no response and now I know something is wrong. For some unexplainable reason, I know he has not gone out somewhere else. I try an Alohomora on the door, but it does absolutely nothing, as is to be expected when dealing with a wizard of Severus's lofty talents. I try a few of the more advanced spells my curse-breaker step-father has taught me over the years, but still I can't gain access to the rooms. Panic is beginning to settle in and I start to pace, trying my best to calm down, be rational, and _think_. "Dobby!" I shout in a joyous epiphany. A moment later the odd little bundle of emotions pops into view at my side.

"Miss El has called Dobby?" he asks with a low, reverent bow.

"Yes Dobby, thank you. This is imperative; I need to see if Severus is safe. He isn't responding to my knocking and I can't break his wards. Is there any way you can check on him for me?"

"Of course! Dobby would be happy to help Miss El. She is so kind and pretty," he gushes.

"Thank you Dobby, but I'm afraid we have no time to lose," I stress. He nods his head vigorously and immediately disappears without so much as a pop, let alone the usual loud crack associated with apparition. Not even 10 seconds later he pops back to my side, noticeably shaking, but not with excitement. "What is it?" I ask immediately.

"Professor Snape is not well, Miss El. He has collapsed on his floor. Dobby could not wake him," he says fretfully.

"Shite! Dobby, can you get me in there? Now?"

"Yes, take Dobby's arm," he instructs without hesitation. I latch on and soon the world seems to spin. In a moment the spinning has stopped and I am in a dark room with stone walls and a plush forest green carpet. I see Severus's body lying in a prone position, spread out on the floor next to a pool of red tinged vomit. Oh Merlin Severus! Please, _please_ don't be dead!

I rush over to him and cast a diagnostic spell to see if he is alive. Thankfully, the spell flashes white, showing that he is still alive and breathing, but just barely. I kneel next to him and place my hand gently upon his shoulder, calling his name to try and rouse him. There is no response. I cast another diagnostic to ensure he doesn't have a broken neck or back from his collapse, then carefully turn him over so that he is on his back so I can check for other trauma. I see that his head is bleeding profusely; he must have struck it on the coffee table when he collapsed. I conjure a stretcher and begin to hover him onto it, but he soon begins shaking violently, suffering from a severe tremor that is a common effect of prolonged Crucio. Fuck! I have to turn him on his side in case he vomits again or swallows his own tongue.

I quickly and inelegantly deposit him onto the stretcher, then pull him onto his side just in time for another round of bile to expel from his throat, covering the front of my robes. I hold him loosely so that he doesn't roll off the stretcher, but don't restrain the jerking of his body with a spell for fear of him breaking something or causing internal injuries. He is burning up with fever and his pupils are dilated and glassy. His breaths are coming in shorter and shallower gasps with each passing moment. I _must_ get him a treatment fast, or he is sure to die, but I can't risk moving him until the seizure ceases.

"Severus, hold on. I'm going to help you, I just need you to stay with me. Please Severus, stay with me," I plead to the unconscious man. "Just stay with me. I'm so sorry for everything I put you through…so sorry," I ramble as tears begin to roll down my cheeks, watching my first and only love spasm in uncontrolled anguish, slipping closer and closer to oblivion. "I love you," I can't help but whisper.

Finally, the violent jerking abates and I am able to release my loose hold on him and move him for treatment. As I begin guiding him quickly out of the room, I notice Dobby still standing in the room, clutching his hands anxiously and looking at me in wide-eyed wonder. Oh shite, he heard everything I just said! I am such a plonker! Oh well, no time to worry about that now. "Dobby! Can you assist me?" I ask in my commanding professional voice.

"Yes Miss El, of course," he agrees quickly.

"Good. Apparate to my lab space and clear off a bed. There's a large white machine labeled 'perfusion.' Put the bed next to that and flip the switch on the machine to 'warm up'. Can you do that?"

"Yes, Dobby can do it," he assures with determination, then disappears.

I rush Severus over to the lab, which is thankfully on the same floor as his dungeon rooms, and put him on the bed, which is now exactly where I need it to be. I thank Dobby then cast a cooling spell to reduce Severus's fever, heal his cut head, and administer a stabilizing and sedation potion to ensure he doesn't arise from his unconscious state in the midst of the procedure. I prepare the warmed up machine and instruct Dobby to grab two bags of the B – blood in the storage cabinet with the cooling spell on it. He quickly goes over but when he returns he is shaking nervously.

"Dobby, give me the blood," I insist. He hands over a bag, which I quickly hang from the machine to begin the transfusion, and hook up to the Muggle tube and needle I have inserted into Severus's right arm. I quickly push up the sleeve of his left arm, intending to cast a small _sectumsempra_ and a draining spell to let some of his blood out before I begin pumping the other blood in. It's at that moment that my world seems to freeze. An icy chill descends upon me and my mouth falls open in an audible gasp as I take in the faded black ink covering the entirety of his inner left forearm. A skull with a snake through its mouth stares back up at me. The Dark Mark. It can't be! Lily's suspicions were right? Severus really is a…a Death Eater?

"Miss El?" Dobby asks tentatively, drawing me out of my horrified stupor and bringing my attention back to the life and death matter at hand. I nod at him and return to my task, casting the spell and letting Severus's blood spill into a pail I have conjured.

When around three pints have drained and Severus is looking notably paler than usual, a feat I didn't think was possible, I half seal the _sectumsempra_ and begin transfusing the new blood into his other arm. When the bag is about half empty I hold my other hand out to Dobby.

"The second bag, Dobby," I say without taking my eyes off Severus. My hand is still empty after a few moments. I hope he hasn't fainted on me. I look over and see the elf is still conscious, but wringing his hands and looking miserable. "Dobby?"

"Dobby is very sorry, but Dobby could not find any other B – bags," he moans dejectedly.

"Damn it! You just have to have one of the rarest blood types, don't you Severus? Always have to be difficult!" I grumble. If only I had had time to stock my perishable supplies! "Any bags labeled 0 -, Dobby?" I ask, clinging desperately to hope.

"No," he meekly replies. "There is a B +," he suggests softly, hopefully.

"No, that will kill him," I answer instantly and evenly. I hear a high pitched squeak from behind me and realize Dobby is freaking out despite his valiant efforts to be brave and calm. The first bag is almost empty and I know I have to do something fast or Severus won't make it. I won't let that happen!

With a determined growl I grab another needle and plastic tube, ripping it open with my teeth. "Dobby, when I tell you to, I need you to pull that tube out of the needle in Severus's arm and replace it with this one," I instruct as I hand him the end of the other tube I am attaching to the other needle. I cast a small anesthetic spell over the inside of my left elbow and clench my hand into a fist.

"Thank Merlin I'm 0 -," I mutter softly before quickly inserting the needle into my left arm. The dark red liquid climbs through the tubing as the last bit from the bag enters Severus's arm. "Now, Dobby!" I call out. He doesn't hesitate and only a few drops of my blood are spilled to the floor before the transfer is complete.

"Thank you Dobby. You did wonderfully," I breathe in relief as color washes back over Severus's face with the renewal of blood into his system.

Dobby smiles widely, if still nervously, as he eyes the tubing running from my arm to Severus's. I clench and unclench my hand to keep the blood flowing as I pick my wand back up in my right hand and fully seal the drainage cut I had made in Severus's left arm. I then carefully roll his sleeve back down, concealing the telling mark marring his perfect creamy flesh. "Can you please have Albus come here?" I ask the anxious elf.

"Yes, Dobby will get him right away," he says eagerly just before he disappears. While he is gone I grab a clean cloth from my table, which is thankfully within reach, and cast an _aguamente_ to dose it in water. I proceed to wipe the crusted vomit off the side of his face and mouth, lingering at his thin pink lips. He looks so helpless. So pale and fragile. I gently brush a strand of limp onyx hair off his sweaty forehead and sigh. How could _you_ be a Death Eater? How could you have been one of Voldemort's murderous servants? I never thought you'd debase yourself to _serve_ anyone, let alone a delusional megalomaniac who gets his jollies by torturing innocent people. What happened to drive you to this? And how am I still so hopelessly in love with you?

A soft clearing of a throat breaks me from my admiring gaze and I turn to see Albus looking upon the scene with a mixture of worry and sadness in his eyes. "Eleanor, what happened?"

"I went to talk to Severus, to apologize, and there was no answer. I couldn't shake the feeling that something was off, so I asked Dobby to check if he was in his rooms. He brought me in when he found Severus unconscious on the floor. He was feverish and vomited multiple times, along with suffering from at least one seizure. I brought him here for a transfusion treatment as soon as I could to lessen the effects the lingering Cruciatus was having on his body."

"With your own blood?" he asks with a questioning look at the tubing running between our arms.

"I haven't had the chance to fully stock my perishable supplies yet, so I only had one bag of B – blood, Severus's type, and none of the only other type compatible with his, 0 -. Thankfully that is my blood type, so I decided to finish the transfusion with a few pints of my blood. Speaking of," I continue with a look at my arm and the machine, "that should do it." I gently extract the needle from Severus's arm and seal the puncture point, then do the same to my own arm. "It isn't as effective as processed blood, which has more red cells separated out, but it will do."

"Will he be alright?" Albus asks.

"Yes, he should be. For now. I gave him a sedative potion which should wear off in about half an hour. He should rest for at least a few days, though."

"As it seems you should too. You look quite pale. How much blood did you give to Severus?"

"Around two pints. It's not much, really," I assure him.

"Nearly a quarter of your own supply, if I recall correctly," he smirks.

"You know about Muggle concepts of anatomy? Wait, it's you, why am I surprised?" I retort, causing him to chuckle.

"I like to be well informed in many arenas. Much like you," he replies with a wry smile. "But now, I must insist you rest." I open my mouth to protest that I can't leave Severus alone, but Albus seems to know what I am going to say. "You may stay here, rather than returning to your rooms. But I insist you lie down on the other patient bed," he says as he waves his wand and the other bed hovers to where we are, settling next to Severus's.

"Thank you," I say as I sit upon the bed.

"No, Eleanor, thank you," he says pointedly as he watches the now steady rise and

fall of Severus's chest. He looks so worried and for perhaps the first time, it seems as if Albus Dumbledore has no idea what will happen. It's frightening, seeing as he always seemed almost omniscient when I was in school here. I wonder if he knows about the Mark on Severus's arm; if he knows that one of his professors is a Death Eater. "You really care for him, don't you?" I ask before I can stop myself.

"I think of him much like a son," he admits openly. "I only wish I hadn't failed him so completely."

My eyes widen in shock at the rare directness of the Headmaster's words, as well as their melancholy nature. Merlin! He _must_ know about him being a Death Eater. And it sounds like he blames himself. "Albus, I am sure you have not failed him. If what you have told me is true, he has had much to deal with since long before he came to Hogwarts. No one can completely undo a decade of damage, not even you. But that doesn't mean you haven't helped him. He tries to hide it, but I always saw the way he looked at you, and still does. You are the only person I've ever seen him look at with respect. Perhaps even fondness," I say softly, trying to repress my longing that he would look at me with fondness, knowing in my heart that he must have had his reasons for turning to Voldemort, just as I had my reasons for embracing the Dark that one time when I was eleven years old.

"You still love him? After all this time?" Albus asks gently with an air of disbelieving awe.

"Am I that obvious?" I ask dolefully, dropping my head into my hands with a deep sigh.

He simply gives me an understanding smile in return, and places himself gently next to me, sitting on the bed. "Love is nothing to be ashamed of, my dear girl. It is the greatest power in all the world, and, although he would never admit it out loud, or perhaps even to himself, it is the one thing that Severus most needs. Don't give up on him. Please," he implores as he gives me a strong side hug with his right arm.

"I can't," I reply factually, "no matter how much I've tried," I say with a sad smile. And apparently no matter what he's done, I add in my mind.


	21. PART II - Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Albus leaves soon after, casting a quick _scourify_ on my robes, which I had forgotten had been soiled by Severus, and instructs me to lie down and rest. I know I should; I can feel a slight dizziness whirling around in my head, but I just can't bring myself to take my eyes off of Severus. He has to be all right. He just has to be! The treatment should work. It's worked for others before. I sweep the thought that I have never before used the treatment on someone subjected to a Cruciatus for such a long span of time out of my mind. I can't think like that. The principles are the same; it should still work.

The curse's magic, I have found in my research, binds to the blood cells of the victim, like a parasite, taking sustenance from the victim's body to strengthen and grow itself. The more applications received, the more cells are infected. Between applications, the magic's bonds grow stronger, and subsequent applications borrow this new strength from the previous magical deposits, growing exponentially. Eventually, the curse's magic takes over the cells and the wizard or witch's magical core, causing total incapacitation or death. Thus, a key component of effective treatment is ridding the body of the infected cells, particularly the ones that have had ample time to incubate, through techniques like Muggle transfusion. I discovered the hard way that blood letting and blood replenishing potions are ineffective, as the potion merely replicates the body's current blood cells, replacing the cells lost with others that are already infected. Thus, a new, clean blood supply must be introduced.

A moan of pain shakes me from my mental cataloging of the treatment procedure, and hope blossoms fully in my heart. I gaze down and see Severus's deep black eyes looking back up at me. They are still glassy and unfocused, but he is squinting and moving them around, attempting to get his bearings, which is an excellent sign. The eyes that I could easily drown in shift downwards towards his chest, where I realize I have taken his hand up in between both of mine, and am clutching it securely. He looks back up to me questioningly.

I slowly remove my hands from his, feeling a profound loss at the cessation of contact and move to take up my wand, casting a barrage of diagnostic spells. "How are you feeling?" I ask him softly.

My words seem to bring him fully back to awareness as he attempts to snap himself up into a sitting position. "No!" I warn, but it is too late. He grabs his head, growling as pain shoots up it, then collapses back onto the bed, cursing angrily.

"You need to rest, Severus," I tell him softly.

"What happened?" he seethes.

"You collapsed. Has this happened before?" I ask, knowing he will not be forthcoming about his affliction, but also knowing that it is imperative to get such information from him if I have any chance of saving him. As expected, he merely huffs and turns his face away from me. "Severus, you _must_ tell me. Don't you understand how imperative this is? If you don't let me help you, you could die!" I cry.

"Then let me die!" he shouts, suddenly turning to me with stony eyes and a cold scowl.

"What?" I whisper.

"Why should I live? There is nothing here for me. Death would be warranted, and the sweetest of reprieves," he yells as he fights through the pain and sits up. "No one will miss me when I'm gone," he adds bitterly.

"That's not true!" I counter vehemently, to which he simply scoffs. "It's not! Albus would miss you,"

"He would miss having a valuable tool to utilize for his dangerous whims, nothing more," he retorts.

"No, he would miss _you_. He would mourn _you_ ," I try to impart, but to no avail. "And so would I," I add imploringly.

"You? Now I am certain you are lying. You have no reason to be concerned for me, unless you are seeking a culmination to the longest prank in history," he sneers.

"For Merlin's sake, Severus! I've told you before, that wasn't a prank! I was never working with Black and I never intended to kiss him! He had been incessantly flirting with me so I played along to prank him. When he went in for a kiss I wapped him on the nose with the damn Daily Prophet! The whole Hall laughed at him! You might have enjoyed it if you hadn't stormed out before seeing it."

"Why should I believe anything you say?" he asked with vitriol dripping off of each word. "The Marauders were always superb liars." So were the Death Eaters, I almost counter.

"If I was part of the Marauders then why did I punch Potter in the face in sixth year? Why did you _never_ see me with them? Why didn't I go out with Black and marry the murdering bastard if I was so infatuated with him?" I shout, frustration having taken over my ability to be reasonable. "Tell me, Severus? WHY?" For a moment he seems to be dumbfounded and speechless. Softening my voice and moving closer to him slowly, I continue. "If I was one of them, then why did I love you?" I want to add, 'and why do I _still_ love you', but I restrain myself, knowing this is not the time to confess my current feelings to him, let alone try to analyze them.

"Love," he scoffs, though I notice a flash of longing and hurt in his eyes before he turns away from me. "No one has _ever_ loved me. Why would they?" he says without self pity, only acrimony.

"Because of your amazing intelligence," I suggest, "and your biting, witty humor. Because of your deep, burning eyes, and your smoky, soulful voice. Because of your intense dedication to whatever you put your mind to, and that cat-like grace you carry your sexy, lithe body with. And most importantly, because of your unbelievable strength in facing so much misery and darkness, but never letting it break you."

He stares at me in wide-eyed disbelief and I can see an internal battle raging as to whether or not I am being sincere and if he should believe me or not. Suddenly his eyes go cold again, though, and I know he has decided that I must be pandering to him.

"Darkness? What could _you_ , the professor's pet and perfect little Prefect, possibly know of darkness?" he jeers as he subconsciously moves his right hand to his left forearm.

"More than you know," I counter softly, raising my eyes from his covered arm to his mysterious eyes. He raises his top lip in a small sneer and looks as if he is about to mock my statement. "We don't all have a tattoo to remind us of when we succumbed to the allure of the darkness, but that doesn't make it any less real," I assert quietly.

His hand automatically grips his forearm, and then I see the furious fire light in his eyes; a fire I haven't seen since I was sixteen, alone with him on the Astronomy Tower. "You had no right! You have invaded my privacy!" he bellows, rising to stand so that he may use his significant height advantage against me. He sways slightly with the effort of the movement upon his weakened body, but he quickly covers it and leans in close to me so that his prodigious nose is mere millimeters from my own.

"Yes, but it was necessary, and unintentional," I explain calmly. He is clearly shocked at my lack of a reaction, but I believe he would be even more flabbergasted if I actually let my true emotions show. He expects me to cower, to be petrified of being alone in this room with an angry Death Eater who is so close and threatening me, and I know I _should_ be, but the only effect his heated words and intimidating proximity are having upon me is one of immense arousal. He's so close, I could move just a little and have his glorious lips on mine. I could reach out right now and hook my arms around his shoulders, pulling that long, exquisite form to me, pressing every inch of his body tightly to mine. I could make him use all that heat and passion, rage and fire, to throw me down, tear off my clothing, and ravish me, to fuck me through the bloody mattress! I blink to clear my mind of the erotic images and thoughts that have invaded it, returning myself to the conversation and his perplexed, narrowed glare. "I had to lett some of your blood to do a transfusion and save your life. I saw the Mark when I rolled up your sleeve to do this," I explain, amazingly keeping most of the heavy lust out of my voice.

"You saw the Mark _before_ you treated me?" he asks, clearly confused.

"Yes," I confirm with my own bewilderment coming through. Why does that matter?

"Why? Why didn't you let me die after you saw it? You _do_ realize what it means right? That I am a murderer. That I am evil. That I am part of the group that is trying to rip the very fabric of the Wizarding world apart!" he shouts as he gestures wildly with his hands, something I have never seen him do.

"I don't believe you are evil," I say. He immediately huffs in response. "And even if you are, it isn't my place to decide who is worthy enough to live and who deserves to die. Making that decision once was more than enough for me, thank you very much."

He is still glaring at me, but there is a hint of intrigue and curiosity in his expression as well now. I can tell he wants to ask me about my cryptic statements, but doesn't want to give me the satisfaction of knowing he has any interest in anything regarding me. After a few silent moments he raises a dark arched eyebrow in question.

"I've never told _anyone_ what I am about to tell you, Severus. I know you probably don't believe that, but it's true. My best friend doesn't know it, my brother doesn't know it, even Albus doesn't know it. The only other living soul who knows what you are about to be told, is my mother. If anyone else finds out, my career, my family, my very life would be torn asunder and irrevocably destroyed. Do you understand?" I ask imperatively, searching his obsidian eyes for comprehension.

He nods slightly, having now regained the ramrod straight posture and tightly clasped arms behind his back stance that he usually carried himself in. He was once again fully in control of himself and any pesky emotions that might try to escape again.

"Good. Then here goes," I start with a deep inhalation of breath to steady my frayed nerves.

"You're just going to tell me?" he asks in disbelief, with an edge that clearly adds 'what are you, an idiot?' to the end of the sentence. "Shouldn't you have me make an Unbreakable Vow to be silent, or at least make me promise to keep your 'immense secret'?" he spits.

"Probably; but I figure you are going to do whatever you want with the information, one way or another, so there isn't much point in going through those procedures. We both know you were always the consummate Slytherin, Severus. If you wanted to find a way around a promise or vow to me, you would."

He raises his brow again, but this time in a more surprisingly pleased manner. "True," he drawls slowly, then waits expectantly for me to spill my secret.

"On my eleventh birthday," I begin with a shallow, ragged breath, "I murdered my father."


	22. PART II - Chapter 9

_**A/N:** Hi Everyone! Thank you so much to all of the wonderful people who left reviews. Sorry for the cliffhanger, but I am a Slytherin, after all, so I had to make you all squirm a little bit ;) Here is the explanation of El's surprising statement, but please, **take note of the warning below.** Thank you!_

 _ **WARNING:**_ _Please note that this chapter contains_ _ **violence and rape.**_ _The section containing these aspects is written in italics in a different font, in case you would like to skip that part. If you do, yet you still would like to know the storyline contained in that section please feel free to message me and I will send you a non-graphic synopsis. Thanks everyone for all of your wonderful support and feedback!_

 **Chapter 9**

A loaded silence fills the room, pushing oppressively down upon me like a heavy wet blanket. It feels like years have gone by, and yet Severus hasn't moved a millimeter. He's barely even blinked for Merlin's sake!

"Severus?" I ask hesitantly, waiting for _some kind_ of reaction. Why he isn't appalled? Why isn't he revolted? Why isn't he screaming at me? Or, hell, even congratulating me, if he has fully traversed into Darkness? Come on, Severus, do _something_!

As if he heard my frustrated internal shout, he clenches his jaw, and…walks out.

He walked out? HE WALKED OUT? Oh fuck no! He's not getting away that easily when I've just barred my deepest darkest secret to him. Fury bubbles up inside me and before I know it, I'm jogging quickly down the dungeon hall. There he is. I'd recognize those billowing black robes anywhere. I speed up and quickly cut in front of him, causing him to stop abruptly. He narrows his eyes at me and scowls, but I stand my ground.

"Get out of my way," he growls with a disturbing level of calm control in his deep voice.

"No," I insist, placing my palm on his chest to stop him from walking on around me. "I let you leave without a proper explanation the last time we had a disagreement, and I am not going to let that happen again. Hear me out, and then if you want to turn me into the Aurors, you can."

"The Aurors? Why would I turn you over to those blundering dunderheads? Especially since I'm sure your 'confession' is pure nonsense concocted to manipulate me, just as you did when we were younger," he says with measured cruelty.

"Nonsense?" I ask more loudly than I should, floored that he has just casually dismissed my 'confession' as he refers to it. "How can you say that?"

"Easily. Your father is still alive. Ergo, you could not possibly have killed him," he explains haughtily, drawing the perplexed glances of two house elves at the end of the hallway.

Great, that's all I need; rumors going around the school that I'm a murderer…or insane! "Ug! Come on, Severus," I insist as I grab the shoulder of his robe and pull him towards an empty classroom. The look of indignation on his face is priceless! I have to bite my lip to stifle the chuckles attempting to break free. I guess not many people here dare to manhandle a wizard as intimidating as Severus, even if they don't know about his being a Death Eater. I release him when we get in the room and put a silencing and locking spell on the door. He sneers at me and looks as if he's trying to set fire to me with his mind.

"First, I don't appreciate you walking away from me when we are in the midst of a discussion. That's just plain rude. Secondly, I can assure you that my father is most certainly _not_ alive as I saw him buried over twenty years ago. If you've spotted him, we'd better report an Inferi sighting."

"Is that so?" he asks mockingly. "Then why, praytell, did I see an article in the Daily Prophet a few years ago when you became Chief Healer that featured a picture of you and your family, including a very alive looking man who was credited as your father?"

"Did this very alive looking man have black hair, olive skin, and, most likely, a ridiculous outfit on?" I inquire without missing a beat.

"Yes, he did."

"Yeah, that was my STEP-dad. _He_ is very much alive, thankfully."

"The article didn't say that-" he begins to argue.

"No, it wouldn't have. He is my father in every way that matters; every way except blood, so I don't see the need to publicize the technicalities of his paternity. However, if you are so inclined, you can check the Prophet archives for the story of my biological father's death. His name was Valdus Coddington."

"Valdus Coddington?" he asks, taken aback. Looks like he's heard of him. Of course, that isn't surprising. He was a very lofty member of pureblood society. Just the thought of him makes me sick. Severus is peering at me as if I am a complex potion ingredient and he's trying to determine exactly how thinly he should slice me. I can tell the moment he sees my father's features manifested through me and his mouth hangs open the smallest bit before he quickly regains his stoic composure. "Still, your ridiculous story is proven to be false. Everyone knows Coddington was killed during a home invasion by a pair of would-be robbers."

"That is what everyone _believes_ happened, yes" I reply factually.

"So I am to believe that an eleven year old girl, without a wand or any formal magical training, killed one of the most powerful and influential pureblooded wizards in half a century?" he asks patronizingly.

"It doesn't matter what you believe, Severus. _That_ is what happened."

He scoffs, but then smirks in a cunning, malicious manner that is so typically Slytherin he could be the poster boy for the house. "If that is true, then you won't mind if I take a little dip into your mind to confirm it. Right?"

A dip in my mind? Does he mean with a pensieve? Or… "What do you mean?" I decide to ask.

"I've picked up many necessary and useful skills since we left school; one of which is legilimancy. If you are telling the truth, I will be able to see that in the memories within your mind." He is sporting a victorious smirk now, convinced that he has called 'my bluff' once and for all.

"Wow, that's impressive," I reply, unaffected by his superior attitude. "By all means, feel free," I offer with my arms wide open in a welcoming gesture.

Surprise flickers in his eyes before he narrows them in grim determination and pulls his wand out, pointing it between my eyes. He snarls "Legilimens" and suddenly I feel a little pressure in my head. It doesn't hurt; it just feels like I've woken up from a long nap and am still a bit foggy. I concentrate on the incident in question, as much as it pains me to do so. For the past twenty years I have done my damndest to block this day from my mind, but I need to show Severus that I am not going to hold his own experience with Darkness over him, and that I really do want to help him. The images flood back into my mind, and I almost feel like I am back there again in that stuffy monstrosity of a house we lived in, reliving the day that changed my life, and changed me, forever.

 _A heavy door slammed harshly, echoing through the marble laid entry hall of Coddington Court. A small, thin girl with light golden curls and scuffed knees below her frilly mud-stained white dress stopped abruptly in mid skip. The awestruck grin slid from her face and she clutched an envelope she had been holding insouciantly just a moment before. Fear crept into her chocolate brown eyes as they shifted to the parlor doorway. The girl seemed to be frozen solid, not daring to take a step either forwards, towards the noise, or backwards towards the stairs and the safe haven of her bed room. She held her breath too, as if the simple act of exhaling would draw the attention of whoever had entered the manor._

 _The heavy footfalls reverberated among the high ceilings and columns, but were soon drowned out by a booming, hostile voice. "Helena!" the voice growled. "Damn it woman, do NOT make me call you again!"_

 _The little girl looked around frantically, then focused on the large windows at the back of the house. She could see the lush green back yard, filled with bright colorful flowers. Kneeling among the Cymbidium Orchids she could see a beautiful woman, with almond shaped sparkling blue eyes and thick bouncy blonde hair that was just a shade darker than that of the young girl's. The girl's breath hitched and her eyes filled with worry and fear._

" _Damn it, woman! Where are you?" the gruff voice snapped again, growing closer to the spot where the young girl was standing. "Lazy, good-for-nothing, Muggle-loving wench," he muttered angrily as he turned the corner. He stopped dead when he spotted the small girl, then an evil smirk appeared on his face as he strode confidently towards her. "Eleanor," he purred, making the girl tense up even further. "What are you doing?" he asked accusingly. "Wasting time_ _ **playing**_ _, again? Squandering my legacy perhaps? Soiling my family's good name as you soil those dirty knobby little knees of yours? How many times have I told you that proper girls_ _ **do not**_ _play in the dirt?!" he growled, abruptly grabbing her by her upper arms and pulling her close to his impeccably shaved face. A few drops of spit and spittle escaped his furious lips, hitting her cheek, but she didn't dare move to wipe them away. "Or were you reading your accursed_ _ **books**_ _again? As if a girl has any use for books! Instead of wasting your time studying and learning, with ridiculous dreams of becoming a Healer, you should be practicing your curtsey so that, Merlin willing, some day I can cast you off onto a prominent pureblooded wizard who is too dimwitted to realize your uselessness, you wretched little bint!" he growled as he shook her violently and bruises began to form on her upper arms where his fingers crushed into her tiny bones._

" _Cursed with a filthy blood-traitor wife, then a valueless_ _ **daughter**_ _instead of a proper heir to the noble Coddington name! It's a testament to my strong family values that I haven't Avada'ed the lot of you. Now, where is your despicable mother?" he demanded, releasing her arms abruptly, causing her to nearly lose her balance and fall to the floor._

 _The girl hesitated for a moment, which seemed to be the wrong move. The large man's face grew red and he clenched his jaw tightly. "Answer me!" he shouted just before his meaty hand swung out, connecting directly with the girl's cheek in a fierce backhand hit. The girl flew to the floor and skidded a foot or two across the marble, the envelope she had been excitedly clutching fluttering to the floor, revealing the Hogwarts seal. She immediately picked herself up, her face covered in a blazing red mark and a cut below her eye from the man's heavy golden family crest ring. Her eyes were watery and red, but she held the tears back, refusing to cry._

" _WHERE IS SHE?!" he boomed as he took his wand out of his robe and pointed it between her eyes._

" _In…in the garden," the girl whispered sadly._

" _The garden! Doing house elf work again! That bloody bitch!" he cursed as he stormed angrily towards the large French doors leading out to the yard. "HELENA!" he yelled out the door, causing the two house elves that were outside magically shaping the bushes to jump and disappear instantly. "GET YOUR PATHETIC ARSE INSIDE THIS HOUSE THIS INSTANT!"_

 _The woman looked up from the flower bed in fear, but soon gathered her will and walked towards the furious wizard with her head held high, a defiant and hate-filled gleam in her deep blue eyes. "You're home early," she stated casually as she stepped into the expansive parlor. "I thought the meeting went until 5."_

" _My schedule is none of your concern!" he bellowed, as he grabbed her arm and swung her harshly around so that she was facing him, pressed up against his tall, wide frame that boasted well-toned muscle from head to toe. "Unless, of course, you didn't_ _ **want**_ _me home for some reason. Perhaps you're having a little rendezvous right under my nose? Right in_ _ **my own**_ _house! You filthy slut! Where is he? WHERE IS HE? Is he one of your disgusting Muggles?" he raged as he shook the woman viciously._

" _Valdus, I would never cheat on you, I couldn't." Helena stated factually, almost devoid of emotion. "I swear."_

" _Do you? Well, there is one way to see if you are telling the truth," he said as he pushed her away to the floor and that malicious smirk came across his face again. He raised his wand towards her, then in the coldest voice possible, spoke "Crucio."_

 _Helena seized up in a shaking painful pile on the floor as fire coursed through every nerve ending in her body. She clenched her eyes shut, along with her fists and her mouth, refusing to give her sadistic husband the satisfaction of hearing her scream._

" _NO!" the blonde girl screamed in horror as she ran full out towards her mother to help her and somehow stop the agony she was in. Helena's blue eyes shot open and tears streamed down her now pale cheeks. She saw her daughter running towards her and opened her mouth in a stricken 'o' as if trying to speak, but unable. She struggled to raise her hand and cast a small shield charm just in front of her, blocking the girl from running to her side and into the path of the excruciating spell._

 _Seeing she could not reach her mother, the young girl turned her tear filled eyes to her father and ran towards him, jumping up on his back and hitting him as hard as she could with her tiny fists, over and over again. The large man turned his evil eyes to her and let out a boisterous hearty laugh. He cut off the Crucio and raised his arms, shucking the skinny girl off of his large frame like a horse bats away a fly."You stay out of this you worthless brat!" he chastised as she fell and cracked her head on the hard floor. Blood began to mix with her golden blond hair, turning spots of it a dark pink shade. The girl was still conscious, but appeared jarred from the impact._

" _STOP IT!" Helena cried as she struggled back to her feet. "Leave her alone!" she pleaded desperately and angrily, causing Valdus to laugh harder._

" _She is my spawn, I will do with her what I wish. Just as I will do with_ _ **you**_ _what I wish. Even though there is only one thing you are good for," he added with an insidious rising of his eyebrow and a lascivious lick of his lips. He sauntered menacingly to his wife, grabbing her by her wavy hair and pulling her against him. He shoved them up against the wall, the crack of Helena's back being crushed onto the stone echoing through the large house. His large hand ran down the side of her hip and down her leg, then made its way roughly back up, pushing her long flowing blue skirt up._

" _No!" Helena protested desperately, looking at the scared and confused eyes of her daughter only a few feet away._

" _No?! You_ _ **dare**_ _tell me no?! I OWN YOU, WENCH!" he screamed in her face as he cast an Incarcerous, tightly and painfully binding her arms behind her back, nearly pulling her arms out of her sockets as she cried out in pain. "I will have you whenever, and wherever I want! One more word out of you and I swear I'll kill that stupid scrubber of a daughter of yours! Now shut the fuck up and spread those loose legs of yours!" he commanded as he shoved his hand between her thighs and forced them apart. Helena was sobbing so hard she could barely breathe, but she didn't dare protest again. The young girl, still holding her aching bleeding head, pushed herself up onto her feet and began to shakily make her way to her parents, trying to stop whatever new torture her father was inflicting on her mother this time._

 _Helena saw the child approaching and her eyes widened in horror. She shook her head vehemently to try to stop the girl from coming over, hoping she would turn and flee to her room as her mother had instructed her to do many years ago, whenever she was able to._

 _Valdus noticed his wife shaking her head anxiously and followed her line of vision, twisting to see his daughter approaching with a determined scowl on her face. He smiled and almost lazily cast a blasting curse at her, throwing her across the expansive room and knocking her through the heavy cherry wood couch, to the marble wall. A distinctive and sickening crunch could be heard, signaling that at least one of the girl's fragile bones had broken._

" _ELLIE!" Helena shouted in dread, frantically scrambling to break free from the binding spell despite the unbearable pain it caused her. "Oh Merlin, Ellie! Sweetie? Please, please be alright," she pleaded._

" _Now, where were we?" Valdus asked calmly as he turned his attention back to the bound woman in front of him. He smirked at her rushing tears and roughly pushed her skirt up, tearing down her undergarments. He dropped his wand to the cold floor so that he could use his other hand to push his robes aside and unzip his trousers. Focused wholly on his task, he failed to notice that El had managed to pull her small body up off the floor and was silently creeping towards him, cradling her broken arm and shaking slightly, but with narrowed eyes full of willful motivation. When she heard her mother scream in pain as her father pushed into her harshly, only to have him wrap his free hand solidly around her neck, stifling the sound, a heavy layer of hatred and ruthlessness settled over the willfulness in her deep brown eyes, making them seem black._

 _The girl tiptoed quickly across the room, silently picking up her father's discarded wand and feeling a faint warmth spread through the sturdy hickory. She raised it with her good arm and pointed it directly at her father's back. "Leave her alone," she growled, the low rumble sounding incongruous with her light innocent voice._

 _Valdus turned around slowly, releasing his crushing hold on Helena's neck, and smirked. "And just what do you propose to do with that?" he asked mockingly. "You don't know any magic…and you certainly don't have the guts to harm me. Put it down, you silly girl, and I may only Crucio you once or twice for your insolence."_

" _Get away from her!" El insisted, the rage growing in her eyes. "Now!"_

" _That's it, I've had enough of this shite! Give me that wand!" he snarled as he released Helena completely and charged his daughter._

 _He got three steps before El stepped forward, determination burning in her veins and memories of all the pain and horror the man before her had caused, fueling her power. She looked directly into his narrowed eyes and shouted "Avada Kedavra!" thrusting the wand out towards him and watching in morbid fascination as a large bolt of green shot out from its tip and hit Valdus square in the chest. He was instantly knocked to the floor, his back lifelessly hitting it with a reverberating thud. Ellie held the wand up in her now shaking hand for another few moments, seemingly trying to make sure he wasn't just faking and waiting to attack again._

 _The Incarcerous spell around Helena dissolved and she let her aching, bruised arms fall at her side as she gaped at her daughter standing over her husband pointing his wand at him. They both slowly walked toward the fallen man on the floor, looking into his lifeless eyes that were wide open, staring unseeingly at the ceiling._

" _Oh Ellie!" Helena gasped, her hand flying to her mouth. "Are you alright?" she asked, taking in the blood still slowly trickling down her daughter's head and the grotesquely deformed broken arm that hung uselessly at her side._

 _The little girl nodded mutely, drained and subdued after such an immense display of power and such strong emotions. Helena rushed to her, carefully scooting around the body of her husband, and swept the girl up in her arms, despite the pain it caused in her shoulders. She searched the girl's wide brown eyes, trying to see if she was truly okay, or if she had been scarred by her desperate act._

" _I'm not sorry," the small girl said resolutely as her eyes pleaded with her mother for some sign that it was okay to not feel badly._

 _Helena hugged her tightly, taking care to avoid her injured arm, while she smoothed back her sticky damp hair in an effort to calm and comfort her. "Thank you," she whispered sincerely into the little girl's ear as she eyed her husband's body and let the tears flow down her face. El closed her eyes and rested her small head on her mother's shoulder._

Severus jerks back, ending the Legilimency, and searches my eyes for a probing moment. I bite the left corner of my bottom lip as I wait anxiously for Severus to say something to me. Odd, I could have sworn I just saw a sad look of sympathy cross his face. But, like every emotion that Severus has, it is gone in a flash, far too soon for me to be sure it was ever there in the first place.

Finally, the dark curtain of hair slopes forward as he gives me a curt nod, then gets up and turns to walk away.

"That's it?" I blurt out in disbelief. A nod? That's all the reaction I get? What the hell is that supposed to mean?

"It would appear that you were being truthful," he replies evenly, stoically. "However," he adds after a long pause, "that does not mean you have Darkness within you, or that you can empathize with my…position. The murder you committed was one largely based on self-defense, or at least altruistic defense of another person. I doubt even the gormless plonkers in the Ministry would have held you accountable had they opened their myopic eyes and seen the atrocities that brute was committing against you both," he snarls with barely controlled rage simmering just below the point of boiling over.

My eyes widen for the briefest moment as realization hits me. Severus was abused as a child! I always had my suspicions; I suppose it 'takes one to know one,' but I never imagined he'd confirm it. Granted, he had not spoken his admission out loud, but his fury was a clear admission nonetheless. Still, I know he would never _ever_ want anyone to look upon him in pity, so I school my features quickly into neutrality.

"Perhaps, but he was a very important, and wealthy, figure, let's not forget. I'm sure he had bought a lot of friends in the Ministry."

Severus huffs in response, a mixture of annoyance and resignation at the sad but true fact. "Still, why didn't your mother ever do anything about it?" he asks with a slight snarl. "It seems rather cowardly to sit back and let a child take care of the dirty work," he scoffs judgmentally.

I feel my own anger rise like bile in my throat as I take in the haughty scowling face of the man I both love and hate so much right now. "Perhaps because she couldn't, Mr. I'm-So-Smart-and-Know-Everything," I spit.

"If a girl who was barely 11 could do it, surely she could have. Unless she is a Squib, since I know for a fact she isn't a Muggle."

"She was under an Unbreakable Vow," I say despondently. "My father demanded it during their marriage bonding ceremony. He made her vow that she would never leave him, never speak ill of him, and never harm him, or make any attempt to do so. As I am sure you know, the penalty for breaking such a vow is death. She told me once, years later, that she would have broken the vow and welcomed her death in a minute if it would have brought about his end, but she didn't dare leave me alone when I was so young, especially without being sure that he would die from whatever harm she inflicted."

"Why did she agree to such a ridiculous demand?" Severus asks in a tone that sounds judgmental, but his eyes display his anger and confusion.

"She didn't have any choice. Her mother forced her into the marriage the minute she turned 17 so they could get the large dowry my father's family was offering. My grandmother had squandered their fortune and they were on the verge of destitution. To save her way of life and her precious reputation in the pure-blood community, my grandmother sold her only daughter, essentially into slavery," I spit bitterly, recoiling in disgust and outrage as I think of the grandmother that I, thankfully, never met. "My mother was going to run away, but her father became very ill and needed some of the dowry money to pay for a procedure that would save his life. My grandfather was, from what my mother tells me, always very kind and loving to her. He encouraged her curiosity and education, in all things magical and Muggle, despite my grandmother's abhorrence of such things. She couldn't just let him die."

"It seems self-sacrifice runs in the family," Severus comments dryly. "Are you sure you aren't all Gryffindors?" he sneers.

I can't help but laugh at the look of utter disgust that graces his features at the mention of the house of the lions. He looks as if he just smelled something unpleasant. "You'd have to take that one up with the Hat," I reply with a smile. "It's put every Bradford in Ravenclaw for as far back as we can trace. Supposedly my great-great-great-great grandfather was the first cousin of Rowena."

"Hmpf," he huffs in immediate dismissal of my small talk. Then suddenly, his face softens, just the tiniest bit and he looks thoughtful. "The Princes are said to be descendants of Salazar Slytherin himself," he states evenly.

"The Princes?" I ask.

"My mother's side of the family," he clarifies. "They have all been in Slytherin just as your family has always been in Ravenclaw."

I smile softly at the thought of Severus's ancestors treading the cold halls of the dungeons, clad in black, green, and silver. Then suddenly it hits me. _Severus is talking to me! Actually having a chat-not just speaking to me because necessity demands it! He's telling me about his family…the most private and secluded person I've ever met is willingly divulging information about himself. Perhaps there's hope for us yet…at least to become friends._

"Hmm, I wonder if any of them knew one another," I muse, heartened by the thought that our families might have known one another.

"Most likely. After spending seven years here, one tends to get to know the other students, even if it is only a cursory manner. Even being as isolated as I chose to be during my time as a student, I still knew mostly everyone well enough to at least know of their existence."

"True," I nod in agreement, thinking back to the hundreds of classmates I encountered during my seven years here and wondering what became of some of them. "I was never a social butterfly myself, but I can still recall an alarming number of students' names. So," I segue, trying to turn this unexpected shift in the conversation to my advantage. "Shall we continue this conversation over a cup of tea? And perhaps a headache relieving potion for you?"


	23. PART II - Chapter 10

**Chapter 10:**

Stone cold onyx eyes are staring at me, or perhaps through me, and the tension in the air is so thick I could cut it with a knife. Why, exactly, did I think inviting Severus to my quarters for tea was a good idea again? Oh yeah, that's right…it's because I'm a delusional imbecile! I entertained a ridiculous fantasy that, once we were alone, Severus would realize he had been fighting a burning attraction to me and couldn't resist any longer. He'd sweep me into his arms tightly, pressing me up against his lithe body and staring at me longingly with those intense eyes. Then he'd lean down and envelop my lips in a crushing, passionate kiss.

Of course, nothing remotely like that has actually occurred. Instead, he stiffly settled himself into one of the armchairs near the fire as I put the tea on, and there has been absolute silence ever since. We're sitting across from each other, not even three yards apart, and yet we might as well be separated by the Atlantic Ocean. I am dying to know what led Severus to the Death Eaters, but I know that bringing it up would be a terrible idea. We can't delve too deeply into our school days thanks to our awful fall-out after the incident with Sirius, and he's made it quite clear that he has no interest in discussing his symptoms. So the silence persists and stretches until, finally, the teakettle whistles.

I nearly let out an audible sigh in relief before I shoot up out of my armchair to retrieve the pot. I give him a nervous smile as I pour him a cup and offer him some milk. He puts in a dash, and then hands it back to me. I put a generous serving of honey and milk in mine and begin to stir.

"Perhaps you would like some _tea_ in your honey?" he drawls in that smoky, snarky tone that sends my heart racing and spreads warmth throughout my body. I can't help but laugh lightly at him and smirk, shaking my head.

"Well, I've already told you my deep, dark, secret, so I suppose there's no harm in my revealing another," I lead. He raises a mildly inquisitive eyebrow as he sets his tea back on the saucer. After a pregnant pause, during which I lean in closer to him, I whisper conspiratorially, "I can't stand tea."

To my utter shock, a tiny chuckle escapes Severus's serious lips and his mouth curves slightly upwards at the corner in a lopsided smile. Suddenly, it's as if the world is filled with color again. Warmth and lightness fill my body and I can't help but chuckle along with him. Suddenly I get a flash of what our life could be under ideal circumstances. Severus and I sitting in our living room by a warm fire, laughing and looking lovingly into one another's eyes as we lightly poke fun at one another. We'd discuss our respective fields, our days, and just bask in each other's comforting company. We'd challenge each other and not be afraid to argue passionately with one another when we disagreed, and we'd make up without any words needed. Oh Merlin, how I wish it could be like that!

The chuckling dies away and we are left, once again, staring at one another. There is so much that I want to say to him; I want to tell him that he was the first boy I ever had feelings for, that his voice sends chills up my spine, that his intelligence awes me and inspires me to reach higher pedagogic peaks of my own, that his biting humor enthralls me, and that I admire and envy his frank, uncompromising style so much. Most of all, though, I want to tell him that he doesn't have to be alone anymore, that he doesn't have to hide…that I'd understand.

He may try to rationalize my Dark deed and claim that it is inconsequential since it was a defensive act, but the bottom line is that I, like he, have committed murder. I have felt what it is like to tear a person's life force from their body, to watch the light extinguish from their eyes. And no matter how defensible my action may have been given the extreme circumstances, it doesn't change the fact that I killed my own father, and haven't felt an ounce of remorse for it. I did what had to be done, regardless of whether it was right or wrong, and without a thought as to the consequences to me personally…something I am sure Severus has done many times.

"I was going to say yes," he suddenly says in a near whisper as he looks resolutely at his teacup.

Immediately, I know what he's referring to, but my brain can't process the information. "What?" I ask softly, trying to search his eyes, if only he'd draw them away from that damn cup! Finally, he slowly lifts his eyes and directs his dark orbs to mine. They are absent of their usual shutters and I get a glimpse of the truthfulness of his statement. My heart flutters and for a moment I feel like I am 16 again. My brain kicks in, though, and I know that things are not anywhere near as simple as they were back then…and they weren't even all that simple at that time. "Thank you for telling me that," I reply sincerely.

He nods and takes another sip of his tea.

"How's your head?" I ask, sensing that it is time to ease away from emotion laden topics.

"Much better. I perfected the potion long ago out of necessity," he explains flatly.

"Do you get a lot of headaches?"

"Yes, but I do not believe that is due to the curse. Rather it is a consequence of attempting to impart wisdom and education upon a horde of bumbling dunderheads day in and day out."

I smile at his acerbic comment and try to picture him actually teaching a class. The first years must piss their pants at the very sight of him. "I guess you'll have to teach me how to concoct it as well then."

"You have no idea," he warns sardonically with a slight smirk.

"What consequences _do_ you have from the curse?" I ask mildly, hoping that after opening up about our past he will be willing to discuss his symptoms and allow me to help him.

He lets a slight growl out, but it soon morphs into a sigh, and then, surprisingly, he starts talking. "The flashbacks are the worst…"

I grimace at the sounds assailing my ears, despite the fact that I have charmed my magical clock to play music, one of my favorite things in the world, to wake me each morning. In all honesty, I should be thankful that I have been able to sleep until 7 am. Back when I was still at the hospital, my shift began at 7 am and I was usually in by 6 am just to have any remote chance of organizing my files and grabbing a cup of coffee before all Hell broke loose.

When I was at the hospital, though, I was never up until 2 am entertaining dreamy dark-haired Potions Masters…not to mention being kept up fantasizing about them for countless sleepless hours afterwards. Merlin, this is ridiculous! I am a grown woman, not some hormone crazed teenager! And Severus isn't exactly Witch Weekly's "Sexiest Wizard Alive." His hard living has certainly caught up with him, but there's something about the way his spirit stubbornly rails against the pain and limitations his body has been subjected to just makes him all the more irresistible. I know he's irascible, cantankerous, spiteful, and emotionally closed off by more metaphorical wards than Hogwarts has surrounding it, but somehow, it all just makes him the person he is…and the person I can't stop thinking about.

With a sigh I grab my wand from the nightstand and go to flick it to cancel the music. As I lift the instrument I realize with a frustrated sigh which song is playing. "Perfect," I grumble, cursing the Fates as the familiar sound of Derek and the Dominos' 'Layla' radiates around the room. "Nothing like a catchy reminder of how futile my affections are to get me out of bed," I grumble. I listen to the melancholy words for a few minutes before my frustration gets the better of me and I flick it off angrily.

I can't let this get to me. I have my first ever classes to teach today and my entire mind, heart, and soul has to be in it. I can't be a good professor if I'm spending the whole day mooning over Severus and worrying about his lack of feelings for me. Although, he _did_ tell me about his symptoms and the circumstances of the cursing last night…that's progress. Maybe with time…no! Stop it! No mooning, no lamenting, and no getting my hopes up. Focus on the curriculum and just do what you've got to do!

My mental self-directed pep talk gives me the motivation I need to get into the shower and get ready for my very first day as a Professor. Granted, the students aren't arriving until the feast that night, but I have to have breakfast with the staff to discuss the upcoming year, meet with Albus and Madame Pomfrey to discuss my lesson plans, and get me room outfitted with any supplies I will need. It's going to be a busy day, that's for sure.

Much to my surprise, Albus and Madame Pomfrey were both pleased and even impressed with my lesson plans. Of course, I owe much of the credit to Remus, who I had met with the previous week and helped me put together an organized plan that had a hearty dose of fun, hands-on lessons without sacrificing the educational value. I'd have to remember to send him some chocolate as a thank you; I seem to remember him always having some on hand when we were classmates.

Now, although it seems like only a few minutes have passed, I am already sitting at the professor's table in the Great Hall, waiting for the tidal wave of students to arrive.

"Yer' gonna do great!" Hagrid leans over and whispers to me, which of course has the same volume as a regular person's average talking voice, drawing looks from all of the other professors. Most of the others smile reassuringly at me, but I notice that McGonagall laughs a little, picking up on my faint blush at the attention, and Severus narrows his eyes and sneers shortly before returning his attention to the large doors at the end of the hall.

Before I have a chance to wonder what in the world that look was supposed to mean, a thunder begins to roll. The doors shoot open and hundreds of little feet excitedly trample into the room. My heart is racing and slight panic begins to set in as I take in their anxious, eager, and impressionable faces. Oh Merlin, please don't let me fuck this up! Just as I feel like I am going to faint, an angel appears and saves me.

"Ellie!" Leo shouts as he runs excitably up to the head table. Without a moment of hesitation, he bounds up onto the elevated platform and leans his slim torso over the table. He throws his arms tightly around me in a sweet hug. When he pulls back, his tanned face displays a dashing smile and sparkling eyes.

"Hey Leo," I greet in return, snickering at his enthusiasm and utter disregard for decorum.

"MR. ROSSI!" a deep, aggravated voice rings out sharply. "Get off the dais, immediately!" Severus snaps, having half risen from his chair and leaning menacingly over the table. Leo's blue eyes widen in fear and a small 'eep' escapes his throat as he quickly dismounts from the platform.

"Sorry Professor," he apologizes meekly.

The Slytherin students and a few scattered other laugh at him, but I notice the Hufflepuffs look ready to string Severus up for yelling at one of their own. Loyal, indeed.

"It's quite all right," Dumbledore says to Leo with a reassuring smile before Severus has the chance to respond. "We understand that you simply became overwhelmed with excitement. In the future, though, it is best to refrain from climbing up to the head table. It isn't good for one's reputation to be seen with old fuddy-duddies such as ourselves," he joked with a twinkle in his eye.

"Hey! Speak for yourself, Headmaster! I'm in the prime of my life!" Professor Burbage counters with a smile, causing most of the others to laugh.

"I'll come find you after the feast, ok?" I whisper to Leo.

"Ok," he agrees with a soft smile. "I'm really glad you're here," he adds in a whisper of his own.

"Thanks Leo, that means the world to me," I reply as I wave to him and watch him rejoin his agitated Hufflepuff friends.

The rest of the feast is somewhat more eventful than I remember them previously being. Of course, this could be because the new DADA teacher is 'Mad-Eye" Moody, the legendary former Auror who has spent almost as much time in St. Mungo's as I have, and the Tri-Wizard Tournament is being resurrected this year, and taking place at Hogwarts. I have to admit, I'm eminently relieved that there is an age limit this year. The last thing I need to worry about is having to heal my own brother because he got injured in some dangerous stunt in the tournament. By the groans from the students, though, they do not share my sense of relief.

After all the excitement and the most delicious meal I've had in a decade, the feast begins breaking up. As promised, I immediately head over to the Hufflepuff table and give my brother a proper hug of greeting. He is regaling me with tales of his ride up on the Hogwarts Express and hands me a chocolate frog that he saved especially for me, recalling that they are my favorite. My brother may just be the sweetest boy on the planet. Before long, though, it is time for him to retire to his dorm. I see that his friends are waiting outside the doors to the Great Hall and I laugh as he skips his way over to the group of three girls and one boy, leaving me alone in the cavernous room. I look around once more and, with a deep breath, head off to my quarters in anticipation of the beginning of the next chapter of my life.


	24. PART II - Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

The students in my very first class have begun piling in promptly at 8:30 am. By some miracle, the first class consists of third year Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs, which means that Leo is one of my first students, along with a vast amount of his friends. I'm still suspicious that he coaxed or guilted them all into taking my class, but they all look happy enough to be here, so I'm not going to dwell on it. I give Leo a nod of acknowledgement and he nods back with a smile, seeming to understand that I need to treat him the same as any other student while he's in class. Still, he chuckles a bit when I introduce myself as Professor Bradford, but I can hardly blame the boy for that. It sounds strange even to me.

I take some time to get to know each student through some quirky ice-breaking games that they seem to enjoy, then launch into an outline of the course, warning the kids that we have to get the 'boring stuff' out of the way before we can start having fun again. I then teach them the most common types of injuries a healer encounters. To wrap up the class, I conjure rolls upon rolls of gauze and tell them they need to get in some practice spelling it to wrap properly on a victim. To do this, I tell them to split up into pairs and I teach them the spell. I demonstrate it on my forearm, and then have them all practice the wand movement. Finally, when I am sure no one is going to cut off anyone's blood supply with a far too tight wrapping spell, I give them their hands-on task. One person must wrap the other entirely in gauze, from head to toe, leaving openings for the eyes, nose, and mouth. Whomever does the best job in the least amount of time will get earn 20 points for their house. I am happy to see their little faces light up at the prospect of doing something so silly, and they begin to buzz excitedly.

A small brunette girl with huge deep brown eyes raises a hand timidly and asks if I'm serious. I can't help but laugh and tell her I am completely serious. A shy smile blooms and she picks up the large roll of gauze. Everyone stands and holds their wands at the ready as I count down to the start. "3-2-1-GO!" I shout as I spell a timer to begin and watch the kids start gently assaulting one another with gauze. The laughter grows as half the class starts to look like messy mummies, some with gauze tails hanging off of them in spots, and some of the Muggle-borns imitating the typical Mummy movie moans and stiff walks. Soon the entire class is in fits of giggles, exacerbated when one of the Gryffindors falls over like a tree being chopped down because his partner thought she could save them time by wrapping his legs together rather than individually. I cast a quick cushioning charm so the boy avoids injury and can't help but chuckle myself as he writhes on the softened floor, trying to get up with his legs stuck together and his arms wrapped to his torso. He's laughing his head off too, along with the rest of the class.

Finally, a shout rings out from the other side of the room. "Professor! We're done!" a girl's sure voice exclaims. I send a mild cutting spell to the bandages on the fallen student, causing the severed bandages to fall to the floor and freeing him from his gauze cocoon as I go to investigate the girl's work. I am quite impressed at her work; it is a bit too loose in a few spots, creating little puckers, but overall, it is an excellent job for a first time attempt. In a pinch, it would definitely work to stabilize an injury and contain swelling. Furthermore, there isn't an inch of skin exposed except at the eyes, nose and mouth. "Excellent!" I remark. "It looks like we have our winner. Congratulations Ginny," I say with a smile, noting that she is one of the kids that was at Leo's birthday party. One of Leo's Hufflepuff friends is the 'patient' in this duet, I notice. It's good to see the two houses working together.

"Congratulations to you too, Nikki. It looks like both houses are winners today. 20 points to each of you!" The two girls squeal excitedly and Leo comes hobbling over, slipping up on his bandages, to congratulate them with a group hug.

There were a few moans of disappointment from the pairs that had been very close to finishing, but overall everyone seemed happy with the activity and the outcome. I cast a few mild severing charms to set the Mummy-like patients free then give them their homework assignment (reading the first chapter of their book and writing up a list of the ten most common injuries, their causes, and treatment) and dismiss them just as the chime sounds. Looking around the room, I realize it's a good thing that I have a free period now…there are bandages strewn all over the floor! I bend down to start scooping them up when I feel the unmistakable feeling of someone watching me. I look up and nearly fall over onto my ass.

Severus is standing in my doorway; arms tightly crossed over his chest, looming over me like a dark shadow with a slightly raised eyebrow and scowl on his pale face. A very sexy scowl…

"You do recall that you are a witch, do you not?" he asks condescendingly.

"Huh?" I reply in bewilderment, having been caught off guard, as I was too busy falling into his captivating dark eyes and mellifluous voice to be paying attention to what he was actually saying.

He huffs at my less than eloquent response and waves an arm lazily across the air, gesturing to the messy floor. "You could simply scourify this and be done with it. Or accio the bandages if you prefer," he states in his lecturing professor tone. Dear Merlin that's hot! I've never been one to indulge in the stereotypical 'crush on a teacher' but then again, I never had Severus for a teacher. If I had, I would have been in _big_ trouble! There is something about the commanding power in his voice that stirs a mixture of heat and apprehension in me and suddenly I am wishing that he'd give me detention for being a naughty girl. Bloody Hell! What am I thinking? I realize with a start, feeling the deep blush creeping up my neck. How does this man constantly have the ability to turn me into a bumbling idiot? It's no wonder he says all of his students are incompetent; they are probably as flustered by his raw power as I am.

Finally regaining some semblance of self-control, and sending a prayer to any deity that will listen that he hasn't noticed my profuse blushing, I manage to speak without my voice shaking. "I know," I say casually with a small smile, "but I have a free period and nothing else to do, since I don't have any assignments to grade yet and all my lesson plans for the week are done, so it's something to keep me occupied. Besides, I find that menial tasks tend to give my mind time to contemplate my research. Some of my best breakthroughs have come while washing dishes, or folding towels."

"How droll," he says sarcastically as he steps into the room and I resume my tidying.

"Well my darling," I begin, implementing my best stereotypical snooty aristocrat voice, "on the rare occasions when my house elves are indisposed, the skills can be rather useful. Besides, as a benevolent dictator, I like to keep in touch with all the little people."

"Dictators are never benevolent," he counters with a sharp edge in his voice. "Of course, rarely is anyone else either." I'm sure Severus has no interest in hearing empty reassuring platitudes, so I simply remain quiet. "I'm surprised to hear you mocking the upper echelon. Isn't your family rather well-off?" he continues.

I might be imagining it, but I could have sworn there was a bitter tone to his question. I don't know why Severus would be resentful of my family's wealth, though. As a fellow pureblood, surely his family was well off as well. Very few weren't, thanks to generations upon generations of inheritances. Besides, he mentioned that his mother's family was directly descended from Salazar Slytherin himself, who was quite wealthy.

"We were, but remember, all our money was my father's money. When he, uh, died, the money technically went to me, but neither my mother nor I wanted anything to do with it. It was just one more way he could control us. So, rather than living like queens off of his tainted fortune, we decided to make our own money. It was very rough at first, but we managed it. The only thing we ever used the money for was my Healer schooling. I figured that one was poetic justice," I say with a smirk.

An odd look comes over Severus's face, and I'm not sure if its admiration, disgust, or if he just thinks I'm insane. "God knows your principles are stronger than mine. I would have taken the money and run," he finally says.

"I don't believe that for a minute," I counter, knowing first-hand how stridently the Potions Master can hold a grudge. "Hey, wait a minute…did you just say _God_ knows?" I ask, bewildered.

"Did I?" he tries to brush it off casually.

"Yes, you did. I don't think I've ever heard a pureblood say that."

"Neither have I," he agrees with no discernible emotion. "Purebloods do not tend to have much, if any, knowledge of Muggle religion."

"But you do, apparently," I point out.

"I am not a pureblood," he states matter-of-factly, as if he were commenting on the weather rather than unearthing a shocking revelation.

"You're not?" I gape in disbelief.

"Is that a problem?" he asks with a distinctly threatening tone.

"No! Of course not! I put about as much stock in bloodlines as I do in those reports in the Quibbler about Nargles," I assure him. "I'm just surprised, that's all. The entire time we were in school together, I thought for sure you were a pureblood."

"Everyone did. In Slytherin it is unwise to correct such misinformation."

"Ah, of course," I realize. I have heard tales of the deep-seeded pureblood loyalty found in Slytherin and know that a few half-blooded students had been brought to the hospital with mysterious bruises and curse damage. Of course, none of them would say a word about what happened, but everyone knew nonetheless. "I take it your students are under the same impression now?" I ask, knowing that as Head of Slytherin House the misconception would be beneficial. Not that anyone in his or her right mind would dare oppose Severus regardless. As sexy as he is, he can also be intimidating and scary as hell, without even having to open his mouth.

"Indeed. I have no shame concerning my half-blood heritage, but correcting the assumption serves no purpose."

"I understand," I agree, hoping that he can tell that I know he isn't hiding his heritage and isn't ashamed of it. "So your father-"

"Was a Muggle, yes," he clips, cutting me off shortly. I can tell he has no desire to talk about this, and suddenly I realize why. His father must have been the one who abused him. I want nothing more than to wrap him in my arms and commiserate over our awful excuses for patriarchs, regardless of their blood status, but I know he would never do that. I don't blame him; after all, I never admitted my father's actions to anyone, and it certainly isn't a topic I like discussing.

"Got it," I say simply with a soft smile. He nods and turns to leave, but I halt him. "Severus!" I call suddenly, not even sure what I want to say, only knowing that I want to spend more time with him. He turns back around slowly and waits stoically for me to continue. "Uh, does 7:30 tomorrow night work for you? For our first official treatment session, I mean."

He looks thoughtful for a moment and a little miffed, but he huffs and acquiesces. "Fine."

"Great, I'll see you in the lab." He nods again and turns on his heels, floating rapidly down the hallway with his black robes billowing in his wake. I can't help but chuckle as children practically dive out of his way, cowering in fear.


	25. Part II - Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Totally exhausted, I finally fall into bed at 1 am. Today, or rather yesterday at this point, was so crazy I felt like I was working at the hospital again. I can't believe it's already Halloween and I have been teaching for two months. In some ways, it seems like I've been doing it forever; I am no longer even the slightest bit nervous and, astoundingly, I've learned all of my students' names, but in other ways, it feels like I just started yesterday. Between classes, Severus's treatments, my research, and treating my few other remaining patients, namely the Longbottoms and Remus, my days are still quite full, but they come with a certain element of peacefulness that was always lacking at the hospital. Even when all was quiet, everyone was on edge, knowing the next unpredictable disaster was just waiting outside the doors.

Perhaps that's why today's events caught me so off guard; I'm not used to expecting daily chaos anymore. That's certainly what it was today, though. I had prepared myself for distracted, inattentive students since the Tri-Wizard Tournament champions were being drawn today, but I don't think anyone expected the all-encompassing level of shock that descended on the student body once a fourth champion was announced; an underage one, at that.

Just like everyone else, I gasped when Lily's son's name was thrust forth from the Goblet of Fire. The poor boy looked dumbstruck…and terrified. Of course I had heard from various other professors of the boy's penchant for breaking the rules and getting into dangerous situations, so I could see where people may have believed that he had entered his own name, but between his adamant protests and the look of sheer dread on his face, anyone could tell the boy had not aimed to participate in the event.

Besides, he is in my class, and has never given me any problems other than occasionally having to be reminded to pay attention instead of talking to his friend Ron Weasley. Usually their other friend, Hermione Granger, chastises them before I even get a chance to, though.

Severus is convinced that Harry entered himself in the Tournament, but its clear that he has a definitive bias when it comes to the boy. He hates him with as much, if not more, wrath as he did the boy's father. I can see the impetus for Severus's feelings; Harry looks eerily like James did at his age, and yet he has Lily's eyes. For Severus, that must be a dual blow. A constant reminder of one of his greatest enemies and the girl he unrequitedly loved all his young life. It takes some concentrated effort on my part not to be saddened when he turns those emerald green eyes to me and I recall the vibrant young girl that had tried so hard to set me up with the love of my life. I still can't help but laugh a little when I think back on how much I hated her before I actually got to know her.

On occasion I've caught Severus looking at Harry with a faraway haunt in his eye, and I can't help but wonder if he still loves Lily, even now, more than a decade after her death. Yes, I'm sure he does. If it had been Severus who had died, Merlin forbid, I am sure my feelings for him would not have ceased.

Still, Severus takes his frustration and anger out too much on the boy, and his friends. Since we've progressed to the level of civil acquaintances, maybe even friendly acquaintances given all the caustically witty quips we throw at one another, over these past two months and countless private treatment sessions together, I've often thought of broaching that subject with him. I know it will set back my progress in becoming his friend, but it really isn't fair to the poor child. Severus is snarky, stringent, and impatient with all of his students, but with Harry and his friends he takes it to a whole new level. Maybe I'll try to talk to him about it after all of this drama blows over. Who knows, perhaps he'll admire my courage and moxie in confronting him…right, and one of the Weasley twins will be made Head Boy!

"Ok, you're all done," I say with a purposefully exaggerated flourish as I gently remove the needle from Severus's pale, perfectly sculpted lean arm. Resisting the ridiculous urge to lean down and lave the small puncture at the crux of his inner arm and kiss the smooth skin until the slight pain from the prick of the needle is long forgotten, I cast a silent wandless healing charm and watch as the evidence of Severus's treatment fades away to nothing.

"I'm all a twitter with excitement," Severus deadpans in response to my façade of enthusiasm, causing me to smirk.

"Oh, I can tell," I reply without missing a beat. "Although I may have to ask you to reign yourself in, Severus. This much excitement could be problematic for your condition," I mock lightly.

The Potions Master huffs at me, but I catch the briefest glimpse of a smirk curving the right side of his mouth before he represses it and reverts to his scowling mask.

"Speaking of, how has your condition been lately?" I ask as I dispose of the needle and transfusion bags, then grab my Muggle ballpoint pen and notebook to take down this week's session notes. "Any fainting incidences, blackouts, flashbacks, or migraines this week?"

"Surprisingly, no," he says in a flat voice that holds a hint of relief which, for him, passes for wild exuberance. I can feel the wide smile forming on my lips before I can even think to smother it, and by his raised condescending brow, I can tell I must be grinning at him like an utter idiot. I can't bring myself to care, though. If the treatment really is helping Severus get better, I'll break out into a professionally choreographed dance of joy right here without any regret.

"Really? That's fantastic! Any other symptoms? Nausea? Fever? Dizziness?" I ask, desperately trying to remember my training and retain some form of clinical professionalism, even though all I want to do is grab him in a fierce hug and plant my lips on him in celebration.

"I was nauseated yesterday during my 4th period NEWT class, but that could have been due to the sickening display of puppy love the students were exhibiting thanks to this ludicrously soppy Yule Ball that Albus has concocted. Really, what was the doddering old fool thinking? Creating a tailor-made outlet for the rampaging hormones already flooding through these single-minded savages!" he growls as he stands up from the gurney and paces dramatically, despite the lacking of his trademark billowing robes.

I am mesmerized by the sway of those slim hips and the way his black pants cling slightly to the supple curve of his ass, thanking Merlin that his robe sleeves are too tight to be rolled up, necessitating the removal of the entire garment for his treatments. That, paired with the crisp light white fabric of his dress shirt that isn't _quite_ opaque against the smattering of dark black curls of hair on his chest, may just send me over the edge. I've always prided myself on being a supremely logical and intelligent woman, but still, I am a red-blooded _woman_ and I've taken enough biology courses to know that means I am full of hormones and chemical reactions that manifest themselves as powerful lust and desire, and they are all hitting me full force right now.

"As if that was not punishment enough," he continues to rant, oblivious to my reaction to his physique and the alluring heat of angry passion burning in his deep eyes, "the barmy fossil has the audacity to mandate that all professors serve as chaperones! I should hex him and do us all a favor!"

"At least there should be ample opportunities to take house points away from misbehaving miscreants," I offer up as consolation, having won the battle of mind over body…for the moment at least.

He looks pensive for a moment, then nods. "There is that," he concedes. "And afterwards I will be free of them, in classes anyway, for nearly two weeks…thank Merlin!"

Silence descends on us for a few moments, but, surprisingly, Severus makes no move to storm out of the lab. Now seems to be the perfect time to bring up something I have been toying with for weeks. "Severus," I began warily, "I was meaning to speak to you about something. I have been working on a new course of curse treatment which relies on metamorphosis of blood cells and I was wondering…well, I was hoping…that you would take part in the initial trials. If my hypothesis is right, it could be an exceedingly effective treatment for you, and you wouldn't have to keep having these bi-weekly transfusions." Severus raises his inky black brow with a mixture of genuine curiosity and skepticism. "I've tested the treatment on lab mice for months, and have been utilizing orangutans for testing for the past month, since their physiology is so closely linked to ours. So far, none of them have shown adverse reactions. In fact, the ease with which the transferred cells are accepted into the subjects' bloodstreams is a strong positive indicator for my hypothesis," I continue to explain, knowing that a cautious, analytical man like Severus would want to know each detail before consenting to even consider the experimental treatment.

"What exactly does this treatment consist of?" he asks, as expected.

I launch into the long-winded, highly detailed and scientific step by step explanation of my theory about using blood cells from metamorphmagus' to combat curse damage. Normally, I would censor myself and utilize layman's terms, simplifying the explanation, but if there is anyone outside of the Healer field who is intelligent enough to follow the full explanation, it is this gorgeous, mysterious, snarky man sitting in front of me.

"Intriguing," he replies pensively as I finish my speech. "If I were to agree, what extraneous annoyances would I foolishly be committing myself to?" he snips sharply.

"Well," I answer with a smirk, completely unfazed by the sharp (and sexy!) tone. "You would have to spend an entire week with me. The treatment needs to be done in stages, so as not to overwhelm your immune system, so that would take 3-4 days, and then I'd like to keep you under close observation for at least 3 days to ensure there aren't any dire complications. That's pretty much the only torture you'll have to endure," I say jokingly.

"As unpleasant as that would be, I have withstood far worse tortures," he retorts with an acerbic edge that immediately strikes me in the gut and makes me feel like the biggest prat this side of the Atlantic. Fuck! Why don't I think before I open my stupid gob! How could I have brought up _torture_ to him, of all people? He was subjected to the most painful curse the wizarding world has ever known, for a period of four years, and here I am joking about torture! Stupid, stupid, stupid!

"Fuck, Severus, I'm sorry; that was completely insensitive of me. I didn't mean to be so callous, I just…didn't think," I apologize, feeling the cold lump of misery weighing down in my stomach. He's going to cut me to the bone then storm out, I'm sure of it. So much for all the progress I thought we'd made these past few months.

"In that case, you fit right in with everyone else in this infernal place. It seems no one possesses any scrap of cognitive ability," he answers, but his voice doesn't sound angry, more drawling and sardonic. He also hasn't made any move to leave.

Could he really not mind my faux pas that much? I could have sworn he'd bite my head off not…mock me lightly. If I didn't know better, I'd say that glint in his deep onyx eyes might even be amusement. Could this mean that we _have_ made progress towards being friends? My heart soars at the prospect, but I clamp down on the fluttering feeling, using my rationality to tell myself I can't get my hopes up…yet.

"No wonder the students seem to like me," I banter back, hoping to Merlin that I am right and he is taking all of this in stride. Then, a miracle happens; I am gifted with one of his rare, glorious smiles. It isn't wide or toothy, just a slight upturning of his lips, but it's still the most captivating grin I've ever seen.

"I refuse to permit my name to appear in any publications, or records, of this research," he switches gears and states in a serious tone that just dares me to argue. He is peering at me through slits with a clear death threat written in those obsidian eyes.

My eyes widen in disbelief and barely contained excitement. "So you'll do it?" I ask breathlessly. He gives a terse nod and I can't help but smile like a vapid goofball. Hell, I can barely stop myself from jumping up and down in giddy joy! "Thank you! Severus, thank you so much! You don't know how much this means to me! To finally have the chance to put my theory into practice…after all of these years. This is the best gift anyone could ever give me. And I promise, your name will not appear in ANY documentation; not even in my notes. I won't mention your workplace, or anything even remotely distinguishing. It will be our little secret."

"Very well," he agrees with an emotionless tone. "Shall we begin following the infuriating Yule Ball?"

"That's exactly what I was thinking. That way, we don't have to worry about classes and many of the students will have gone home to celebrate New Year's with their families."

"Perhaps you aren't as witless as your earlier comment would suggest," he quips with that same teasing quirk of his lips, then he is gone like a shadow in the night, and I am left with my heart beating wildly, the large grin on my face, and damnable hope in my heart.


	26. Part II - Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

"It looks like Saint Nick vomited up Christmas cheer all over the Great Hall," Severus mumbles grumpily as we walk into the Yule Ball, albeit reluctantly on his part. Well, reluctantly may be too tame of a descriptor…as if being led by a firing squad might be more appropriate. If I didn't know Severus's inhuman level of self-control so well, I might have thought he were on the verge of having a temper tantrum when I ran into him in the hallways on his way here. His elegant long fingers were hidden, clenched in fists of rage, and his jaw was clenched so tightly I was worried he would chip a tooth.

I can't really blame him; Christmas is my most despised holiday, and I can imagine it would be one of his as well. Valentine's Day might beat out Christmas, though, now that I think about it. I imagine for that load of greeting card produced excrement of a holiday he has the same painful issue as I do; being surrounded by reminders of a love you'll never have. Still, Christmas comes with its own nightmares. The 'holiday season' is trumped up as a time of good will towards men, family togetherness, and the innocent joy of baking gingerbread houses, decorating the tree, and making snow angels in the yard. Everyone is supposed to be so jolly and if you aren't, people look at you as if you are Evil incarnate. Of course, no one understands how painful this time of year is to someone who doesn't have a loving family, but rather one that makes them dread going home. I was lucky; I got out of that situation when I was 11 years old, but even those comparatively few years left more than enough of a scar, and no matter what, I can never seem to truly embrace the holiday spirit. For Severus, who I imagine suffered with his father far longer than I had to (even though he still won't talk to me about anything that personal), it must be ten times worse. That and, let's face it, my dark object of desire has never been what anyone would remotely call jolly.

"Albus definitely went a bit overboard on the tinsel," I agree, taking in the shimmering red, green, gold, and silver strands hanging off of every conceivable nook and cranny.

"Indeed," Severus agrees with a discomfited and mildly repulsed look on his face as he takes in the garish decorations. "Although that atrocity pales in comparison to the wretched carols he is blasting from the phonograph."

"That is painful," I agree with a grimace at the sound of infernally repetitious cheerful lyrics about 'simply having a wonderful Christmas time.' "Ok, enough Paul, we get it!" I exclaim, evoking a welcome, though surprising, half chuckle from Severus.

"I've always found the Beatles to be overrated," he says in a deadpan conspiratorial whisper as he leans in a little closer to my ear. My heart skips a beat as I smile. I had forgotten Severus's penchant for Muggle music.

"Most Brits would consider that statement treasonous," I warn with a smirk. "Luckily for you, I happen to agree wholeheartedly."

Severus looks genuinely surprised for a moment before schooling his features back into the unreadable mask he dons each day. Then he simply raises an eyebrow and gives me a nearly undetectable approving nod.

"Although," I continue, changing course again slightly, "there is one Christmas staple here that is even more loathsome than an abundance of tinsel and bad carols combined." I pause for dramatic effect as he scans the room for the vilest of all holiday traditions. He looks at me inquiringly with a teasing smirk after a moment, and at the same time, we both exclaim with disgust:

"Eggnog!"

His lips curl up in a genuine smile, one that seems it should be shared between co-conspirators, and I can't help but return it. I know it seems like an insignificant, stupid little thing to bond over, but the fact that Severus feels comfortable enough to discuss such inconsequentialities with me is enough to feed that annoyingly persistent little flame of hope that I can't seem to extinguish when it comes to him. Plus, it's just one more thing that we have in common.

"Severus! Eleanor! So glad you could both make it," Albus exclaims joyfully as he flounces over to us, wearing a deep maroon robe with white trim that, paired with his long white beard, makes him resemble Santa Claus to an alarming degree. Even better than the outfit, though, is what he is holding out in his hands. His eyes twinkle like mad as he thrusts the two goblets full of eggnog towards Severus and I. We glance at each other for a moment, and then burst out into laughter.

With my eyes tearing up slightly, I glance past Albus and see all of the other professors staring at us in what can only be described as shock. Minerva's mouth is hanging open as if she is trying to catch flies, Poppy is gaping like a fish, and Filius is clearly trying to say something, but the only thing that is coming out is a high pitched sort of squeal. This of course, only makes me laugh harder.

"I'm thrilled to find you both in such high spirits this evening!" Albus beams, either having no clue that we are laughing over the eggnog or, far more likely knowing him, basking in his triumph of purposefully offering us our most hated beverage and causing the fit of hysterics. "Tis the season to be merry, after all," he added with a guile-filled smile at Severus that I am sure aggravated the younger man. Before he can fire anything back, though, Albus has danced off to sweep Charity into his arms, breaking her out of her stupor at seeing Severus laugh, and twirling her to the insipid music before the official opening of the Hall to the students.

Severus and I look at the offensive glasses of eggnog in our hands, then by unspoken agreement, we pour them out into one of the dozens of Christmas trees lining the walls. Suddenly, Dobby pops up out of nowhere in front of us and happily takes my glass. I kneel down, knowing that the bottom of my deep blue dress is now skirting the floor but not caring, thank the Elf and give him a friendly pat on the head. He sighs deeply then begins shaking excitedly, profusely thanking me. He turns to Severus, seemingly steeling his courage. I have to stop myself from laughing at his forceful tone as he asks Severus if he can take his glass, and Severus's wordless hostile response of shoving the glass at the small creature.

"Bad blood between you and Dobby?" I ask casually after the Elf has popped back out of the room.

"He used to be Lucius's House Elf, well, one of them. I was often a guest at his house and I can only assume the creature believes me to be friends with his former tormentor."

"You're not?" I ask with genuine confusion. From the favoritism that Severus seems to show Draco Malfoy, I figured he was close with the boy's father, and had heard rumblings substantiating that.

"Slytherins do not become 'friends' with one another. We form strategic alliances," he replies cryptically. Before I can ask him to elaborate, though, there is a whoosh of air and a torrent of noise. The doors have been opened and the students are flowing in with the grace and subtlety of a herd of buffalo. The deep scowl on Severus's face makes me chuckle. He really isn't suited to this profession, is he?

We move to the side, avoiding the awkward stampede of hormone filled teens, and watch as the Tri-Wizard Champions and their dates are led in. Lily's poor son looks like a deer in the headlights, as the Muggles say, but his date is soaking up the attention like a sponge. Cedric Diggory looks as at ease as I have ever seen him, his usual jovial smile shining under the spotlights with his somewhat more timid date on his arm. After dinner, and some very uncomfortable dancing from the champions (well, really Harry was the only one who looked truly uncomfortable, although that Krum kid from Durmstrang was stiff as a board), the rest of the attendees are invited to join in. Most of the fourth years, and about half of the fifth years, all stand nervously to the sides, girls on the north wing and boys on the south. If I didn't know better, I would think they are about to rumble, like the Jets and the Sharks in my brother's favorite movie. I chuckle as I picture the students begin snapping their fingers and launching into ballet style fight routines.

To my vast surprise, a head of shoulder length dark blonde hair comes bouncing towards me, and I immediately recognize my young brother politely pushing his way through the crowd. His tan olive toned skin contrasts perfectly with his forest green dress robes, and his bright blue eyes shine like a crystal lake in the midst of a forest. It hits me all at once how grown up he is; I can't think of him as the little kid who used to grab at my pant legs every time I walked near him anymore. Sweet Merlin! My brother's a teenager! Now I feel really old!

"Ellie!" he calls out excitedly, waving as if his hand is having a seizure. Without so much as a glance around at the hundreds of teens surrounding us, he pulls me into a tight hug. I am further dismayed by the fact that he is only a half a head shorter than I am and, at this rate of growth, will most likely overtake me by the end of the year. Oh well, what can you do?

"Leo, what are you doing here?" I ask him as he pulls back and looks at me, smiling.

"I was invited by a fourth year," he beams proudly. "Granted, it's Carys's older sister and we're just here as friends because her boyfriend is a Muggle and she couldn't bring him, but still, it's pretty cool!" he explains without stopping for a breath. "You look amazing, sis!" he adds, causing heat to rush to my face. Great, now I'm sure I'm blushing. Damn it, Leo, you know I can't take a compliment! "Are you her date, Professor Snape?" he asks the stoic man beside me unabashedly. Oh Merlin, kill me now!

"No!" I exclaim in a harsh whisper before Severus can cast an Unforgivable on my little brother. Out of the corner of my eye I can see Severus, surprisingly, smirking at me. He must be enjoying my pain, the sadistic bastard. "Leo, we're here as chaperones. Chaperone's don't come with dates."

"Oh, okay," he replies insouciantly. "Do you wanna dance with me, then?" he asks, extending his hand and making a deep bow, his other arm bent behind his back in proper pureblood form.

Severus raises his brow inquiringly, apparently surprised at the display of old-world etiquette from a 13 year old. I admit, it's impressive, even if the phrasing of his invitation left something to be desired.

"Shouldn't you be dancing with your date?" I ask trying to suppress my chuckling at his exaggerated grace.

"She's in the bathroom with a group of her friends. Apparently they can't go alone," he shrugs. "Girls are weird."

"Well, in that case…sure, let's dance," I acquiesce, taking his extended hand and moving out to the floor. I can feel quite a lot of eyes upon us, but I don't care. If my brother isn't ashamed to be dancing with his sister/teacher, then I'm certainly not going to be ashamed to dance with him. He bows slightly again, making me chuckle, but I return the bow and extend my right hand for him to take. We do a traditional waltz for the remainder of the slow song, putting to use the dance lessons my mother forced me to take when I was a teen. Thankfully Leo has been taking the lessons for four years and really knows his stuff, thereby leading and preventing my messed up steps from developing into a disaster. Overall, we pull it off pretty well, if the cheers from the audience are anything to go on.

"Thank you for the dance, Healer Bradford," Leo says with an exaggerated uppercrust draw, and a cheeky smirk.

"You as well, Mister Rossi," I drawl back with a wink before we both dissolve into giggles and I give him a light kick to his backside. "Go find your date, Casanova."

He gives me a mocking glare that gives way to a bright smile after a second, and then runs off to find his friends. I drift back to the edge of the room where Severus has been standing like a dark statue, his eyes constantly moving along the crowd seeking out misbehavior like a hawk seeks out field mice.

"Quite a performance," he says with heavy sarcasm in his delicious deep baritone.

"Thank you Severus," I answer brightly, abjectly ignoring the sarcasm and causing him to huff under his breath. He's so predictable! "Catch any ne'er-do-wells while I was performing?"

"I broke up a few pairs of lascivious teens, yes," he replies with an edge of pride.

"Fantastic," I reply with a small smirk, admiring the way the fairy lights reflect in his intense pitch black eyes. Oh, to see those eyes staring at me, filled with passion! A wave of lust rolls within me, but I quickly temper it. Think about Albus naked! Albus naked! Ugh…okay, that did the trick. Still, I could use some cold air to calm my libido if I have to stand next to this striking and intoxicating man all night, particularly when the pheromones from hundreds of randy teens are suffusing the air! "Do you want to go check the rose garden for overly amorous couples?" I ask, hopefully nonchalantly.

Severus raises his eyebrow at me, contemplating my suggestion, but when the Weird Sisters take the stage and begin banging out loud, discordant music that is supposed to pass for rock and roll, he immediately decides to accept. "Yes, let's, before I curse these so-called musicians for this travesty against rock music," he scowls as he takes in the glam and goth clad guys on the stage.

We move towards the exit leading to the rose garden, only to be abruptly stopped by some unseen force. I try to step forward, using all of my strength, but my legs refuse to yield. "What in Merlin's name?" Severus seethes, wand already in his hand, searching around for someone responsible for this that he can hex.

"Oh, no," I lament as I look up and spot the source of the problem. Icy cold dread floods my veins. Severus is _not_ going to like this at all.

"What?" he probes demandingly, whipping around to give me a challenging stare. I resign myself to my fate and point up to the green plant with small red berries floating above us. Severus's eyes widen in horror and a hard thin scowl forms on his face. "ALBUS!" he roars, completely forgetting any sense of decorum towards the Headmaster and one of the most powerful wizards ever to have lived.

"Yes Severus?" Albus calls back politely, completely unfazed by the rage coursing through every millimeter of Severus's being. Albus is smiling genially and the twinkle in his bright blue eyes is at full blast.

Oh how I hate the man right now! Does he have any idea what an awkward position he has put me in? Oh wait, stupid question, of course he does! He knows how I feel about Severus…how I've felt about him since I was 13 bloody years old! Damn you old man!

"Release this ridiculous enchantment, NOW!" Severus commands, eying the mistletoe like it personally insulted his mother.

"I'm afraid I can't do that, my boy. That's wizarding mistletoe, and you and Eleanor can only be released by a kiss. Even I am not able to override it. Best to simply suck it up I daresay," he imparts with a chuckle and a smirk worthy of any Slytherin.

"Crazy, meddling, old coot," I hear Severus mutter under his breath angrily. "Fine, then," he growls as he suddenly plants his graceful long-fingered hands upon my shoulders and pulls me brusquely towards him. Before I can even fully register the movement, I feel his warm, firm lips against my cheek and a hot flush immediately spreads through me. It's over in a second and he turns to storm off before I can even blink. His progress is cut quite short, though, as he realizes he is still confined to the area under the troublesome plant. "Albus…" he inquires threateningly through clenched teeth. By now most of the room is gawking at the developing scene and I can tell that Severus is at the end of his short rope of patience.

"My dear boy, that is _red_ mistletoe! I'm afraid a mere peck on the cheek will not suffice as it would under the white mistletoe. This variety requires a bit more _passion_ to break the charm," Albus explains with a knowing grin. Immediately, a deep flush of embarrassment floods Severus's pale skin, turning his pale skin bright red. I can't help but feel for the poor guy. After all, he's always been reserved, proper, and private. Even if he had been dating Lily, I hardly think PDA's would have been welcome, so to be put on the spot in front of half the school with someone he doesn't even like…it must be humiliating for him. Truth be told, I'm rather embarrassed myself. Having the man I unrequitingly love being forced into kissing me in front of a bunch of teenagers and co-workers is not my idea of a good time. Still, there's apparently nothing to be done about it, so I need to just swallow my pride and get this over with.

I shrug at Severus, trying to make him believe I am resigning myself to this 'unwelcome task' of kissing him. He clenches his fists tightly then lets out an angry huff of breath. He leans over slightly so that I can reach him, and I push myself up a little bit. We awkwardly move towards one another, all too aware of the pairs of wide eyes goggling at us. I am so nervous my hands are shaking slightly, but I reign myself in, tilt my head slightly and close my eyes just before we fill in the last gap of space between our lips. Suddenly, as his wondrous lips touch mine, I am charged with a jolt of what feels like electricity coursing throughout my body. Every one of my nerves feels hypersensitive, but it doesn't hurt. It's the best feeling I've ever experienced and a pleasurable shudder rises up before I can stop it. I am lost in bliss, completely and inexorably. Without conscious control, my arms raise up and I can feel myself now gripping Severus's hips, drawing him closer to me as I move my lips against his, just barely suppressing a moan. Bloody hell! He just wrapped his arms around me! Tightly! He's holding me close to him! I can feel the warmth of his body radiating from his chest, pressing against mine. My lips part in pleased surprise and…dear Merlin! He just lightly licked my bottom lip! That was Severus's tongue! I must have died and gone to Heaven, of Valhalla, or the Elysian Fields…or maybe all of them combined!

After what seems like a lifetime and a scant second all at once, Severus pulls back slightly. I open my dazed eyes and see his flutter open as well, revealing the glassy onyx orbs that suck me in every time. His arms are still lightly wrapped around me, and mine are still on his slim hips. The room is deathly quiet…even the music has stopped. I look over towards the stage and it seems to break whatever spell we were under because Severus quickly jerks his arms away from me and steps back, looking at me as if I am Lord Voldemort himself. My heart breaks, shatters really, in that moment. He takes three more steps, realizing he can now escape, then stops for a moment and whips back around. I see him look at me for a second and hope flares. Maybe he doesn't hate me? Maybe he didn't loathe the kiss? Then, he raises his wand and casts a vicious _Incendio_ at the mistletoe, igniting it in hot blue flames. "Puerile bloody hazard," he growls as he whips back around and stalks angrily out to the rose garden. The piece of mistletoe drops to the ground still engulfed in flames, then shrivels up until all that is left is ash.

I see the amazed, startled, and frightened stares of the professors, band, and students, and I have no idea how to handle it. I give them all a tight smile and turn in what I hope is a casual manner to leave the Great Hall, ostensibly to keep a look out for students trying to sneak in or out of the dance. A moment after I leave, I hear the band begin to play again and the room fills with murmurs of hundreds of students. The entry hall is empty, thank Merlin, and I crash down upon the stairs, hanging my head in my hands as the tears I fought off in the Great Hall begin to flood my chocolate colored eyes. Suddenly, there is a comforting arm around my shoulder. I look up and see Albus's crystal blue eyes looking back at me forlornly.

"I'm sorry, my dear. I did not intend to hurt you or see you embarrassed. I only wanted to help you…to help both of you. I honestly believe you could be precisely what Severus needs, if only he could let down his walls and get out of his own way. I thought, perhaps, if I gave your romance a little jump start, it would take off," he explains, practically oozing apologetic sorrow and remorse.

"Well, something sure took off; too bad it was Severus," I answer flippantly, flashing him a small watery smile to let him know that I am not angry with him. He smiles back and claps me on the shoulder.

"Too true," he chuckles. "Will you be alright?" he asks me seriously after his laughter recedes.

"I have to be," I say matter-of-factly. Even though I've now had a taste of my most fervent desire and it was better than I had ever imagined and I'll never be able to have it again! Oh Merlin, how am I going to get over this? Over him?

"You always were stronger than you looked," he replies with a piercing gaze that makes me gasp. Could he possibly mean what I think he means? No, he couldn't know about the…uh, incident…with my father. If he did, he never would have let me into the school, right? Although…he did admit a werewolf, so maybe a murderer-by-necessity isn't so far out of the question. I'm tempted to ask him, but I know I can't. If I'm wrong and he isn't referring to that, I'll have just talked myself into a one way trip to Azkaban. "I know things seem hopeless right now, Eleanor, but please, don't give up yet. That kiss has convinced me more than ever that you two are perfect for one another," he asserts, breaking me out of the musings in my head.

"And here all these years I thought someone fleeing in horror from a kiss was a _bad_ sign. No wonder I'm still single."

Albus chuckles heartily and a bit of the twinkle returns to his eyes. "I wasn't referring to that part particularly. Rather, I was referencing the powerful flare of magic that ignited around you two when you kissed."

"What?" I gasp in disbelief. Was that what that electric feeling was? If so, what does that mean?

"Oh yes, it was quite impressive. Even the band stopped cold so they could stare. When you and Severus kissed, your respective magics flared out from your cores, and intertwined around you both. It turns out your magics are actually quite complimentary; your magical core is primarily green whereas his is primarily red, despite some gray infusions. They are directly complimentary colors and work astoundingly well together. Plus, it was appropriate for the holiday," he adds with a lighthearted smile. "It made for quite a festive display."

I stare back at him, dumbfounded. I know that everyone has a magical core characterized by color and that those colors reflect aspects of their strengths and weaknesses, but I have never heard of them flaring up from a kiss. "What does it mean?" I ask softly.

"It means," Albus starts, looking stalwartly into my eyes, "that if you can convince Severus to give you a chance, your relationship will be truly wonderful. You should not give up. There _is_ hope."


	27. PART II - Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Okay, just 'man up' so to speak, and knock on the door. We agreed to meet at 11 am on Boxing Day to start the new treatments, so he's expecting you. Just do it! Ugh, why am I such a coward? I ask myself as I pace outside of Severus's door, which looks more imposing than it ever has before. I wonder if he'll even still be willing to participate in my experimental treatment after what happened at the Yule Ball. He might not even be willing to let me give him his weekly treatments anymore! The look he gave me after that kiss under the mistletoe was scathing, and it shattered my heart. I tried not to get my hopes up about him, I truly did, but sometime during these past four months, my defenses apparently crumbled and an insidious hope wormed its way into my heart. And now my career could be in jeopardy because I was too stupid to listen to my head over my heart…not to mention that I've risked his health! Okay, that settles it; I can't worry about how awkward this is going to be or how much it is sure to hurt me, I have to convince Severus to continue his treatments with me, for his own good.

With newfound resolve, I knock firmly on the door and wait anxiously for it to swing open. The silence seems deafening and I am convinced hours have passed before the tall wooden door swings quickly inwards. Severus turns away so quickly after yanking the door open that I barely catch a glimpse of his face before I'm faced with his black clad back, quickly moving further away from me as he heads into the room. In the past two months, it has become our tradition to meet in Severus's room for tea and (in my case) coffee before beginning our treatment sessions, but the stiff formal posture Severus has today makes it clear that such niceties would be stilted to say the least. So when he comes to an abrupt halt in the living room and turns to eye me coolly, mask firmly in place, failing to say a word, I suggest skipping tea today.

"Very well," he replies tersely, then stalks out to the hallway. I follow him with a soft sigh and wait while he resets his copious wards. We walk down the hallway and the echoing of our shoes on the stone floor reverberates loudly in the corridor. Well…this is fun! We finally _finally_ arrive at my lab and I shut the door quietly behind us, gathering my courage.

"Severus," I begin imploringly, peeking up at his impassive face which is shielded by his loose, long black hair. "Can we please just forget about what happened yesterday and go back to the way things were before?" He looks at me with a raised brow, displaying nothing but cold curiosity on his face. "I mean, neither of us planned that; it was just an unfortunate, embarrassing circumstance. We did what we had to do to get out of it…and that's that." Even if it was the single most thrilling, fulfilling, perfect content moment in my life. I have to let it go, for the sake of the man I love…the man who doesn't even remotely feel the same about me.

Suddenly his stalwart blank expression morphs into one of white hot indignation. His beautiful obsidian eyes narrow to harsh slits and his thin lip curls into a sneer. "Yes, of course," he spits venomously. "How _embarrassing_ for you to have to be seen touching the _greasy git_ , let alone kissing him! I'm amazed you're even able to show your face around the school! How _humiliating and torturous_ for someone so glorious and perfect as yourself, for Albus's pretty little pet professor, to have to even be seen with scum like me! Tell me, did you throw up immediately afterward the revolting _circumstance_ or were you able to hold it in until you were out of the Great Hall?"

WHAT?! What the Hell is he talking about? How could he possibly think _I'm_ embarrassed? _He's_ the one who looked sick and revolted after the kiss! _He's_ the one who pulled away from me like I had the fucking Black Plague! And _he's_ the one who set the mistletoe on fire until it was a charred pile of ash! I can feel the heat of blinding anger coursing through my veins, something I have been exceedingly careful to control impeccably since I was 11, but this time it boils over and erupts before I can calm myself.

"That's right, feel sorry for yourself! Poor, _pitiful_ Severus! The only person on the planet who has ever been picked on! The only one in the entire universe who has ever been made to feel inadequate! _No one_ else has suffered, no one could _possibly_ understand what he's been through because no one other than him has ever felt the pull of the Dark, has ever made a mistake! And surely _no one_ could ever find anything attractive about him, despite telling him _to his fucking face!_ But no! No, the omnipotent genius that is Severus Snape knows better than everyone else! He's so smart he can tell people what they're feeling better than the people themselves. And, _of course,_ he's NEVER wrong!" I scream as I clench my fists in frustrated rage.

Severus's mouth hangs open in disbelief, but that doesn't hinder him for long as I can see the outrage burning within him. His sallow skin begins to turn violently red and he gets right in my face. "How dare you mock me! You have _no idea_ the things I have been through, and you sure as Hell don't know me!"

"I know you're an elitist, emotionally crippled misanthrope who thinks he's above everyone else and takes his only pleasure in life from verbally bashing those who aren't as intelligent or self-controlled as he is; in other words, everyone!" I shoot back,

"Yeah?" he shouts with a distinctly Northern accent creeping into his usual posh voice, "Well I know that you're a pandering people pleaser who avoids chastising anyone just so she can bask in the adoration of the masses, when really you can't stand the idiocy that runs rampant in this place anymore than I can! I also know that you're a manipulative little liar who'll do anything to get what she wants, including playing with the feelings of others, misleading them, and then tossing them aside like rubbage!"

"Oh for Merlin's sake! Don't tell me this is _still_ about what happened sixth year? That was almost TWENTY YEARS AGO Severus! And it was a misunderstanding, as I've told you a thousand fucking times! GET OVER IT, YOU OBTUSE, OBSTINATE, PRAT!"

"PRAT? Oh that's rich coming from you, you…BARMY BINT!" he snarls at me, now only a hair's breadth away from my face.

"CALLOUS CODGER!" I shout back instantly, not backing down a millimeter.

"TWIT!"

"WANKER!" The tail end of my hurled insult is a bit muffled because, inexplicably, Severus has crashed his lips to mine in a bruising kiss. Bloody buggering fuck! He's _snogging_ me! Of his own _free will_! So much heat is flooding my body I feel like I've stepped into an inferno, but I never, _ever_ want to cool down! I feel the electric tingles again and peak an eye open to see the swirling colorful vortex of magic surrounding us, just as Albus had mentioned. My mouth drops slightly in shock at the beautiful spectacle and then I hear the most wonderful sound in the world; Severus moans lowly! BLOODY HELL! That sound alone has me on the edge of climax! OH FUCK! His tongue…his glorious, warm, wet, strong tongue is in my mouth! And he's crushing his tall, sexy, lithe body against mine, pushing me harshly against the wall, pinning me there with a strength and passion I've never known.

With a throaty moan of my own I match the enthusiasm of his deliciously sweet and slightly cinnamon spiced tongue and I am ravaging his mouth like my life depends upon it. I wrap my arms tightly around him and one hand immediately moves up to tangle in his silky midnight locks, applying pressure to his scalp to further deepen the kiss. He responds by sharply pressing his hips closer, and I gasp at the unmistakable feeling of something turgid poking into the upper section of my right hip. Oh Merlin; he's _hard!_ From kissing _me!_ That is the hottest thing I've ever experienced in my entire life! It's official; I've devolved into a quivering mass of pudding. He thrusts against me again and a sensual growl escapes his throat as he tosses his head back for a moment, eyes closed tightly in ecstasy, before quickly diving back down to attack my lips again.

"MERLIN'S BEARD!" I hear off to my left hand side, and something is poking at my muzzy brain, but I'm far too befuddled to figure out what it is. Severus is apparently faster on the uptake, though, as he wrenches his lips off of mine and steps abruptly back from me, swiveling his head towards the source of the exclamation with such speed that his hair whips him in the face. His onyx eyes are narrowed to slits again, but they widen in surprise when they realize whom the shout came from. I dizzily turn my head and spot my brother standing in the middle of the lab, mouth hanging wide open, eyes the size of dinner plates, and body apparently frozen solid.

"S-S-Sorry El, I didn't realize you, uh, had…company. I'll just…come back…later," he finally stammers out as the blood apparently returns in its path to his brain. Then he turns swiftly towards the door and begins to nearly run to it. The door slams shut behind him with an echoing thud that fades into tense absolute silence.

I slowly and reticently turn my head back towards Severus, dreading a repeat of his reaction after the mistletoe incident. What if he was just caught up in the moment? What if this was purely a physical reaction and now that his brain has wrenched control back from his hormones, he regrets it? I bite my bottom lip so hard I can taste the copper tang of blood drip out as he looks into my eyes, his expression unreadable. Suddenly, and utterly shockingly, a low chuckle escapes Severus's blissfully parted lips. He's laughing? He's laughing! The sound grows and becomes infectious and now I'm chortling right along with him, recalling the look of embarrassed horror on my little brother's face.

"I think in the two and a half years I have been teaching your brother, that is the first time I have ever seen him rendered speechless," Severus muses with a slight smile.

"He's chatty, that's for sure," I agree, thinking of how difficult it is to stop the torrent of words that flows out of Leo like a babbling brook when he is excited about something.

"Do you think this is going to be all over the school by lunchtime?" Severus asks with a hint of repressed anxiety.

"No," I assure him soundly, "Leo likes to talk, but he's highly adverse to gossip, and he'd never even think of doing anything that could be construed as betraying the confidence of a loved one," I explain.

Severus nods his head in understanding and I see a bit of his tension release from his shoulders. "How very Hufflepuff of him," he drawls without any of the usual caustic heat.

I tilt my head in agreement and silence once again descends upon us. I know I need to ask him about what in the world just happened, but I am so reticent to break whatever spell we're under. Finally I gather my courage, though, and 'bite the bullet' as the Muggles say. "So…what exactly just happened here?" I ask as I watch his deep eyes and wait with baited breath.

He sighs and runs a long-fingered pale hand through his long dark hair. "I apologize," he finally utters, still hesitant to look me in the eye. "My behavior was out of line and it will not happen again."

"The insults or the kissing?" I ask, trying to keep my voice light despite the feeling of the happy flutter in my stomach growing cold at the possibility of being dismissed by my love again.

"Both," he breathes in barely more than a whisper. And with the one, seemingly innocuous small word, Severus has managed to shatter my heart for the third time. I can't take this anymore! How many times can I break and pull myself back together to face him again? Merlin, taking this job was a horrible mistake. I am a complete duffer for getting my hopes up and thinking he could ever want me! I'm fighting back tears with all of my strength, trying desperately not to show him how deeply he's hurt me.

"I see," I manage to eek out, my eyes falling to the floor as I nod stiffly. "I'm sorry for insulting you as well." I hesitate for a moment, wishing I didn't have to add the next part, but knowing that it's for my own good. "I'm going to speak with Albus about getting an alternate Healer in here for you. There's a guy I worked with for a while in Ireland who also specializes in curse treatments; he might be able to Floo in weekly for you."

"What? Why?" he asks shortly, his temper rising again. "I apologized and said it won't happen again. Do you believe I will not keep my word?"

"Of course I believe you," I sigh with an edge of resentment slipping out. "I just…I can't do this anymore, Severus. I thought I could; I thought I was stronger than this, but I'm just…not." My voice reeks of resignation now and it makes me cringe just thinking how weak and…girlie…I sound.

There is a look on Severus's face that can only be described as perplexed shock. "What can't you do anymore?" he asks in that bone melting soothing baritone voice.

"I can't see you every day, be near you, touch you during treatments...and I especially can't deal with you kissing me-TWICE-only to be constantly reminded that you're _NEVER_ going to want me the way I want you!" I shout, my self-control completely unraveling and my chest heaving with the force of my emotional expulsion.

Severus's eyes widen as he takes in my words and, uncharacteristically, his mouth flops open and closed a few times like a fish out of water. I move towards the door and am almost past him when his long slender arm shoots out with surprising quickness and he grabs a hold of my lower arm. His grip is gentle, but firm, and of course creates the usual stirring of prickling warmth. "You-you didn't hate the kisses? You said you were embarrassed…" he asks in disbelief, now staring intently into my eyes.

"No," I answer with solemn honesty. "I didn't say _I_ was embarrassed, I said the _situation_ was embarrassing; having to kiss in front of all the students in a big public display. I figured _you_ were embarrassed. And I certainly didn't hate the kisses. They were the most amazing kisses I've ever had, and better than I had even dreamed of."

"You've dreamed of kissing me?" he blurts in disbelief.

"More than just kissing," I reply before I have a chance to think. Oh fuck! Well that's just great El, way to go and open a can of mortifying worms to the man you just told yourself you had to get over! Here Severus, here are my sexual fantasies about you, laid out on a silver platter. Enjoy! I'll just nip off to hang myself now.

His eyebrows rise up to his hairline and he looks flummoxed, as if he has no idea how to process the information that I just let slip. He searches my eyes somewhat frantically, before seeming to settle on something. "Oh Gods," he nearly whines as he raises his hand to my face and softly runs his knuckles along my cheekbones. "I know you claimed to like me back at school, but I just never thought-I couldn't believe it was true," he admits softly. "And now…how could anyone want me now?" he whispers as his eyes fall accusingly towards his sheathed left arm.

I gently lay my hand on his chin and move his face so that he is looking at me again before placing my other hand over the area where I know his Mark to be. I caress it gently with my thumb, causing a small gasp to escape his lips. His arm jerks, trying to pull away, once again as if he has been burned, but I increase the pressure a bit and he stills. "Severus, I don't know what the circumstances of you taking this were, and you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but here's what I do know. I know that you do everything in your power to protect the students of this school, even when you're snarking at them that they're dunderheads, and your Slytherins are completely loyal to you, and Albus trusts you implicitly. Those things alone tell me that, whatever you've done in the past, you are no longer a Death Eater. Voldemort's gone; it's time to let go. You can't let this haunt you forever, Severus."

"You don't know the unspeakable things I've done," he laments softly, sitting on one of the cots and hanging his head down.

I risk sitting next to him and, when he doesn't move away, I wrap my arm around his shoulder. "Are you sorry for them?" I ask.

"Yes, oh Gods, yes," he wails quietly as his breath hitches in something that almost sounds like a sob.

"And would you do any of those things now, if you had the opportunity?"

"NO! Of course not!" he shouts indignantly, his watery black orbs blazing with anger as he turns sharply towards me.

"Precisely. _That's_ what matters. We all make mistakes and nothing we do can change that, but what we can do is learn from them and make sure they never happen again. Atone for the past, Severus, but don't let it destroy you. That doesn't help anyone," I soothe, hoping that the highly logical mind Severus possesses will let him see the viability in my words.

He nods slightly but doesn't say anything and I know it is going to take more than one conversation to alleviate, or even lessen, the crushing weight of guilt that he exists under. Taking another calculated risk, I slowly lean towards him and place a soft kiss on his cheek. He raises his hand up in a daze and lightly touches the place my lips were before turning to me with questioning eyes.

"I like you Severus; even more now than when we were in school together, and I would love to see where this could go, but I'm not about to pressure you into anything. If what happened before was strictly a physical desire that got out of hand and you don't have any feelings for me, I can accept that, but I need to know."

"It was a physical desire," he admits, now much more composed than he was mere moments ago, "but I'd be lying if I said that was all there was to it. I-I've always liked you as a person, Eleanor; well, at least until I thought you were using me for Black's amusement," he sneers. "Having gotten to know you better these past few months, I've come to appreciate you even more. Your sarcastic humor is refreshing, and you are one of the most intelligent people I have ever met. You're also quite witty, and you take things in stride-certainly more than I do-but you also know when and how to be serious. You're understanding without being soppy or smothering," he hesitates before speaking the next part. "You're the first person I've thought of as a friend since Reg…since just after school."

"Thank you. I'm glad," I smile, torn between joy at him liking me and disappointment that his feelings don't appear to go beyond the platonic level.

"That's why I'm hesitant to indulge my attraction to you," he adds, shocking me into full attention. "And why I was so indignant about that mistletoe."

"You're attracted to me?" I ask, somehow managing not to stutter despite the stunning spell someone has seemingly cast upon my brain.

"I would have thought that to be obvious considering what your brother walked in upon," he smirks as he teases in that dry tone that I adore. I blush lightly, thinking back to the prominent biological evidence that had been poking me in the hip just minutes ago. "What is significantly less clear is why you would be attracted to me. As you stated, I am an 'emotionally crippled misanthrope' and I have been saddled with a face not even a mother could love," he spits resentfully.

"I adore your face," I counter, "and as for the rest? I'm not exactly the picture of emotional normalcy either. I'm in my thirties and my longest relationship lasted three months."

"Longer than mine," he snorts.

"Some pair we make, huh?" I joke and receive a very tiny smile in return, plus a good-natured roll of his eyes.

"Indeed. Although I don't for one moment believe that you 'adore' my face. I have a mirror; there is no need for empty flattery."

"It's not flattery; it's the truth. Your eyes are captivating, and your pale skin contrasts beautifully with your long, deep black hair. Your facial structure is just strong enough to be unmistakably masculine without being so angular as to make it harsh or overpowering," I explain as I gaze at each piece of the alluring puzzle I am describing.

"And my nose?" he challenges.

"Your nose is distinguished," I say honestly. "All men of character have larger noses."

He chuckles at that and shakes his head in amusement. "You actually believe all of that rubbish, don't you?"

"You know what they say; beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and to me, Severus, you are beautiful, no matter what you or anyone else may think."

Severus leans in slowly and touches his lips to mine again, only this time it is soft, slow, and sweet. It is no less passionate than the frenzied bruising kisses we shared against the wall, but that passion is translated in a completely different way. This is a slow, steady burn instead of an explosion, and I am melting into it. All too soon, the need to breathe interferes with the divine pleasure of Severus's lips and tongue, and we break apart slightly for air.

"Wow," I breathe, dazed from the perfection of the kiss.

"Definitely," he agrees breathily with slightly glassy eyes and a small genuine smile.

"So…what now?" I ask hopefully.

"Now. I think we should start this treatment of yours before I lose my self control, push you down onto this bed, and rush into something too soon," he answers, apparently without meaning to, if the embarrassed blush and horrified surprise in his eyes are anything to go by.

"Damn your logical brain, Snape," I grumble lightly as I pull back to a respectable distance from him. I'm not going to call him out on his uncharacteristically honest and unguarded lust-driven response. It would only serve to further discomfit him.

He chuckles with relief as he reluctantly stands up from the all too tempting bed and grimaces at the obvious discomfort from his neglected erection. "I know how you feel," he huffs as he pulls out his wand and surreptitiously casts a spell to suppress his anatomical problem.

I raise an inquisitive brow as he turns back around. "We don't want any distractions while you're stabbing me with needles and spells, now do we?" he explains.

"That we don't," I laughingly agree. "Maybe after the first treatment, though, we could have dinner together? Somewhere other than the Great Hall?"

"Why Healer Bradford, are you asking me out on a date?" he drawls cheekily in that sexy dry tone.

"As a matter of fact, Professor Snape, I am," I reply with a wink. "What do you say?"

"Alright; but since you asked, you're paying," he affirms.

"Works for me," I agree with a smug smile. "Now take off your shirt and get on the bed," I order.

"Ooh, anxious aren't you?" he mocks.

"After twenty years? You have _no_ idea."


	28. PART II - Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

Severus's first treatment seems to have gone well. He didn't have any signs of rejecting the new blood cells graciously supplied by Auror Tonks and, other than some fatigue, which is to be expected, he didn't have any adverse reactions. Of course, he's only had one treatment and further ones could bring out complications, but him not having an immediate reaction to the first treatment is a positive sign. Being the stubborn man that he is, he wanted to go out to dinner immediately after the treatment, but I have _finally_ convinced him to rest for at least a few hours first. Of course, I had to channel my inner Slytherin to convince him. I begged for a few hours for myself, so that I could go talk to my brother about what he walked in on earlier.

So now here I am making my way to the Hufflepuff dorms, after discreetly setting up a barrage of monitoring and alarm charms on Severus's treatment room so that I will know the very second if anything goes wrong. I'm concentrating on all those fail safes so that I can avoid thinking of what in the world I am supposed to say to Leo. Is he going to be mortified? Angry? How would I feel if I walked in on my older sibling snogging the face off of one of my professors? Suddenly a flash of Professor Slughorn getting seriously snogged invades my mind and I shudder. Oh Merlin, that's nauseating! I seriously hope that isn't the way Leo thinks about me snogging Severus! What if it is, though? What if he doesn't want me seeing him? Leo means the absolute world to me and I'd die for him without a second thought, but Severus is the first, and if I am honest with myself, only, man I have ever loved. I've dreamed of being with him for two decades, after all. Could I give up my chance with him for the well-being of my baby brother? Would I? I am stopped in my tracks by this conundrum and I feel like I have been sucker-punched in the gut. Despite the heart clenching pain, though, I know that if Leo asked me not to continue anything with Severus, I would give up my chance. Dear Merlin, I hope he doesn't ask that of me, though!

With a deep breath I approach the pile of barrels that conceals the entrance to the Hufflepuff common room. Brandishing my wand I tap the barrels in the pattern and rhythm that the Headmaster demonstrated to me and am relieved when the passage opens and I remain vinegar free. Smelling like a salad would certainly not help in my efforts to have a serious conversation with Leo, after all. I squeeze through the passageway and emerge in the copper, yellow, and black common room that looks more like a forest thanks to all of the plants Pomona has decorated with. Luck seems to be on my side as I spot Carys sitting on one of the couches, books spread out on three sides of her.

"Excuse me, Carys?" I inquire to draw her attention from one of the tomes.

"Oh, hi El! Uh, I mean Healer Bradshaw," she corrects slightly sheepishly.

"No problem, Car," I reply easily. I don't mind if Leo and his friends call me by my first name when we aren't in class. After all, it's what they have known me by all of their lives. "Hey, have you seen Leo today?"

"Yeah, he came through here about an hour ago looking like he'd seen a Nundu. I tried to ask him what the matter was but he just shook his head and went up to his dorm. I think he was in shock or something. I was actually going to call you if he wasn't back to himself by dinner. Graeme has been keeping an eye on him up in the dorm, though, and I told him to let me know if he thought he needed help."

"Ok, thanks. I appreciate you looking out for him."

"Is he okay? I mean, is there anything we should know about?" she asked a little hesitantly.

"I think he'll be okay. It isn't anything physical; I think he just got a bit of a surprise this afternoon," I reply kindly but with an air of finality in my voice that lets her know this is a private family matter. "I'm going to go talk to him now."

"Alright, it's one floor up, the third door on the right. Good luck," she says genuinely as she turns back to her homework.

I climb the stairs to the specified door and knock politely. A tall, gangly boy with floppy brown hair answers the door and his eyes grow wide at the sight of a professor at his door.

"Hullo. I'm here to see Leo. Is he in?" I ask, trying my best not to sound too intimidating. The boy nods and opens the door.

"Uh, Leo…" he leads. "Your sis, uh, Professor Bradshaw is here to see you," he gets out.

Leo looks up from the Care of Magical Creatures book he is reading and gives me a small smile. "Hi El," he greets. He doesn't sound angry or disgusted, just unsure.

"Oi, mates, let's head to the common room for a round of Exploding Snap, eh?" Graeme suggests in that friendly yet authoritative way he's always had. The short boy who has been Leo's best male friend since the moment they met on the Hogwarts Express first year may not have hit his growth spurt yet, but he could still command anyone in a room, even those who are twice his size. He, like Leo, has charisma in spades and something that just makes people stop and take notice of him. He is definitely a natural leader and I am grateful that he is perceptive enough to realize my brother and I need to speak in private.

The lanky brunette who answered the door, a stocky blond boy, and a smaller brunette with glasses all shuffle out the door with Graeme picking up the rear.

"There you go, gorgeous," he purrs, then he gives me a wink and a lascivious smile before shutting the door behind them. I almost forgot what a shameless flirt that kid is! I roll my eyes as I turn back towards my brother, who chuckles at his best friend's antics.

"Well, he's got black hair, which you seem to be partial to," Leo comments with a mocking smirk.

"Berk," I retort as I grab a pillow off the nearest bed and chuck it at him. He gives me his usual bright, full smile and I feel a wave of relief hit me. I move to his bed and sit down next to him to start the meat of the conversation. "Leo…I'm sorry that you had to see that," I begin.

"El, it isn't like I walked in on you crucioing Muggles or something. You were just snogging; I'm not scarred for life by knowing that my sister has a love life. In fact, it's about time!"

"Leo!" I huff indignantly.

"What? Let's face it El, you're over 30 and you aren't getting any younger," he says in a tone eerily reminiscent of our mother. "So… _was_ Professor Snape your date to the Yule Ball?"

"As I told you before, no. As a matter of fact, what you walked in on was our first kiss. Well, if you don't count the mistletoe debacle, which I don't."

"Wow!" he whistles. "That sure looked like one hell of a first kiss!"

"Language," I chastise automatically, even though I know I have no right to talk. I said far worse things at his age. Really I'm just trying to distract his attention from the blush heating my face, I think.

"Are you guys together now?" he asks with his usual exuberant excitement peeking through.

"Well…" I struggle. _Are we? I honestly don't know. He said he was attracted to me, and we're going on a date tonight I guess, but does that mean we're together?_

"Do I have to go down to the dungeons and knock some sense into him?" Leo asks with narrowed eyes and an edge in his voice. "Because if he thinks he can just use my sister for sex and not make an honest woman out of her he's sadly mistaken!"

"Leonardo Franklin Rossi!" I sputter in disbelief. I can't believe my 13 year old brother just commented on my sex life! "You…when…how…how do you even know about stuff like that?"

"El," he gives me a disparaging look, "I'm a teenager. I know what sex is."

My mouth falls open and I am gaping at him like a trout. "Yeah but, you…you're not…you haven't…" _Oh Merlin! Is my baby brother having sex? He can't be! He's so sweet and innocent!_

"No El," he laughs, "I haven't had sex. I'm still only 13 for Merlin's sake! I'm old enough to know about it, but _definitely_ not old enough to participate in it. I haven't even snogged anyone yet, sheesh!"

"Oh thank Merlin," I sigh in relief, resting my hand over my racing heart as Leo continues to chuckle at me. "Don't scare me like that, you brat," I chastise lightly as I pull him into a headlock and ruffle his hair. He pulls away and rolls his eyes at me as he fixes the mess I have made of his golden locks.

"So back to the topic at hand; what's up with you and Professor Snape?" he drills.

"Damn, I thought I'd distracted you enough to forget about that!" I lament.

"Oh that's not something I'm going to forget without an Obliviate," he assures me. "It's not every day you see your sister snogging the most vicious professor the school has ever seen."

"Uh, yeah," I reply nervously as I bite my bottom lip. "That's actually one of the things I was worried about. I know Severus has a reputation for being pretty horrid to the students…and some of the other professors…and strangers…well, everyone really, but once you break through the cold, defensive walls, he really isn't that bad, I swear!"

"El, you don't have to convince me," he assuages. "I've never really had a problem with him. That's not to say he likes me or anything, but he's never done anything worse than throw a few snippy or sarcastic comments my way, mostly when I wouldn't shut up," he shrugs.

"That's good," I say in relief, "but what about your friends? As you have probably guessed, Severus is a very private person and I'm not one to air my personal business to the world, but it's conceivable that anything between us could get out to the student body. Are you going to be embarrassed if your friends find out I'm involved with him?"

Leo looks at me as if I've gone completely round the bend. "Even if they do find out, what do I care? It's your life El, and you and Professor Snape are the only ones who have any say in the situation. If my friends have an issue with it, that's their problem. The only thing I care about is if he is treating you right and if he makes you happy. If the answer to both of those questions is yes, then I will be thrilled for you," he says quite seriously, looking intently into my eyes to make sure I understand. It is times like this that my brother shows just how much wiser than his years he truly is. "I know I was joking about your age and stuff before, but seriously, you've been alone far too long. I know you live for your work, and that's great since you're helping people, but I want you to have love in your life too. You are far too great of a person not to have everything. If Professor Snape is the one who can give that to you, then go for it. After all, in the grand scheme of things, love conquers all…including adolescent ideas of what is cool and what isn't."

I can't help but laugh at his philosophy as I pull him into an appreciate hug. "Thank you Leo. You have no idea how much it means to me to have your support and blessing. You seriously are the best brother on the planet. Next Hogsmeade trip you can pick out anything you want and it's on me."

"Wow, thanks Sis!" he beams. "I did see the new Firebolt broom is out."

My breath catches in my throat as I think about how ridiculously expensive those things are, but I swallow the lump and smile. Honestly, Leo's earned it with how fantastic he's been this year. I don't know of any other 13 year old who would be so understanding about his sister coming to his school to teach and then getting involved with the most unpopular professor in said school.

"Oh man, you should have seen your face!" Leo laughs suddenly. "I didn't think you could be any paler than you normally are, but when I mentioned the Firebolt all of the color just drained from your face."

"You're joking?"

"Of course I am! Come on El, I'm not going to make you spend hundreds of galleons on me just for 'letting' you live your own life! I'll probably just buy a bunch of chocolate from Honeydukes. Oh! Or maybe if they aren't too expensive I can get a rat from the Menagerie! They are so cute; you should see them!" he exclaims as his eyes light up.

"You have the weirdest taste in pets, Leo," I chuckle, recalling his former pets which included a cockroach, a snake, a naked mole rat, and even a bowtruckle. "If a rat is what you want, though, go for it. As a matter of fact, get two of them. That way he or she isn't lonely."

"Oh El, you're the best!" he cries happily as he launches himself on me and gives me a suffocating hug. After a few moments of choking me he pulls back with a sly smile. "Besides, I may have weird taste in pets, but you have weird tastes in men, so I'd say we're even."

"Prat," I snip as I hit him with another pillow and we launch into an all out pillow war like we used to do when he was younger.


	29. PART II - Chapter 16

_A/N: First off, thank you SO much for everyone who has favorited and reviewed this story! I never imagined it would get such an amazing response and it is incredibly heartening to see so many people interested in it. Special thanks to those who have taken the time to review as those reviews provide great motivation to keep writing._

 _Secondly, this chapter contains some passages in Italian. Translations have been provided, but it has been quite a few years since I studied the language, so there may be some improperly conjugated verbs and translations that don't exactly match up. My apology to anyone who actually speaks the language if I have, in fact, butchered it._

 _Thank you and enjoy!_

 **Chapter 16**

As I return to my lab, my heart feeling ten times lighter than it did when I headed out to speak with Leo, I see that Severus is up and about. He is peering at my transfusion machine with noticeable interest, but taking care not to break anything. I can't help but smile at the thoughtful frown on his face.

"Thinking of getting one of your own?" I joke by way of greeting.

"Only if it comes in black," he deadpans back. "Has Mr. Rossi expired from embarrassment, or has his mortification been overruled by anger?"

"Neither, actually. He took it surprisingly well."

"Really?" he asks skeptically as he arches one of his expressive brows.

"Really. He gave us his blessing and wished us well. He's frighteningly mature for a 13 year old. Although he did make a crack or two about my age and my lack of relationships. Cheeky brat," I answer affectionately.

"So…" Severus leads, looking vaguely lost.

"So, if you haven't changed your mind, we could go get some dinner." Please, _please_ don't have changed your mind!

"Very well. Provided _you_ have not changed your mind about being seen with a greasy Death Eater, where shall we dine?" he acquiesces after a tense moment of silence. His posture and expression are stoic, but I can see the doubt and shame in his eyes.

"Severus," I say softly as I approach him and take both of his hands in mine, "I told you before, that doesn't bother me. We all make mistakes in life, but you've learned from yours. Anyone who judges you based solely on the Mark on your arm can just go fuck themselves as far as I'm concerned." Severus raises his eyebrows in surprise, at my language or my vehemence I'm not sure, but it soon gives way to a satisfied smirk. "And as for the greasy part, that just reflects the genius potions work that you do. Anyone with perfect hair is clearly a spoiled aristocrat who doesn't have to toil each day, and I want no part of someone like that. You, though," I continue, my tone dropping to a seductive purr as I place my hands on his neck and move them up to play lightly in his hair as I push my body gently against his, "you I want _every_ part of."

As I had fervently hoped, desire flares in his eyes and he lowers his head to place a passionate kiss on my lips. After a moment, he parts my lips with his tongue and explores my mouth as a small moan escapes my throat. I answer back with my own tongue, caressing his before taking control and pushing my way into his mouth. We snog until we are breathless, then reluctantly pull away. My chest is heaving and I am seriously considering skipping dinner and just feasting on Severus all night long. Unfortunately the Healer in me makes itself known like an angel on my shoulder and reminds me that Severus has just had a large scale transfusion and needs to keep his strength up for the remaining two sessions to complete the treatment.

"As much as I'd like to continue doing this all night long, we should probably get dinner. You could use the added iron in your blood and I don't want to bollocks this up before it even begins by rushing into the more, uh, physical aspects of a relationship," I lament.

After a moment Severus nods solemnly in agreement. "Very well. There is a small, quiet Italian place tucked into the back corner of Hogsmeade that is usually free of ill-behaved ruffians and miscreants. Will that be acceptable?"

"With a glowing recommendation like that, how could I resist?" I reply with a teasing smirk.

"Cheeky brat," he answers with furrowed brows, but without his usual hostility. He then catches me completely by surprise by extending his arm in true gentleman's style. "Shall we?"

"It would be my pleasure, sir," I affirm as I take his arm and allow him to walk me to the door. He releases my arm to open the door for me with a slight bow. Who knew Severus was such a gentleman? Usually I don't put much stock in such old-world etiquette, but knowing that Severus is also willing to argue with me and treat me like an equal rather than a delicate wilting flower, the antiquated rituals seem far more endearing.

I don't mind when he fails to take my arm back up once we reach the corridor. We are in the school, after all, and after that mistletoe incident that last thing we need to do is add fuel to the gossip fire. After all, I know that if any of my students saw me walking arm in arm with Severus that I might as well throw my lesson plans for the next week out the window. Each class would be filled with nothing but incessant probing personal questions. I shudder at the thought.

The walk to Hogsmeade is pleasant thanks to subtle warming charms and the glistening of the newly fallen snow. Severus and I talk about mundane, safe topics such as classes, his treatment, my research, and potions he is working on. Despite the commonality of the topics, I find the discussion to be stimulating and satisfying. Eventually I would love to get to know more about Severus himself and the multitudinous things he hides from the world, but I know that the man is slow to trust and I have no intentions of pushing him. After all, I've waited two decades to get a date with him, surely another few months of waiting for him to open up won't kill me.

We arrive at the restaurant, which a hanging sign outside informs me is called "La Famiglia Camera" and I immediately adore it. It's a small, cozy place that is hidden around a corner, separated from the hustle and bustle of the town and the holiday shoppers exchanging their unwanted presents. There is a large fireplace set along a stone wall and thick stone columns are placed throughout the open dining space. The walls are a deep cranberry color that soothes and warms, and there are tastefully placed accents of fir and holly throughout the room. The tables are constructed of deep brown teak with matching chairs with plush chocolate upholstery. Lanterns hang from the rafters and candles adorn the table. I inhale and am immediately enveloped in the succulent aromas of roasted garlic, tomatoes, and olive oil that have come to signify home, comfort, and love to me, thanks to my Italian step-father's penchant for cooking.

"Is this acceptable?" Severus inquires flatly.

"Acceptable?" I scoff, "Severus, this place is fantastic! How did I not know this place was here?"

"Professore!" a bold, honey tinged voice rings out before Severus can respond to me. I turn and see a short, round witch with course black hair waddling over towards us enthusiastically. She has a huge smile on her face and her hazel eyes are sparkling with mirth. She vigorously wipes her hands on the apron draped over her red skirt before clapping them together and going on her tiptoes to reach up to Severus's face. I am astounded when she puts her hands on Severus's cheeks and squishes his stoic face up with a squeal of delight. I am even further amazed that she doesn't pull back two bloody stumps. "Dove sei stato?" she asked in a lightly chastising manner. "è stato mesi da quando ti ho visto! Che è questo? È lei il motivo per cui sono stato troppo occupato per visitare?"*

* _Translation: Professor! Where have you been? It has been months since you have visited. Who is this? Is she the reason you have been too busy to visit?"_

"Le mie scuse," Severus replies, much to my surprise, in a silky voice that makes my heart race. Severus speaks Italian?! Since when? "Le cose sono stato occupato presso la scuola. Questa è signorina Bradford-"

 _* Translation: My apologies, Things have been busy at the school. This is Miss Bradford._

"Io sono una nuovo professore," I interject, extending my hand in greeting. "E un piacere conoscerti." The plump jovial woman by passes my hand and pulls me into a tight hug that has me gasping for breath.

 _* Translation: I am a new professor. It is a pleasure to meet you._

"Ah! Lei parla italiano!" she squeals in delight, beaming from ear to ear. "Lo sapevo che eri qualcosa di speciale," she says with a wink as she gestures for us to follow her. She leads us to a plush booth in the darkest back corner of the restaurant, clearly one of the best tables in the place, and one designed for privacy. All the while we chat in Italian about my position, our respective Italian backgrounds, and which specials she recommends

 _*Translation: Ah! You speak Italian! I knew you were something special._

Severus narrows his eyes at her choice of tables, but she just laughs at him and pinches his cheek before leaning in to whisper something in his ear. Of course, Italians not being known for being soft-spoken, I am still able to hear what she whispers. "Lei e bella e molto dolce. Non rovinare questa!"

* _Translation: She is beautiful and very sweet. Don't screw this up!_

Severus growls at the woman, whom I have learned is named Signora Moretti, but she just smiles patronizingly and heads to the kitchen. I know my life is on the line, but I can't help it; I chuckle at the display.

"Don't you start too," he threatens irritably as he yanks a piece of bread from the basket that a young waiter has just fearfully placed upon the edge of the table. "Since when do you speak Italian, anyway?" he grumbles as he tears the poor, unsuspecting baked good to shreds.

"Oh, since about the time I was fourteen," I reply with feigned nonchalance. "You do realize my brother is named Leonardo Rossi, right?" I laugh. Severus raises a brow and nods slightly, acknowledging the glaring clue. "My dad, well, step-dad, grew up in San Marino so Italian is his native language. He started teaching me phrases as soon as I would talk to him, which was about 7 months after he started dating my mother."

"It was 7 months before you spoke to him?" Severus asks skeptically.

"I had some…trust issues…regarding men," I admit.

"I wonder why," he says wryly, giving me an understanding small smile.

"So how did you learn to speak Italian, Severus?" I inquire, taking a piece of the warm, crusty bread.

"I was looking for a way to occupy myself over the summer after my sixth year so I took up studying the language," he explains simply.

"Let me get this straight; you learned Italian because you were bored one summer?" I ask incredulously.

"Essentially," he drawls.

"Wow…don't take this the wrong way, because I love it," I laugh, "but Severus, you

are a colossal dork! I mean, I thought I was a geek, but that just takes the cauldron cake!"

To my delight, rather than unleashing his legendary temper, Severus begins to chuckle as well. Our laughter only dies down when Signora Moretti returns to the table to take our order with a huge smile and a sparkle in her eyes. Well, actually she comes to take my order since she informs me that 'Professore Snape' always orders the same thing; _always_. Veal Saltimbocca is apparently his dish of choice, and that hasn't changed since he tried the entree on his third visit to the trattoria. I decide to try the trenette al pesto with grilled chicken, eager to compare it to the version my dad makes. Signora Moretti brings over a tomato, basil, and mozzerella bruschetta starter, on the house, and Severus's favorite bold red wine.

"Alright, so we have established that I am a 'colossal geek' as you say, so I feel it is only fair that you share an embarrassing anecdote about yourself now," Severus drawls with a challenging spark in his dark eyes.

"Fair?" I jeer with a sneer resembling Severus's own trademark one, "Who ever said life was fair?" I taunt, though I am sure my own eyes have their own spark that gives my ruse away.

"Too true. I suppose I will have to extract the information in a less…civilized manner," he retorts with a pointed look over his wine glass as he takes a long sip that makes me wish more than anything that I was that glass right now.

"Do your worst," I respond, rising to the erotic challenge in his voice with one of my own. We oscillate between subtly flirtatious banter and deep intellectual discussion throughout the course of the fantastic meal, and I can honestly say it is the best date I've ever been on. Sure, there are times that Severus takes digs at me, but I sling them right back, and we both know that the jibs are not meant to be offensive. Rather, they are just indicative of our slightly twisted senses of humor. Truthfully, I'm relieved that I can let it loose on a date for once; all of my previous dates, few as they were, seemed to take offense or just find it weird.

After the meal, which Signora Moretti insisted on comping in celebration of Severus "finally bringing a date in after all these years," much to his chagrin, we walk down one of the side roads of town that borders the forest. Severus once again extends his arm to me, and I take it in a solid but relaxed grip as we stargaze and point out constellations.

"Eleanor," Severus inquires suddenly, "I realize standard etiquette rules forbid intruding upon a date with business, but given that tonight is a full moon, I had planned to harvest some fluxweed from within the forest. My stores are rather low…" he explains, clearly wanting to just inform me outright that he is going to do this, but making a conscious effort to be respectful. I can't help but smile at him acting so out of character and trying to damper that fiery, forceful personality that attracts me like a moth to a flame.

"Then what are we waiting for? Let's go harvest you some fluxweed!" I reply with a smile, grabbing his arm and leading him into the Forbidden Forest. I catch a small smirk on his face at my willingness to trudge into the forbidden forest at night, at the full moon of all times, and smile to myself that he doesn't try to talk some sense into me. His chivalry stops at good manners, rather than crossing over into the overprotective, 'women are weak, delicate flowers who need protecting' mentality.

"Oh, this reminds me," I spurt in my stream-of-conciousness, "I have to check on my werewolves tomorrow."

Severus raises an eyebrow in disbelief. " _Your_ werewolves? Do you own a magical zoo?"

"What?!" I seethe, whipping around to glare at him. "Severus, that's horrible! Werewolves are people, just like you and me," I chastise, truly incensed by his prejudicial comment. "I was referring to my _patients_ ," I hiss.

He tilts his head a bit, as if to say 'is that so?' in a somewhat disinterested manner, but clearly he is not frightened of my outburst. With him having been a Death Eater I hadn't really expected to jar him, but I am hoping to make him see how inappropriate and narrow-minded his opinion of werewolves is. "Clearly you've never had the _pleasure_ of meeting Fenrir Grayback," he spits with pure hatred blazing in his cold eyes.

"No, I haven't," I reply coolly, now understanding where his bigoted opinion of werewolves originates from. Although I have never met Grayback, I have heard more than enough stories of his cruelty and sick, twisted, ideals to know that he truly is a monster. "But I have met Johnny, a 22 year old boy who graduated top of his class in Durmstrang and went on to study Magical Law with the dream of forming his own not-for-profit law firm to help victims of abuse, only to be kicked out of law school one term short of graduating because he got infected. And I have met Elena, a 7 year old girl with big sparkling onyx eyes that light up at the sight of the first snowfall each year, and who dreams of becoming an actress, but she can't be in her school plays because she isn't allowed to go to Wizarding primary school with her friends anymore, not since she was bitten last year."

"She was bitten when she was six?" he asks with a slight edge of horror that warms my heart. "How did she survive the attack?"

"Her mother fought the werewolf off, so he only managed to bite her arm rather than devour her."

"Her mother…took on a werewolf?" he asks in awe.

"Yes. She ran right up to him and punched him as hard as she could, right on the nose. The impact startled him enough to drop his jaw and let go of Elena. Then her mother distracted the werewolf long enough for the girl to run to a nearby house and get inside," I explain sadly, recalling the tears in Elena's father's eyes as he recounted the tale to me.

"And the mother?" he asks, trying hard to keep his voice detached and uncaring.

"She wasn't as lucky as her daughter. She sacrificed her life to save Elena that night, and I'll be damned if I am going to let that sweet little girl suffer anymore than she already has by letting her be treated as nothing more than a beast."

"But surely the wolf who attacked her qualifies as a beast," he points out logically.

"The wolf, perhaps, but the man? No. He wasn't a beast either. He was a poor man who had no safe place to go during the full moons after he lost his home since he couldn't pay his bills without a job. A job that the ministry's idiotic, short-sighted Werewolf Laws made it illegal for him to have. He had tried to keep himself away from humans, knowing the uncontrollable bloodlust that the wolf possessed, but the cheap wood in the hovel he made for himself splintered under his wolf's ramming, despite the chains, locks, and wards he had put on it. When he woke up the next morning, covered in blood, he was horrified. He read the story of the attack in the _Prophet_ and went mad with grief. He was brought into St. Mungos and I'll never forget it; he couldn't stop vomiting, crying, and clawing at himself in anguish. He composed himself enough to write a letter to Elena and her father, apologizing for ruining their lives, and then after I had promised to deliver it to them, he pulled out his wand, put it to his head, and cast _Expulso_ on himself," I explain, shuddering at the awful memory.

Severus is staring at me, wide-eyed, but with an unreadable expression. "That must have been horrible to witness," he finally says softly.

"It was," I affirm, "but what truly horrified me was that two lives had been lost, and two others irrevocably changed for the worse, all because of prejudice. Mr. Parsons, the werewolf who attacked Elena, was a good man, albeit a somewhat magically weak wizard, who never wanted to hurt anyone. If he had still had his job as a broommaker he would have been able to keep his cottage in Sudbury and secured himself in the sturdy stone basement during the full moons. He might have even been able to purchase Wolfsbane and truly ensured that he wasn't a danger to anyone else. Instead we now have a seven year old werewolf without a mother. It's just so senseless and the Ministry refuses to see that the only way to protect people from werewolves is to help those werewolves that already exist. Do you know that since we started the free and low-cost Wolfbane program at St. Mungos werewolf attacks in London and the surrounding suburbs have dropped 37 percent? 37 percent! That's huge, especially considering how reluctant many of them are to come out of hiding to get the potion. And yes, there are scumbags out there like Grayback who maul people for a sick thrill and wouldn't take the potion even if it was handed to them, but that's the exception, not the rule."

Severus looks thoughtful for a moment before inclining his head so it is just barely perceptible. "Your argument is certainly well thought out," he acknowledges as we continue to wander down the small path in the woods, keeping an eye out for the fluxweed we came in for. "I will concede that not _all_ werewolves are vicious beasts outside of the full, but if you expect me to ever be friendly with any of them, you will be sorely disappointed. Much as your father's…treatment of you, made you inherently more cautious around men, so have my experiences with werewolves made me distrustful of them."

"I understand," I admit with a sigh. I do know how difficult it is to overcome a traumatic experience and believe something when your personal evidence tells you otherwise, but I hope with time and more exposure Severus can change his view of werewolves. After all, they are a core of my patient base, and their treatment is a key part of my research. Maybe if I introduce him to Elena it will soften his hard, stubborn heart. "It is a shame, though. I am sure your Wolfsbane potion would be much better than mine."

"You brew the Wolfsbane for the program yourself?" he asks with marked surprise.

"Yep. Given the amount of time it takes there aren't many potion makers who are willing to create it for free. At least, none who are actually _qualified_."

"No one ever approached me about making it for the hospital," he huffs, sounding affronted.

"Really? The Department of Magical Creatures healthcare rep claimed he had contacted every Potions Master in England about it and they all turned him down flat. That lying little prat!" I seethe, grinding my teeth in aggravation. "Oh when I get my hands on him, I'm going to rip out his lungs and use them for bagpipes!"

My tirade is broken by the deep, resonant sound of Severus's chuckles. "You always did have a way with words, Eleanor," he smirks.

I shrug, unable to remain incensed when my love is laughing like that. "It's a gift, and a curse," I reply with a wink. "Oh, hey, I found some fluxweed!" I exclaim as I look down and spot a patch filled with the ragged plant we have been searching for.

"Excellent," Severus comments, sweeping over to where I am and slipping on his black dragonhide gloves. Merlin! Just when I thought he couldn't look any sexier! Oh God, now he's bending over! That's it; I'm going to spontaneously combust! An embarrassing whine escapes my lips, prompting my dark Adonis to look over his shoulder at me questioningly.

"Uh, can I, uh, help?" I ask, trying to cover up my slip. Yep, smooth El, that seemed _perfectly_ natural!

"If you so desire," he drawls, then hands me the glove off of his left hand.

"Thanks," I answer as I slip the warm, large glove onto my hand and begin yanking at the plants. We work in companionable silence for a few minutes until Severus decides he has enough fluxweed for the next few months. I conjure a large bag to place the plants in and we head back out of the forest, walking side by side. I am about to open my mouth to speak when a deadly cold, smooth voice stops me in my tracks.

"You are out of bounds, humans," the gruff voice warns.

Severus has slipped his wand out of his sleeve before I can even blink and is in a slight crouch, ready to attack at a moment's notice.

"Unless you wish to die, I would advise sheathing your magic stick," the voice says in a disturbingly logical and cool tone. Severus narrows his eyes, but complies when the voice is revealed to be attached to a body; that of a Centaur.

"Miss Eleanor Bradford," the centaur says with a slight bow, "we meet again." My eyes widen at hearing the creature say my name and I realize exactly who we have encountered.

"Chiron?" I ask, squinting to make out his deep chestnut brown coat and large black eyes. The centaur nods in affirmation and I can't help but smile. "Merlin! It's been ages since I've seen you! I can't believe you remember me," I marvel as I slowly approach him and extend my arm, shaking his forearm in formal greeting.

"Time is relative, and to a Centaur, your human year is a mere star among the grandeur of the cosmos. Besides, a person's scent never changes. Although yours is far more pleasant without the tears muddying it, I must admit."

I blush as I recall the way Chiron found me when we first met. I was a total emotional mess! "Uh, yeah," I chuckle, trying to wave off my embarrassment. "I was having a bad day."

"The Gods rain challenges down upon us all at one point or another. I am pleased that you are happier at this moment, though. Who is your male human?" he asks, eying Severus with an air of distrust.

"Oh! Of course, forgive my rudeness. Chiron, this is Severus Snape, the Potions Master at Hogwarts. Severus, this is Chiron."

The two men give each other calculating looks, weighing one another, then finally shake forearms with stiff nods.

"Your talent is highly reputed Mr. Severus Snape, as is your respect for the flora and fauna of our forest. You never harvest in excess and take care to avoid antagonizing the inhabitants of my forest. For this, I thank you," Chiron states with a formal bow. "I will also warn you; tonight is a poor night to be in the forest. The full moon brings out many dangerous creatures, and robs many others of their senses. I must insist you walk on the path back to the castle."

"We were actually just heading back out, but thank you for the warning," I tell him truthfully.

"Very well. I shall escort you to the edge of the forest to ensure your safety," he states, leaving no room for argument. I see that Severus is about to counter him, but I lay my hand on his arm and shake my head to dissuade him. Wounding a Centaur's pride would not be a good way to end our date. He reluctantly nods in agreement and we walk onwards, towards the exit of the forest, with our 8 foot tall shadow behind us, bow armed and ready. We make it to the edge without incident, though there were some rather intimidating sounds coming from the trees along the way.

"Thank you again, Chiron," I say with true gratitude.

"You are welcome Eleanor Bradford. Be careful in the future," he says ominously as he peers intently up at the night sky. "The planets foretell a time of great strife and struggle. Danger will soon arrive. I wish you the best in overcoming it." He nods gravely to Severus, seeming to include him in his warning and well-wishes, then gallops back into the inky blackness of the trees.

"You're friends with the Centaurs as well as werewolves?" Severus asks after a few moments of contemplative silence.

"Just Chiron so far. The rest seem to be rather reluctant to associate with people," I explain, hoping that he lets it go at that.

"And the comment about your scent being muddied by tears?" he inquires with a raised brow and a serious look.

Of course he noticed that comment, he's Severus! He notices everything, right down to the tiniest little detail! "Well," I begin reluctantly, knowing I have to explain no matter how embarrassing it is. "The first time I met Chiron I had wandered into the forest unknowingly as I was rather upset at the time. He found me crying in a clearing and made sure that I made it out of the forest safely."

"Who made you so distraught that you didn't realize you were _wandering_ into a cursed magical forest?" he scowls, seemingly angry, but I am unsure if it is because of my stupidity or because something had upset me to such an extent. Knowing Severus, it's probably the first option.

"Um…it, uh…it doesn't matter. It was almost two decades ago, after all," I shrug, going for nonchalance.

Severus narrows his intense dark eyes at me, stopping and silently commanding me to stop prevaricating and answer his question. I sigh, knowing this is a battle of wills I can't win; he's just too damn stubborn!

"It was after our…confrontation…in the astronomy tower," I admit softly.

His eyes widen and he takes a nearly imperceptible step back before recovering his legendary stoic countenance. "I see," he drawls thoughtfully. "In retrospect, my reaction might have been somewhat…harsh," he admits coolly.

I can't help but smirk at his reserved response, unable to hold it against him that he isn't groveling at my feet for forgiveness. After all, that wouldn't be his style. Severus is a calm, collected, self-assured badass, and that's one of the reasons I love him.

"Water under the bridge," I reply with a smile, threading my arm around his and smiling softly up at him. "The past is the past; the only thing that matters is that we're here now." He nods with a small smile of his own and we walk leisurely back to the castle. At my door, which he insisted upon walking me to, he gives me a gentle, soft, yet intense, farewell kiss that makes it feel like I am floating on air. Every nerve in my body is screaming at me to invite him in, but the synapses in my brain remind me that he has just begun a series of draining, difficult treatments that stress his body, and any superfluous exertion would be foolish and risky. Plus, we've only been on one date so far. Thus, I reluctantly move away when the kiss ends and bid him a good night. The moment my door shuts, I fall back onto my bed with a contented sigh and stars in my eyes, giddy as a schoolgirl.


	30. PART II - Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

The rest of Severus's treatments have gone well with only one minor complication; a sudden fever that was able to be brought down with a simple spell. I am almost positive that it was just a reaction to his magic adjusting to the influx of new blood cells as they morphed to match his, and there have been no lasting effects in the past three days. All in all, it is a very promising sign for both Severus's health and my research.

Since the transfusions with the metamorphagus blood Severus has not had any blackouts, fainting spells, nausea, or phantom bouts of pain and convulsions. He has suffered one minor headache, but compared to the ones he used to have on a regular basis, it is a vast improvement. Provided that these changes hold in the long term, I may just have discovered the thing I have been seeking for the entirety of my career; a cure for the aftereffects of prolonged curse damage. On top of that, I may have succeeded in sparing my love any further pain. That alone is well worth the effort.

Of course, the fact that I _had_ to be with Severus all day, every day this past week to give the treatments and monitor his reactions is only a bonus in my opinion. We have become infinitely closer this week. He still hasn't opened up to me much about his past or his emotions, but I wasn't expecting him to. He has, however, relaxed notably around me and I have seen little hints that he is starting to trust me more. His posture isn't as rigid around me anymore, his manner of speaking is more casual and less guarded, although I am happy to say he hasn't lost his penchant for snarky sarcasm, and he has indulged in kisses with me without trepidation. This past week truly has been heavenly. I am terrified that I am going to wake up in the hospital break room with my face in my lunch (it's happened more times than I care to admit) and find this was all a pleasant dream.

I am broken out of my musings by a pair of pale, long, lean arms wrapping around my waist and a steamy, sexy voice in my ear.

"You're looking rather contemplative this evening," Severus purrs in that low, rumbling voice that turns me to goo. As if that wasn't enough, now he's running his warm, soft lips down my neck. Oh Merlin, this man will be the death of me! I can't stop myself from pushing back against his svelte, tall frame and, to my astonishment, a soft mewl escapes his lips.

"Oh Severus," I moan breathily, having lost complete control over my faculties already. I can feel the smirk on his lips against my neck as he continues to slowly torture me with his caresses.

"What were you thinking about so deeply before I interceded?" he asks.

"You," I reply truthfully.

"Go on," he murmurs against my hot skin.

"I was analyzing your response to the treatment," I somehow manage to get out between my hitching breaths as he moves his lips down my collarbone. "And the larger implications."

"Mmhmm," he utters as he nods his head slightly. "It could be revolutionary," he admits without any mocking or derision in his voice. Suddenly he stops his ministrations and slowly pulls his lips from me, straightening up to look me in the eyes. "You really are quite brilliant, you know?"

I know my eyes must look like saucers right now, but I can't seem to stop the thunderstruck feeling rolling through me. _Severus_ just called _me_ brilliant? He never complements anyone else's intelligence! That is usually his exclusive domain, with nobody else measuring up. Who would have ever guessed we'd go from him insisting on an alternate healer and questioning my qualifications to him actually complimenting me? Not to mention kissing me!

Severus chuckles slightly and I realize that I am still gaping at him stupidly, and now blushing too! He smirks before leaning in and giving me a firm, demanding kiss to break me from my stupor. Damn, does it work! Of course, now I have an entirely different reason to be dumbfounded.

"It is our last night before the little brats return," Severus scowls after he breaks the amazing kiss. "Shall we make the most of it?"

Oh dear Gods! My knees have turned to pudding. Is he suggesting what I think he's suggesting? No, he can't be! We've only been seeing each other for a week, and he's so reserved…he couldn't possibly want to be so…exposed yet, could he?

Severus straightens abruptly, removing his lips from my neck and settling stiffly back into his typical ramrod straight posture that he holds whenever the students are present. It takes a moment for the lust-induced fog to lift from my brain, but when it does I see that his impenetrable mask has once again slipped into place, shielding all of his emotions from me.

"I see," he snaps and steps away. "I shall take my leave, then," he informs me coldly, whipping around to grab his outer robes from the coat rack.

"Wait!" I call out desperately before I can even think about it. He turns and raises a harshly expectant eyebrow at me, almost daring me to hold him up further. "Severus…I…" I stutter, unsure of how to explain all the confusing thoughts and feelings rushing around my mind.

"There is no need to explain," he drawls, never relenting his harsh, challenging stare. "Your _desire_ for me has waned, if it was ever truly present to begin with. I see no need for prevaricating. It is best to dismiss the past week and return to a civil working relationship,"

"No!" I cry, his cold disaffected attitude cutting right through me and causing a hollow ache in my chest. "Severus, you've got it all wrong! My desire for you is stronger than ever. I just…I'm just surprised that you want to take our physical relationship to the next level so…quickly. I mean, you're such a reserved, private person and, well, sex is just about the most intimate connection two people can share. You just caught me off guard," I try to explain, hoping that he will see that I meant no insult to him.

Severus looks at me calculatingly and I can almost see the wheels spinning in his head, trying to pick apart my statement and body language for any hint of deception. "You can't honestly believe that, can you?" he finally asks in a superior, almost haughty tone. "Sex is the most intimate connection two people can share? Hardly. Sex is a carnal, baser act that stems from our less-evolved animal instincts. The act itself means nothing. It is simply a means to physical pleasure and release."

In that moment I feel all of my hope crumble and die. His words resonate in my head _it means nothing…means to physical pleasure…animal instinct._ Oh Merlin, I am a bloody daft tosser! All this time I thought Severus was opening up to me, beginning to feel the connection between us, maybe even starting to truly care for me, but in reality all he was feeling was physical attraction! Gods, how could I have been so stupid? I am torn between furious anger at having been lead on, embarrassment at having been so blind and naïve, and complete heartbreak.

"Oh…okay," I manage to say without too much of a tremor betraying my internal struggle. "If that's how you feel…I…I guess we're less alike than I thought. I think…maybe you're right. It's probably best if we just forget any of this ever happened," I say sadly. Did I actually say that?! Immediately my heart starts screaming at me to shut up, take it back, claim temporary insanity, anything to stop Severus from walking away forever!

Something in my facial expressions must have betrayed my true turmoil and anguish, though, because instead of agreeing and leaving, Severus tilts his head and peers at me curiously. He steps towards me, coming to a stop disquietingly close to me, and slowly reaches a hand up. He runs his callused thumb over my cheek and, to my surprise, raises it to my eye level, showing me the moisture glistening on his alabaster skin.

I gasp, realizing it must be a tear that he has cleared from my cheek. When the hell did I start crying? I raise my hand to my eyes, somehow not believing that I have actually let so much of my emotions show, but sure enough, I feel the trademark moisture meet my fingers. I harshly wipe them away, angry at myself for giving someone else so much power over me. I should have known better. Didn't living with my father prove anything to me?

"What's wrong?" Severus asks, almost in wonder.

"Nothing," I spit back, trying to turn away from him. He catches my face softly in his hand, though, and with a gentle but firm pressure, refuses to let me turn away. He stares intently into my eyes and after a few moments I feel a whisper of pressure in my mind release before I even have time to process just where it came from. Shite! He used Legilimency on me! That sneaky, manipulative bastard!

Severus exhales shakily, disbelief apparent in his deep black eyes. "You…you really care about me?" he asks in awe. "It's more than just wanting me as a test subject?"

"What?! Of course it is! Do you really think I would date you and kiss you just to get you to agree to participate in the trials? Just what the hell kind of a girl do you think I am?" I ask, affronted.

"I apologize, El, I did not mean to cast aspersions…I just find it…difficult…to believe that anyone could ever truly be attracted to the 'greasy git' of the dungeons. Especially someone like you; someone brilliantly intelligent, funny, attractive, and well-liked."

"Sev, we've been through this!" I huff in exasperation. "You really need to work on this low-self esteem issue. I don't care what anybody else says or thinks about you; I adore you, and I want more than just an emotionless roll in the hay. So, if that's all you want from me, then I'm afraid I'm going to have to end this…thing between us."

After an excruciatingly long and tense silence, Severus finally replies. "I have told you that I think of you as a friend, and that I am attracted to you, and both of those things are true. I admit that the thought of having an actual relationship with you is appealing, but it is terrifying as well," he admits.

"Why?" I ask gently, probing his intense onyx eyes for some hint of whatever it is he is so skillfully hiding, despite the fact that I have no idea how to use Legilimancy.

When he answers, I am struck by the soul-deep hurt and anguish I see in those reflective pools. "I destroy everything I touch," he whispers so softly I almost can't hear him.

"What?" I ask breathlessly. "Severus, that isn't true," I protest, but he is already vehemently shaking his head.

"It is!" he insists, an edge of anger bleeding into his pain filled voice. "Everyone who has ever meant anything to me has died, and it's all my fault. My mother, Reggie, Lily, they're all gone! They're all gone because of me! I killed them, and countless other innocent souls! Don't you see? After all that I've done, I don't deserve to be happy. I don't deserve to truly be with you."

"I doubt you were as responsible for all of those deaths as you believe you were, but regardless, everyone deserves a second chance," I counter vehemently, taking his hand despite him struggling to pull away. "You've changed from the man you were Severus, and that means that you _do_ deserve to be happy, whether that's with me or not. I really hope it can be with me, though," I admit softly. He opens his mouth to protest, but I silence him with my forefinger pressed lightly against his lips. "We don't have to rush into anything, you know. Merlin knows I want you Sev, but I'd rather take the time we both need to learn to trust one another and build something that can last than rush into the physical aspect and have just a quick fling."

"What if I'm never able to open up to you? I know you say that the past is the past, but I can't just leave it behind. The things I did in the past, they still have repercussions today. They still haunt me every night," he admits shamefully.

I want to ask him if the horrors of the past are the only thing he can't let go, or if that includes his love for Lily, but I know this isn't the time. Also, I'm afraid of what the answer might be. "I know you don't like to talk about yourself, but if you want to, you can always talk to me about the things that haunt you. I won't judge you; I promise."

"You say that now," he scoffs sadly.

"Severus, look at me," I command, waiting until he raises his eyes to meet mine. "I have been a healer in the spell damage division of the largest Wizarding hospital for over a decade. I've seen more than my fair share of Death Eater victims. I know what they are capable of, so nothing you confess is going to shock me," I assure him as I gently rub my thumb over the back of his hand. "And none of it is going to change the way I feel about you." I add. Seeing the last shred of his resolve break down, I envelope him in my arms and rock him gently. "We'll just take it slow, okay? You can tell me as much or as little as you want, even if that is nothing at all. Regardless, I will _always_ be here for you."

"Thank you," he murmurs against my shoulder, tightening his hands around my waist for a moment before taking a deep breath and pulling slightly back.

"I never set out to be a murderer," he begins in a soft volume, but with clear conviction in his smooth voice.


	31. PART II - Chapter 18

_A/N:_ _Hi Everyone! First off, I apologize for the delay in getting this update out. Busy season has begun at my job_ __ _so it will probably take me a little longer than usual to update, but rest assured that I have not abandoned this, or my other story. Second, thank you so much for everyone who reviewed and favorited this story! I am blown away by the kind words you have shared and am thrilled that so many of you are enjoying the story. You truly make this worthwile!_

 **Chapter 18**

"Daft bloody imbeciles!" Severus scowls as he slams the door to his chambers.

"Another smashingly successful class Severus?" I ask with a smirk from my place reclining in an armchair near his fire.

"I've had enough cheek from my dunderheaded students, Eleanor, I certainly don't need it from you," he huffs at me, but I can tell that he isn't actually angry with me.

"Is that so?" I ask innocently. "Well in that case, perhaps you'd prefer for me to give you some tongue instead?" I ask with sultry drawl and a wink.

"That was far too cheesy," Severus chastises, but he steps up to me and crashes his lips onto mine anyway. The kiss is passionate and desperate, all of his frustration and anger at his students being transmuted to desire. I can't help but moan at the sensation and thrust my tongue into the hot, wet cavern of his mouth, devouring every inch I can. Our tongues battle passionately until we are forced to break apart to breathe and Severus grants me one of his rare, small smiles.

Since our heart to heart talk a few months ago, Severus has slowly but surely been letting me in. He told me about how he first got mixed up with Voldemort and the Death Eaters; how he was so bitter and desperate to prove to his domineering father and all the kids who made fun of him all his life that he could be someone of power and of importance that he jumped at the offer Lucius Malfoy presented to him when he graduated. He told me how the Dark Lord offered to pay for Severus to get his Mastery in potions and promised him a position as the most revered potions maker in the world. He told me how he was fooled by the most advanced lab he'd ever seen, the money and resources to do any research he wanted, and the chance to create powerful new potions until his heart's content. He recalled the praise and vaulted position that Voldemort showered upon him, the respect that he received from the other Death Eaters, and the seemingly endless amount of unbelievably powerful Dark Magic spells that he was taught, stuff almost no other wizard knew.

He lamented how the Dark Lord eased him into a false sense of security all throughout him attaining his mastery, and then, after Severus had sworn his fealty to him and taken the Mark, he started ordering him to create more deadly and torturous poisons, saying it was necessary to make an example of those who refused to fall in line with the new, superior world that he was trying to create. Severus didn't care much about blood status, unlike the Dark Lord, but all of his experiences with Muggles had been negative, thanks to his abusive father and his likeminded family, so he had little trouble believing Voldemort when he told him that Muggles were violent, weak-minded creatures that would aim to destroy Wizard kind if they knew about them. So Severus continued to make the poisons and Dark potions for the cause. When Severus was 'invited' to actively participate in the torture of the Muggles, though, everything changed.

Face to face with the victims, Severus could no longer push aside the consequences of his actions and he froze when he was instructed to administer a potion he created that would liquefy ones internal organs slowly. At his first sign of hesitation, Voldemort revealed the monster he had kept hidden under a guise of charm, charisma, and power. He Crucioed Severus in front of all of the Death Eaters, bringing him to the very brink of death, but pulling him back in the nick of time. He told Severus that he was the Lord and Master and his every command was to be obeyed by his servants. He taunted Severus that he was not special, that he was nothing more than a drone, and then laughed cruelly at him. He also warned that anyone who resisted him would be severely punished and, if he felt like it, killed. Severus was ready to give up his life rather than bend to the whims of the madman, he told me, but then Voldemort played his trump card. With the cruelest smile possible, he waved his wand and summoned forth a woman who was bound and gagged, but instantly recognizable; Severus's mother, Eileen Snape.

Severus screamed and tried to attack Voldemort, but he was tossed back with another strong Crucio. While Severus writhed in pain, Voldemort announced that Eileen was a blood traitor, a pure-blood who had turned her back on her own kind to marry a filthy Muggle. He then cast a body bind and Stupefy to force Severus to watch as the most loyal Death Eaters came up and, one by one, took turns torturing her. When the final member of the inner circle was done with his 'fun,' which had consisted of a dark curse that battered her and left bruises covering the woman from head to toe, Voldemort released Severus and explained that he had a choice. Either Severus could give the Muggle family they had captured, including the seven year old daughter, his potion, or he could watch Voldemort finish off Eileen. Severus explained that he had a rocky relationship with his mother since she never interceded in his father's abuse of him, but he still couldn't just let her die. So, he broke down and administered the potion to the Muggle family. He said he still has nightmares about it, and hears their agonized screams in his head almost nightly.

To make matters worse, a week afterwards, Severus's mother committed suicide. She left a note explaining that she couldn't live with herself after seeing the monster that she had raised and unleashed onto the world. She couldn't stand the shame of being a Death Eater's mother. After that, Severus had become numb. He cut off all of his emotions, vowing to never care for anyone ever again. He fell in line like a good little Death Eater, going through the motions of torture and murder as directed, knowing he had nowhere else to go and that a monster like him would never be good for anything else.

The only exception to his coldness, and the only solace he had in those dark times, was his friendship with Regulus Black. The two Slytherins had been friends since Regulus's second year, Severus told me, when the younger boy stepped in while Sirius was taunting Severus. Regulus apparently loudly announced that his big brother had wet the bed until he was 9 to a large group of students, including the girl Sirius had a crush on. From that day on, they formed an alliance and watched one another's backs. Eventually, it grew into an actual friendship, only the second one Severus had ever had.

Regulus, though, was no more suited to the Death Eater life than Severus was. In fact, his somewhat delicate aristocratic sensibilities and pampered, sheltered lifestyle made it virtually impossible for the boy to stomach the ruthless, violent, messy actions Voldemort's followers engaged in. Almost immediately after joining, the teenager had regretted it. He cried almost nightly, Severus confided to me, but never shared his fears or doubts with anyone but Severus. One night, he came to Severus, utterly distraught, yelling something about the Dark Lord sacrificing his house elf. Severus had thought the boy had finally snapped under the pressure and tried to calm him down. When nothing had seemed to work, Severus had lost his temper, shouting 'it's just a bloody house elf! A slave! It's not even human; just a stupid creature! Just buy another bloody one and stop bawling like the spineless crybaby you always are!' A haunted, guilty look came into Severus's eyes when he told me that, and it took a few moments for him to regain his composure, though his facial expression had never changed.

He then proceeded to tell me how Regulus screamed that he was a cold-hearted bastard who didn't care about anyone and whom no one could ever care for, and that he would show him just how wrong he was about Kreacher, and how wrong he was about him. He stormed out with rage and tears in his eyes. That was the last time anyone ever saw Regulus. It was rumored among the Death Eaters that the boy had foolishly tried to defy the Dark Lord and had been killed for his impudence.

After hearing those stories, and many others about particularly horrific acts Severus had committed, I can understand Severus's emotional walls far better. I won't lie, I've asked myself a few times if getting involved with a man so damaged and unable to open up his heart is the best idea, but no matter how much it could hurt me in the end, I just can't bring myself to sever our relationship. He may not be able to give me his heart yet, or possibly ever, but he certainly has mine, no matter how much I want to deny it. I was always skeptical of the concept of love and prided myself of my Ravenclaw intellect and ability to look at things logically, even when I was so infatuated with Severus as a teenager, but now I just can't deny it anymore. I am, for better or for worse, head over heels in love with Severus Snape.

Returning my thoughts to the present, I return Severus's smile and step back to the couch and pull the Potions Master down gently to sit beside me. "At least it's the last class before spring break," I console him as I run my fingers through his silky dark hair.

"Yes," he concedes reluctantly, "but most of the brats stay at the school over this break since it is only a week long. Plus, I have to participate in those infuriating, pointless Tournament planning meetings this year," he scowls. "Why Albus needs the entire staff to determine what to put in a bloody maze is beyond me. I say, if they truly want to challenge the contestants, they should put the Potions NEWT at the end of the maze. Then none of them would win that infernal TriWizard Cup! Wasting time on purile games when these children should be learning, it's despicable! Senile old fool!"

I chuckle at Severus's animosity towards the Headmaster and the Tournament. He is the only professor who dares to question Albus Dumbledore, sometimes outright insulting him and tearing his decisions to shreds, but Albus just smiles at him as a father would to a petulant child. Severus, like an insolent teenager, rails and rebels, but when it comes down to it, he always acquiesces and does what will make Albus happy, even if he bitches about it nonstop while doing so.

"Perhaps you should suggest that as your obstacle, Severus. I would love to see the Champions faces if they go through the entire maze, surviving all manor of dangerous magical creatures and spells, only to be stymied by a potions exam!" I laugh.

"Well," Severus smirks, "it would certainly put Potter out of the running, that's for sure," he spits, making the boy's name sound like a disease.

I roll my eyes at Severus's seething animosity for the boy but don't question him about it again. The one time I asked why he hated the boy so much he went on a thirty minute diatribe excoriating the youth as arrogant, self-centered, disrespectful, spoiled, a glory hog, and generally incorrigible. He claimed he had no regard for the rules and believed he was better than everyone else. Personally, I have never seen much evidence of any of those claims, though. The boy is always polite and helpful in my class. The only complaint I have is that he can get distracted easily and tends to socialize too much. As for the glory-hog accusation, though, I personally think Severus is far off the mark. The child seems to loathe being the center of attention, and often seems embarrassed when his classmates talk about him as if he is some kind of demi-god. As for the rule breaking, while I have heard plenty of tales proving this tendency, it seems there is usually an extenuating circumstance.

I pointed all of this out to Severus and it led to our first fight since we had started seeing one another. He accused me of being another gullible lemming in Potter's fan club and I accused him of being a bitter, jealous prat who was projecting the sins of the father onto his son. We ended up not speaking for nearly a week, until I bound Severus to my table during one of his monthly infusions and refused to release the spell until we talked it out. In the end, we agreed to disagree and apologized for the unnecessary name calling. Well, Severus soft of apologized anyway. He had admitted that it was 'remotely possible' that he had overreacted. With a laugh, I had jumped him right on the table and we had one of our most intense make-out sessions to date.

"I think, for my obstacle in the maze, I am going to suggest Albus puts _you_ in there. You could tear them to shreds with your scathing insults and caustic looks," I mock good-naturedly.

Severus narrows his eyes. "Naturally," he growls intimidatingly, looking like he is going to attack me. In a way, he does. He tackles me, pushing me deeply into the back of the couch and ravishing my lips as he tangles his slender fingers in my hair, evoking a moan of pleasure from deep in my throat. He shifts for a more comfortable position and – oh sweet Merlin! He's straddling my lap! His long, lean legs are nestled against my thighs and his welcome weight is pressing down on me in a delightfully solid and sensual way. Heat flares through me, settling in the pit of my stomach and I can't help but arch up into him. I gasp as I feel that telltale hardness poking into my pelvis and he begins to grind down upon me. I feel like a randy teenager, frotting on the couch, but I pray it never stops. Right on cue, a charm alerts Severus that someone has entered his classroom, and a moment later there is a knock on his office door. I just _had_ to tempt fate, didn't I?

Severus growls in frustration and sends a death glare towards the door before reluctantly getting up off of me. I notice he takes a moment to ensure his robes are billowing enough to cover his erection and he smoothes his hair from the mess my fingers have made of it. Then, he whips the door open with a killer scowl and bellows "what?"

"S-sorry to bother you Professor," I hear a familiar young voice apologize, "b-but I was w-wondering if you knew where I could find Healer Bradford?"

"Why would _I_ know where to locate her?" Severus drawls with a clear challenge in his voice.

"We-well, Leo me-mentioned that you were fr-friends with her," the girl stutters. "Puh-Please Professor, it's really important." As I listen to her struggle her way through the sentence, recognition finally comes crashing down on me. That's Carys! She's terrified of Severus! If _she_ came down to his office, something must seriously be wrong. Without another moment of hesitation I bolt up from the couch and rush to the door, pulling it all the way open, much to Severus's chagrin if his scowl and wide eyes are anything to go by.

"Carys, what's wrong?" I ask, ignoring her gaping mouth and wide eyes as well.

"Uh," she starts, shaking her head to clear her stunned confusion. "It's Leo. He's really upset. He's crying and…he's locked himself in the loo."

"What?" I ask in disbelief. What in Merlin's name could have upset my perpetually (sometimes sickeningly) cheerful brother to such an extent? "Which loo? Where is he?" I demand as I shove past Severus without a second thought and Carys and I begin nearly running down the hall.

"He's in the girls loo that Moaning Myrtle haunts," she explains as we rush towards the stairs.

"What happened?" I ask, desperate to find out what is going on.

"I-I'm not entirely sure I should say," she nearly whispers, unable to meet my eye.

"Is the boy injured?" Severus inquires from just behind me, starling me. I hadn't even noticed that he followed us. Carys lets out a frightened 'eep' but manages to reply that Leo isn't hurt.

Relief courses through me, but I am still worried about what made him so upset. We reach the bathroom and I push the door open immediately. Severus hesitates for a split second, seeing as it is a girls loo, but he picks his pace back up once he realizes that Leo is the only one inside. I see him huddled in a ball on the floor inside of the farthest stall, his legs pulled up to his chest with his face buried in his knees. He is shaking with the force of his sobs, which are echoing around the tiled room. I open the door of the stall and kneel in front of him, uncaring of the dirty, damp floor.

"Leo?" I ask, hearing the worry in my own voice.

He peeks up from his knees just enough for me to see his puffy, red rimmed eyes that still have tears flowing out of them, then launches himself at me. I envelop him in a tight hug, cradling his head at my neck and rocking him gently. "Sweetie, what happened?" I ask after a few moments.

"I-I" he hiccups, "I got into a-a fight," he says miserably, once again hiding in the safety of his knees.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" I ask, my rage growing at the thought of someone fighting my little brother.

"N-no, they just ripped my robes a-and my c-clothes," he admits forlornly.

I shift back and gently move his chest away from his legs, seeing that the sleeves of his robes are torn off and his shirt has been ripped open, the buttons missing. My eyes move towards his hands and I notice purple rings around his wrists. Realizing it is bruising, my anger reaches a boil and I grind my teeth. "They? There was more than one? Who were they? I'll kill the little bastards," I seethe. " _After_ I torture them, of course."

"What, exactly, happened Mr. Rossi?" Severus asks smoothly, seemingly the picture of calm compared to me, but I can tell from the controlled tone of voice that he is almost as enraged as I am. Given his family background and childhood at school, I'm not surprised that seeing a child bullied tends to get to him.

Leo looks up in surprise, obviously not having realized that Severus was here. He looks between him and me hesitantly for a few moments, before seemingly accepting his presence. "They-they found me…in the hallway outside the Charms class and they started making fun of me."

"And?" Severus prompted.

"And they cornered me. They called…they called me a…" he trailed off, lowering his voice to just barely above a whisper so that I had to lean in to hear him. "A fag," he finished, his head hung in shame and tears welling up again in his eyes. Red envelops my vision and I truly feel like I could rip these students limb from limb, whoever they are. Leo's small sob breaks me out of my anger, though, and I realize he needs comforting right now far more than he needs me to hunt these kids down like the cockroaches they are. So I compose myself and pull him into a tight hug again. "Oh sweetie, I am so sorry you had to go through that," I try to soothe.

"What about your clothing Mr. Rossi?" Severus asks after a few moments.

"They tore them. They said that a shir-shirtlifting f-freak like me would l-like it," he wept, burning shame clear in his aqua eyes.

"WHAT?!" I shout furiously. "Oh they are dead," I grumble. "Oh Merlin…Leo, did they… _do_ anything to you?" I ask in dawning horror. If those cretins laid one finger on my baby brother…

"No!" he cries in shock. "No, they didn't…touch me. Someone came and saw them. The Weasley twins, in Gryffindor. They stopped them before they could do anything other than rip my shirt."

"Thank Merlin!" I sigh in relief.

"Who attacked you?" Severus asks in a demanding voice that clearly leaves no room for argument.

"I…I don't want to say," Leo admits meekly.

"Honey, I know you're scared, but I won't let anything happen to you, I swear it. These arseholes can't be allowed to just get away with this. What if they attack you again? Or if they go after someone else next time?" I reason as I rub his back in an attempt to comfort him. That seems to have struck a chord with him, as I knew it would since my brother never could stand to see others suffer.

"It was Blake Rodgers, Damian Crosby, Christopher Goldsmyth, and Morgan Torrington," he admits softly.

"Mr. Rodgers and Mr. Crosby were involved?" Severus confirms, his hands clenched in fists. "Rest assured, they will be severely punished for their egregious behavior," he hisses. "I do not tolerate such actions in _my_ house. I will _strongly_ recommend that Filius implement the same policy in regards to Mr. Goldsmyth and Ms. Torrington."

"Thank you Professor," Leo says sadly, but clearly. "B-but…" he hesitates.

"What is it, Leo?" I ask, pulling his gaze from the floor.

"There's a problem," he laments. "It…its true," he breaths, immediately burying his head into his knees, clutching them for dear life, and folding himself into the smallest, tightest ball possible. His sobs are muffled, but it is clear that he is bawling again.

I glance helplessly at Severus, who simply raises an inquisitive brow at me, and at Carys, who looks almost as nervous and distraught as Leo does. "Leo," I say in a commanding but warm tone. "Look at me." Reluctantly he raises his head and meets my eyes. "Are you saying that you are gay?"

He meekly nods his head, looking embarrassed and ashamed. "Listen to me, Leo. There is _nothing_ wrong with being gay. It doesn't mean you are a bad person, or a freak, or anything like that. In fact, it doesn't change a damn thing about you. Regardless of who you are attracted to, you will always be a charismatic, hyper, ridiculously cheerful ball of fire with the biggest heart this side of the Atlantic. You are intelligent, loyal, and a thousand times better than the small-minded toerags who attacked you. Don't you _ever_ forget that."

Leo lifts his blond head and I see wary hope beginning to blossom in his bright blue eyes. "So you…you don't hate me?" he asks in a voice that just makes my heart break.

"Of course not, you silly boy!" I exclaim as I pull him into a fierce hug. "I love you, and I always will. I would never stop loving you because of something as insignificant as your sexual orientation. After all, you can't help who you love. Merlin knows _I_ know that," I say with a subtle nod of my head towards where Severus is standing. Leo chuckles and a small relieved smile lights his face, flooding my world with hope again.

"Do you think Mum and Dad will be mad?" he whispers as the lightness of the moment fades.

"Not a chance," I assure him. "Knowing Mum all she'll be concerned about is when she gets to meet your first boyfriend. And Dad will probably just look up from his tinkering and say 'yeah, and?' then ask who wants his infamous Taco Surprise for dinner."

Leo chuckles again then says "that might be worse than having him angry with me." I laugh, thinking of the culinary atrocity that is my dad's Taco Surprise, the surprise being that anyone can keep any of it down.

"Yeah, he really should just stick to Italian food," I commiserate. "Speaking of disgusting things," I transition, "let's get off of this wet dirty floor." I reach out a hand to help him up and he surprises me by launching himself at me again, this time on his feet, and pulling me into a crushing hug.

"Thank you," he whispers into my ear.

"Anytime, sweetie," I reply. Just as we break apart and are about to head out, the door to the loo swings open and slams against the wall, echoing in the cavernous space.

"Leo?" a deep, worried voice shouts. "Leo!" a tall, sturdy boy with spiky black hair with green tips shouts in relief when he spots my brother. He barrels his way past me, seemingly not even noticing anyone else in the room, and pulls him into a fierce, brief hug. "Are you alright? Did those bastards hurt you?" he asks, pulling back to look into Leo's eyes. "If they did I'll tear them into pieces with my bare hands," he growls.

"Language, Mr. Spencer!" Severus chastises, causing the boy to whip around in shock. His eyes grow wide and I notice the green patch on his robes declaring him to be a Slytherin.

"Professor Snape. What are you doing here?" He asks with surprisingly little fear in his voice.

"I am a professor, a Head of House, and an _adult_ , Mr. Spencer. I do not have to answer to anyone, certainly not the likes of you. No, I believe the more salient question is what are _you_ doing here?" he asks in that deathly low voice of his.

"I just wanted to check on Leo," he replies as he stands tall, trying to prove he isn't intimidated.

"I wasn't aware you and Mr. Rossi were friends," Severus drawls, slowly circling the boy like a vulture circles a dying antelope.

"I wasn't aware I had to run my friends by you, Professor," the boy cuts back.

"Detention, Mr. Spencer, for your attitude. 8 pm tonight, my classroom."

Did he just say tonight? Damn it, there goes my plan to seduce him with a massage and a candlelit dinner for two! Curse your principles and quick temper, Severus Snape!

"Fine," the boy says between gritted teeth before turning back towards my brother. "Are you ok?" he asks with surprising tenderness.

"Yes, Warrick, I'm fine," Leo replies with a noticeable blush.

"You're sure? What happened to your robes? And your shirt?" he asks frantically as he runs his fingers up the tears in the fabric. I notice the slight shudder that runs through Leo's body and the quivering breath he lets out.

"It's nothing," he insists, gently moving the bigger boy's hands away from his chest, shooting a glance at Severus and me. "The Weasley twins saw them before they could really do anything more than insult me and rip my shirt. They chased them away with some weird hexes I'd never heard of."

"Damn, I guess I owe them one. I hate being indebted to _Gryffindorks_ ," Warrick laments, saying the house name as if it is a curse. "You're worth it though," he assures almost lovingly.

I catch sight of Severus's raised brow and disbelieving scowl and just shrug. "Well, if everything here is resolved, I have some punishments to distribute," he says with malicious glee. "I will see you at 8 pm sharp tonight Mr. Spencer," he adds before whipping around and stalking out of the loo.

There is a tense silence for a few moments before Carys clears her throat, drawing all eyes towards her. "I-I have to get to Transfiguration. I'll see you tonight Leo, alright?"

"Yeah. Thanks Carys," he says with relief before crossing the room to give her a grateful hug.

"Hey Carys," I call out to her as she exits the lavatory. "Hang on, I'll write you a pass so you don't lose points for being late."

"Thanks," she answers as we walk into the corridor, giving the boys some privacy. I conjure some parchment and a quill and begin to scribble out a note as best I can against the stone wall.

"Thank you for coming to find me," I tell the short auburn haired girl. "I know that wasn't easy for you to confront Sev, uh, Professor Snape."

"You're welcome," she says with a bowed head as she twists the fabric of her robe nervously. "So, uh, are you and Professor Snape like, _together_?" she finally asks warily.

I sigh, knowing this was coming. What else should I have expected when I burst out of his private quarters right in front of her? "Professor Snape and I are…friends," I say. I hate lying to the sweet girl whom I have known since she was three years old and moved in next to us, but I know Severus would have a fit if word of our relationship got around the school.

"It's ok El, I won't tell anyone," she assures me rather seriously for a fourteen year old.

I give her a fond smile and ruffle her hair. "Thanks kiddo," I laugh before sending her on her way. I know I should be concerned that my lie was appallingly unconvincing, but I know Carys wouldn't betray my trust and right now I am more concerned with my brother. To that end, I turn and make a loud show of turning the handle to the loo to let myself back in. When I enter, my brother and the other boy, Warrick apparently, are leaning against the wall, looking far too casual for it not to be purposeful.

"Ellie," Leo says, pushing himself off the wall, "this is Warrick," he says, gesturing to the boy who is nearly a foot taller than him and far more muscular.

Warrick pushes himself off the wall as well with a grace that I wouldn't have imagined he possessed, then, to my surprise, he takes my hand and, rather than shaking it, raises it to his lips to place a genteel kiss upon my knuckles. "A pleasure to meet you Ma'am," he drawls.

Suddenly I can't contain my urge to laugh, and it bubbles up inside of me until it bursts forth like a volcano. Warrick's hazel eyes narrow in confusion and I can tell he's torn between being flabbergasted and offended. "I'm sorry," I wheeze between chuckles, "I don't mean" chuckle "any" chuckle "offense. I swear," I manage to get out. I calm myself after seeing the furious look on Leo's face. "I'm sorry Warrick, I wasn't laughing at you, it's just that I never would have expected such old-world etiquette from a boy who had threatened to tear limbs from his classmates a few minutes ago. Not to mention that you're a teenage boy and I am more acclimated to burps coming from your mouths rather than genteel greetings. I am quite impressed, though, honestly."

The dark haired boy seems to relax at this and Leo no longer looks like he wants to slug me, so I think it's safe to continue. "However, if you _ever_ call me ma'am again, I won't hesitate to hex you. After all, I'm not _that_ old," I joke. This evokes a laugh from my brother and, seeing the joy on his face, Warrick joins in with a smile.

"Ok, no more ma'am then," he concedes.

"Thank you. And it is a pleasure to meet you as well Warrick. Thank you for your… concern for Leo. I'm glad he has a…friend…who cares for him so deeply."

"Um, uh, well, yeah," the formerly eloquent boy stammers as he shuffles his toes in towards one another, forming a triangle with his feet.

"Actually," Leo intercedes, stepping up next to the Slytherin and taking his hand in his smaller, tan one. I hear Warrick's breath hitch as his eyes wander over to meet Leo's questioningly. Leo gives him a reassuring look, but slightly raises his brow. When Warrick gives him the slightest of nods, Leo continues. "Warrick is more than just my friend. He's my boyfriend," he declares proudly.

I feel a proud smile rise to my lips and beam at my amazingly mature little brother. "That's great, Leo," I reassure him, being rewarded with a breathtaking smile from him. I notice that Warrick's stoic, guarded expression melts into one of relief and he gazes lovingly at Leo, looking at him like he is the sun. "Are you guys finished with classes for the day?" They both nod in reply. "Great. How about we go raid the kitchens, get some hot chocolate, cannolis, strawberry shortcake, and any other treats we can get our hands on, then go to my office and get to know one another?"

"Sure!" Leo shouts enthusiastically. I'm not surprised that he jumped on the offer. He has always enjoyed spending time with me, much to my relief, and he could never resist an offer of cannolis anyway. Warrick seems far more hesitant, but finally nods his head and says 'ok.' I smile and lead them down towards the painting of the bowl of fruit.


	32. PART II - Chapter 19

_A/N_ **:** _Warning, this chapter is rated R for sexual content. Enjoy!_

 **Chapter 19**

"He seems like a decent kid," I say lazily as I toss my fork down, stuffed to the gills with the fantastic elf-made Strawberry Shortcake. Ever since I let it slip to Dobby that it is my favorite, he always has one made and waiting in reserve for me in case I ever have a craving. I swear that elf if going to make me gain two stones!

"Yeah, he is," Leo replies a bit dreamily. "He always acts tough when he's around other people, but underneath he's actually really sweet."

"I'm sure he is. I could see that in the way he looks at you," I assure him.

"What do you mean?" Leo asks in confusion.

"He looks at you like you are the center of the world. And when he thought you were hurt, I could have sworn he would have gone through with that threat to amputate those prats who attacked you. He's obviously quite smitten with you."

Leo blushes but he can't hold back a small, shy smile. "He probably would have. Amputated those guys' arms and stuff, I mean. He knows a disturbing amount of hexes," he confides.

"It seems that many Slytherins do," I answer, recalling how worried about that my best friend Cassie was when I told her I liked Severus so many years ago. "That's not necessarily a bad thing. After all, the more they know the more they can defend against. Just as long as he doesn't use them to hurt innocent people."

"He doesn't. Sometimes he'll do minor hexes to people if they are being mean, but he's not like some of the others. He doesn't hurt people for fun."

"He'd better not, because if he ever hurt you I'd have to infect him with one of the curses I treat. Nobody hurts my baby brother."

"Thanks El," he says with a tired smile, leaning against my shoulder like he used to do when he was a little boy. I run my fingers through his hair and hear him sigh in contentment. "I'm really glad that you like him, and that you aren't mad. I was so scared that I was going to lose you if I told you."

"Did you _really_ think that I would care? Me? The girl who treats werewolves and crushes on snarky outcast Potions Masters?" I ask lightly, trying to keep him at ease despite the seriousness of the conversation.

"No," he admits, "I know you aren't prejudiced like that, but I still couldn't help feeling that one little knot of doubt in my stomach. I guess I just let my own fears get out of hand." I nod in understanding but remain silent, knowing that there is something else he wants to say. "Hey El? Will you come with me when I tell Mum and Dad?" he asks in a quiet, hopeful, unsure voice that makes it seem like he's five years old again.

"Of course I will. Just tell me when and I'll be there." Leo responds by hugging me so tightly I nearly vomit up shortcake, but I can't really bring myself to care too much right now. I know he's young and the road in front of him will be incredibly difficult seeing as the Wizarding World isn't all that accepting of homosexuality, especially when it comes to pureblood families like Warrick's, but I can't help feeling happy for him. After all, he's discovered who he is, has had the courage to embrace it, and his very first crush actually feels the same way about it. Even with all the obstacles, it's going far better than my first crush did. At least he didn't have to wait twenty years for the object of his affection to give him a chance.

"Thanks Sis," he says gratefully, looking up at my with doe eyes. "I was so worried about telling them, but now, seeing how you took the news, I think I'm ready. I was actually thinking that maybe I'd tell them tomorrow. Since they're coming here to pick me up for the break anyway."

"They are?" I ask in surprise.

"Oops! I wasn't supposed to tell you that. It was going to be a surprise! They wanted to surprise you at work and then take us both to lunch before taking me home. They are supposed to Floo in at 11," he divulges sheepishly.

Hmm, it's a good thing Leo is such a chatterbox or Mum and Dad might have walked into the lab or my quarters at an inopportune moment between Severus and myself. We had planned to celebrate our first class-free day of the break with some quiet time alone. Damn, that means I am going to have to cancel on him! First my plans for tonight go down the drain and now tomorrow is nixed as well! At this rate I'm never going to get to properly seduce him!

"Hey! Maybe Warrick can come to lunch with us! Then I can come out and introduce him to them all in one swoop. OH!" he shouts excitedly, "We could make it a triple date!"

"A triple date?" I ask, confused.

"Yeah, Mum and Dad, Me and Warrick, and you and Professor Snape!" he explains with a beaming smile. Immediately I feel all the blood drain from my face. He wants me to invite Severus? To a _family lunch_?! He's got to be kidding! We haven't even been together for four whole months yet and, let's face it, Severus isn't exactly the most friendly wizard on the planet. A lunch with him and my parents would be immensely awkward, then throw in my baby brother coming out as gay and introducing his pureblood Slytherin boyfriend and you've got the makings for the most tense luncheon ever recorded in history!

"Err," I grimace, trying to find a gentle way to break this to him. "I'm not sure if that's the best idea, Leo. Although I'm sure they are going to accept you, it's still going to be a lot to process. I think having a group of people there, including two they've never met, would be somewhat overwhelming. You know?"

His face falls in disappointment and he begins to bite his lip nervously. "I guess I see your point," he sighs reluctantly. "It's just that I thought if you introduced them to Professor Snape it would give them something else to focus on as well, and, maybe Professor Snape could kind of vouch for Warrick. I know Slytherins don't have the best reputations in general, and Warrick can come off a little…intimidating and cold if you don't really know him, so I thought having the Professor there to assure them he's a good guy might help. He is his Head of House, after all."

I take a deep breath and resist the urge to pinch the bridge of my nose, a habit I seem to have picked up from Severus. "Leo, has it occurred to you that Severus is a Slytherin as well? The _head_ of them, in fact. Not to mention that _one or two_ people have accused him of being just a _tiny bit_ intimidating and cold himself. Hm?"

"Well, yeah, but he's an adult, and a Professor. He's obviously responsible and level-headed so I think Mum and Dad would respect that and listen to him. Not to mention he's crazy intelligent and the leader in his field, just like you," he adds, mostly to soften me up I suspect.

"Leo," I lament, "You're putting me in a very difficult position, you know? Mum and Dad don't even know that I'm dating someone. Nobody other than you knows I am dating, as a matter of fact, let alone that I am dating Severus. Well…except Albus I suppose. That meddling man knows everything. I swear he's omniscient. Anyway," I pick up again, realizing I've gone on a tangent, "Severus and I are taking things _very_ slowly and we are nowhere near the 'meet the parents' stage. Even if I wanted to introduce him, I highly doubt he would be amenable to it. I'm really sorry."

"Can't you just ask him at least?" he pleads, coming as close to whining as he has since he was four and wanted to keep a stray kitten he found in the yard. To top it off, he goes straight for my Achilles heel and gives me his wide, pleading puppy dog eyes.

"Fuck, I hate it when you use the puppy dog eyes against me," I complain as he smirks, knowing he has been victorious. "I'll ask, but that's it. When he says no, that'll be the end of it. I'll still come with you and it'll be up to you if you want to bring Warrick, but I won't pressure Severus. Got it?" I ask firmly, letting him know that I am not a complete pushover.

"Yes!" he squeals. "Thank you!" he beams as he pulls me into another hug.

"Manipulative little demon," I mutter.

I take a deep breath as I reach Severus's office door. Gathering my courage I knock and listen as I hear the familiar shuffling of papers cease, replaced by the sound of soft footfalls. The door opens and I am met with the intense black eyes that pull me in every time, no matter how often I get to gaze upon them.

"Eleanor," he greets without any discernible emotion. "Please come in." I do, and as soon as he shuts the door behind me he takes my hands in his and leads me to the couch in his quarters.

"How is Mr. Ros-uh, your brother?"

"He's fine now," I assure with a small smile. "Now that he knows I am not about to excoriate him for his sexual preferences he's getting back to his usual disarmingly cheerful self."

"I surmise you were not previously aware of said…predilections?" Severus asks dryly, almost clinically.

"I didn't know for sure, after all he's only 13, but I certainly had my suspicions. Nearly all of his close friends are girls and he has a penchant for Muggle musicals," I explain teasingly. "I imagine it won't come as much of a shock when he tells our parents tomorrow."

"You believe that they will be accepting of his preferences, despite being purebloods?" Severus asks, that trademark intellectual curiosity coming to the fore.

"Yes, I'm fairly certain they'll be ok with it. As I've said, my mum is atypical in terms of purebloods, with her fascination of Muggles and all, and my dad, well, he's a unique character as well. He may be an old-world pureblood, but he's far more relaxed than most of them are, even in Italy where the families are less…formal than they are here. He has always told me that the heart wants what the heart wants, and there is no arguing with it, no matter what common sense might say."

"That _is_ unusually casual for a pureblood."

"Yeah, although some of it might just have been indicative of him and my mum's desperation for me to be with someone," I joke with a shrug.

"What do you mean?" he asks with narrowed, calculating eyes. "Are they anxious to have you married off? If so, why haven't they arranged a marriage for you?" Once again he has adopted that clinical detached tone, but I can see a flare of fear and resentment mixed in his eyes.

"Oh, no!" I hurriedly assure him. "It's nothing like that. They wouldn't ever dream of pushing me into marriage, especially after the disastrous result of my mum's arranged marriage. I think they're just concerned about my practically non-existent dating life and worried that I will be alone forever with only my research and trials for company."

"I see," he drawls, seemingly relaxing by the smallest fragment. "So they are unaware of our…involvement?" he inquires carefully.

"They don't know," I reply with a small sigh, knowing it is now or never to bring up Leo's proposal. "I know how vital your privacy is to you, and seeing as I am no longer 15 I don't find it necessary to inform my parents of all of my _involvements._ At least, not when we've only been together for a few months." Even if those few months have been the best of my life and every minute away from you makes me count those remaining until I can see you again. Oh Merlin, I'm in far too deep!

"However," I continue, gathering my wayward thoughts and treacherous urges shouting I LOVE YOU at the top of their metaphorical lungs, "there is something I need to talk to you about, which centers on this topic."

"Go on," Severus directs warily as he crosses his arms over his torso in a classically defensive posture. I ache to see his distrust, knowing that he is expecting the worst, but I can't blame him. How often has the phrase we 'need to talk' led to anything good?

"It turns out that my parents are coming to the school tomorrow to pick Leo up for the break and they wanted to take him and I to lunch. Leo is planning on telling them at the lunch and he also planned to introduce them to his boyfriend," I explain, trying to keep the nervousness out of my voice as I approach the crux of the matter pertaining to Severus.

"Ah, so Mr. Spencer's gross overreaction to Mr. Rossi's condition was borne of more than platonic friendly concern," he states with a thoughtful look. "I feared such was the case."

"Yes, it seems they have been together since mid-January. Thankfully they both realize the dangers of letting it become common knowledge, particularly to the Slytherins, no offense, and to Warrick's parents."

"Yes, I highly doubt either group would be welcoming and receptive to them," Severus confirms with a modicum of regret escaping his stoic countenance. "Please remind them of the imperative nature of keeping their feelings and actions entirely secret. A display such as the one today in the facilities is quite telling and, had anyone other than us and Miss Devonald seen it, the results could have been disastrous."

"I know, Severus," I admit with a sigh. "I'll reiterate the importance to them both.

That isn't principally what I wanted to talk to you about, though. The issue is that Leo asked if you could come along to the lunch to vouch for Warrick." I notice Severus's eyebrows have shot up to his hairline in surprise. "Leo's worried that our parents will get the wrong idea from Warrick's appearance and somewhat cold demeanor. Plus the fact that he's a Slytherin and the house doesn't have the best reputation with the aftermath of the war and all…" I ramble, anxiously watching Severus's face for any sign of what he is thinking.

"There appear to be a few fatal flaws in your brother's plan," he drawls, still not giving anything away.

"Believe me, I know, and I've pointed that out to him, but he still begged me to ask you. That said, you are well within your rights to say no. There is absolutely no pressure," I hurry to assure him.

He arches a skeptical brow and leans slightly forward to emphasize his greater height. "Are you certain this request is solely of your brother's origination and for his benefit only?"

"O-Of course!" I spit out, taken aback by the insinuation, even if this was exactly what I had feared. "What? You think that this is some underhanded machination to get you to meet my parents or something?" I ask, anger rising in my voice.

"As a matter of fact, that was precisely what I suspected," he snarls back, now rising from the couch. I rise as well and take a step towards him to show he doesn't intimidate me.

"I may not be as sneaky as you Slytherins, but give me a little credit at least. If I wanted to trick you into meeting my parents I'd certainly be more subtle about it. However, in case you've forgotten, Ravenclaws aren't known for trying to manipulate people into doing things. We rely on logic and reasoning, and having you meet my parents would be completely illogical! Why would I introduce them to someone who can't even admit to _himself_ that we're dating? Why in Merlin's name would I ever get my mother's hopes up that her little girl finally found someone she loves when that man is still in love with a fucking ghost!?" I shout, blinded by hurt at his lack of trust in me.

All at once I see the fiery fight drain from Severus's face as it pales and his eyes grow wide. "What did you say?" he nearly whispers, staggering back to the couch and falling down upon it when the back of his legs hit it.

I shake my head at his stricken look, knowing it was cruel of me to bring up Lily, but unable to feel completely remorseful with the edge of hurt and heartsickness still lingering within me. It's my own fault, really. I _knew_ he still loved Lily, and yet I became _involved_ with him anyway. I was too weak to say no, even knowing that it would only result in heartache for me. I just never thought that ache would come so soon. "Severus, don't look so surprised. I know you're still in love with Lily, that you always have been…and always will be," I manage, my breath only hitching at the very end of the statement. "I was a fool to start anything with you. I knew it would end like this," I lament as I plop down on the couch next to him, careful to keep my distance.

"No," he quips sharply. "The first part. You-you _love_ me?" he asks like he is interrogating a criminal.

What? How the hell did he kno-oh! Shite! I said that, didn't I? Shite, shite, shite. He wasn't supposed to know that! Ok, no problem, just think of a convincing excuse. Something. Anything! ARGH! "Damn useless brain! Why do you always fail me when I need you the most?" I am startled out of my self-flagellation by the unusual sound of Severus chuckling. It's a sound I've heard two or three times in the past few months, and one that never fails to make me smile. Except now, all it does is confuse me. Does he think my hopeless affection for him is funny? "What's so funny?" I demand caustically.

"You berating your brain," Severus replies coolly.

"Me berat-oh fuck! I said that out loud?" I cringe as he nods seriously. "And I said that I love you?" I ask, despite really not wanting to know.

"You did," he confirms with a slight smirk.

"Fuck me with a racing broom," I mutter as I let my head drop into my hands, wishing more than anything that the couch would just swallow me up right now.

"I imagine that would be painfully unpleasant," he drawls in that sexy smoky velvet over broken glass tone of his. "However, I would be amenable to the first half of the directive."

"What?" I gasp, praying that my ears haven't deceived me and that Severus isn't being so vindictive as to tease me with my strongest desire when we are discussing breaking up.

In response, he moves closer to me on the couch so that our knees are touching and raises a hand to cup my cheek. "I want you, Eleanor. I-I can't say that I love you yet, and I don't know if I'll ever truly be able to return your feelings, but it isn't because of Lily. I _will_ always love her, but I am not _in love_ with her. I let go of my delusions of being with her long before she died. She never wanted me, and I realized, once she married that louse Potter, that she never would. That isn't what haunts me," he admits regretfully, with ghosts from the past swimming in his inky eyes.

"What I truly regret is losing her friendship and betraying her trust. She was the first person, the _only_ person really, to ever care about me. Every other person in my life used me for one thing or another, or outright despised me, so Lily was my sanctuary. She tried to convince me that I was worth something, not just because I could invent curses or create potions that people could utilize, but because of who I was as a person. And I repaid her by spitting my vitriol at her when she stood up for me; by calling her the worst insult possible. When she stopped talking to me, I thought I had lost any chance of ever being truly cared about, and now you tell me that you love me. Never in a million years could I have imagined such a thing. The truth is that I haven't the slightest clue _why_ you would love me, and I know I don't deserve it, but when you said that, I felt a lightness that I haven't felt in decades. You make me feel like I am worth something again, and I don't want to lose that, even though it scares me to death. It's that fear, Eleanor, the fear that I will lash out and hurt you like I hurt Lily, which prevents me from loving you. You deserve so much more than an emotionally crippled ex-Death Eater, so if you want to leave, I understand, but if you really do love me and can accept the stilted affection that I have to give, then I want to be with you." Severus exhales deeply, looking exhausted, which he very well might be since his usual manner of speaking is terse and direct. It is only on those rare occasions when he tells me tales of his past that he becomes so verbose.

Deciding to continue with breaking tradition, I forgo my usually loquacious nature and, rather than launching into a speech, I pull him to me with vigor and plant a passionate, soul deep kiss on his lips. Before I know it, his tongue is in my mouth, exploring every inch of it and fighting for dominance. I meet his jabs and thrusts with gusto and soon his welcome weight is draped over me, pressing me into the couch as he rubs his body sensuously against mine, sending sharp spikes of arousal through me. Suddenly, he stops his ministrations and pulls back. I let out a small whimper and he smirks for a moment before a serious expression takes its place. He bores into my eyes with his, seemingly searching for something, but not utilizing Legilimancy to find it.

"Would you like to move this someplace more comfortable. Such as my bed?" he whispers in that gravely seductive tone that could lead a cat to water willingly. I nod my head rapidly then spring up with alacrity.

We are stripping each other and kissing as we make our way to his large four post bed. By the time we reach it, we have shed our robes, shirts and shoes. Severus runs his long fingers down my sides, evoking a pleasant shiver, then suddenly grabs by arse strongly with both hands, lifting me up against him before depositing me on his bed. He leans over me and kisses me harshly before moving his sinful lips and tongue to my neck and collarbone. I gasp at the feel of his warm, wet tongue exploring the sensitive column of my neck, and I shift my head up and over to give him better access as my arousal builds. He begins sucking strongly at the spot where my neck and collar meet, and I know that it is sure to leave a bruise, but at this moment I couldn't care less. In fact, I love that Severus is marking me like this, claiming me as his own. He bites down on the mark, not hard enough to break the skin, but enough to leave indents, and the sensation shoots straight from my neck to the base of my abdomen. I let out a needy moan and I can feel him smirking against my skin. He moves slowly down my chest, reaching behind me to unfasten and discard my bra before laving his longue upon my chest, sucking and nibbling on the most sensitive areas and making me grind against him in desperate need. I rake my fingers over his lithe back and move my hands to his firm arse, squeezing it solidly, relishing the feel of him under my fingers.

"Are you certain you wish to do this?" he asks me as he pulls back from teasing my chest and, again, stares intently into my eyes.

"Oh Gods yes," I pant. "More than anything, Severus," I assure him, meeting his eyes so he can hopefully read the truth and sincerity in mine. He nods, then deftly undoes the button on my trousers, slowly unzipping them and pushing them past my hips. He carefully removes them as I sit up to attend to his belt and trousers. I nearly explode just from the sight of Severus, long and lean, standing before me in only his biker style pants. The black fabric clings to his sinewy thighs and I can clearly see the outline of his impressive arousal, pressed tightly against his stomach. I nearly growl at the sight, anxious to touch him, taste him, feel him inside me. Unwilling to wait any longer, I slide off the bed and give him a slow, passionate kiss. Then I sink to my knees, running my hands over his solid chest, taut stomach, and perfectly round arse. I slip my fingertips below his waistband and run my nails softly through the line of dark black hair that trails from his navel to below said waistband. He groans and tosses his head back when I begin kissing his stomach with my open mouth. It is the most wonderful sound I have ever heard and I can't help but smile.

Slowly I lower his pants, revealing his smooth, thick cock, nestled in a patch of jet black hair. It is perfect and I can't fight off the urge to run my tongue up the shaft, lapping at the bead of pre-come that has leaked from the tip. Severus lets out a throaty rumble and I feel his stomach muscles tighten as I savor the salty taste on my tongue. He places his potion stained hands in my hair, tightening them just enough to convey his desire but not to hurt, as I run my tongue around the head of his cock.

"Oh El," he gasps as he tosses his head back and I run the tips of my fingers teasingly over his bollocks. The delightfully wanton tone of his gravely voice sends arousal coursing through me and I know I am already wet just from being able to touch and taste him. I run my tongue along the thick pulsing vein on the underside of his cock, then, without warning, take him fully into my throat. His hands convulse into fists and his hips thrust forward reflexively, nearly causing me to choke, but I recover and continue to lick and suck every delectable inch of flesh I can find. Dear Merlin, please don't let this be a dream! Or if it is, let me never, _ever_ , wake up! I settle into a rhythm of deep throating Severus, dragging my flattened tongue along his member until it is nearly out of my mouth, teasing the head and slit, and taking it back in. He is panting, growling, and murmuring snippets like 'so good,' 'dear Merlin,' 'just like that,' and a surprising, though delightfully erotic, number of obscenities. I hum my own enjoyment and feel him quiver all over before he forces me back off of him.

I look up questioningly, hoping that I didn't do something wrong. "Severus?" I ask hesitantly.

"You're too fucking good," he pants, looking fantastically flushed. "I was going to come."

"And that's a bad thing?" I ask with an edge of mocking delight in my tone.

"In general, no, but tonight I want to show you how much you mean to me. Tonight, I want to come inside you."

Oh. Sweet. Fuck. That has got to be the most erotic thing I have ever heard in my life. Somehow I manage to gather myself from the puddle of goo Severus has turned me into enough to nod. With a wonderfully determined look, he pulls me up and lowers me back to the bed. He wastes no time in removing my panties, dragging his delectable digits down my thighs and calves as he does so. Running his hands smoothly back up my legs, he gently parts my thighs and buries his face between them. My hips jerk clear off the bed at the first touch of his teasing fingers and soft swiping tongue.

"BLOODY FUCK!" I shout far too loudly for being inside a school. I feel Severus smirk before he dives back into his ministrations, alternating between soft languid strokes and strong quick jabs with his tongue. I'm utterly lost in pure bliss. Distantly I hear mutterings of words, pleas, and gasps which might actually be coming from me, but I am way too far gone to give a damn what I'm saying. When Severus thrusts two long digits deep into my core in addition to his circling tongue I grasp the sheets so hard I am pretty sure I tear them. Dear Merlin, the things this man can do with his hands! And his tongue? It should be illegal for anyone to have such talent! Just when I am poised on the precipice, about to fall blissfully over the edge and quivering with aching need, Severus pulls back. I whimper in disappointment but before I can get anything else out he is leaning over me and –OH GODS! He's thrusting into me with that perfect cock, filling me completely and hitting every primed nerve with his deep, powerful thrusts. I wrap my legs around his lean torso to pull him further into me, evoking a lustful groan from him as his sparkling black eyes darken with need. He leans further down, capturing my lips in a heated passionate kiss as he wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me in with every sharp, fast thrust.

"Oh fuck," he murmurs against my lips, "El, you're so tight, so hot, so fucking perfect! Yes! Oh, oh God! I'm going to come," he warns as he increases his speed so that he is slamming into me, causing the headboard to ram against the wall and making me quiver all over.

"Yes! Gods yes! Come for me Severus!" I cry just before he stiffens. I feel him shake and tense as a hot stream of his seed fills me, forcing me over the edge. "Fuck! SEVERUS!" I cry out in pleasure as I clamp down on his cock and feel my orgasm over take me in wave after blissful wave. He manages a few more erratic jerky thrusts as his own orgasm subsides before his arms give out and he slumps heavily on top of me.

We lay like that for a few moments, both of us sweaty, exhausted, and trying to catch our breath. Then he manages to push himself up on his forearms enough to give me a slow, passionate kiss and stare deeply into my eyes as he strokes my cheek.

"That was amazing," I say breathlessly.

"That it was," he agrees with a sated smile and another quick peck to my lips before gently pulling his softening member out of me. I lament the loss but am compensated by him pulling me to my side and wrapping his strong, lean arms around me. I sigh at the perfection that comes from being held by him and close my eyes, wishing I could stay here like this forever.

"What time is this lunch we are going to tomorrow?" he asks softly in my ear in between small electric kisses on the back and side of my neck

"Wh-what?" I inquire, craning my neck to see his face, unable to believe that I just heard him ask what I think I heard him ask.

"What time are we going to lunch tomorrow? That is, if you would like me to attend."

"Like you to-Severus! Of course I'd like for you to attend! Are you sure you want to, though? I know you're not really the 'meeting the parents' type and I don't want to force you or pressure you into anything just to make me happy, because-" I am cut off my the gentle but firm press of his index finger to my lips.

"Eleanor, do you honestly believe me to be the type who is pressured into doing something just to please someone else?" he asks with mild derision.

"No, you're right," I acquiesce with a small smile.

"Good. So, again I ask, what time shall I be ready?" he asks sternly.

"They are coming here at 11. I figure I'll give them a tour of the lab and my classroom first so I would say we'll head out to lunch around 12:15."

"Very well. I shall meet you at the main entrance at that time."

I nod and we are both silent for a few moments, but it isn't an uncomfortable silence. Rather, it is a peaceful contented silence that I thoroughly enjoy. Still, I can't hold back my urge to say one more thing. "Severus?"

"Hmm?" he replies lazily, clearly falling asleep.

"Thank you," I nearly whisper.

"If your parents are half as amazing as you, it will be my pleasure," he answers seriously. "Besides, how often does one receive the opportunity to torture ones students off of school grounds?" he adds sardonically, causing me to smile as my exhaustion and serenity take over and pull me into the warm, contented darkness of sleep.


	33. Part II - Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

I wake to the sound of faint knocking, reluctantly being pulled out of the warm sleepy haze surrounding me. What the? I wonder, looking around at my unfamiliar surroundings. Where am I? Suddenly at the feel of slender, pale arms tightening around me, I remember. I'm in Severus's bedroom. I'm in Severus's BED! A dopey smile lights up my face as I gaze upon his beautiful face, the tight lines relaxed in sleep, making him look like a dark angel. My pleasant recollections of our activities are disturbed by the same faint knocking that pulled me from sleep and I realize that it is coming from the door. I grab my wand from its place on the floor next to the bed and cast a Revealing spell to find out who is there. To my surprise, it is Warrick. What in the world is Warrick doing knocking on Severus's…oh no! What time is it? I cast a Tempus spell and see that it is 8:21. I hate to wake Severus when he looks so peaceful, but it can't be helped.

"Severus!" I hiss into his ear as I lightly shake his shoulder. "Sever-ah!" I squeal as he whips around, wand drawn, threateningly pointing it at my face.

The determined scowl melts from his face as he realizes it's me and he lowers his wand, looking remorseful. "I thought it was an attack," he mutters.

"It's okay," I say, waving the incident off. After all, I imagine years as a Death Eater makes a man understandably jumpy. "Warrick's at the door. It's 8:20. You're late for his detention," I explain.

"Bloody hell," he grumbles, throwing the sheets off and giving me a delectable glimpse of his naked form before slipping into his pants and throwing a full coverage robe on. He does the buttons up with a spell and storms towards the door, every bit the imposing disciplinarian the students know him as. He closes the bedroom door and I hear him yank open the main door and greet the boy.

"Warrick," he says simply, sternly.

"Professor," he replies with a passably respectful tone. "I reported to your office at 8 as instructed but you weren't there," he adds with an air of smugness.

"I'm perfectly aware of where I was and was not Mr. Spencer, and unless you wish for a second detention you'd best curb that cheek."

"Yes sir," Warrick replies flatly.

"Well, don't dawdle in my doorway all evening looking like someone cast a Perfectus Totalus upon you. Enter," Severus commands.

Enter? What is he doing inviting the boy in? My curiosity gets the better of me and I creep out of the bed, pressing my ear to the door.

"Sit," Severus bites out. "Your reaction to the situation with Mr. Rossi this afternoon was completely unacceptable," he lectures. "You have been in Slytherin long enough to know that revealing sentimental feelings is advertising weakness. Of all the students in my house, I never thought I would have to remind _you_ of this. Your stature, attitude, and ability to stand up for yourself have secured you some immunity from the cruelty that can exist in a house driven by self-serving ambition, but if anyone were to find out how deeply you care for Mr. Rossi, all of that would be lost. You would instantly become a target."

For a few moments there is absolute silence. "I," Warrick squeaks, then clears his throat, calling up a defiant, haughty voice. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Sir."

"You may be a superb liar Mr. Spencer, but I am the _master_. You cannot fool me. It is obvious that you and Mr. Rossi are in a romantic relationship."

"What?! That's-that's preposterous! I'm not-I don't like…" Warrick sputters, finally letting out a loud, hopeless sigh. "Are you going to tell my parents?" he asks sounding smaller than I ever imagined possible.

Severus replies with his own sigh, but I can tell it is a sound of exasperation. I bet he's pinching the bridge of his nose right now. "No, Mr. Spencer. I have no desire to be the proverbial 'killed messenger'. Furthermore, your personal life is none of my concern _unless_ it puts you in danger. Do not let it become my concern. Are we clear?" he rumbles.

"Yes Sir," Warrick responds, a hint of relief coming through his stoic tone.

"Very well. You are dismissed."

"Really? That's it?" the boy asks in stunned disbelief. "No cleaning cauldrons or disemboweling toads?"

"That can be arranged," Severus threatens.

"No! No thank you, Professor," he quickly answers. I hear soft footfalls upon the carpet heading towards the door when Severus's distinctive baritone rings out again.

"One more thing, Mr. Spencer."

"Yes?" he asks hesitantly and I can almost hear the wince in his voice.

"Never let anyone convince you that your feelings are wrong, if you know in your heart that they are true," he says with a noticeable lack of bite.

"Th-thank you, Sir," Warrick replies in awe. After another moment or two I hear the door close and Severus returns to the bedroom.

"Don't look at me like that," he scolds me as my grateful smile only widens. "And your spying abilities need serious improvement. I could see the shadow of your feet next to the door and the door squeaked when you leaned upon it. You wouldn't survive a moment as an actual spy," he criticizes, trying to come off as bitter and aloof.

"Well, I'm sorry that my deceptive skills aren't on par with the _master's,_ " I purr, teasing and seducing him at the same time.

"You have no idea," he murmurs, seemingly lost in thought a million miles away as a haunted look fills his eyes.

"Severus?" I ask, gently laying my hand on his arm to bring him back from wherever his mind has wandered. He turns toward me and takes a deep breath, now focusing wholly on me.

"Given this evening's developments, I suppose it is time for you to learn the rest of my story," he says somewhat reluctantly. I squeeze his hand to reassure him, silently communicating that no matter what he reveals, I am here for him, and love him. He proceeds to tell me about his last years as a Death Eater, when he overheard a prophecy about the Dark Lord's demise and how revealing that information directly led to Lily's (and James's) murder. He tries to maintain his stalwart composure but his eyes are shining with barely restrained tears and his clenched fists tell me that he is still angry at himself for his part in her murder.

He reveals that once he learned the Dark Lord was targeting Lily's son as the child in the prophecy he went to Albus, confessed his status as a Death Eater, prostrated himself before him, and begged for his help to protect her, to protect all of the Potters. He had long since realized the enormity of the mistake he had made in joining the Dark Lord, but the threat to Lily's life pushed him over the edge. He had no longer cared if Albus turned him in and he was put in Azkaban, so long as the only person who ever cared for him was safe.

To his shock, rather than turning him in, Albus asked him to (made him) become a spy within the Death Eater ranks. For years Severus played the role of a double agent, making Voldemort believe that he was spying on Albus and his resistance group through his position at Hogwarts when in reality he was actually leaking information from Voldemort's inner circle. When the Dark Lord discovered Lily's hidden location thanks to a traitor (whom Severus grudgingly revealed was not Sirius Black as everyone believed) and she was killed, he was heartbroken. However, Albus convinced him that he could still do right by Lily by vowing to protect her son.

I couldn't help but raise my brow in disbelief at this statement. It is clear to everyone how much Severus despises Harry Potter, and yet he is sworn to protect him? How can that be? Seeming to discern the origin of my confusion, Severus snarks "I vowed to protect him, I never said _anything_ about liking the arrogant little toerag. Just like his father, he is," he grumbles.

"So, all these years you've been protecting Harry even though Voldemort is dead?" I ask, noticing him wince when I say the bastard's name.

"The Dark Lord is not dead; at least, not entirely," he states solemnly.

"What?" I gasp with vague horror. He eyes me critically for a few moments, makes me swear to secrecy, then tells me about He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's separation from his body, but spiritual presence within the world and how he possessed the DADA professor in 91', and nearly arose through a memory captured in a diary in 92', targeting Harry both times.

"Albus and I fear that the Dark Lord is again making strides to return to full life. This year, in particular, my Mark has become more pronounced than it has been since his demise that Halloween night."

"Oh, Severus," I lament, examining the dark serpent and skull marking on his forearm, just realizing that it does, in fact, look darker than when I first saw it at the beginning of the year. I throw my arms around him, not taking offense when he stiffens in my arms as I know he is still acclimating to displays of affection. "What you did took some serious guts," I say, in awe of his quiet strength. "To stand in front of that monster and lie to his face, knowing the consequences if you had been found out…I can't even imagine how much strength that must have taken. And now to have to worry about him coming back? Gods Severus, why didn't you tell me?"

"There was nothing you could have done," he replies matter-of-factly. "Besides, you know that I have never been much for maudlin confessionals or pleas for comfort."

"Nor for glory and admiration, it seems," I add pointedly.

"I deserve neither for my actions. They are not nearly enough to atone for the myriad of fatal mistakes I have made and the people I have harmed and killed," he snaps viciously as the self-hatred rolls off of him in waves.

"I respectfully disagree," I say softly, "but I won't try to convince you otherwise. Just know that I will be here for you, no matter what. I promise," I vow, sincerely meaning it as my heart breaks at this incredibly strong yet vulnerable man's pain.

He gives me a terse nod in response as I lean in to kiss him soothingly. It takes a few moments to break through the wall he has re-erected, but finally he begins to respond and we lay back down in the bed, holding each other tightly until we drift back to sleep.

I am notating brain tissue reactions to a variation of a restorative potion that Severus and I developed when my concentration is broken by an excited squeal that nearly makes me drop my test tube.

"EL-LIE!" The soprano voice of my mother rings out, echoing somewhat in the chasm of my laboratory. She is rushing up to me and hugging me tightly before I can even reply much less chastise her for most likely deafening any dogs within a mile radius. "Surprise!"

"Mum, be careful!" I protest weakly. "You're going to make me spill gray matter all over the floor."

"Eww," my dad winces, having just emerged from the Floo and caught the tail end of my scolding. He glances at my desk and noticeably pales before turning green once he spots the remaining half brain on my table waiting to be sliced and tested. I can't help but laugh as he quickly turns away and puts his hand to his mouth to stop from vomiting.

"Dad, you break curses that are designed to melt the flesh from people's bones, rip their intestines out, and do any number of other unspeakable things, and yet you still can't stomach the sight of a perfectly preserved brain specimen?" I chortle.

"The difference is that my job is to break those curses _before_ they do any of those things, thus eliminating me ever having to witness them. Thank Merlin, otherwise I'd have passed out about a million times by now," he retorts as the color begins to return to his face now that I have covered the specimen.

"Oh you mean like you did that one time you picked me up from the hospital for lunch and I was up to my elbows in the chest cavity of cadaver who suffered a fatal unknown curse?" I ask teasingly.

"Oh Gods, don't bring that up," he moans, looking seasick again for a moment.

"I've been a Healer for over a decade; I'd think you'd be used to it by now," I smirk at him.

"Sadist," he murmurs in an affectionate tone.

"Ok, ok, enough teasing one another," my mother interjects. "Why aren't you more surprised to see us?" she asks suspiciously. "Your brother told you we were coming, didn't he? That little blabbermouth!" she rants before I have a moment to put a word in edgewise.

"To be fair, Mum, you should know better than to tell Leo a secret…well, at least one that won't hurt anyone if it gets out," I point out, thinking of how he has kept my secret about Severus for months now, even from his closest friends.

"I know, you're right," she sighs in resignation. "All right, well, enough of that," she switches gears into her dominant personality of bubbly cheerfulness. "Show me around your lab! Oh, and your classroom! I still can't believe you're a professor! Do the kids like you? Leo has written in his letters that you are fantastic with them," she rambles excitedly.

"Take a breath, dear," my dad instructs with a wry smile, earning himself an elbow in his side from my mum. He chuckles and pulls her into a kiss, which she resists at first on principle, but soon gives into with a smile.

I roll my eyes at their antics, but in truth I am always pleased to see my mum so happy and in love, being treated as she deserves to be. "Ok lovebirds, break it up. It's time for the tour," I announce with a clap of my hands, much as one would do to a cat on the table or a dog trying to sneak scraps. I walk them around the lab and show them the equipment, leaving out any bodily fluids or parts that might make my dad sick, and tell them about my current research, breakthroughs, and cases (minus any names, of course). From there we proceed to my classroom, encountering a few students in the halls as they rush around grabbing forgotten items, saying goodbye to friends, or just goofing off. I can see my mum's face beam with pride every time one of them says 'hi Professor Bradford'.

As we leave my classroom a blonde blur tears down the hall and launches itself at my parents. "Mum! Dad!" Leo calls excitedly as they scramble to catch him mid-leap.

"Hi sweetheart," my mum says with a kiss to his cheek and a blinding smile. Dad greets him with the same smile, though minus the public display of affection. "

"Are you ready for lunch, figlio?" he asks, falling back into his Italian name for his son.

"Yes," Leo answers brightly. "Only…would it be alright if I brought a-a friend?" he asks with a hint of nervousness shining through his eager face.

"Of course," my mum answers without hesitation. "I'm sure we can accommodate one more."

"Actually," I interject with my own nervousness creeping up the edges of my mind, "do you think we'd have room for two more?"

"Sure," my dad says as my mother looks at me calculatingly and my brother's jaw drops.

"He's coming?" Leo blurts out with a hopeful smile. I nod and the smile takes over his face. "I knew it! I knew he'd come if you asked him to."

"He? He who?" my mum probes, carefully controlling the anticipation and excitement that is clearly about to burst from her like an overfilled balloon.

"You sound like a mentally handicapped owl, Mum," I retort, trying to deflect the inquiry.

"That's hardly the proper way to speak to one's mother," a smooth, deep, sultry baritone voice chastises, causing my heart to skip a beat. I turn and see Severus, in all his dark mysterious glory, standing behind us, arms crossed, looking imposing, but with the slightest of one-sided smirks. Next to him is Warrick, looking less imposing than his escort, but still formidable for a child.

"Hi Warrick!" Leo greets brightly, his entire face lighting up with joy. "Hi Professor Snape!" he adds with only slightly less fervor.

"Mr. Rossi," Severus replies with his customary nod. "Eleanor," he adds, nodding at me. I see his arm twitch and realize he must be confused as to how to behave in this situation. As a boyfriend, he would be expected to show some physical affection, such as a hug, or squeezing my hand, but as a Professor he must maintain decorum at all times.

"Severus," I return with an understanding smile. "As you seem to have surmised, these are my parents, Helena and Mauro. Mum, Dad, this is Severus," I introduce.

My mum appears to be frozen, staring at Severus in something akin to shock. "A pleasure to meet you," my dad replies jovially, extending his hand for one of his trademark vigorous shakes.

Severus raises a brow at the ready acceptance and utter lack of intimidation the excitable man shows him, but takes up his hand after only a brief hesitation and manages to pull it back gently just before my dad seems to shake it off his wrist. Severus turns to me, perplexed, but I just shrug slightly as if to say 'what can I tell you? That's just how my dad is.'

"Ah, and who is this young man?" my dad asks, directing his welcoming smile to the young man next to Severus.

"I am Warrick Spencer, Sir," the boy answers formally, sticking his arm out stiffly for a proper handshake as his pureblooded parents must have drilled into him to do. "It is an honor to make your acquaintance."

"An honor? Wow, no one's ever said that to me before!" Dad exclaims with his bright grin as he proceeds to obliterate all the decorum Warrick brought to the encounter by nearly shaking the boy's arm off.

Meanwhile, my mother is still just standing there, gaping at Severus and myself as if one of us has grown an extra head and a tail. "Mrs. Bradford," Severus utters in a smooth rumbled voice, extending his hand to her. His movement seems to finally break her stupor and she extends her hand to him, allowing him to give it a brief, firm shake.

"So," I pipe up before my mother can say anything too mortifying, "shall we get going?"

"Yes, I'm starving!" my father agrees with a wide smile. "I heard about this fantastic place in Hogsmeade that I thought we could try."

"Sure, Dad," I reply eagerly as I see my mother once again looking at Severus and I in a disconcertingly calculating manner.

"Great!" he exclaims as we all begin walking out of the school and up the path to the gates. "It's this little Italian place that is supposed to be phenomenal. Personally I am skeptical, but a girl at work was just raving about it, so I figure we should put it to the test from a _true_ Italian's perspective."

I stumble a bit upon hearing our destination, knowing it can only be "La Famiglia Camera" and that Severus is surely not happy about going somewhere that the staff knows us. I reluctantly turn a bit towards Severus after gathering my courage. He is glaring at me, as I expected, but to my relief, he rolls his eyes and drops back into his usual apathetic mask once I mouth 'sorry' to him.

Thankfully the majority of the walk is filled with Leo's excited, somewhat nervous, babbling about school. He tells our parents everything about his classes, his friends, the latest Quidditch match, and even a few of the Weasley twins' more widescale pranks.

The relative peace is shattered though, the moment we walk into La Famiglia Camera and Senora Moretti bellows a delighted greeting to us. When she wraps Severus in a bear hug I hear my brother squeak in surprise, and Warrick is so shocked it looks as though he just witnessed Merlin's second coming. Severus gives death glares to them both and they immediately clam up.

"È la mia coppia preferita!" Senora exclaims as she grabs Severus's and my hand. "E chi sono queste persone belle?"

* _Translation: "It is my favorite couple! And who are these lovely people?"_

"Couple?" my mother asks with growing excitement, now shifting her eyes quickly between Severus and myself, barely containing her urge to interrogate us, I am sure. My father, it seems, has been caught off guard for a moment as well, his eyes growing wide as he gives Severus a more thorough visual examination. He recovers quickly, though, and answers Senora Moretti, in Italian of course, and introduces everyone. Once she has nearly crushed them all with hugs she escorts us to a large table along the back wall. Poor Warrick looks completely lost as my family rambles on in Italian, so I give him a reassuring smile as we take our seats across from one another. A moment later I see him glance down to his leg, then look at my brother, and a huge grin blooms on his face. I can only assume that Leo is taking advantage of the table's coverage and reassuring his boyfriend by squeezing his hand or knee. Oh Gods, I hope it's only his knee! I can't think of my little brother doing anything risqué at all, let only in public with our parents right next to us!

Finally, Senora Moretti putters off to attend to other customers and probably grab us a complimentary appetizer as she has done, despite our protestations, every time Severus and I have come here. A somewhat uncomfortable silence descends upon the table as I eye Leo, silently arguing with him about which of us will bite the bullet first. As fate would have it, my mum's restraint collapses and she makes the decision for us.

"So you two are a couple?!" she bursts out excitedly, the hope shining unmistakably in her eyes.

"Umm," I hesitate, wondering how to reply. In my mind it's fairly clear that we are (a thought that still makes me beam with happiness), but we've never talked about whether we are exclusive, or if this is serious, or anything like that.

"Yes," Severus replies calmly, shocking me by taking my hand in plain view of everyone, including Warrick. "We are."

"Oooh, I just knew it!" my mum squeals, making me flush in embarrassment and Severus jerk back in surprise. "Tell me everything! How long have you been dating? How did you meet? Is it serious?" she babbles rapidly.

"Helena, let the poor kids answer one question before you assault them with twenty other ones," my father interjects, laying a loving hand on her forearm.

"You're right; I'm sorry," she apologizes with a hint of sheepishness.

"Thanks dad," I breathe in relief. "As for your questions, Mum, Severus is a professor at the school-"

"Oh yes! I recall now; Leo introduced you as Professor Snape," she replies, directing it to Severus.

"Correct. I am the potions professor at Hogwarts, as well as the Head of Slytherin house."

"Slytherin house?" my mum asks with a bit of wariness seeming to come through her eyes. "So were you a-"

"Slytherin? Yes," Severus answers firmly, and edge of acidic challenge in his voice as he sits even straighter in his chair, looking as imposing as he usually does in front of his students. "Do you have a problem with that?" he nearly growls.

My mother is now the one to jerk back in surprise and I suppress a groan as I can see this lunch rapidly going downhill. "No, not per se," my mum answers with strength, leaning forward in a mini challenge of her own. "But you have to admit that the house has a somewhat…dubious…reputation."

At this I see Leo sag in his seat, as if he is a Muggle balloon that someone is slowly leaking the air from. Warrick also looks despondent, though his face is tinged with affront as well. Severus has noticed this too and it makes him further narrow his eyes in my mum's direction. "Strange, from what Eleanor told me about you I never would have thought you to buy into two-dimensional, sweeping prejudices," Severus sneers.

"Now wait a minute," my father steps in, clearly angry at Severus's implication, and leaning forward to get in his face.

"Guys, please, just stop," I intercede before this cauldron of rage and offense boils over. "I think things have gotten off on the wrong foot." My father and Severus continue to eye each other unkindly but thankfully sit back into their seats. "Mum, I'm sure you didn't mean anything against Slytherin House or its members, and Severus, I am sure you didn't mean to imply that my mum is prejudiced," I say, giving them each a pointed look.

My mum sighs as she takes in my troubled face. "As always, El, you are right, and the voice of reason. Severus, I'm sorry if I offended you. I didn't mean to cast aspersions on your house. It's just that with Voldemort and those awful Death Eaters a few years back and then at the World Cup…well, I guess it's just difficult not to immediately think of such associations, and as a mother I can't help but be concerned about my daughter's well-being. I do apologize, though. I know that not every Slytherin is evil. After all, Merlin himself was a Slytherin, right?" she asks with a half smile, eager to smooth things over and get past the uncomfortable awkwardness that has engulfed the table.

"Indeed, he was," Severus replies flatly, which I guess is better than what I expected, which was hostility. "I will not deny that my house has included some disreputable characters, but it is certainly not the only one that holds that title. Additionally, Slytherin includes many intelligent, driven, and even noble individuals, such as Mr. Spencer here," Severus gestures to Warrick briefly before shooting him a subtly warning glare before adding "Also, I may have misspoken; I do not believe you are prejudiced."

I beam at Severus, knowing this is as close as he will ever come to apologizing in a public place, and in front of one of his students, nonetheless!

"Well…thank you Severus," my mum replies after a bit of confused reluctance, obviously weighing whether of not that qualified as an apology. "And I am well aware that bad people can come from _any_ house," she adds, and I know she is thinking of my biological father, who was a fellow Ravenclaw. "And I have no doubts that you, Warrick, are a fantastic young man. My Leo wouldn't be friends with you if you weren't," she says with a smile that seems to be as much for his benefit as her own.

Warrick nods and offers a small half smile just as our (once again free) appetizer arrives and the conflict is dismissed as we all place our dinner orders. With that taken care of, the conversation turns to Leo and Warrick. My parents ask him about his family, his favorite subjects in school, and I hold my breath when my dad asks how long the boys have been friends.

"A-actually Dad," Leo begins with a nervous hitch, "Warrick and I…we…we're not friends. Well, I mean we _are_ friends, of course, but what I mean to say is…we aren't just friends. We…he…he's my boyfriend," he admits in a whisper so low I can barely hear it, despite knowing what he was going to say.

There is utter silence for a moment before my mum and dad turn to one another, seeming to confer wordlessly. I notice Warrick grab Leo's hand and squeeze it reassuringly as my brother watches our parents anxiously.

"Son," my dad begins, "thank you for telling us," he says with a reassuring, soft smile.

"You're not…mad?" Leo asks with worry creasing his forehead.

"Mad?" my mother asks in disbelief. "Of course we aren't mad, sweetheart! We don't care that you're gay. All that we care about is that you are happy. That _both_ of our children are happy," she adds as she pointedly directs her smile to me. "Which, by the looks on both of your faces, seems to be the case."

"I am happy, Mum; really, _really_ happy," Leo beams as he looks at Warrick with nothing less than glowing admiration and worship, causing the young Slytherin to break his stoic façade with a wide beaming smile.

"Wonderful!" my dad exclaims with his open, goofy grin. "So, how long have you two been dating?" he asks Warrick, purposefully trying to draw the quiet boy more into the conversation. I take advantage of everyone's distraction and place my hand on Severus's leg, just above his knee, slowly squeezing it in thanks for keeping his temper in check and (sort of) apologizing to my mother. He places his hand over mine, wrapping his long fingers around mine, and I can't help but smile at him. I catch my mother watching us from the corner of my eye and she grins at me surreptitiously, letting me know that, despite her initial misgivings, she is happy for me.

In this moment, I feel like everything is perfect in the world.


	34. PART III - Chapter 1

**Part III**

 **Chapter 1:**

Tension has been rising for the last half hour, at least, as neither Harry nor the Diggory boy have returned from the maze. Albus is trying to maintain calm by projecting a placid expression, but it is clear to those who interact with him on a daily basis that all is not well. We all saw the flash of light that signified someone had reached the Tri-Wizard Cup, but neither the victor nor the runner up returned to the starting line, as was supposed to happen the moment the competition ended. Furthermore, Severus had stormed up to the Headmaster a few short minutes after the flash occurred, a look of pure pain and horror flashing on his normally stoic face. I wanted more than anything to go to his side, find out what was wrong, and console him, but Albus must have given him some order amongst their furtive whispers, because he moved determinedly off the pitch after that, heading towards the school.

It kills me to see my love in such agony and not be able to help him. Over the past months that we have been together, Severus has made remarkable strides in opening up to me. He still isn't what anyone would call effusive with his feelings, but he no longer seems to think showing any emotion at all is a sign of utter weakness, at least not with me. In public he is still stone-faced, only deigning to express anger, annoyance, or cool indifference, but behind closed doors when it is just the two of us, he has begun to show more and more of his dry, dark humor, his passion, both intellectual and carnal, and even his softer side, both in the form of affection and worry. I know it is crazy, but I think he may even be close to being ready to reveal our relationship, even if it is only to Albus and some of our other close colleagues.

I shake my head slightly to dispel my ruminations about Severus and bring myself back to the present. I take two steps towards Albus to ask him if perhaps we should send a search party into the maze just in case one of the boys is hurt, but my attempt is interrupted by the missing boys themselves, appearing at the starting line. Relief washes over me until I see that the Diggory boy is lying on the grass, unmoving.

Cold dread floods my veins and I instinctively know. The boy is dead. Merlin, no! After seeing as many people die as I have in my line of work, the effect is unmistakable. I am rushing towards the boys before I even realize that my feet are moving, and I see out of the corner of my eye that Albus is doing the same. By the heartbroken, stricken look on his face I can tell that he has reached the same conclusion I have. Harry is sobbing hysterically and clutching the boy with all his might, and Albus has to forcibly move him away so that Madame Pomfrey and I can assess Cedric. We check for a pulse and breathing, as well as run diagnostics, but there is no sign of life.

A mumbling roar is building all around us now, rising up from the crowd in a tsunami of horror. Disbelieving shouts of "he's dead; Diggory's dead!" and screams of anguish rise up above the continual sounds of sobbing and gasping. One voice, closer than the others, cuts through the maelstrom and I turn my head to its source. I don't truly want to hear the words, knowing in my soul what they will reveal, but I must make sure.

"He's back," Harry wails, never taking his watery green eyes off of Cedric's limp body. "He's back. Voldemort is back." There it is. The confirmation of my worst fear. The news would have been bad enough a year ago when it would have just meant a return to the climate of fear and violence that was prevalent just after I left Hogwarts, but now it is catastrophic. Oh Gods, Severus! What does this mean for Severus? Will Voldemort know that he was a spy? Will he come after him? Torture him? Kill him? Oh Gods, I can't bear to think about it!

"Ellie?" I hear as a firm hand claps my shoulders. I look up into the tired, stressed, but determined blue eyes of Madame Pomfrey. "Are you alright? We both need to keep it together right now, horrid as the situation is," she hisses under her breath just as Cedric Diggory's father reaches us, understandably drowning in shocked grief. I nod at her resolutely and get my panic under control for the moment.

As I turn back, I realize that Harry is gone. Maybe Albus brought him back to the castle? I hope so, that poor boy shouldn't be subjected to the questions and cries of the crowd after watching a fellow student die. I turn my attention back to the Diggorys and Madame Pomfrey and I silently decide to wait until the other professors have cleared the pitch to allow the Aurors to investigate and finally move the body for a post mortem examination.

It is some time later, I really couldn't say how long, that Severus reappears. By now, I am in my lab running diagnostic spells on Cedric to determine the cause of death. Aurors Shakelbolt and Tonks are present to observe and record the findings for their final report and, although they try to keep their professional stoicism in place, the air holds a deep sense of forlorn foreboding. We haven't spoken of Harry's declaration, but from the fear and worry I see in the Aurors' eyes I can tell they both believe the boy, as do I. The conclusion is supported by the results of my diagnostic spells, which reveal that the seventh year Hufflepuff was killed by Avada Kedavra. The Aurors will have to test Harry's wand to ensure he did not cast the curse, but we all know he didn't. Nobody is _that_ good of an actor.

Severus's entrance into the lab breaks the somber, quiet mood, and a sense of urgency takes its place, building with each of his quick, determined steps. He eyes the Aurors warily, then nods his head slightly in respectful acknowledgement.

"Severus," Shaklebolt greets neutrally.

"Kingsley. Miss Tonks," he replies stiffly, avoiding meeting my eyes.

"Well, it appears we have all we need from you Healer Bradford. Thank you for your assistance," Shaklebolt says to me as he rolls up his report scroll. "If you learn anything else, please contact us."

"I certainly will," I reply seriously.

He turns away as Tonks breaks protocol and steps forward to give me a quick yet fierce hug.

"Be careful," she whispers before pulling away and trotting to catch up to her long-legged partner.

Severus raises his brow at the display of friendly affection, but is clearly too exhausted and overwrought to care enough to inquire. As soon as the Aurors are clear of the room, he nearly collapses onto the nearest cot. He is shaking all over and tangling his fingers in his lank hair.

"Severus!" I exclaim in worry, having very rarely seen him lose his composure. "Are you alright?" I ask as I fly over to his side. As he raises his head to look at me I realize that the shaking is _not_ just a loss of composure. I've seen that type of tremor far too often not to recognize it for what it is; the aftereffects of _Cruciatus_. Oh fuck, no!

"You didn't…" I gasp, hearing the pleading tone in my own voice.

"I had no choice," he replies in defeat, hanging his head again.

I am up off the cot before he finishes the short sentence, raiding my storage cabinet for treatment potions. "Here," I say, all business now because if I let myself think about the fact that this is _my Severus_ who is suffering, I know I'll break down, "drink these and then I'm going to give you a transfusion treatment. We have to get the infected cells out before they start replicating."

He tips the vials into his mouth, barely grimacing at the taste of his own expert concoctions, but shakes his head slightly as soon as he is done. "It's no use. This is going to become a regular occurrence again. You can't keep giving all of your blood supplies to me, especially with the limited supply of donors you currently have."

"What do you mean 'a regular occurrence'? Severus, surely you can't intend to go back to him?" I cry, outraged and horror stricken as Cedric Diggory's sheet covered body catches the corner of my eye.

"I have to, Eleanor!" he roars in anger. "My role is that of a spy. I am of no use to the Light if I'm not in the Dark Lord's inner circle. I have to get information about his plans and attacks or Albus will have no idea where he's going to strike!"

"But you've just started to recover from the long term impact of all those curses he cast on you last time! Your body can't take that kind of strain again! You'll die!"

"Then so be it!" he shouts back. "Because if I _don't_ do it then _everyone_ will die! He'll murder every single Muggleborn and person who defies him or gets in his way. Men, women, children…don't you see? He doesn't care! He'll stop at nothing until he controls the world, and if that happens, those that had managed to survive will wish they hadn't."

I do see, but I don't want to admit that to Severus. Admitting that to him is sentencing him to death, and no matter how deeply I _know_ that Voldemort can't be allowed to win, I can't bring myself to sacrifice the life of the only man I've ever loved; a man who has had far too much pain, sorrow, and mistreatment in his life to have everything ripped away just when he's found a bit of contentment.

"Please tell me you understand. I don't _want_ to do this," he whispers as a shudder snakes through his body, "but I _must_."

I see that my obstinacy is only causing him more distress, and we both know that he's going to do this regardless of my opinion, so I resign myself and solemnly nod my head. "I know," I whisper, feeling despair and worry settle over me as I sit back down on the cot and gently pull his slightly shaking form back down next to me.

"Promise me you'll be as careful as you can," I implore, looking deeply into his hypnotic black eyes. " _Whatever it takes_ , don't let him find out that you're disloyal. _Please_ Sev, I don't know what I'd do if…" I trail off, unable to voice any of the unspeakably horrible things I know that monster is capable of.

"I promise," Severus swears softly, but with conviction. "In turn, however, you must promise me something as well." He pauses for a moment, looking anguished and torn. "The Dark Lord has taken _every single person_ I have ever cared for. I will _not_ allow him to take you as well. That means that you must promise me that, from this day on, until he is, Merlin willing, defeated, you must cease doing anything that will put you in danger. You mustn't draw attention to yourself, or speak out against him, and…you must cease all association with me outside of that of a standard colleague."

"What?! No!" I exclaim as someone throws a bucket of invisible ice cold water over me. He can't seriously be asking me throw away everything we have together after I worked so hard to get it! "I've loved you for _twenty years_ , Severus, and you just expect me to walk away now, when you need someone the most? No! There is no way!" I seethe, putting all of the fight I posses into these words. I've stood up now and am towering over his sitting form, trying to make him understand that I will not back down.

He sighs deeply and pinches the bridge of his nose as he is apt to do when he is frustrated or thinks someone is being a particularly blatant idiot. "You might as well put a target on your chest if you don't!" he growls. "Don't you understand? The Dark Lord will use your connection to me as a form of punishment. There is little he enjoys more than forcing people to watch those they care for to suffer."

"Then we'll just keep our relationship a secret. No one other than my family knows about it now, and He has no reason to target or suspect them. They are, after all, purebloods. So we can just continue the way we have been," I nearly plead, knowing I can't stand to lose Severus again, especially not now that I actually _have_ him! "You've been teaching me Occlumency and you said I've been doing well with it…"

"El, you don't understand how powerful he is!" Severus retorts with a desperate fire burning in his coal black eyes. "He is a master Legilimens; he can rip information out of almost anyone's mind. If anyone at the school even suspects something between us, even just friendship, you are at risk."

"No one will suspect-" I begin only to be grabbed tightly at my shoulders, his hands still shaking slightly.

"LISTEN TO ME!" Severus shouts, striking me dumb. "I WILL NOT RISK IT! I CAN NOT LOSE YOU!"

To my flabbergasted astonishment, Severus breaks down into tears. I have never seen the man cry; hell, I have never seen him show much of any emotion other than anger or annoyance. Immediately I push my selfish desires out of my mind and envelop him in a strong hug, rubbing his back in an effort to calm his sobs.

"Ok, Sev, ok. We'll just be colleagues," I say, giving in and feeling my heart break into a thousand pieces again.


	35. PART III - Chapter 2

_A/N: Hi Everyone! I just wanted to take a moment to thank all the readers of this fic for your continued support. It is amazing to see so many people still reading this mammoth piece! Thanks for putting up with my erratic updates (damn busy season at work!) and a special truly heartfelt thank you to those who take the time to leave me feedback. Those comments make all the time spent typing and formatting well worth it and motivate me to keep updating as soon as I can. You guys seriously rock!_

 **Chapter 2:**

This past summer has been the most miserable one that I can recall. For nearly three months now I have only seen Severus once every week for his treatments, and even that was a hard-fought victory. Severus kept insisting I should not waste my limited resources on him, but thankfully Albus stepped in and reminded him that getting the treatment was a term of his continued employment at Hogwarts. It hurts so much to think that he fought so hard _not_ to have to spend time with me. I am trying not to take it personally, but I don't understand how he can give me up seemingly so easily, if he ever felt for me event a fraction of what I feel for him.

Even when we do see each other during these weekly sessions, when it is just the two of us in my warded lab, he doesn't say a word to me except in response to my medical questions. When he deigns to look at me, I am met with a blank, cold stare. I can't help but think that, in some ways, this is worse than when he used to look at me with scorn and hatred. At least then he felt some emotion for me.

I am trying to tell myself that this is all a ruse, recalling our last real conversation when he broke down and cried out of concern for losing me, but the longer this goes on the more I can't help but wonder how he can remain so stoic for so long. How can anyone suppress such emotions so completely, even when we are alone together with no chance of anyone witnessing our interactions? The awful gnawing worry that maybe the months of happiness preceding this were the true ruse slither into my head like a snake in the grass, lying in wait to bite me when I least expect it.

I know I am being maudlin and my despair is starting to show, despite my best efforts to conceal it, but I just can't help it. I don't have nearly as much skill or experience in suppressing my emotions as Severus does, it seems. Worse than my broken heart is my continual worry for Severus. Every time that he disappears from the castle I am left to wonder if he is going to harvest a potions ingredient or return to that monster's side to do his evil bidding. Will he be forced to make a poison that will kill helpless Muggles, or maybe he will have to torture a family of Muggleborns while the other Death Eaters cheer him on, reveling in the pain and fear of his victims? Will he himself be tortured by that psychopathic madman for some imagined slight or failure? Is he writhing on the floor in pain after another round of Cruciatus curses? And worst of all, the fear that makes my blood run cold and leaves me sick to my stomach, will this be the day Voldemort finds out that Severus is a traitor? Will this be the day the love of my life is killed?

Compounding all of these fears is the fact that I don't even have anyone to talk to about it! Almost no one knows that Severus and I were ever anything more than coworkers, and those that do know have no idea that Severus is a Death Eater spy. The only one I could possibly discuss this with is Albus, as I am sure the seemingly omnipotent old man figured out about my relationship with Severus, but truth be told I can barely stand to be in the same room as him these days. Logically I know that Albus is not forcing Severus to return to spying, and I know that Severus's position is vital to defeating the monster once and for all, but my heart can't seem to get over the fact that it was Albus who put my love in this precarious position in the first place. If something awful happens to Severus, I don't think I could ever forgive Albus.

When I went to visit my parents a few times this summer my mother immediately picked up on my melancholy and grilled me until I admitted that Severus and I broke up. She held me as I cried, but of course I could not reveal the reasons our relationship dissolved, and I could see the disappointment and hurt in her face. My father tried to make me feel better by saying how dense Severus was to give up a catch like me, and how there were better "fish in the sea" who would be "more deserving of me." Leo joined in with disparaging comments about his personality, his hair, and his nose, trying to make me feel better in the way that bashing one's ex often can, but that only made me feel worse. I don't want to hate Severus, and I certainly don't want to think about any other fish in the sea. I know Severus thinks he is protecting me by distancing himself from me, and maybe he is and I am just being selfish, but I can't help but resent him making that decision for me.

I am hoping that now that the first day of the new term has arrived and my classes will be starting up again I will be able to distract myself more effectively from my anguish. I tried, over the summer, to concentrate on my research, working extensively with Tonks and a few other metamorphmaguses that she was able to connect me with, as well as continuing my treatment of the Longbottoms, but even that could not force the memories and worries about Severus from my head and my heart.

I am broken out of my musings by the introduction of the latest Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor, a surprisingly prim middle aged witch who is wearing more pink than I have ever seen, save for the mediwitches in the St. Mungo's pediatric ward. She gives the crowd a rather insincere smile as she co-opts the floor from Albus, and a shiver of disgust runs up my spine. I'm not exactly sure why, but I instantly dislike this woman. Despite my aversion to the color pink and her high pitched, cloying voice, I don't think it is anything about her appearance that causes this reaction in me. My instincts are reinforced as she begins to speak about progress and bureaucracy in terms that are anything but progressive. I can already tell this woman is a cog of the political machine and I am starting to wonder if Albus has truly lost his mind with his selections of these DADA professors. The only saving grace is that, if Remus and past precedence is any indication, she will only be here for one year.

Despite myself, I can't help but glance over at Severus as he sits mere feet away from me down the staff table. Outwardly he seems to be displaying the same mildly annoyed expression that is his default, but I can see the utter disgust burning in his coal black eyes as he watches the pink clad witch make her speech. I can just imagine him bursting into my lab after dinner, railing against her simpering voice, backward thinking, and fake pleasantries, then calling her some inventive and entertaining insult before sweeping me into his arms and crushing my lips passionately against his own to release some of his frustration.

Oh Merlin! Why do I torture myself like this?! What am I even still doing here where I have to see him every single day? I should have resigned at the end of last year and gone crawling back to St. Mungos to lick my emotional wounds. I could have taught Madame Pomfrey how to administer the treatments and left Severus in her capable hands, returning to my research-focused, boring, solitary life. Maybe then I would have had some chance of moving on…

Oh, who am I kidding? I couldn't move on from Severus decades after being away from him before, and that was without ever having really been involved with him in the first place! I wouldn't have a merman's chance in the desert of ever getting over Severus now! Besides, as much as it torments me seeing him each day, I would much rather be here where I can see that he is ok, rather than away from him having to wonder if he returned from his latest mission or not.

With the speeches having ended sometime during my musing, I turn my attention back to my plate and push the food around a bit with my fork. The house elves have outdone themselves for the start of term feast, but I have absolutely no appetite for the delicious cuisine. I feel someone's eyes upon me and I look up to see my brother's bright blue eyes peering woefully up at me from the Hufflepuff table. I give him what I hope is a reassuring smile as I know he has been worried about me, but I don't think its very convincing as he just purses his lips and looks back to his own plate with a forlorn expression.

Thankfully the feast ends a few minutes later and I am able to escape to the sanctity of my rooms, where I proceed to cast countless _Confringos_ upon every pillow, drape, and plate in the room, taking all of my anger and frustration at the unfairness of the situation out on the hapless accoutrements of the room. I collapse in exhaustion, having expended all of my rage and magical energy on the destruction, and fall onto my bed as the sorrow overtakes me and tears stream from my eyes.

I must have cried myself to sleep because the next thing I know I am waking up with my face squished into the comforter, eyes gummy and head blaring, as the gray light of early morning streams in from the enchanted windows. I push myself up and, with a sigh, take in the mess of feathers, porcelain, and cotton strewn around me. I make my way to the shower to clear my eyes and head a bit before attempting the series of _Repairos_ it will take to get my rooms back in order and I stand under the hot spray for far longer than is necessary, hoping the water will wash away my emotions before I have to face my classes.

By the time I get out of the shower and complete the necessary repairs breakfast is mostly over so I proceed straight to my classroom. I have three back to back periods today and two more after lunch so I need to get myself together. I try to put on my usual welcoming attitude for the students, but I can't help but feel it comes across as a bit forced and flat. My worries are confirmed when the fourth year Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw class, which includes Leo, breaks up for their practical portion of the session. My brother immediately heads for me instead of the supply cabinet, a determined look in his eyes.

"Are you ok?" he asks me bluntly, though he has enough forethought to whisper.

"Yes, Leo, as I told you a hundred times this summer, I am fine," I reply with a slight

huff of annoyance.

"No, you're not," he immediately contradicts.

"If you think you already know the answer then why are you bothering to ask me the question?"

"Because I thought _maybe_ you'd actually be honest with me for once now that Mum and Dad aren't around," he retorts as he stubbornly folds his tanned arms across his chest.

Despite the sniping attitude, I can see the concern in his eyes and I know that Leo is just worried about me, so I heave a sigh and lead him a little further away from the class. "Look Leo, obviously I am sad about the situation with Sev-Professor Snape," I start, pitching my voice lower so no one overhears us, "but sometimes things just don't work out. We decided it would be better if we didn't see each other anymore." I lie, knowing the decision was anything but mutual. "Yes, I am upset, but I'll get over and be alright, it just takes some time," I explain, once again hating that I have to lie to my little brother. The truth, I fear, is that I will never get over it, but I certainly can't tell that to my impressionable, sometimes overly emotional teenaged brother. "I appreciate your concern, but I'm a big girl and I can handle this, so please, just focus on your work, and your friends, and Warrick," I add with a playful nudge that makes him blush. "Ok?"

"Alright," he reluctantly agrees.

"Oh, and remember to _please_ not mention anything about me and Professor Snape to anyone, alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, I know, 'coworkers aren't supposed to date'" he mimics the lie we made up to justify keeping our relationship a secret.

"Thanks," I answer, giving him a genuine smile and messing up his hair with a noggie.

The rest of the class, and the four after it, all proceed relatively calmly, but the normalcy of the last class of the day is shattered when Carys comes running full speed into my classroom just moments before it ends.

"El, er, I mean, Professor, please, you have to come quick," she pants.

"What is it?" I ask as adrenaline and panic begin to well up in me. "Is someone hurt?"

"No, but it's Leo. He's in trouble; big trouble," she explains with wide eyes.

 _Leo? In trouble? Shite, if it's those little bastards giving him crap again for being gay I am going to tear them limb from limb!_

"Class dismissed," I announce brusquely, shooing the fifth year Gryffindors and Slytherins from my room, making sure they all leave before hurrying out into the hallway with Carys.

"What happened? Is it those little pricks again?" I growl, not remembering to censor my language in front of the 14 year old. "The ones who gave him problems last time?"

"No," she shakes her head emphatically. "It's Leo, I think he's gone mad!"

"What?" I ask in genuine confusion. "What do you mean?"

"We were in Potions and he just went off on Professor Snape! He started insulting him and yelling at him and he just wouldn't stop! Hufflepuff lost 100 points and he's got detention every night this week!"

"Wait, what?" I am stopped dead in my tracks at this information. My little brother is the sweetest person I have ever met. He wouldn't hurt a fly, and he certainly wouldn't insult a professor! He's never lost a point in his life, let alone 100 of them! What in the world could have gotten into him?

"It's true," Carys assures me, seeing my look of utter disbelief. "I was there. He did it right in front of the whole fourth year Hufflepuff and Slytherin potions class!"

"Ok, I think you'd better tell me the whole story before we go in there," I state, gesturing to Severus's classroom, which is now just down the hallway.

"Ok," she agrees, taking a breath to launch into the tale. "Here's what happened…"

 _We walked into class and sat down at our usual table, like we do everyday, but I noticed Leo was pretty quiet, which, you know, is bonkers since we usually can't get him to shut his gob for more than 10 seconds. Before I can ask him what's up, Professor Snape starts firing off questions to the class about the Girding Potion we started learning about last year. He goes through a few people and then he calls on Leo and asks him to give an example of a time when the potion would be useful. Leo looks him straight in the eye and says "to give one the stamina needed to endure your torturous class." Everyone just stopped dead and stared at him. I couldn't believe he said that, I thought I had to be hallucinating._

 _Professor Snape got wide eyed and asked, obviously brassed off, "What did you just say, Mr. Rossi?" and then, THEN, he said it again! As if that wasn't bad enogh, he added, "what's wrong? Is all that grease from your hair clogging up your ears?"_

 _Well of course then Professor Snape lost it. He stalked right up to him and said in that low, scary voice "20 points from Hufflepuff for your disrespect." We thought that was the end of it, but Leo comes back with "Respect? Why in Merlin's name should I respect you? You're just a mean, greasy git who has to pick on other people, even kids, to make yourself feel important!"_

 _Professor Sbape shouts "Make that 50 points from Hufflepuff!" but still Leo won't stop. By now we are all trying to get him to shut it, but he is ignoring us. He looked totally cheesed off, and his face was all red. Then he stood up and started shouting, which I have never seen Leo do._

" _You're a heartless, ugly, selfish, bastard Snape, and I hope you rot in Hades!" he shouts. By now, Professor Snape is right in his face, screaming back at him that he is taking 100 points from Hufflepuff and putting him in detention every night for a week, starting right now! Leo just huffs at him and spits out "whatever" then sits back down in his chair. Professor Snape snarls at everyone else in the class to get out, and that's when I came to get you._

I look at Carys in utter disbelief, my heart breaking at the extent to which this situation with me and Severus has seemingly impacted my brother, for I know the only catalyst for such an outburst could be Leo's perceived slight against me by Severus. Thank Merlin he kept his promise, though, and didn't mention anything outright about our involvement!.

"Ok, thanks Carys. I'll go in and talk to them both to see what is going on and try to diffuse the situation," I tell the anxious girl.

She nods and gives me a weak, grateful smile. "Thanks El. Can you also let Leo know that whatever he's going through, I'm here for him?"

"Of course," I assure her, knowing that Leo can't even truly confide in his best friend thanks to the need for secrecy. _Damn Voldemort! Why did you have to return and make everything so bloody complicated!_ I take a deep breath, steeling my resolve, and open the door to Severus's classroom.

The tension in the room is palpable as Severus lines up cauldron after cauldron, each more filthy and disgusting than the last, on a long table in the center of the room and Leo watches with his hands clenched into fists and his eyes blazing with fury. The anger dissipates the moment he sees me, though, transmuting to surprise, and Severus's wandwork falters, causing the cauldron he is levitating into position to wobble before slamming down onto the table with a reverberating clang.

"El…" Severus starts sincerely before recovering himself and switching to his no-nonsense Professor tone. "Healer Bradford. I am in the midst of a detention. You may return at 8pm to address anything you feel the need to discuss."

I feel my heart break just a little more ( _Gods, how is that even possible?)_ at his impersonal attitude, but I remind myself that this is exactly what I agreed to on that awful, fateful day last term. "Yes, Professor Snape, that is why I am here," I reply with equal professionalism, causing Leo's face to contort in confusion. "I have been informed that my brother displayed a rather uncharacteristic attitude in your class today and I would like to discuss that with him."

"You can discuss it with him _after_ he has served his detention," he retorts, adjusting his posture so he is ramrod straight.

"Pillock," Leo mutters as he glares at Severus.

"Leo!" I chastise as Severus immediately tacks an extra day onto his sentence and casts a powerful silencing spell around the room. "What in Merlin's name has gotten into you?" I can't help but ask, despite Severus's demand to address this later.

"Me?" he asks in disbelief. "What's gotten into you? This callous prick dumps you and breaks your heart and you're being all nice and professional to him?"

"Watch your language, young man," I immediately bite out, grimacing at how much I just sounded like my mother. "Regardless of whatever happened between Sev-Professor Snape, and myself, you mouthing off, insulting a professor, and being disruptful in class will not be tolerated. I told you to focus on your work, and besides, as I have said before, our break up was mutual."

"It doesn't seem mutual to me," he counters with a huff, glaring at Severus. "I mean, look at you, sis! You look like shite, no offense! You've got dark circles under your eyes, your hair is all dry and brittle, you have zero energy, and I haven't seen you smile for real in months! Do you think I didn't notice that you were up all night when you were home with me this summer? I could hear you pacing, tossing and turning in your bed, and crying throughout the nights. Not to mention that you barely even eat anymore. You must have lost half a stone over the summer! Then I get back to school and this bast-uh, idiot, looks the same as he always did! He's clearly not loosing sleep or not eating over you! So you tell me, Ellie, how in Merlin's bloody balls is that mutual?"

I blush at the candid synopsis of my physical and emotional state, knowing that everything he has said is true, but still trying to find a way to make him see that it isn't really Severus's fault without revealing the secrets we need to keep.

"You…haven't been sleeping?" Severus asks in a low voice tinged with concern. I pull my eyes from the floor and see that he is peering at me intently, as if searching for corroborative evidence of Leo's claims. The blush is back, but I try to play it off by shrugging my shoulders like its no big deal. I know lying to him will be useless, he can see right through me, even without taking a dip into my mind, but I don't want him to feel guilty either.

"It's not as dramatic as Leo makes it sound," I settle on. "I'm not up _all_ night, and you know they say with time it gets easier."

"El," Severus begins imploringly, seemingly having forgotten my brother's presence in the room as he makes his way over to me and takes my hands in his. "I never meant to do this to you," he explains sadly, self-hatred filling his eyes. "I knew getting involved with you would hurt you in the end, but I just had to go and be selfish and do it anyway! I tried to warn you that I'm poision; I should have been stronger and resisted you, damnit!" he curses, throwing down my hands and pacing the room, now clearly angry with himself. "I hate to see you suffering this way, but if we stayed together and the Dark Lord found out…" he trails off as an actual shudder racks his body.

"Severus, no," I implore, trying to stop the well of self loathing that I know is bubbling up inside of him. "I would have rather had our short time together than years with anyone else. I love you, and just because we can't be together now doesn't change that. Nothing will _ever_ change that. Yes, I am upset that we had to break up, but I _do_ understand why you insisted on it, and I know your eternal pessimism won't let you think this, but I believe there will come a day when that rotten blighter will be dead, _truly dead_ , and you will be free and we will be able to be together again."

"Gods, I want to believe that," Severus nearly whispers as I turn him gently towards me, wrapping my arms around him. He is stiff for a few moments, but then exhales and seems to melt into the embrace, wrapping his arms around me in return.

"Ok, I'm confused," Leo interjects, causing us both to startle and spring apart, as we had completely forgotten he was there. "If you two both still love each other, which it certainly looks like you do, then why aren't you together? And what does You Know Who have to do with anything?"

"Shite," I breathe, earning a smirk from Leo.

"Language, dear sister," he taunts.

"The most effective solution to this problem," Severus proposes, having regained his stoic composure, " is to simply _Obliviate_ him."

"No! Severus, we are _not_ _Obliviating_ my baby brother!" I object immediately.

"It won't harm him," Severus reasons, "and this way he won't know anything that could put him in danger. It's really for his own good."

"I know, but I am still not comfortable with it. You know as well as I do that there have not been neary enough studies completed on the long term effects of memory spells on subjects whose brains are still failry rapidly developing, such as children."

"Hey! I'm not a child!" Leo argues. "But I still don't want to be _Obliviated_!" he adds quickly with a sheepish, puppy-dog look.

"Fine!" Severus snipes, "but he must swear an oath not to discuss any of this with anyone, and if it gets too dangerous I reserve the right to wipe his memory later."

"Sounds fair," I agree before turning to my brother. Leo," I level with him, using my most serious tone of voice, "have a seat."

He sits and stares up at us expectantly. I sit down across from him and, after a moment of watching Severus glower down his nose at him, gesture for the Potions Master to sit as well. He huffs out a complaint but takes a seat anyway.

"Severus and I broke up because what Harry Potter said at the Tournament last term was true; Voldemort has returned," I begin.

"Yeah, but-"

"Allow us to tell the entire story, Mr. Rossi, before you ask questions," Severus interjects without as much heat as I would have expected. "We will tell you what you need to know, and _only_ what you need to know."

"I know, you are going to ask what that has to do with our relationship, right?" I ask Leo. He nods and I continue. "Many of the professors here were actively involved in the war with Voldemort, including Severus," I explain, selectively leaving out the fact that he started that war out on Voldemort's side, "so now that he has returned, there is a very real possibility that Severus, and some of the other Professors, could be targets for his wrath."

"I could not risk endangering your sister by remaining close to her," Severus adds. "Anyone with a connection to me could, in theory, also be a target. Therefore, for her safety, I informed her that it would be better if we ceased our involvement."

"You mean he could come here to try to harm you?" my brother asks Severus with clear fear in his eyes.

"The chances of the Dark Lord pursuing me, your sister, or anyone else, here at Hogwarts are slim. This castle has the strongest wards and defenses of any magical building in the UK, plus it is run by Albus Dumbledore, the only wizard the Dark Lord fears. You, Eleanor, and your fellow students should be safe here on the grounds."

"Yeah, but what about you? I mean, you don't stay here year-round, right? So what happens when you go home? Won't he be able to get you?" Leo presses with concern oozing out of every pore.

Severus looks at him in confusion, then turns to me, seemingly for clarification. "You…you are concerned about me?" Severus finally asks.

"Of course!" Leo practically shouts. "I know I said some shitty, er, I mean, disrespectful things in class today, but I was just angry because I thought you had hurt my sister. If I had known you were just trying to protect her I never would have said that stuff! I don't think your class is torturous, I actually really like it, and I know you're not exactly the nicest man in the world, but you haven't ever been mean to me, and you obviously make Ellie happy, so I figure you must be nice in private," he rambles on, building up to a fever pitch and barely stopping between sentences for a breath. "Oh! And I'm sorry about what I said about your looks; I mean, you're not exactly my type-"

Severus raises his brows in disbelief at that, inserting a droll "let's hope not" while Leo continues to babble.

"-but I can see why Ellie likes you. You have a very striking look, and your voice is to die for, not to mention the way you move and carry your body-"

"Ohhh kay!" I jump in, mortified at hearing my little brother talk about my former lover's body, "I think that's enough of that!"

"Oh, sorry," Leo apologizes, his bronze skin taking on a rosy hue now that his brain has caught up to his mouth and he realizes what he was saying.

For once, Severus is dumbfounded and can't even seem to come up with a snarky comment. I can't help but smirk at that. _The infamously intimidating Severus Snape, struck speechless by my 14 year old musical-loving Hufflepuff brother!_

"Yes, well," Severus says, finally recoving his voice, "you do understand why you can't tell anyone about our break up, or our relationship, correct?" he demands with a piercing gaze.

"Yes, I understand," Leo replies sincerely. "I would never do anything to put my sister in harm's way. I just wish I could help you too."

"I…appreciate the sentiment, Mr. Rossi, but rest assured that I can take care of myself. Now, although you have…apologized, of a sort, for your outburst in class today, you will still need to serve tonight's detention. Perhaps then the lesson of proper behavior in class, regardless of your personal feelings for the instructor, will penetrate your teenaged skull. I suggest you get to scrubbing if you hope to get to bed before curfew this evening," he purrs with a smirk.

"Aww, come on! You're really going to still make me do this?" he whines, gesturing at the line of filthy cauldrons. "El, help me out here," he implores.

"Sorry bro, you're on your own. I appreciate you standing up for me, but you did insult a professor in front of the other students. You have to pay the consequence for that."

"Ugh, thanks a lot!" he huffs as he grabs a sponge and starts desolately scrubbing the stains.

I lean down slightly to give him a consolation hug, whispering in his ear before I depart. "At least he said you only have to serve _tonight's_ detention."

Leo's crystal blue eyes widen and start to sparkle at that. He cautiously looks

towards Severus to verify if this is true, and he gives him a minute nod of his head.

"However," Severus continues before Leo can celebrate, " you will still need to report here after dinner so as to keep up appearances. During that time you will be free to work on your homework or keep yourself otherwise occupied with any _quiet_ activity of your choice. Needless to say, you are not to reveal this to _anyone._ Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir!" Leo agrees enthusiastically. "Thank you!" he says with a sparkling smile.

"Ugh, look at how soft you've made me," Severus murmurs in disgust as he sweeps by me back to his desk.

I just smile sadly, thinking of all the progress he has made since last year, both physically with his illness and emotionally. I can only hope that he can hang onto his humanity, his sanity, and his life, through the trials that lie ahead so that my dream can come true and we can be together again once that bastard Voldemort is finally dead once and for all.


	36. PART III - Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

"Alright class, settle down" I advise as my fifth year students file into the classroom, chatting with their friends. "As you may have noticed, we have a, uh…guest, with us today," I explain as I try valiantly to restrain my ire at the pastel clad Ministry sycophant, poorly masquerading as an educator, who is perched primly at the back of my classroom to observe my curriculum and instruction methods.

Much to my amusement, I notice that more than a few of my pupils are not quite as adept as I am at hiding their annoyance with Umbridge. Ignoring their rolling eyes and huffs of frustration, though I am aching to echo their sentiments, I continue as they all find their seats. "However, she is only here to observe so we will proceed with class as usual. Last week we left off talking about healing lacerations. This week we will continue in that _vein,_ " I joke, smiling as my students groan at my cheesy pun, with a few muggle born students adding a "ba dum dum" sound effect, "as we address the healing of deep, severe lacerations. With these types of injuries, the healing spells are most often layered, requiring multiple recitations to address the various stages of healing. The first spell that I am going to teach you guys for this segment is _Vulnera Sanentur."_

Before I can launch into a decscription or demonstration of the spell, a high pitched, annoying _hmm-hmm_ floats up from the back of the room. I assume this is merely a tickle of the throat so I ignore it and continue. "This healing spell works on three components of a laceration, firstly slowing the flow of blood to prevent death by exsanguination; the second to clear residue and begin to heal the wounds; and the third to fully knit the wounds. To achieve all three effects one must recite-"

" _Hmm-hmm"_ rings out again from the back of the room, and this time the pink pain in the arse does not give me the option of ignoring her. "Miss Bradford, don't you think this topic is a bit…morbid…for these young impressionable minds?"

"Excuse me?" I ask in disbelief.

"All this talk of blood and death, not to mention this spell you are teaching!" she cries in affront as I am reminded of an uptight Victorian maiden. "These children are apt to end up with nightmares! Besides, when would any of these kids be faced with such a serious injury?"

 _Is this dullard serious? What the bloody hell does she expect a healing class to deal with if not blood?_ "Miss Umbridge-" I begin in a snooty tone to match hers.

"It's _Professor_ Umbridge, dear, or _High Inquisitor_ ," she simpers with a haughty smile.

"And _my_ proper nomenclature is _Healer_ or _Professor_ Bradford," I retort, now truly angry at this useless bureaucratic toady. "This is a **healing** class, of course it is going to deal with blood, and since the main purpose of healing is to stopper injuries and prevent death, that will be discussed as well. If any of my students feel uncomfortable with a subject they are always welcome to excuse themselves for that particular lesson. However, these students are 15, not 11, so I am confident that they can handle a lesson on severe lacerations. Furthermore, considering the current climate, I'd say the chances of them needing to know how to heal life-threatening wounds is sadly increasing."

"Current climate?" she asks, her soprano voice dripping with fictitious naïveté. "Whatever do you mean, dear?"

"I mean," I very nearly growl, losing the tendrils of control I have over my temper, "the return of Lord Voldemort and the inevitable war his resurgence is bound to provoke."

Umbridge's already bulging eyes widen, though I would have thought that

impossible without them bursting out of her slimy head, and her mouth forms a small 'o'of surprise. "Surely you do not believe the hysterical ravings of that degenerate rabble-rouser over there," she scoffed as she pointed at Harry Potter, who had the unfortunate luck of being a member of my current fifth year class.

The emerald eyed boy glares at her with hate in his eyes and it is clear he is about to lash out, but I step in before he can form his retort.

"As a matter of fact, I do believe Harry, who has never been anything but an exemplary student in _my_ class, and furthermore; I also believe Headmaster Dumbledore, who has personally battled Voldemort and is well equipped to recognize the monster's magical signature." At this point I have stalked up to Umbridge and am in her face, a hairs breadth away from her. She pulls back, but does not flee. I drop my voice into a whisper so that only she can hear my next statement. "Even if I did not have the word of both of these trustworthy wizards, I would have my own medical expertise to rely upon. I was _there_ when poor Cedric returned from the Tri-Wizard Tournament maze. I stared into his lifeless eyes as his father wept inconsolably at the loss of his only son. I examined the young man and determined the killing curse as his cause of death; an extremely powerful version of it with a magical signature the likes of which I had never seen. So don't you come in here with your Ministry approved script, puppeting their placating lies, wasting time teaching negotiation theories instead of real useful defense, and tell me there is no need for these kids to learn about healing life-threatening injuries! You may be fine with being complicit to the deaths of children, but I, _High Inquisitor_ , am not.! When I became a healer, I took a vow to protect and heal to the best of my ability, and that is damn sure what I am going to do, no matter what you or that simpering, self-serving fool Fudge thinks!"

For a moment, the toad is too dumbstruck to speak, looking as if I had cast a _Stupefy_ upon her. After a moment, though, she recovers and her hauteur returns. "Well, I never!" she huffs as her pale waxy complexion flushes to the same shade as her hideous blazer. "I am here by order of the Minister himself and you can be assured that he will hear about your blasphemous and treasonous attitude! No one speaks to me that way! This is going in my report to Minister Fudge and then we will see just how brazen you are when faced with his judgment!" she crows.

"Yeah, yeah, go ahead, run along to your precious puppet master and tell him all about the big bad Healer," I encourage as I waved my hand nonchalantly at the door. "As long as it removes you from my classroom so that I can continue to actually _teach_ these kids then I am all for it."

"You will regret this. You mark my words!" she threatens as she storms out of the room and lets the heavy wooden door slam behind her.

"Ok, so, back to _Vulnera Sanentur_ ," I began as the class stares up at me with collectively wide, disbelieving eyes. After a moment, though, the silent tension seems to break and they erupt into cheers and a round of applause.

"That was wicked!" Mr. Weasley exclaims in awe, and I realize that, at some point, my whispered discussion with the toad must have escalated in volume. Either that or someone cast a _Sonorous_ on me. Either way, it is clear the students have heard my tirade. I had been trying to spare them the emotional trauma of revisiting Cedric's death, particularly for Mr. Potter, but as I look his way I see gratitude in his eyes, along with the expected measure of grief.

I laugh, realizing my entire attempt at discretion was a failure, but move on quickly to get us back on track. "Thank you, Mr. Weasley, but now we really do need to get back to these spell if we want to stay on schedule and have time to practice the wand movements." With that, the class settles back down and I am finaly able to finish my lecture.

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?" Severus shouts at me as he glides furiously through my laboratory door, slamming it and wordlessly sealing it behind him. "HAVE YOU LOST YOUR DAMN MIND, WOMAN?" he continues, grasping my forearms and staring furiously into my eyes. _Gods, he's sexy when he's angry! No, stop it! Bad El, bad!_

"No," I answer unfazed. "It's right over there," I continue as I point to a brain specimen I am currently in the midst of testing treatments upon.

Severus growls, ( _oh dear Merlin he is so sexy when he does that!)_ and tightens his grip on my arms. "This is no time for jokes Eleanor! You have put yourself in serious danger, after I explicitly warned you not to!" he chastises, now with an edge of despair seeping through his anger. This causes me to abandon all attempts at frivolity as my heart aches at seeing his pain.

"Severus, I-" I try to explain as he throws my arms down and begins to pace.

"What were you thinking, Eleanor? Publicly opposing Umbridge? Deriding the Ministry? Standing up for _Potter?_ "

"I know you loathe the boy, but he was telling the truth, Severus, and you know it," I retort, feeling sympathy for the hell that poor boy has been through since last year.

"Of course I know he was telling the truth!" my love rails, yanking at his left sleeve. "I, of all people, intimately know that! But just because he was being truthful, _for once_ , that does not mean you need to go shouting his praises from the rooftops! You have now just, very publicly, proclaimed yourself as an enemy of the Dark Lord! I explicitly asked you – I _begged_ you – to stay off of his radar, and what do you do? You announce for all and sundry that you support his two greatest enemies, Potter and Dumbledore!" he concludes in abject misery, sinking down onto the treatment table. "El, I ended things between us to keep you safe. It killed me to do it, but I would rather die a thousand deaths than watch you be tortured or killed, so I did it. I gave up the only good thing in my life, and you've just gone and thrown that all away. Why?"

His deep black eyes are boring into mine as guilt consumes me. "Severus, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to go against your wishes, and I certainly didn't mean to take your sacrifice for granted, but I just couldn't let that bitch stop me from teaching my kids how to protect themselves! You and I both know that these kids are going to have to fight for their lives, no matter whose side they are on, and I can't shortchange them on a single opportunity to save someone for the sake of my own well-being. Every day that I am forced to see you in the halls, at meals, and at your treatments, it tears me up inside that we can't be together. You are the only man I have ever loved, and I know that I will love you forever, so I understand how difficult it was for you to break things off with me for the sake of my safety. The only reason I agreed to it was for the sake of _your_ safety; so the Dark Lord would not be able to use me against you. But no matter how much I love you, I can't dispel my morals. I was in Healer training in Australia for most of the first war and it drove me crazy that I wasn't back here helping, but this time, I am in a position to make a difference, and I couldn't live with myself if I just meekly crawled into a hole and hid while others around me, _especially you_ , fought this monster. I am not a trained warrior like you and Albus are, but I am a damn good Healer, and if I can help save lives by passing on my knowledge then I am damn well going to do it. I promise, I will be as careful as I can be, but I can't bow to this short-sighted Ministry's directive that we have to pretend the threat isn't real when I have seen its results firsthand. I can't think of Cedric's youthful, lifeless face, or the haunted look in your eyes and the tremors that wrack your body after you return from meeting with that abomination, and claim to believe he hasn't returned. I just cant do that."

"Are you sure you aren't a bloody Gryffindor?" Severus sighs, "because I never thought a Ravenclaw would be so damn noble!" he grumbles.

"I could say the same about you, Mr. Head of Slytherin House," I come back with, giving him a playful jab in the side. He gives me a sardonic smirk and it takes all of my willpower not to pull him into a passionate kiss. _Gods I miss the feel of his lips on mine, the warmth of his arms around me, the sated, content look in his deep dark eyes after we've made love!_ For a moment I think it might happen, we might share that longed for heated kiss, as he leans into me, but he pulls rapidly away when his lips are mere centimeters from mine.

"No! I can't! We can't!" he exclaims as he rakes his long fingers through his ebony locks. "You may be on record now as opposing the Dark Lord's ideals, but you haven't actually done anything against him yet. We still need to just remain colleagues so you do not draw any further attention to yourself. Please…please El, promise me you will try not to antagonize him."

"Ok Sev, I promise I'll try," I agree as a layer of ice freezes back over my heart. "As long as you promise not to shut me out like you have been these first few months. I can accept being colleagues, but that doesn't mean you can't talk to me over meals like you do with Minerva or Pomona. I've missed you so much, and I just want to be able to say hello and chat about curriculums, or new healing potions, or even the bloody weather! Agreed?"

"Agreed. I am…regretful as well that my total isolation from you had such a negative affect upon you this term. I had noticed you didn't look like your usual vibrant self, but I had no idea that extent of the problem until Mr. Rossi acted out in class last week. I have no wish to be the cause of your suffering, and even the Dark Lord cannot find discussions of the weather as anything but innocuous, even if I were to have them with Dumbledore himself."

"Great! Then from here on out, until this madman is destroyed once and for all…friendly colleagues?" I ask with a modicum of hope.

"Yes, friendly colleagues," he agrees with a reticent smile.


	37. PART III - Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Over the past month, Severus and I have worked out a fairly acceptable relationship balance between what my hearts yearns for and what will, hopefully, keep us both safe. We greet each other politely at meals and will sometimes sit next to one another (not always, because Severus insists that would look suspicious). We still have our weekly treatment sessions, during which we can speak a little more freely thanks to the layers of obscure privacy wards that Severus ensconced the place with, but, much to my chagrin, we still refrain from any sort of romantic topics or actions. I understand why we can't indulge, even in private, as I am certain once I got even the smallest taste of Severus again I could never give him up again, but that doesn't make my withdrawal any easier to cope with. I finally understand what my potions addicted patients were going through in detox because I swear every little bit of exposure I get to Severus just makes me want him more, and I feel like I'm going crazy without him. Still, I am willing to accept the time and attention I am able to get, because having some relationship with Severus is better than none, regardless of the limitations.

Leo has clearly noticed our more cordial relationship, and is apparently satisfied with the change, as Severus informed me once that he was treated to "an approving nod" just after lunch on a day when we had gotten into a fairly spirited discussion of the latest proposed applications of using variants of the Draught of Peace for treating sustained traumatic stress disorder in curse victims. It makes me chuckle to think of my little brother weighing and measuring Severus as if he was a prospective suitor vying for his daughter's hand back in the 1950's. _Too bad I can't even date Severus anymore, much less marry him! That is, if he would even want to get married. We never even got close to discussing something like that, so I have no idea if he even believes in the concept of marriage. Personally, I never put much emphasis on it, having seen that marriage doesn't automatically mean happiness, but when I think about being married to Severus, I can't stop my heart from fluttering just a bit._

I sigh and break myself out of my horrifyingly domestic daydream, turning back to my marking, only to be interrupted by a knock on my office door. I get up to answer it, assuming it is Albus or perhaps a student with a question, but the swath of pink and saturation of cheap perfume that meets me once I pry open the wooden door swiftly kills any hope I had of either of those being the source of the interruption. Instead, it is the obnoxious toad herself, Umbridge. I try my best to school my face into a blank look of passivity, but it takes all of my will power not to curl my lip in disgust as I wonder what she could possibly want in the middle of a Saturday.

"Yes?" I ask with barely veiled contempt, trying my best to keep my promise to Severus and not antagonize this imbecile.

Umbridge responds with a wide, self-satisfied smile, which ratchets my alarm up a few degrees. "After my survey of your class last month, I reported my findings to the Minister of Magic himself. Needless to say, he was _deeply_ concerned about your delusional ideas that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named had returned, and was scandalized that you were teaching such violent and destructive spells to impressionable young children," she simpers with false concern.

"The spell I was teaching is neither violent nor destructive!" I object, feeling the tenious grasp I have over my temper fraying at the edges. "The spell I was teaching was to _repair_ and _heal_ wounds, not to cause them!"

"Well, the _Minister_ believes, and I happen to agree, that alluding to such severe injuries will lead the children to curiosity over what could cause such a thing. Then it is really only one step away from embracing Dark Magic of all sorts."

"That 'logic' makes absolutely no sense! That's like saying installing airbags in cars leads to car accidents!" I retort, truly unable to believe the level of stupidity of the current government.

"I'm sorry _dear_ ," she coos with fire in her eyes, "I don't know what on Earth you are talking about. As a _proper_ witch, I am unfamiliar with these plebian _Muggle_ references," she sneers, looking as if the mere mention of Muggles makes her sick. "Besides, it doesn't really matter what you think, the decision has already been made."

"What decision?" I ask as a cold chill of dread creeps up my spine.

"Why, the decision to let you go, of course," she smiles as she hands over a piece of parchment. "You've been terminated," she finishes with a little annoying laugh.

I grab the parchment and begin to read it as heavy dread settles over my chest. Sure enough, it is a letter from the Minister ordering my dismissal, per the recommendation of the High Inquisitor, Dolores Umbridge. Anger floods my vision as I crush the parchment in my fist and grind my teeth. I want to yell, and scream, and tell this awful little bint how she is daming innocent children to death, but I know that will only hurt my cause. _Deep breaths, deep breaths. Just think about what Severus taught you. Control your emothions, picture yourself in a calm place with a shield keeping out all of the things pissing you off right now._ I see myself in a cabin, deep in a lush, green forest, next to a crystal calm lake. The fireplace is roaring and the sun is just setting. Severus is there with me, a blanket wrapped around our shoulders, curled up next to the fire, sipping hot chocolate for me, tea for him. The visualization works, and I can think clearly again.

"I see," I respond flatly, enjoying the anger that burns in her gaze as I neglect to break down in rage or tears. "Well, let me just take this to the Headmaster to see what he as to say about this." I push past her without actively shoving, but only get a few steps before she seems to recover form her shocked disappointment.

"That old fool can't help you, you know," she mocks, hands on her hips as her cocky smile returns to her face. "As High Inquisitor I have absolute authority over faculty decisions."

"Perhaps, but nonetheless, I'm going to see Albus," I reply, barely pausing in my trek to the Headmaster's office. The annoying click clack of stodgy heels echos behind me, letting me know that she intends to follow me up there. _Well that's fine, I know for a fact that Albus cant stand this bitch anymore than I can, and I have nothing to hide, so let her come._

I reach the gargoyle and whisper the password that Albus gave me in case of an emergency with Severus, heading up the stairs as soon as the staircase is revealed. I can hear the squat little woman huffing behind me, having purposefully walked briskly the entire way here just to mess with her. As expected, before I have the chance to knock the door swings open and reveals Albus seated at his desk.

"Elle, to what do I owe the pleasure?" he asks brightly, completely ignoring my blush colored diminutive shadow.

"She is being terminated," Umbridge rudely puffs out before I can respond.

"Terminiated?" he asks with false confusion. "This is the first I am hearing of this, and as the Headmaster-"

"As the Headmaster, you are still under the authority of the High Inquisitor, and of the Ministry itself," she butts in before he can finish.

A deadly flash cracks across his usually twinkling blue eyes and I am reminded for a moment that I am standing in front of the man who defeated one of the Wizarding World's most feared villains. The glimpse of fear in Umbridge's eyes shows that she realizes it too. But in a moment she pulls herself together, draped in bureaucratic hauter.

"I am certainly _not_ under your authority, ma'am. I must adhere to certain decisions you and the Ministry make, no matter how vociferously I oppose them, but I am under no one's authority but my own," he asserts, rising from his chair and leaning into Umbridge's space, just a bit. "I will do whatever is _necessary_ to attain what is in the best interests of my students."

"The Ministry knows what is best for the students," she argues, clearly getting agitated. "You have had free reign over this school for too long. These students lack discipline, and structure. They have no respect for authority, they talk back and express contrary opinions. It will stop, Dumbledore, even if it means I have to terminate ever Professor here…including you! Now I suggest you back down, before you force me to call the Minister and report this incident of insubordination, from both of you."

"Please do," I answer confidently before Albus can respond. "I would love to have a discussion with Minister Fudge."

Clearly this has thrown Umbridge for a loop, as she stands there frozen, staring at me with shocked wide eyes. "F-fine, I will. You're going to regret this, missy," she huffs at me as she leans in to use Albus's floo.

Albus looks at me curiously as she throws in the powder and I give a slight nod to let him know I have a plan. In a matter of moments we hear Fudge's voice booming through the floo.

"What is this I hear about insubordination?" he bellows as she takes a victorious step back to reveal his squished frowning face to us.

"I refuse to be terminated," I explain calmly as I move closer to the floo to get a better view of the Minister.

"Ms. Bradford, and Headmaster, may I remind you that Ms. Umbrindge has total control over the hiring and firing of all Professors at the school? She has discussed your case with me," he continues, turning his visage completely on me now, and I wholeheartedly support her decision. The things you are teaching those children and the stories you are telling them about You-Know-Who! It's despicable!"

At this, I smile like the cat that ate the canary. "Oh no, Minister, _those_ stories aren't despicable, though they are true, much like another story that I could tell them. In fact, I could tell the students, the faculty, the Daily Prophet, the Quibbler, and the Wizarding Wireless a truly despicable true story."

"What-what are you talking about?" he asks, a sheen of nervous sweat beginning just on his brow.

"I'm talking about how you were a patient of mine three years ago. Surely you didn't forget, Minister? I know I didn't," I purr as I notice Albus's eyes twinkling like mad.

"I-I don't know what you are talking about," he stutters insecurely, brown eyes darting around as if searching for an escape.

"Oh no? Well, let me refresh your memory. You came in during the middle of the night, in March, I believe it was the 17th, but I could check my patient records to be sure. You reported an unceasing itching and burning sensation in your-"

"That's confidential!" Fudge shouts before I can get to the fun part – revealing exactly what body parts were affected by these symptoms. Based on Albus's soft chuckles, though, I suspect both he and Umbridge can guess which part of the anatomy I am alluding to. "As a Healer you swear an oath of confidentiality! If you say another word, I'll have your license stripped!" he threatens, now fully enraged.

"True," but since I am already being threatened with losing my job, I can't really bring myself to care too much about loosing my license. After all, I am the foremost medical researcher in England, and one doesn't need to be a licensed Healer to conduct research. Besides, if you _do_ strip my license, you will need to reveal _why_ you are having it taken away, so either way your secret comes out. How long do you really think it will take someone, especially an intrepid journalist with money to pay, to dig far enough to find that young, blonde, _experienced,_ witch that so generously shared her affliction- and so much more- with you that night? How long do you think it will take until your wife finds out?" I inquire with a bite to my tone that assures him I am in no way bluffing. " I wonder what the wholesome witches and wizards who voted for you, who put you in charge of overseeing the education of their innocent children, would think if they found out how you spend your evenings?"

The Minister's face is so red now that I fear it might actually explode. He stutters and stammers, but can't seem to get a full word, let alone sentence, out of his mouth. Finally, he pulls himself together and with angry resentment bubbling just below the surface asks "Fine! What do you want?"

"I want to keep my job, and I want everyone else that Albus sees fit to employ here, to keep theirs too," I begin.

"I **knew** you were involved in this!" Fudge screams at Albus, who is still placedly sitting in his chair. "You're after my position!"

"Oh Cornelius, how many times must we go through this. I have no interest in being Minister. If I did, I would have gone after the position when I was begged, multiple times, to run for it years ago."

"Albus had nothing to do with this, Fudge," I say, giving up on any pretense of respect. "The only ones you can blame for this are your little sycophant here, and yourself, for forcing me to resort to this. I don't like blackmail, but if that is what it takes to keep competent instructors in this school and to help prepare these poor kids for the storm that is coming their way from Voldemort's return, then you can damn well bet I'm going to use it. I don't care if you think his return is a lie; teaching these kids how to be safe is essential regardless of whether of not a psychopath is currently on the loose. The decision really isn't hard; keep me on staff, let the Professors do what they are trained to do and your secret will be safe with me."

"That's all you want?" he asks in utter disbelief.

"Of course not!" I exclaim, reveling in the panic that statement causes, "I want a lot of things; world peace, positive relations between the magical and muggle world, a new state of the art transilluminator, a million galleons, a private vacation in Belize with the man I love…but I'm not going to ask you for any of those things, because that would be either impossible, or selfish. So, in exchange for my silence, all you have to do is let me keep my job, and let Albus decide which professors teach here, and what their curriculums include. Deal?"

"Minister, you can't do this!" Umbridge finally interjects. "No one will believe this bint's manipulative lies! I'll prove that she is lying, just let me terminate her and then-"

"No!" Fudge practically shouts. "Uh, I mean, that's ok. I'd prefer not to open an investigation and draw attention away from important, uh, political matters, uh, at this time. Just-just let her keep her job for now and…and we'll deal with her later."

Umbridge does not look happy, but she grudgingly complies. I take great pleasure in throwing the termination notification into the fire, right on top of Fudge's face, and watching the pink menace storm out of the office, mumbling and cursing under her breath.

"It worked!" I exclaim with glee, relief at being able to keep the job I have come to love mixed with a sense of accomplishment.

"I must say, El," Albus begins with a smirk, "that was positively Slytherin of you."

I shrug, though I can't fully stifle a small smile of my own. "I don't particularly enjoy blackmailing people, well, not _usually_ anyway, but I certainly wasn't about to let them get away with shortchanging these kids out of a proper education when their very lives could be at stake," I explain, still bouncy with triumphant energy.

"Whom have you blackmailed?" a velvety voice that I would recognize anywhere inquires.

I whip around and my heart skips a beat as I see Severus has entered Albus's office, the door presumably left open after Umbridge's hasty retreat. Before I know it, I have rushed towards him and enveloped him in a frenetic hug. Adrenaline rushing through my veins has seemingly pushed all thought out of my brain as I push up onto my toes and lay a smacking quick kiss on his warm, soft, sensuous lips.

I pull back after only a moment, and the weight of what I have just done hits me full force. _Oh shite! How could I have been so stupid? I kissed him! I kissed Severus! After I promised him that I would cut all romantic ties to him. Oh Merlin, he begged me, literally begged, and I broke my promise…for what?_ He is starting at me, speechless, with eyes wide with disbelief and a distinct edge of horror.

"Well, I'm glad to see you two have made some significant progress in establishing a… _cordial…_ relationship," Albus pipes in with an irrepressible twinkle in his eyes.

"Oh bloody hell! As if kissing Severus wasn't bad enough, I had to go do it in front of a witness! Stupid, stupid, girl!"

My internal tirade is interrupted by a jovial chuckle and I turn to see Albus beaming at me with mirth shining in his eyes. "What?" I ask in bewilderment.

"You did it again," Severus answers for him with a small sigh that I have come to learn means he finds something endearing but doesn't want to admit it. It takes a moment for my mystification to clear, but soon it is replaced by mortification.

"Blimey! I said all that out loud, didn't I?" I blurt as I feel a blush burning its way up my cheeks.

"I'm afraid you did, my dear," Albus confirms happily as Severus simply nods. "No need to worry, though. Relationships between faculty members are not forbidden, provided of course you maintain decorum in front of the students."

"We are _not_ in a relationship!" Severus shouts angrily, taking Albus by surprise. "There is nothing between us but the average semi-cordial interactions of colleagues, the same as I have with other members of the staff, like Minerva. There is nothing more significant than that."

 _Ouch. I know why he is denying that there is anything between us, but comparing our interactions to those of him with Minerva? That stings._

"You have been kissing Minerva?" Albus asks with a sardonic smirk.

Severus literally growls at the Headmaster and I can almost see the smoke rising out of his ears as his temper begins to boil. "You are being purposefully obtuse, Headmaster, and it does not suit you," he bites out through gritted teeth.

"Indeed, Severus, but even you can't deny what I saw with my own eyes. Elle did, in fact, kiss you, and you did not angrily pull away, which leads me to believe this was not the first time this has occurred."

"Albus, please, just drop it," I interject pleadingly. "I just got carried away. I shouldn't have kissed Severus. He is correct when he says we are not in a relationship."

A look of comprehension dawns on Albus's face and I have an awful feeling that his seeming omniscience has kicked in. "You are not in one now, but am I correct in inferring that you were previously?"

"Infuriating old man!" Severus scowls as a look of triumph lights up Albus's face. A moment later, though, it fades into confusion tinged with sadness.

"My dear boy, why on earth are you two not still together? I was certain that once you got out of your own way you two would be perfect together!"

It seems Severus has resigned himself to having to divulge the truth to the Headmaster, as he pinches the bridge of his nose and sits heavily into one of the plush armchairs situated by the fireplace. I tentatively take a seat in the matching chair and instinctively reach out to put my hand on his, as I used to do to comfort him when he would tell me emotional stories of his past.I come to my senses as my hand is hovering over his and I wrench it back as if I have been burned. His deep, dark eyes flash with regret and sadness for a moment, before he directs them back to Albus.

"You know as well as I do, Albus, that I cannot be in a relationship, _especially_ not right now. It is far too dangerous."

Albus sighs, immediately picking up on Severus's meaning. "So before he returned…"

"Yes, we were together before the Dark Lord returned," Severus admits.

"And you were happy?" the Headmaster inquires, eyes searching Severus's. I am immediately fully invested in this conversation, but I try not to let it show just how much I want to know the answer to this question. As much progress as Severus had made in our time together, he still wasn't exactly forthcoming with sharing his feelings, and I was reticent to push him too much. It seems Albus has no such compunction.

"More so than I can ever recall being before," he admits softly, turning me and taking my hand in his. "I know I never told you that, and I should have, but you know I'm not precisely proficient in emotional matters. As much as it concerns me that yet another person now knows about my feelings for you, I am glad that at least that truth has come to light, as a result. I would be regretful if something happened to me and you were left to wonder."

"Severus," I begin, wanting to reassure him that I feel the same, but he squeezes my hand and I realize that, for both of our sakes, I should let it go. Something in his eyes tells me that if I admit out loud to him that he makes me happy as well, he will not have the strength to walk away again. Knowing that, as much as I wish it wasn't the case, that is not an option, I purse my lips with a tearful nod.

To my surprise, I see fire and rage take over Albus's countenance and I am stalwartly reminded of the fact that the kindly old Headmaster in front of me was also the defeater of Grindewald and the one wizard that Voldemort fears.

"We will defeat the soulless bastard, Severus, I promise you," he vows with such ferocity that I can't doubt his assertion. "He has taken far too much from all of us, but none so much as you. We will stop him,"

"My losses are my own fault-"

"NO!" Albus bellows, rising from his chair and pacing the room. "We have been through this. Lily was _not_ your fault. Yes, you made a mistake in joining Tom, but you have paid the reparations for that foolish decision of your youth a hundred times over. You have sacrificed your entire life, my boy, to help bring him down. You have risked your life time and time again, given up your professional aspirations, and now have sacrificed your happiness and the greatest gift of all; love. Your debt is well beyond paid, and when this is all over and he is truly gone for good, I expect you to embrace your life, and accept that you are worthy of love and happiness."

"Albus, you know the chances of me surviving are-" Severus begins to argue, making me break out into a quiet little panic at the thought of him dying.

"They are whatever you make them, Severus. You are a fighter; you always have been. If you go into this believing you will die, then you will die. But if you _refuse_ to die, if you are as stubborn about this as you are about so many other things, then death does not stand a chance. And I will do everything within my power to help you, this I promise, my boy."

"Thank you, Albus," Severus says quietly, but with conviction.

"No thanks are necessary," Albus effuses with a wave of his hand. "Just do me one favor; do not push this wonderful woman away," he asks as he gestures to me, taking me by surprise. "Now I know," he continues before Severus can get out more than a single syllable of protest, "that you can't continue your relationship due to the risk of Voldemort or one of the Death Eaters, or their children, using it as leverage against you, but that does not mean you need to shut her out completely."

"I am well aware of that," Severus says with a haughty edge. "In fact, we have reached a mutual decision to remain friendly colleagues during this time."

"I am very happy to hear that," he replies with a twinkle and a wink in my direction. "And if either of you ever needs to vent, I am always here for you."

"Thank you, Albus," I say with a genuine smile, realizing how much I have come to rely on his man's support.

"Also," he adds with a leading edge, "if restraining yourselves becomes too much to bear, my office is warded for absolute privacy," he finishes with a lascivious wink .

"ALBUS!" Severus bellows as I blush furiously before bursting out into laughter.


	38. PART III - Chapter 5

_**A/N:**_ _ **Greetings Everyone!**_ _ **I know it has been a while since my last update, and I appreciate you all sticking with me through the delays. I especially want to thank the amazing people who are still leaving reviews for the story as new chapters come up. It is amazing how motivating those reviews are and I can't tell you how wonderful it feels to know that people are enjoying the story and are invested in the characters. I've said it before, but I'll say it again, you guys truly rock! And now, on to the story…**_

 _ **Oh, one more thing…the second half of this chapter gets a bit risqué! You have been warned.**_

 **Chapter 5**

Much to my chagrin, Severus and I do not end up needing to use Albus's office throughout the remainder of the school year. For the most part, though, we do manage to remain "friendly colleagues." There was one hiccup along the way, when a hoard of dangerous Death Eaters escaped from Azkaban. Upon hearing that news, Severus reverted to his original decree that we musn't be at all associated with one another. However, Albus and I were able to calm him a bit and make him think rationally. We explained that if he, all of a sudden, went from being a cordial (well, cordial for Severus, anyway) colleague to completely ignoring me, if would certainly be noticed and make people suspicious. He reluctantly agreed that we were right, and so we continued our established friend-ish relationship at the school.

For a while, things went relatively normally, but everything came crashing down when Albus was accused of (and supposedly admitted to) forming a secret army of students, led by Harry Potter. From what Severus has told me, the Ministry attempted to arrest Albus, but he was able to disapparate before they could do so. That was months ago, and ever since we have been stuck with that awful toad, Umbridge, as Headmaster. Life around Hogwarts since then has been abysmal, and I would be lying if I didn't think about quitting and revealing my knowledge about Fudge as punishment for them driving Albus away, denying the students any semblance of an education, and generally making everyone's lives a bureaucratic hell. But as desperately as I want to hurt them, I know it is more important to protect the students and offer them whatever useful knowledge I can. Due to my blackmail threat, I am one of the exceedingly few professors that still has some jurisdiction over her own curriculum, and I strongly suspect it is more important now than ever before for the students to learn basic healing. I can't prove anything yet, but I believe that bitch is using a blood quill on the students she has in detention. None of the students seem to be willing to speak out (and I can't blame them with the highest authority being the one orchestrating the torture, and furthermore, having the support of the Minister himself), but I have caught glimpses of scars that look like words on a few of my students' hands, most notably on Mr. Potter himself. They all try to hide their hands with long sleeves and gloves, but many of my lessons are hands on (no pun intended) and with the movements their sleeves will sometimes slip. I even went so far as to keep Harry after class one day and ask him flat out what was going on, but he played dumb. When I kept pushing, he asked me, so desperately, to please drop it. I did, as I could see it was increasing his already high stress, but I insisted he take a vial of dittany. The next day I placed an emergency order with the hospital's affiliated apothecary and by the next week was able to distribute vials to all of my students. I also taught them all basic skin mending charms. It isn't much, but I know the Ministry wont listen to my suspicions, and until I have solid proof, I can't go to the media without serious repercussions.

I feel awful about my inability to stop the injustice, but Severus took me aside a few nights ago after one of his treatment sessions and reiterated the importance of staying below the radar right now, especially without knowing where Umbridge's loyalties lie. It is no secret that she looks down on the muggleborns and anyone without pure-blood, so it is certainly possible that she could support Voldemort, though Severus has never seen anyone resembling her body type at any of the few Death Eater meetings that have been called since he returned.

He lamented that we must all continue doing things we loathe, and I know he was talking about his secret trainings with Harry. He hasn't even told me what they consist of, for my own safety, he insists, but I obviously know that he isn't giving him remedial potions lessons like he publicly claims he is. If that were the case I would have heard dozens of rants about the boy's "willful refusal to follow the simplest of directions" and his "consistent inability to follow a step-by-step list that a baby troll could figure out".

Still, I haven't pushed him to tell me what is really going on, as I believe he is entitled to his privacy, and I know pushing would only result in him losing his temper in a small explosion rivaling that of Chernobyl. On the positive side, it seems that Umbridge's appointment has managed to unite nearly all the houses, including even some Slytherins (though others have disappointingly joined her ridiculous "Inquisitorial Squad") as they all seem to be fed up with her insanely restrictive decrees. The professors all seem to share their sentiments and I have even overheard Minerva, _Minerva!_ , giving Peeves tips on ways to make the toad's life miserable! That brought an irrepressible smile to my face. It also gave me a wonderful idea, which I am putting into practice today. I throw my floo powder into the laboratory floo and wait a few minutes for the call to be answered. _I hope he's home._

"Hello?" comes the confused, yet pleasant voice of Remus Lupin.

"Hi Remus! It's El…Bradford," I greet happily.

"Oh! Hi El! I'm sorry, I don't get many floo calls so it took me a while to realize what that chime was," he says with a self-depreciating smile.

"No problem, I'm just glad I caught you. How's everything going? Have you been receiving the potions I've been sending?"

"Yes! Oh El, I can't thank you enough for those! Taking them, along with the spells you taught me, have already made such a difference in the pain of the-" he drops his voice to a somewhat shamed whisper, "transformation and the scarring."

"I'm so glad to hear that, Remus! You've been doing the regiment daily, right?" I ask.

"Every day," he assures me.

"Fantastic! You should receive your first project survey next week. Once you fill that out and send it back to me you'll receive your first payment."

"El…I'm still not sure about getting paid for this. I mean, you're helping me, after all. If anything, I should be paying you!" he objects as he fiddles with the stretched out sleeve of his worn cardigan.

"Remus, we've been _over this_ ," I sigh in exasperation. "You are a trial participant. You are giving us your time and risking your health to test unproven treatment methods. You are entitled to compensation. I know you don't want pity or charity, but that is not what this is. Having willing trial subjects like you is essential to developing these treatments and _every_ person who is testing the potion and spells gets the same compensation. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't make an exception for you, so please just fill out the survey, send in your staring photos and your current photos, and take the damn payment!"

For a moment I am worried that I've gone too far, as my tirade is met with wide eyes and a slack jaw. After a tense moment, though, Remus's shock gives way and he bursts out into genuine laughter. "Ok, ok, sheesh, I'll take the payment!" he chuckles.

"Damn right you will," I assert with a smile. "However, that's not actually the primary reason I flooed you," I continue.

"Oh, ok, well then to what do I owe this pleasure?"

"I need your help," I implore.

"Of course! After everything you've done for me? Anything, just name it!" he offers with enthusiasm.

"Careful there, Remus, you don't know what you could be committing yourself too. I could say I need your help in disposing of a body, or examining a hairy mole, or even babysitting!" I say in only partial mock horror.

"I find it interesting that you seem more horrified by the prospect of babysitting than disposing of a body," he comments wryly.

"I am! Have you ever babysat? It's terrifying!" I insist, recalling harrowing nights of chasing a little black haired troll disguised as an 8 year old wizard.

"Oh come on, it's not that bad!" he contradicts. "I used to watch Harry all the time when he was a baby, and the worst he ever did was vomit on me. And to be fair, that really wasn't his fault. Padfoot had just finishing spinning him around and the poor boy was dizzy," he explains with a joyous sparkle in his eye.

"Padfoot?" I ask in confusion.

Suddenly Remus seems to blanch and for, what must be the first time ever, he stutters and stammers. "Oh! Uh, w-well, Padfoot is, I mean _was_ , uh…th-that is to say…he…he's a friend," he finally manages to get out.

"Oookay. Moving on…" I transition, not at all sure what all the awkwardness was about but not about to question him as he is obviously hesitant to talk about it. "And for your information, that doesn't count because babies are easy! Try watching an 8 year old hellion who thinks its funny to use his new-found magic to conjure piles of manure under couch cushions and use your stethoscope as an undersea explorer vehicle…in the toilet!"

At this, Remus bursts out into laughter again, even snorting at one point. "Wow! I take it back; that is worse than having to get rid of a body! Please tell me that didn't happen with your brother?"

"Thank Merlin, no! Leo was a ball of hyped up energy, but he was very well-behaved as a child. No, this was the cousin of a patient. He asked me to help him watch him one evening and I stupidly agreed."

"A patient asked you to watch his cousin?" He asked with a perplexed look. "That seems a bit presumptuous."

"Well, to be fair, we were dating at the time," I clarify.

"You were dating a patient?! Isn't that…against your oath, or something?"

"For your information, this happened when I was still getting my Healing mastery, so I wasn't his primary healer and it didn't break any rules. However, it was an exceedingly bad idea and it taught me that I should never again date a patient."

"I take it that it didn't end well?" he asks with seemingly sincere empathy.

"You could say that. It was actually due to the night of babysitting. The kid was such a bloody little brat who wouldn't listen to anything we had to say. Time outs weren't doing anything, neither was sending him to his room, so finally I got so fed up I cast an _Incarcerous_ on him."

"You tied up a child?" Remus nearly shouts.

"Hey! He wasn't a child; he was a demon! And besides, I only tied him up for a few minutes while we cleaned up the messes he made and made it clear further acting out would not be tolerated. The only problem was that I guess my anger got the better of me and I ended up casting it a little bit too tight. The kid didn't have any real damage, just some redness on his wrists, but of course his parents freaked out and it all went balls up. They blamed my boyfriend, screaming about how they knew they shouldn't have trusted him with their kid, and how this was just proof of his violent nature, and other rot and tosh like that. I defended him, of course, and told them it was my doing, but it didn't seem to help."

"Violent nature? Was this guy…unstable?"

"No! Not at all! He was very sweet, but you know how blindly prejudiced people can be when it comes to werewolves. Apparently even their own family members!"

"Werewolves? Wait, you don't mean this guy was one of your werewolf patients, do you?" he asks in stunned disbelief.

"Yeah, he was part of my thesis trials for the treatment that eventually evolved into what you are testing out now," I explain.

"You…dated a werewolf?" he breathes, seemingly going into a mild state of shock.

"Yeah, but like I said, I found out dating patients was a bad idea. After the debacle with his aunt and uncle, we got into a fight and broke up. Needless to say, his check ups, especially the scar progression checks, were incredibly awkward for the rest of the trial period!" I chuckle, recalling the uncomfortable sessions of examining Connor's bare chest with both hands and eyes to note any changes in his scarring week after week.

"You dated a werewolf?" he repeats, and now I am totally confused as to what part of my statement was unclear.

"Yeah, why?"

"I…I've never met anyone who dated a werewolf, at least, not knowingly," he explains, still in a daze.

Now it is my turn to be perplexed. "Uh, Remus, what about Tonks?"

"What about her?"

"She's dating a werewolf. Oh! Unless…you haven't told her you have lycanthropy?"

"No, she knows about my furry little problem, but I still don't see what that has to do with dating," he muses.

"You mean you aren't dating her?"

"Me? Dating Dora? Right, as if that would happen. Did you fall and hit your head or something? El, she's more than 10 years younger than I am! She's full of life, and energy, and she's beautiful! She could get any guy she wants. And me, I'm just a boring, poor, old outcast monster who can't even hold down a job! What in the world would she want with me?" he asks in the most defeated tone I have ever heard.

"Remus, stop that," I command. "You are _not_ a monster! You are a kind, considerate, intelligent man who has an affliction, through no fault of your own. By your own admission, you take every step possible to prevent causing harm to anyone else, even if that means hurting yourself in the process. As for the rest of that rot, first off, we're the same age and you had better bloody well not be calling me old!" I say indignantly. "I don't find you to be boring at all; in fact, I've had some of the best conversations with you that I can recall. You are exceedingly well read, you've traveled and met all sorts of interesting people and creatures as you studied Defense, and you have a great sense of humor. In regards to your finances, it isn't like you are lacking money because you are lazy; predjudiced prats like Umbridge have literally made it illegal for you to work full time! Besides, any girl worth her salt won't judge a man by his fiduciary portfolio. Finally, as for being an outcast…all the best people are! Those who aren't are normal, which is just another way of saying average, and who the hell wants to be that? _That's_ boring! Besides, based on the way Tonks looks at you, all doe eyed and blushing, she definitely doesn't agree with your self-assessment."

"What? El, you're barmy! There is no way Tonks has any interest in me other than as maybe a friend."

"I'm going to have to make a notation in your case file that blindness and/or density may be a side effect of treatment, because she totally wants you," I counter, causing him to smile a bit, despite himself.

"Ok, let's just agree to disagree for now," he placates with a telling blush. "I'm sure this isn't what you actually flooed me about."

"Right you are," I agree, getting down to business. "I need you to tap into that juvenile Marauder mind of yours and help me come up with a great prank."

"A _prank?_ " he goggles in disbelief. "Against who?"

"The giant toad herself," I reply with a devious smile. "Umbridge."

For a moment Remus is silent and I can practically see him about to launch into a very responsible lecture about not pranking one's boss, but I am happy to see his mischievous side, and probably hatred of Umbridge, win out. "In that case, count me in," he answers with foreboding enthusiasm.

* * *

It is a mere two days later that Remus gets back to me with a truly inspired prank. I have practiced it and today is the day I put it into action. It is sheer luck that the Weasley Twins decided to enact their prank on the Toad on the exact same day that I put into action Remus's plan for my own vengeance. The fact that they so seamlessly compliment one another I am choosing to take as evidence of the existence of kismet.

The Twins, quite brilliantly, created a portable swamp at Umbridge's office, which she, for the life of her, can't figure out how to get rid of. Therefore, she has been trudging through it every time that she has to access something in her office! I am certain that at least three of the members of the staff could counter the charm; Flitwick could probably do it in this sleep, and yet, they have all claimed an inability to do anything. Even Minerva, who usually values order above all else, has simply raised an eyebrow, shrugged, and walked away.

On top of that, Remus developed for me a hex dubbed the "Midas Jinx." He customized the spell specifically for Umbridge, so now everything the unpleasant woman touches turns into a slimy, wart-riddled toad! I swear her head was going to explode when she tried to eat lunch and her fork and knife transformed into two small amphibians that croaked at her and hopped away! I think the entire Great Hall burst out laughing at that one. Even Severus let a miniscule chuckle out before quickly reeling himself in.

"Was that your handiwork?" Severus purrs into my ear as we casually walk from the Great Hall to our afternoon OWL examination sessions. A shiver runs up my spine at his luxurious voice and the recollections of other things he has whispered into my ear in that velvet voice. _Focus, El, focus! You are an intelligent, mature woman…you are a Ravenclaw for Merlin's sake! Mind over body, mind over body!_

"It may have been," I allude with a smirk. "Though if I _had_ been the one to cast it, I wouldn't feel right taking full credit."

"Oh no," he leads. "Why, in theory, would that be?"

"Theoretically, the caster _may_ have gotten the jinx from an inventive, helpful friend," I reply.

To my surprise, a dark cloud seems to descend over Severus and I feel his demeanor shift. "A friend? Which friend?" he asks with a confusing sense of angry urgency.

I suddenly remember that, although I know Remus has drastically changed from the Marauder he was in school, Severus probably still sees him as that 16 year old who was part of the gang of students who mercilessly bullied him and made his life Hell. "Er, no one. Just…a friend." I reply evasively.

Suddenly Severus grabs my arm and pulls me into an empty classroom at the end of the corridor. He pulls out his wand, without releasing my arm, and waves the door closed with a noticeable bang. As soon as it closes, Severus has me pressed up against the wall, leaning in mere inches from my face. "Who is this friend? Are they male?" he seethes.

"What?" I question, confusion blooming in my mind. _Why is he asking if my friend is a guy? What difference would that make to him?_

"Are you with him?" he growls.

"With him? Severus, what on earth-"

"Are you fucking him?!" he shouts while shaking me slightly, his obsidian eyes burning and wide with something that looks suspiciously like fear.

I am struck dumb by his seemingly unprovoked question, but then like lightning, realization hits me. "You're jealous," I breathe out in awe.

My observation seems to bring him back to his senses as he drops my arms and steps back, putting space between us. "Jealous?" he scoffs, "don't be ridiculous. Why would I be jealous? We aren't technically together, so of course you are free to get your end away with however many blokes you wish," he continues through gritted teeth while trying is damndest to look insouciant.

"Oh for Merlin's sake!" I grumble, throwing my hands up in the air. "Severus, for such an intelligent man sometimes you can be exceedingly thick!"

"I beg your pardon?" he growls.

"How many times have I told you that you are the only man I love? I pined over you for two _decades_! Why in the world would I go out and sleep with someone else now, when I have _finally, finally_ gotten the man I've been arse over tit for since I was old enough to realize what desire was? It just doesn't make any sense!" I explain, gently resting my hands on his forearms, which are crossed over his chest.

"But…we aren't together. I had to give you up! I pushed you away. I'm not an idiot, El. I know that you are an attractive, intelligent, successful woman, and I know that you have needs. Needs that I am not fulfilling right now, and that I may not be able to fulfill again for years, if ever. I just…I thought I'd have more time to prepare myself," he whispers despondently.

"Severus, look at me," I insist, turning his head to me so that he has to look me in the eyes. "I don't want to sleep with anyone else, _ever._ I will wait for you, no matter how long it takes. If that means I'm celibate until I'm 100, then so be it. I will love you forever, no matter what happens, and no roll in the hay with anyone else could ever compare to the pleasure I get just from being near you."

For a few moments Severus is silent, and I start to have a mini panic attack. _Oh bloody hell! I never should have gotten so emotional. I've scared him off! Fuck, fuck fuck!_ Then suddenly, right as I am working myself into a full blown tizzy, he charges forward, forcing me back against the wall and before I can ask what in the name of Morgana is going on, his luscious, warm lips are on mine, raving my mouth with abandon.

A low moan escapes my lips before I can even think about controlling it and I can feel my brain melting as the heat of desire burns all my logic away. Without realizing it, I find my arms around his neck, pulling him impossibly closer. Suddenly, he shifts his hips, thrusting them into my abdomen and I can feel his unmistakable desire. He moans as he frots against me, then swiftly wraps his hands under my bum and lifts me up to his waist. My legs instinctively wrap around him and suddenly his delectable hard cock is thrusting in between my legs, rubbing against the soft fabric of my robes, quelling and fanning the throbbing of my desire all at once.

"Oh Severus, please," I hear myself beg, unable to control my urges this close to him.

"God, El, yes!" he groans as he throws his head back, moves one of his hands to his belt, and unfastens it. He unzips his trousers and roughly shoves them down, taking his pants with them. I can't help but moan in pleasure at the site of his thick, gorgeous cock, wanting more than anything to feel it inside me again.

It seems he can Legilimize me even without trying, because at that moment he shoves my robes and skirt up, ripping down my panties and positioning himself at my dripping core.

"Mine!" he roars as he thrusts into me with one long, strong stroke.

"Gods yes!" I cry as pleasure engulfs me. "Yours Severus! Only yours, always!"

"El, you feel so fucking good! Ungh, I love you!" Severus shouts as he increases his pace, thrusting relentlessly until I am on the edge, ready to explode.

"Sev, Sev, I'm going to-" I warn, grinding down onto him.

"Yes, come for me, El! Come for me!" he commands, and his silky, domineering voice pushes me over the precipice, shattering any shred of control I had left.

"YES!" Severus cries out as his grip on my arse tightens and I feel his cock throb inside me, pulsing and coating my insides with his warm essence. He kisses me languidly as we both come down from the stratosphere and return to Earth.

"Well…that was unexpected," I say awkwardly once he has put me back on my feet and we have both put our clothes back on properly.

"Indeed," Severus replies with a faint blush. "El, I'm sor-"

"No. Don't you dare say you're sorry!" I cut him off. I know what we did was wrong, and could put us in danger, but I can't bear to hear him say it was a mistake.

"Very well," he agrees. "That's probably for the best, seeing as I am not actually that sorry," he admits.

I can't help but smile at his admission before a terrifying thought strikes me. "Oh shite!"

"What?" he asks worriedly.

"We're late for our OWL examinations!" I shout.

"Oh bugger all!" he curses, grabbing his wand and throwing the door open quickly.

"No, we've already done that," I can't help but retort with a smirk.

"Smartarse," he quips back as we charge back into the hallway and sprint towards our respective classrooms.

When we reach the end of the hall, where he must go left and I must go right, we pause for a moment and look into one another's eyes.

"We really should talk about this," I concede with resignation.

He nods in agreement. "After dinner?"

"Sure, my lab?" I reply.

He nods and opens his mouth to say something else, but seems to think better of it and snaps it shut. He spins on his heel and walks quickly (seemingly floating) to his classroom door. I watch him for a moment, but then snap myself out of it. _I have an exam to proctor! I'd better move!_ I think as I run up the stairs to my own classroom, an irrepressible smile on my face.


	39. PART III - Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"El," a high voice calls, breaking my determined stride as I make haste from my classroom to Severus's, having finally finished proctoring my last exam of the day, and my last exam of the year, as a matter of fact.

"Oh, hi Filius," I greet the Charms Professor just outside of Severus's door. "How did your exams go?"

"Fine, fine," he answers with a small smile that fades quickly. "I wanted to come find you because I wasn't sure if you had heard…" he leads with a sad tinge to his normally jovial voice.

"Heard what? Filius, what's wrong?" I ask, worry taking over as I imagine all of the awful things he could tell me. _Did something happen to Severus? Did he have an attack? Did he get called?_ _No, El, don't be stupid. How would Filius even know about that? As far as I know, Albus is the only one who knows Severus is still spying…_

"Minerva was hurt; she had to be taken to St. Mungos," he reveals, interrupting my dire theories.

"What? Oh Merlin, what happened? Is she going to be alright?"

"She was hit with spell fire yesterday while trying to help Hagrid. They think she is going to be ok, but her recovery will take a while."

"What spells? Which wing is she in? I can go help her," I say rapidly, already mentally cataloging what treatments might be useful.

"She was hit with four Stunning Spells," he answers sadly.

"Four?! Who the Hell would cast four Stunners at one person?" I ask, outraged.

"They were targeting Hagrid," FIlius explains, which really just brings up more questions. Before I can ask, he explains.

"They were from the Ministry. Umbridge called them, I assume. You know her…issues…with people like me and Hagrid…half-br"

"You mean her idiotic, unfounded prejudices," I snarl, cutting him off before he can use that bigoted term to refer to himself.

"Yes…that," he agrees softly. "From what Professor Trelawny said, they were shouting that he had been let go and had to leave the premises. Of course he resisted, and Minerva overheard the commotion. She came running to help and got in the way of the spells."

"What about Hagrid, is he-"

"He got away. We don't know where he went, but I think he's safe. Hopefully he'll be able to find Albus and he can help him."

"That's good. He doesn't deserve the way that awful woman and the Ministry treats him. And you said Minerva will be ok?" I ask to be certain.

"Yes, they are treating her and expect her to recover, she just needs time. I'm sure she'd welcome a visit, if you are so inclined," he adds with a sly smile, probably knowing that my natural curiosity and Ravenclaw brain would never allow me to just step aside and have faith that the Healers at Saint Mungos had it all in hand. Not that I doubt the competence of the staff there, I worked with most of them for years and know how amazing they are, I just need to see for myself what is going on.

"Yes, I'll do that," I tell him, garnering a more pronounced smile before he wishes me a good summer and heads back to his office.

My mind still racing from what Filius revealed, and my hatred for Umbridge growing, impossible as that seemed, I knock on the door to Severus's classroom. Silence is the only response I receive so I knock again and push the door slightly open. "Professor Snape?" I call, in case any students still remain, but still I receive no reply.

Pushing the door all the way open, I see that the room is empty _. I guess he already went back to his office._ I head down there, only to find that it, too, is unoccupied. _Odd. Where could Severus have gone? His exams would have just ended and he knows we were supposed to meet up to talk about what happened earlier…unless…unless he doesn't want to talk about it. Oh shite, what if he thought about it and decided it was a huge mistake? What if this is what finally causes him to decide we shouldn't see each other again, even as colleagues? I have to find him. I have to talk to him before he builds his walls up too high for me to ever get through to him again. I can send an owl! No, wait, that could take days if he already left the school…I need something faster! Of course! I can send him a Patronus!_

I have no trouble coming up with a happy memory; I just need to cast my mind back to a few hours ago when I was once again in Severus's warm embrace. "Expecto Patronum!" I cast, watching as my striking crow patronus, affectionately referred to as Corvus, solidifies and awaits my instructions. I record my message for Severus and send him off, hoping I will receive a reply quickly.

As the minutes pass I realize that I am not going to be receiving a reply instantly, and will just drive myself insane if I keep sitting here thinking about it. Thus, I decide to head over to St. Mungos and visit Minerva. Who knows, perhaps that is where Severus went as well. I head back to my lab, which has a direct Floo connection to the hospital, and grab some floo powder.

After the dizzying feeling of flying through dozens of hearths, I land in St. Mungos' foyer. Stepping out, I immediately spot William Crawley, an apprentice Healer in his third year rotation who had often worked with me on curse victims. "Will!" I call out, happy to see the young man again.

"Ellie!" He replies with an excited smile, rushing up to me to give me a crushing hug. The boy, who really is a man now, is a former Hogwarts Quidditch Champion Beater and he is built just like one would expect. As he releases me, I gasp a little for breath as he blushes sheepishly at his own strength. "Sorry, I just got so excited! I haven't seen you in months! I missed you the last couple of times you can for your treatments with the Longbottoms."

"That's alright, Will, I got used to your superhuman hugs while you were training with me. How are you?"

"I'm great! I'm almost finished with my residency and in two months, once I finish my final research paper, I will be a full-fledged Healer!"

"That's fantastic. I'm sure your final paper will be wonderful. Have you picked a specialty area or did you decide to go with general healing?" I ask, knowing that when he worked with me last year he was still unsure.

"I chose a specialty," he says a bit bashfully, which is unusual for someone so boisterous as Will. I wait, knowing he will expand on his thought in a moment. "I decided to specialize in curse damage, just like you."

 _Ah, so that was what the shyness was about!_ "Will, that's amazing! You were one of my best trainees and I know you are going to do fantastically! If you ever need any advice, don't hesitate to Floo me, ok?"

"Ok, yeah, definitely," he says with exuberant relief.

"Great, now I hate to cut our chat short, but I am actually here to see a friend who was admitted yesterday," I explain, focusing on the task at hand.

"Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear that! What's the name?" he asks, already making his way to the scrolls at the admittance office.

"It's Minerva McGonagall, actually," I tell him.

"Oh! Of course, you are at Hogwarts now, after all. Yes, she is in the curse damage ward, fourth floor, room 403. I've actually been helping with her treatment. Come on, I'll walk you up and let you know what we've done."

"Thanks Will," I say as I follow him, nearly jogging to keep up with his long strides. As we walk, he explains what she was hit with, the damage that was done, and the treatments that are giving her to reverse the effects. Stunners themselves usually don't cause lasting damage, just some lethargy in the patient for a day or two, depending upon how long they were left stunned for before being revived, but being hit with four at once was hardly commonplace. He told me that Minerva had suffered a heart attack from the strength of the four stunners hitting her right in the chest, and some of her core muscles had tightened significantly, causing pain and difficulty moving. They had her on pain potions, muscle repairers, and had performed some cardiac healing spells, but even with that, it would take time, rest, and physical therapy to restore her fully.

Despite all this, when I walk in her room the first thing I hear is her complaining about St. Mungos' "disgraceful excuse for shortbread" and how she "wouldn't feed it to an Augurey, let alone a human being". _I swear, that woman must bleed tartan!_ I can't help smiling at her indomitable spirit as I knock on the doorframe and poke my head in. "Minerva? Are you up for visitors?" I ask.

"Eleanor? Is that you?" she inquires, tearing her dissecting gaze away from the shortbread. "Of course you can come in!"

"Great, thanks. Sorry I wasn't here earlier but Filius just told me about what happened. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," she replies with a dismissive wave of her hand. It takes more than a few stunners from incompetent bureaucrats to stop me," she huffs.

"Of that, I have no doubt," I agree as I take a seat next to her and clinically evaluate her pallor, breathing pattern, and general movements. Will instinctively hands me her scroll and I scan the tests that have been performed, treatments enacted, and her responses to them so far.

"Are you getting a special consulting fee for this?" Minerva asks with a hint of mischievous teasing in her eyes.

"Nah, this one's pro-bono," I answer with a grin. "Just remember how I helped out when it comes time to approve lesson plans," I add with a wink, causing her to chuckle slightly.

"I think Severus has been rubbing off on you, my dear. That was an exceedingly Slytherin thing to say."

"What?" I ask quickly, trying to quell my panic that Minerva has noticed mine and Severus's closeness. "That's absurd. We barely even see each other. Just because we converse at meals doesn't mean we're close enough for him to…rub off on me," I try to prevaricate as I can feel a damning blush start to stain my cheeks.

"El, you don't have to hide this from me. I know Albus, and certainly Severus, don't want it to be common knowledge around the school, but do you really think the Headmaster would add an entirely new course of study to the curriculum and bring in someone of your stature without consulting me?" At this point, she dropped her voice to a whisper and leaned in close to me. "I am aware that you are treating Severus for his curse damage; you don't have to pretend that you are just regular colleagues for my benefit."

 _The treatments! Of course that is what she meant! I know Albus didn't tell anyone else of Severus' condition, but it makes sense that he would inform his Deputy Headmisstress of his true motivations in bringing me to the school. Way to miss the bloody obvious, brain!_

"Ah, yes, of course," I respond with, what I hope is a convincing level of composure. Based on the suspicious look in Minerva's eyes I doubt that I have succeeded, but

thankfully she doesn't say anything about it. "The treatment they've given you so far looks good, but if you don't mind I'm going to add in another potion, it contains Phoenix tears so it will help with healing your aortic valve, which seems to have sustained more trauma than the rest of your-"

"That's fine," Minerva interjects. "I trust you, Eleanor. You are a very talented Healer and I know you have my best interests at heart. Whatever you think is best, I will proceed with."

"Oh, uh, thank you, Minerva," I reply, feeling a slight blush at her effusive praise. "We'll have you back at 100% before you know it," I assure her.

"I'm sure you will. Eleanor, do you mind if I speak with you, in private?"

"Of course," I answer, glancing at Will and the primary Healer in the room. "Could you guys give us a moment?"

They nod and head out of the room, closing the door behind them. To my surprise, Minerva then casts a powerful Silencing Charm, without her wand, I might add. She ignores my look of confusion and gestures to the seat beside her bed.

"Eleanor, I am not one to prevaricate, so I'll get right down to it. I have a proposition for you. I ask that you hear me out completely, keep an open mind, and think long and hard about this before you give me your answer."

 _Okay, this is getting odd. What on Earth could Minerva be suggesting that would require such solemn terms?_

"I belong to a…group, if you will, that I believe could greatly benefit from your expertise, skills, intellect, and temperament. It is a rather clandestine group that accepts members by invitation only, and operates independently from the shackles of the Ministry"

 _A clandestine group that operates outside of the Ministry? What, is she asking me to join the Wizarding mafia or something?_ Suddenly I am struck by the mental image of Minerva wearing a pinstriped suit with a fedora and a Tommy gun like those American mobster movies my father likes to watch. For some reason, I can rather easily picture the distinguished older woman being the "Godfather" of Hogwarts.

"This group was started by Albus when He-Who-Must-Be-Named was first rising to power. Now that He has returned, Albus is reactivating the group. It is called the Order of the Phoenix and its purpose is to oppose the rise of evil, fighting it however possible, and helping those who become victims. The group is comprised of Professors, Aurors, Curse Breakers, and an assortment of brave wizards and witches, even a Squib, who refuse to ideally sit by while the self-proclaimed Dark Lord takes over our world. If you decide to join us, I warn you that there will be significant peril. Members have lost their lives to further our cause, others have lost limbs, and all of us must lie to our friends and family to keep the group secret and protected. If Fudge ever found out, well, you saw how paranoid he is of Albus building an army to oppose him, the fool," she snorted.

For a moment, I am rendered speechless. I knew, of course, that Albus Dumbledore defeated the Dark Lord Grindewald, anyone who had ever taken History of Magic or read a chocolate frog card knew that, but that was fifty years ago! I even knew about the "resistance group" he had led during the first rise of Voldemort, thanks to Severus telling me about how he became a spy, but, still, it was a shock to hear Minerva discussing it. To think that the Headmaster was still leading the fight against evil half a century after Grindewald, and nearly twenty years after Voldemort's first rise, was unfathomable! Then to find out that apparently he wanted _me_ to join his mission…why would he want me? I'm not a warrior, or a strategist, I'm just a swot who went into medicine. What use would I be in a group opposing Voldemort?

"Why…I mean, what…what does Albus want me to do in the group?" I ask nervously.

"Your primary function would be in your area of expertise; healing the members of the group who sustain injuries in their missions. Of course, if you wish to take on additional initiatives you would be welcome to do so," Minerva quickly added, seemingly afraid I would be offended if I thought they just wanted me to heal people and nothing more. "As I said, I want you to give this careful consideration as it is not to be entered into lightly. It is a lifelong commitment, and cannot just be walked away from without significant obliviation. If you decide you would like to join us, please report to this address on July 15th at 6:00PM."

As she said this, she _Accioed_ a piece of parchment that appeared to be blank. At my puzzled look, she explained. "The parchment is charmed to reveal the address only once you have decided to come, and it will reveal itself to you and you alone."

"Nice spell work," I complimented, impressed that she was able to execute the difficult charms, as well as do spells wandlessly, while she was in hospital. "Thank you, Minerva, I will definitely thing about this."

She nods impassively and casually drops the _Silencing Spell._ I head to the door, my hand on the knob, but before I can open it, it is pushed towards me quite strongly, and suddenly stars burst in front of my eyes as pain blooms in my face. I distantly hear Minerva gasp and a somewhat familiar male voice urgently speaking to me.

I feel soft warmth envelop my upper arms, and upon shaking my head to clear out the black spots in front of my eyes, I realize that Remus Lupin is standoing in front of my, hands on my arms to hold me up, looking incredibly worried.

"El? El, are you alright?" he is asking, seemingly examining my face.

"Bloody hell, what happened?" I ask as I begin to get my bearings back.

"Eh, well…I sort of…hit you with the door," he explains sheepishly, blushing and unable to meet my eyes.

I raise my hands up to my face, feeling the tenderness and heat that signifies swelling. As I pull them away I also notice they are stained red, and I realize that I am bleeding. "Oh shite," I mumble, moving mechanically over to the mirror in the bathroom to survey the damage. I see that my nose is bleeding rather profusely and it, along with the area surrounding it, is swelling as expected.

"El, I am so, so sorry," Remus is saying as he stares into the bathroom with a look of vague horror and shame. "I'll fix it," he asserts, drawing his wand.

"Don't worry about it Remus," I reply, though it comes out sounding distinctly more muffled than it does in my head, due to the swelling. I wandlessly cast a basic healing and clotting charm, watching as the blood slows to a stop and the swelling begins to decrease. I see that Remus is still fretting so I approach him to reassure him I am truly all right. As I emerge from the bathroom, though, I am instantly sidetracked by one of my favorite sights in the world.

"Remus!" I squeal, obviously taking him aback, "I didn't know you had a dog!" I exclaim as I drop to my knees to pet the huge scruffy black dog that almost seems to be a small horse instead of a large dog. The dog wags his massive tail and rushes into my embrace, clearly relishing the scratches I am giving him behind his ear.

"What's his name? Or is it a girl?" I ask Remus, only to be cut off by a low growl from the dog in question as I ask the second part of the question. I turn back towards the dog but do not see any other signs of aggression so I stay where I am. "Ok, ok, I guess you're not a girl," I laugh.

"No, he's definitely not a girl," Remus confirms. "This is Snuffles, and he's a giant goofball who loves to flirt with women," he warns, giving the dog a stern look.

"Remus," Minerva interjects with a frown on her face, "do you really thing bringing…Snuffles here was a good idea?"

"No, but you know how stubborn he can be, Minerva. He made a huge fuss when I tried to leave him at home."

Surprisingly Minerva turns her chastising look upon the dog as she folds her arms across her chest. "You really shouldn't be here."

The dog lowers his head, I can only assume in response to the Transfiguration professor's tone, and immediately unleashes the puppy dog eyes. Minerva is a statue, unaffected by the look, but it hits me right in the heart and I can't help but grab his furry head and give him a big hug.

"Padfoot-behave," Remus warns, though I honestly don't know why. The dog starts licking my face enthusiastically and Remus rushes up to us. "Stop that, right now," he scolds.

"It's ok," I console as I stand back up, "I don't mind him giving me kisses. He's such a sweetie."

To my surprise, Remus and Minerva both snort. "You don't know him that well. Don't let his cuteness fool you," Remus scoffs as Padfoot gives him a gaping smile. "He's a menace."

"Oh, I don't believe that for a second," I contradict; giving the dog in questions one more pat on the head. "However, I will let you guys be, though, as I need to get the prescription for this additional potion for you, Minerva. It was great to see you, Remus. Oh, and thanks for your help with that little project of mine," I add with a wink. "It came together perfectly."

"Really? You'll have to tell me all about it later."

"Definitely," I assure him, leaving the room to give him some privacy with Minerva and to think about the Professor's proposal to me.

 _Dear Merlin, Severus is going to kill me if I do this! But will I be able to live with myself if I don't do it? If I choose to stay out of the fight and people die when I could have saved them, how will I ever be able to live with myself? One thing is clear; I need to put a lot of serious thought into this before making a decision._


	40. PART III - Chapter 7

_**A/N:**_ _Hello wonderful readers! Despite what you may have thought, I have not, in fact, fallen off the face of the Earth! Work kidnapped me for a while, and then my Muse decided to take a trip to Tahiti or other parts hitherto unknown. She didn't even bring me back a lousy t-shirt back! But no matter, she has returned and I have escaped the real world's eveil clutches for a little while, so onward we proceed with the story! Thanks for all of your patience and your continued interest._

 **Chapter 7**

I decide to take a detour to visit with Alice and Frank Longbottom, even though I am not scheduled to treat them again until next week, before heading back to Hogwarts. I do truly care about the pair of former Aurors, but I am honest with myself enough to know that I am also stalling going back in case Severus still hasn't responded to my Patronous. That, and I also need to thinkabout Minerva's offer. If it wasn't for Severus, I wouldn't even hesitate to sign up. I know it will be dangerous, possibly even deadly, but if I can contribute to the downfall of that madman and help make a safer world for people like Leo then it would be worth the sacrifice. Unfortunately, joining Albus' group would be in direct violation of Severus's one request of me to stay off Voldemort's radar. _Am I willing to risk any future I might have with Severus? I've dreamed my entire life of being with him, can I realy risk that?_

Lost in my dilemma, I don't even realize where my feet have automatically taken me until I push open the door to the staff break room. I guess old habits die hard! Suddenly, I realize that I am not alone as I spot two men arguinq quietly in the corner of the room. To my surprise, one of them is Remus. I am about to greet him and ask what in the world he is doing in the break room, when I take notice of the second man in the room. He is a little taller than Remus, gauntly thin, with scraggly long black hair, and distinct grey eyes that are a trademark of the Black family.

 _Holy shite! It's Sirius Black! The mass murderer! The man who sold out the Potters and caused Lily's death! The person who cost me my chance with the love of my life back in school!_

My wand is out before I even realize it as the seething anger takes over my rationale brain. "Don't fucking move!" I shout, garnering the attention of both the men. I see both of their eyes widen and a look of horro blooms on Remus's face.

"El," he starts, with his hands held out in a placating manner.

"Don't worry, Remus, I've got him covered. Go tell Security. They'll get the Aurors to come arrest this piece of scum," I growl, wand trained on Sirius Black's aged, yet still classicly handsome, face.

"No, El, you don't understand," he prevaricates, looking at me imploringly now and making no moves to go get help. Suddenly, it dawns on me.

"No way! I thought Severus was just blinded by his past with you, but he was right, wasn't he? You're actually working with this arsehole! Remus, how could you? He _killed_ Lily and James! He orphaned Harry! He is a bloody minion of the Dark Lord!" I shout.

"He's not, El. Please, just lower your wand and we'll explain."

"Lower my wand?" I laugh a bit histerically. "Yeah, sure, I'll do that. I'll lower my wand as I stand alone in an out of the way room with a Death Eater and his lying accomplise. I'm sure that will end well."

"We're not going to harm you," a raspy, unfamiliar voice chims in. I am surprised to realize that Sirius Black sounds perfectly sane. I honestly would have thought he would be a raving madman after so many years in Azkaban. "I know this looks bad, but I did not kill anyone. I was sent to Azkaban without a trial and was locked up for a crime I didn't commit for twelve years. The whole world thinks I sold out my best friends and that I am loyal to a maniac who believes in everything I despise!" he says with increasing urgency.

"It's true," Remus adds imploringly. "I know its hard to believe, but Sirius is innocent."

I can't help but scoff at this, thinking of all the cruel pranks he played on Severus in our school years, and, of course, how he ruined my chance with the love of my life and it took nearly twnenty years to get a second chance! _Innocent, my arse!_

Black must understand my disbelief because he cuts right to the heart of the matter. "Ok, I'm not innocent in terms of general disposition or track record of behavior, but I am innocent of being a Death Eater and I am innocent of selling out my friends and murdering a bunch of Muggles! I wasn't the Secret Keeper! I know I was an arse in school, but do you really think me capable of killing someone, let alone my best friends?"

I try to think about it objectively, as I was taught throughout my entire Healing curriculum, shoving my personal hatred for the man aside. The Sirius Black I knew was a toerag, but he was always exceedingly loyal to his friends. I remember that he seemed to loathe his little brother because of his pureblood ideals, and he often accused all Slytherins of being Death Eaters. He seemed to use that as justification for his mistreatment of them. Given that, it does seem unlikely that he would become a Death Eater himself.

"Ok, so for arguments sake, let's say I believe you – and I am NOT saying that is the case, but for the sake of the scientific method, tell me your side of the story. A wave of relief passes through Black's steel gray eyes and I notice a tightness in his shoulders loosen a bit. He then regales me wih a tale of unregistered animagi, switching secret keepers, and a lying little rat. When he is done, he looks at me imploringly and I can practically hear him begging me to believe him. It's a far-fetched tale, that's for sure, but is it any more far-fetched than thinking James's best friend, who walked away from a life of wealth and privledge because he disagreed with his parents' blood purity beliefs, would turn to Voldemort?

"Do you have any evidence?" I ask, and he deflates.

"Unfortunately, no," Remus answers. We had Peter detained but…it was the full moon and I…I forgot my Wolfsbane"

"It wasn't your fault," Sirius interjects as the weight of guilt clearly begins to crush Remus.

"Yes, it was!" he growls. "If I hadn't been so stupid you would have made it back to the castle with Peter and you would be free right now, not trapped as a prisioner in a house you hate, forced to stay in your dog form all the time, and utterly miserable!"

"You're not stupid! You were under a ton of stress and-"

"Not to cut this argument off, but someone could come in here at any moment and I doubt they'd give you the benefit of the doubt long enough to hear you out." I interrupt, knowing that the shift change will be coming in a few minutes.

"Shite, she's right," Remus sighs. "El, I know this is a lot to ask, but I hope that over the past few months we have built up a degree of trust, so I'm asking for you to really trust me now, and let me apparate you somewhere that we can talk safely."

Every neuron is screaming at me not to go with them, _I'm not really going to be that bimbo in every horror movie who hears a weird noise in the dark and goes TOWARDS it, am I?_ And yet, my illogical gut is fighting those smart little neurons. _Damn it, my traitorous feet seem to be siding with my stupid gut! Why am I walking towards the convicted murderer?_

"Alright, I'll go with you," I hear myself say, "but if this is a trap you can bet your hairy arse that I will haunt you incessantly and tell everyone your dirty little secret," I threaten, getting right up in Remus's face to make sure he understands.

Surprisngly, I hear a rusty chuckle from next to me. I turn to see hardened criminal Sirius Black chuckling and smirking at the two of us.

"I'm glad to see you haven't lost your spark, Bradford," he says with a mischevious twinkle in his eye. "Now let's get out of here before I end up in the pound."

Remus rolls his eyes indulgently as his friend…"holy shite!" I exclaim as the 6' tall man suddenly shrinks and morphs into a big black dog.

"Sirius!" Remus hisses chastisingly at the dog, who just looks up at him with innocent eyes, tongue lolling out.

"Wait…he? You? Your dog is…" I stutter, unable to get all of my thoughts together. There have been way too many surprises in the past few minutes. Suddenly, one thought coaleses into horrifying clarity. "UGH! He licked me!" I shout in disgust, thinking of Sirius Black, of all people, putting his tongue on my face!

"I know, but we really have to go now. You can hit him with a newspaper when we get home," Remus says urgently, grabbing tightly to my arm as he placed his other hand on the dog's back. Suddenly, the familiar feeling of apparition pulls at my navel and after a disconcerting moment or two, we reappear on the side of a city street. A row of imposing brownstones lines the road, speaking to a neighborhood of wealth and refinement. I would be lying if I didn't admit I was confused. Based on Remus's wardrobe and thrifty habits, not to mention his affliction that iniquitously restricted his emplyment options, I always assumed Remus was…well, poor.

"This is your home?" I ask, my perplexion clearly coming through.

"No, not _mine,"_ he replies with an exaggerated nod towards the black dog at his side. "And this isn't exactly his house, either. His house is hidden. You won't be able to see it until we show you the address," he explains as he hands me a folded up, slightly worn piece of paper.

I take it cautiously and pier at the flowing, neat script on the scrap of paper. To my astonishment, it reads: 12 Grimmauld Place, Headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix.

"Order of the Phoenix?" I gasp, realizing that is the very same group that Minerva asked me to be a part of earlier that very same day.

"Yeah, it's a…well, it's a long story," Remus replies as 10 Grimmauld Place and 14 Grimmauld Place seem to stretch apart, revealing another brownstone between them. "Let's get inside; we can talk about everything there." 

Once inside, my hackles rise and I start to think that my idiotic gut has lead me into a deadly trap after all. This place looks like the house from "It" and I am bracing myself for a giant creepy clown to pop out from the end of the dark, dank ahllway. I guess my opinion must show because Sirius, who has effortlessly turned back into a man now, nods in sympathy.

"It's a shitehole, I know, but its been abandoned for a decade and my twisted parents had a collection of Dark artifacts that kind of just took over the place unchecked after they died. We've just managed to get most of the truly dangerous stuff out recently, but now that that is done, we can hopefully start cleaning this place up," he explains with a halfhearted shrug.

"You realize bringing me here to convince me you aren't an evil murderer is about as effective as bringing a cow to a slaughterhouse, right?"

"And yet you aren't running away," Sirius replies with an edge of challenge in his voice.

"I've never been a very good runner," I answer with matching gusto. "If I wanted to leave I'd just curse you and leisurely walk right out that door."

"Ok, ok, let's focus," Remus interjects before anything escalates. "I'm going to make some tea while Sirius tells you the rest of his story. Please, _try_ not to kill each other while I'm in the kitchen."

Awkward silence descends as I stare at Black's haunted gray eyes, waiting for him to say something. When it becomes clear that he doesn't know where to begin, I decide to ask the question that has been simering in my mind since we arrived. "So, are you and Remus members of the Order of the Phoenix?"

"What? How do you know about the Order?" he asks suspiciously.

"Well, for one, it was on the parchment with the address of this place," I respond easily, which seems to make him relax. "Secondly, Minerva asked me to join it just before I happened upon you two at the hospital."

His deep black eyebrows climb up in surprise, but after a moment relief seems to wash over him. "That's great, it makes this easier. Remy and I are both members, and the Order all know that I am innocent."

"They all just believe you, without any evidence?"

"It's hard to argue when Albus Dumbledore is the one vouching for you," Sirius answers with a resigned sigh.

"Isn't that a good thing?" I ask with an edge of confusion.

"Yeah, and I'm grateful for it, but I'd prefer if everyone knew and accepted the truth. Some days I can't help but wonder if I actually escaped Azkaban at all. Being cooped up in this awful, Dark house day and night while my friends and Godson are out there risking their lives seems like a Dementor induced torture to me," he reveals despondently. Suddenly he seems to shake it off, though. "I have no idea why I said all that," he laughs awkwardly. "You don't even know me for Merlin's sake and here I am pouring out my soul."

"It was a little weird," I confirm with a smirk to let him know I don't hold it against him. Merlin help me, but when he shows his vulnerable side like this, I can almost forget what an arrogant wanker he was all throughout school.

Remus chooses that moment to cautiously re-enter the room, levitating a tea tray in front of him. "Here you go, Darjeeling for you, Sirius, and coffee for you, El."

"Get this, Remy, El is going to join the Order!" Sirius exclaims excitedly.

"You are?" the werewolf asks me. "You told her about the Order?" he turns on Black before I can reply. "Umm, look El, its not that I don't think you'd be an invaluable addition to the group, it's just that we don't actually have the authority to induct new members. We're not even supposed to be _talking about it_ with outsiders," he says with a chastising glare at his friend.

"I didn't _tell_ her about it, Moony, she already knew. Minne invited her to join, just today as a matter of fact!"

"She did?" Remus asks me, with an indescernable expression on his face.

"Yes, she did. However," I contine, pointedly turning towards Black, "I haven't decided if I am going to join or not."

"What? Why wouldn't you join? Haven't you devoted your life to helping curse victims? You do realize a good portion of those victims were probably cursed by Death Eaters, right?" Black exclaims incredulously.

"Sirius, don't badger her," Remus rebukes, sounding like I imagine he did when he was a Professor.

"I'm not badgering her, I just don't understand! Why would someone whose devoted her entire life to doing good not want to do everything they can to stop the biggest evil there is?" Black answers, getting more and more agitated.

"I do want to help," I explain, "but this kind of a decision isn't one to entered into lightly. There are consequences, as I would think you of all people would know. You lost 12 years of your life to Azkaban because of your duties to this Order and your fight against the Dark Lord. Your friends have died, kids have grown up without parents, Sev-some people have sacrificed their entire lives and given up any chance of happiness for years for this group."

I see Remus's eyes widen and I know he caught my little slip up where I almost mentioned Severus by name, but thankfully it seems, like most things, to have gone straight over Black's head.

"Yeah, and it is all worth it if it brings the slimy bastard down!" Black roars, now out of his chair, tea long forgotten. "Funny, all the times Remus raved about you he never mentioned that you were a coward," he growls.

"Hey, hey, that's too far, Sirius," Remus asserts, getting in between us. I barely hear it, though, as red hot fury clouds my mind.

"You're calling _me_ a coward? Oh that's rich! Coming from the bloody prat who bullied kids all through school just so he could try to feel like he had some self worth. Who hid behind odds like 4 to 1 when he attacked Slytherins, often from behind, and totally unprovoked! Is that how a hero is supposed to act, huh Black? Cursing people in a house you don't like just to desperately prove that you aren't like your family? Hiding behind your red and gold robes to conceal the fact that inside you're nothing but a scared, resentful little boy who was upset that his Mummy and Daddy liked his brother more?"

"Why you little bitch!" Black roars, hurlin his teacup at me as I hastily put up a _Protego_.

"That's enough!" Remus roars at a deafening volume, channeling every little bit of the wild wolf he keeps concealed every day. "You are both out of line. Like it or not, we are all on the same side here, and hurling insults at one another isn't going to help anyone! Now both of you SIT DOWN this instant!"

With a resentful glare at Black I slowly take a seat, knowing that even outside of a full moon, werewolves can do some serious damage if they are pushed too far. Black does the same, though I notice he is more perched on the edge of the chair than actually sitting.

"Good," Remus says, trying to regain his calm, "now we'll have no more fighting. Sirius, it is El's decision whether or not she wants to join the order and its none of our business why she decides whichever way she does. You should just be grateful that she han't turned you into the Ministry. And El, I know why our past actions affect you so much, but if we are going to be friends, and if you do decide to join the Order, you can't keep flinging the past in our faces. We all made mistakes, but we have to focus on the present now if we hope to have any chance of surviving the war that is coming. All right?" he asks, looking mildly pleading at both of us.

"Fine," Black huffs, crossing his arms but settling more fully into the armchair he is perched upon,

"All right," I agree with a sigh. "I'll try to leave the past in the past…and I won't tell anyone I saw you," I add, turning towards Black.

"Thank you," he mutters somewhat grudgingly.

"If that is all, I have to be heading back to the school," I explain, wanting nothing more than to find Severus and talk about all the things that have happened in the course of this insane day.

"I'll walk you out," Remus offers, speling the broken teacup back together and sending the remaining items to the kitchen.

"I'm going upstairs," Sirius announces a bit despondently, earning only a nod from Remus in reply.

The walk to the the door is quiet, but once we are out on the stoop Remus releases a deep sigh. "I'm sorry about him; he's just so frustrated being stuck in this place. As I'm sure you can tell, the house stil has a lot of residual Dark energy, and Sirius was never that great at being confined to begin with, let alone here. And now with him having been locked in Azkaban for so long…it just gets to him. I'm sure he didn't mean it when he called you a coward."

"You don't hav to apologize for him," I answer, taking pity on the stressed man. "I can't imagine its easy, what he's been through, and what he's still going through.

That said, I don't think there's any chance of my actually like the guy, after all the things he did…"

"It's because of Severus, isn't it? That you aren't sure about joining the Order?"

"What do you mean?"

Remus shrugs as he walks me down the stairs and we head around the corner to a shadowy alley from which I can apparate unseen. "Knowing what I do about Severus, I imagine he would be rather protective of you. The poor man has lost everyone he ever cared about, in one way or another, so I doubt he'd want you aligning yourself with You-Know-Who's biggest enemies."

"Cares about?" I scoff, trying to quell my panic, "who said Severus cares about me?"

Remus gives me a patronizing look that screams he thinks I am being ridiculous. "I'm a werewolf, remember?" he asks in a low voice. I'm still not following so I mearly nod. "You of all people should know that my kind retain certain heightened abilities even outside of the full moon, most notably our keen sense of smell," he continues.

My eyes widen as I finally realize what he is implying. "Oh shite!" I exclaim as a blush marches up my cheeks.

"Yeah," he confirms awkwardly, not looking ino my eyes. "Severus's…scent…is all over you."

 _Oh Merlin, this is so embarrassing! He's trying to be polite about it but I know when he says his "scent" what he actually means is he can smell that we had sex! I knew I should have taken the time for a full shower before visiting Minerva instead of just settling for a cleaning charm! Ugh, I'm mortified!_

"Don't be embarresed," he tries to console, "it happens a lot more than you would think. Hogwarts was a nightmare! With all those teenagers and their hormones, it drove me crazy!" he says, now sharing my blush.

"Well, on that note, I'm just going to go now…Oh! But Remus, please, you can't tell _anyone_ about me and Severus. We aren't exactly together, I mean we were, and maybe we are now, I don't really know, but with the Dark Lorad and all..." I ramble, trying to figure out how to explain the convoluted mess that my love life has become. "Let's just say its complicated, but for the sake of everyone's safety, just please, don't say anything," I nearly plead, unleashing my puppy dog eyes.

"No need to bring out the big wands, El, your secret is safe with me. I never was one for gossip to begin with, but aside from that, I know how dangerous it would be for Severus if anyone found out he had a soft spot for…well…anything."

I chuckle as relief washes over me. "Yeah, thanks Remus. You're a good friend."

"So are you. I'll see you over the summer at some point, okay?"

"Definitely. Even if I decide not to join your little club, I want to check on your treatment progress."

"You've got it," he agrees, waving me off as I take out my wand and apparate back to Hogsmeade, anxious to see my on-again, off-again lover and maybe get this settled once and for all.


	41. Part III - Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Upon returning to the castle, I find that Severus _still_ isn't in his rooms, or his office. _Where the bloody Hell could he be? He lives here, for Merlin's sake! Is he really trying to avoid me? Shite, he probably regrets everything that happened and wants nothing to do with me anymore. Even if that's true, though, and I hope its not, it isn't like Severus to hide. Oh fuck…what if he was called? That's the only thing I can think of that would have him away so long with no communication. What if someone, somehow, saw us together? If one of the Death Eaters' kids saw, they might have told their parents!_

Just as I am working myself up into a full panic _,_ I get a Patronus from Madame Pomfrey requesting my urgent assistance. My heart freezes as I imagine all the horrific things that could cause such a summons. Of course, I immediately think it is Severus, but that is just my own fears manifesting. I reassert this as I race down the hallways up to the infirmary.

Bursting through the doors, relief washes over me as I see a distinct lack of long black hair on any of the pillows. The relief is short-lived, though, and is replaced by dismay as I notice not one, or even two patients, but seven people in the hospital beds! Even worse, six of them are students, many of whom seem to have fairly serious injuries.

"Oh, thank goodness you're here," Madame Pomfrey sighs as she bustles between the patients. "Can you please take care of Mr. Longbottom and Mr. Weasley? They are both suffering curse damage," she quickly explains as she turns her attention to Ginny Weasley, who looks like she has a broken ankle.

"Curse damage?" I exclaim, "What in the world happened?" As far as I know, all of the patients here are friends, so I doubt it was a duel. Did Umbridge curse them? She's the only one here who doesn't really fit.

"It's a long story, but suffice to say these foolish children went up against a bunch of Death Eaters, and You Know Who himself!"

For a moment, I am paralyzed. _Did she just say these children fought Death Eaters, AND Voldemort? Sweet Merlin, they are lucky to be alive!_

I shake off my disbelief and buckle down into Healer mode, approaching Neville first since he is looking worse than Ron at the moment. As I approach him, I notice the trademark tremors of the _Cruciatus_ curse and I can feel my blood beginning to boil. _Those fucking monsters! How dare they use that curse on a child! Cowardly, no-good, pieces of filthy scum!_ I rage internally when an even more horrifying realization hits; _this is Neville! His parents were tortured into madness with this very same curse, and now he has suffered it as well! The poor boy must be distraught!_

"Hey Neville," I begin soothingly as I reach his bedside, sitting down next to him so he doesn't have to strain to move his neck to look up at me. "I know this hurts, but I'm going to take care of you and before you know it, you'll be just fine again." He looks at me with tear filled eyes, but they are also filled with determination.

"Thanks El," he eeks out, slipping into our more familiar vernacular despite being in the school. I have to bite down on my outrage as I look upon his sweet, pain-filled face and just like that…I realize my decision has been made. I _have to_ join the Order and try to help stop these sadistic arseholes from hurting any more kids. I know this might cost me the love of my life, but I can't selfishly put my own chance at happiness above the lives of innocent kids. As I start treating Neville, I feel a wave of certainty wash over me and I know that, for better or for worse, I am doing the right thing. Now I just have to figure out a way to tell Severus…if I ever get him to talk to me.

After a very harrowing few hours of treating Neville, Ron, and Hermione for their curse damage, I am just settling in to grade the first round of exams when my floo flares to life. To my combined relief and concern, I see the face of my beloved looking blankly back at me.

"Do you have time to talk?" he asks me in the most monotonous voice I have ever heard. That's probably not a good sign.

"Of course," I reply, trying my best to quell the ball of nerves building up inside me. It flares up as he steps through and I try to memorize his every feature in case this is the last time I get to gaze upon them without a vicious sneer meeting my gaze. As I am drinking him in, though, I notice resignation mixed with despondence seeping through his mask of stoicism.

"Are you alright?" I can't help but ask.

"Honestly, no," he replies with an acquiescent sigh, taking a seat on the sofa in my office.

"What's going on?" I ask as I take the seat next to him.

"First, allow me to apologize for missing our discussion after the exams. I was…called away…and was indisposed until just a few moments ago."

"Shite," I hiss, knowing that he means he was called to a Death Eater gathering. I don't see any tremors, though, so hopefully that means he was not tortured by the evil son of a bitch, this time. "Do you need any treatment?" I ask, knowing better than to ask if he is ok.

"No, the Dark Lord was quite angry about the way the 'mission' went today, but his wrath was directed elsewhere," Severus explains.

"Were you at the Department of Mysteries?" I ask when it seems he isn't going to continue speaking.

"How do you know about that?" he exclaims with wide, concerned eyes.

"Madame Pomfrey called me to help with treat the students who were there. A few of them suffered some curse damage," I explain.

"Fuck!" Severus suddenly shouts, grabbing his hair at this temples and pulling it as he stands and begins to pace.

"Hey, hey, stop that," I softly plea, gently taking his hands out of his hair and enveloping them with mine.

"I tried to protect them," he bemoans, "I swear I did, but I had to maintain my cover too. I got there late and there was only so much I could do."

"I know, Severus," I try to reassure him, making sure he looks me in the eye so he knows I am being truthful. "You protect these kids everyday, even when they annoy you, and I know you would rather die then let any of them be harmed."

"Yet I failed," he seethes.

"No you didn't. Every one of them is alive, and even the ones who were cursed will recover. They may have a few scars, but otherwise they will be fine. You, of all people, have to know what an accomplishment that is when facing off against Death Eaters and the Dark Lord himself!"

"They shouldn't have had to face him at all!" he seethes. "I swear, I don't know what goes through Dumbledore's mind sometimes! He lets these kids run wild, Potter especially! It's like no one cares if the obnoxious little prat lives or dies except me!"

Despite the seriousness of the situation, I can't help but smile at that. "Yes, it's clear you care for him deeply," I say with heavy amusement.

"Oh shut up," he says with a roll of his eyes, but I can tell my retort has at least calmed him a bit. "You know very well I hate the boy, but that doesn't mean I want him to be killed. I promised Lily I would protect him," he explains sadly, "Even if I hadn't, I am not so much of a monster that I wish for any child to die."

"Severus," I begin soothingly, gently leading him to the armchair in front of the fire, "you aren't a monster at all." I can see him open his mouth to contradict me, but I quickly continue before we can launch into this old argument again. "I know how much it eats you up every time _he_ calls you, and I have no doubt that you did everything you could to protect those kids, and many others who have been caught in the crossfire of this awful war. You put your life on the line every single day, facing evil that few can even mention, let alone stand in front of and lie to! I know you don't believe it, but you are a hero, Sev, and the bravest man I have ever known."

"Nonsense. I'm only doing what must be done," he retorts sensibly.

"I suppose that's as good of a segue way as any," I murmur, knowing it is the moment of truth.

"What was that?"

"Severus, I know this isn't the optimum time, but…we have to talk," I sigh. I see his eyes widen momentarily before shuttering behind his customary mask.

"Yes, you are correct, of course. Our discussion is long overdue."

"It is, but I'm afraid it might be moot once I tell you what I have to tell you."

"What?" he asks with obvious suspicion.

"After we…you know…I was informed that Minerva was in hospital. She had been hit with stunners meant for Hagrid. She's alright, but when I went to visit her, she had a proposition for me. She…she asked me to join a group that Dumbledore leads that opposes-"

"The Order?! She asked you to join the Order?" Severus suddenly shouts, nearly leaping out of his seat.

"I thought you might be a member," I reply, knowing his initial reaction is not exactly promising.

"Tell me you didn't accept," he implores, clutching my arms almost painfully.

"I didn't…yet," I answer truthfully.

"But you're going to," he states sadly, rather than questions.

"Severus, please, you have to understand. I can't just sit back and let innocent children get hurt like they did today. You are doing everything you can to save them, and I need to do the same. I couldn't live with myself otherwise," I plead, searching his dark eyes for any hint of understanding.

"This will put you right at the top of the Dark Lord's hitlist. Do you know how many members of the Order were killed in the first war?"

"I know," I acknowledge sadly. "And I also know that making this choice may mean losing you, which is far worse than any torture the Dark Lord could launch against me, but I can't be selfish. I can't let my love for you stop me from doing the right thing."

"I understand," Severus acknowledges, "but I honestly don't know how I would survive if I lose you."

"Then you'll just have to do everything in your power to help make sure I survive – without blowing your cover, of course," I answer with a small, questioning smile.

He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose as he does when faced with a particularly trying student. "I can see you're going to be stubborn about this, so I suppose we'd better start with Occlumency."

"Seriously?" I ask with excitement, thrilled that he hasn't exploded and cast me out forever. "Thank you!" I can't help but launch myself at him, hugging him tightly and reveling in his spicy scent.

"Try to maintain some dignity," he chastises in his best professorial tone, but his body betrays him and I can tell that he is pleased with my embrace.

"Sorry," I smirk, not being sorry at all. "So…once I master Occlumency, can we…be together again?"

"Master it? Someone's awfully confident," he sneers haughtily.

"Of course. I have the best teacher there is," I reply with my own hauteur. Instead of a rejoinder, Severus scoops me up into his arms and kisses me with fiery passion. I can almost feel myself melting. "If this is how all our lessons start, I am going to be a most judicious student!"

"You're incorrigible," he chastises, but the light in his eyes gives him away and, for the first time in a long time, I have hope.


	42. PART III - Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Sweat trickles down my face as I try to catch my breath, staring into Severus's beautiful dark eyes that are mere inches away from my own. I am exhausted, but I keep going, not wanting to disappoint my love. Who ever knew mental magic was so taxing! As someone who primarily deals with physiological issues, I never really thought about the effect something like Occlumency training could have on the body. I sure as Hades know it now, though! Severus has been training me for a few weeks now, and I have made progress in deflecting his attacks, hiding the information I want to hide, and even occasionally forcing him out of my mind altogether, but Merlin is it difficult!

Still, I am driven by the importance of learning this as it relates to the cause and the safety of all those in the Order, not to mention the promised reward. After much coaxing and wheedling, and ok, more than a little shameless flirtatious teasing, I finally convinced Severus to give our relationship another chance once I have "completely mastered" the art. After all, if we are both able to shield our minds then there is little risk of Voldemort, or anyone else, finding out that we are together and care for one another. Now if I could just reach that level I could finally satisfy this frustration, both emotional and physical, that I have to constantly endure from being in Severus's presence but not being able to actually _be_ with him.

"Again," that sexy, smoky voice commands. The timbre sends shivers of arousal down my spine, but the actual word makes me groan in frustration.

"How can I love you so much and loathe you all at the same time?" I ask in aggravated resignation.

"It's a gift," he glibly quips, "Now focus."

"Ugh! Fine!" I relent, clearing my mind and bracing for the intrusion. We have specifically decided that Severus should not be gentle in these sessions as the Dark Lord certainly won't be if he is ever trying to infiltrate my mind, and we want to make it as realistic as possible. Of course, I sincerely doubt I'll have quite so many wayward thoughts of Severus's lean, pale, naked body pressing me down to the bed and ravishing every inch of me if the Noseless Wonder himself is trying to get into my head, instead of my beloved. At least I hope not! Oh, Merlin, I've made myself sick!

Severus pulls back with a rare chuckle as he hands me a towel to wipe off my face. "If you are fantasizing about showing the Dark Lord our intimate encounters then I think it is time for a break."

"I wasn't _fantasizing_ about it! Merlin, Sev, please don't ever mention that creepy bastard and that term in the same sentence again! You're going to make me lose my lunch!"

He just gives me a sardonic smirk that makes me want to slap him and kiss him all at once. "Anyway, since you saw that, I guess I'm still not at mastery level, huh?"

"Not quite," he replies, "but I've warned you, mastery is not easy to achieve. I was training for nearly a year, every single day, before I reached that level. You are doing surprisingly well, but six weeks is hardly enough time to stand up to the Dark Lord's assaults."

"I know," I sigh, "but I just really want to be with you again."

"I feel the same way, even if I don't often say it, but safety is the most important thing, both for you and the cause," he replies in a rare moment of honest vulnerability.

"For _us_ and the cause," I correct. "Why do you have to be so sensible?" I lament, longing to hold him in my arms but knowing I can't. "Very well, in that case lets get some water and get back to it."

* * *

The remainder of the summer progresses in much the same way, right up until the second week in August, when I go to visit my family and spend some time with them before the school year starts up again.

"Ellie!" my mum shouts as soon as she sees me, enveloping me in a crushing hug before I am even fully through the door. "I've missed you so much! I have half a mind to storm into Dumbledore's office and have words with him for keeping my baby so busy that she can't come visit her own mother!"

"Mum," I whine, sounding far too much like my 15 year old self for my liking, "quit being so dramatic! I still floo call you every week and I joined you for Leo's birthday dinner. Besides, it isn't Albus's fault; aside from making lesson plans their really isn't much I have to do over the summer for him," I explain, trying to be the more rational and centered adult I like to think I have become.

"Ohh, I see," she leads dangerously, a gleam in her eye that certainly spells trouble. "I guess its something else…or perhaps _someone_ else, that has been diverting your attention so fully as of late, hmm? Perhaps I should vent my spleen to your new mysterious man, rather than Dumbledore? Is that what's going on? You're dating someone new?" she asks, peering behind me to the front door that still stands ajar, seemingly hoping that I've been hiding a new paramour behind the bushes by the porch.

Her question knocks me off balance and my complaints about her cheeky comments wither and die in the despondence that overcomes my heart. I suppose it shows on my face because she immediately drops her sly smile and turns apologetic. "Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I know how hard you took it when that snake broke your heart," she states as she gathers me in her arms and rubs my back soothingly.

"Mum," I object, as I pull away, "we've been through this! He isn't a snake and he didn't break my heart. It was a _mutual_ decision. Mutual!"

"Yes, yes, I know. It's just that you have been so broken up about it. I know you try to hide it, but even through the floo I can tell that you are miserable. I've never seen you like this after a break up. Normally you just eat a pint of ice cream, launch into a new research project, and then you are off on your usual, driven, hyper-focused path."

"I'm not going to pretend my break up with Severus didn't hurt, more so than any before, but that doesn't change the fact that we both decided it was for the best."

"I still don't understand why, though…"

"Mum, please, not this again. I told you that I can't discuss that. Just trust me, ok?"

"Alright," she sighs. "I'm just worried about you. I know there are aspects of your job you can't talk about due to the whole patient healer confidentiality thing, but it seems like you've become more secretive since you started at Hogwarts. I just want to know that you're ok."

Guilt floods me as I think of all the things I can't tell my mother, from the truth about my relationship with Severus to my agreeing to help out the Order, but I know it is for her own safety. The less my family knows, the less of a target they will be.

"I'm ok, Mum, I promise," I say with what I hope is a convincing smile. "Now let's stop all these serious talk. I'm here for a two whole weeks and I intend to thoroughly enjoy your pampering and Dad's cooking."

"Did someone mention my cooking?" my dad asks as he rounds the corner with a tray of freshly fried mozzarella with homemade basil tomato dipping sauce. The enticing smell pulls me in and all discussions about my pathetic personal life are forgotten in favor of savoring the delicious offerings.

* * *

Later that night, feeling like a beached whale, I settle into my childhood bedroom and start the meditations that Severus taught me to enhance my Occlumency skills. Just as I am reaching the deeper meditative state, my door opens a bit and my mum pokes her head in.

"Ellie, what are you doing?" she asks with mild confusion.

I sigh, dragging myself back from my own mind, annoyed that I will now have to start all over. "Nothing, Mum."

"It looks like you're meditating," she comments, putting down the fresh linens that she brought up.

"I am," I reply easily, tamping down the annoyance as I think back on all the things my mum has done for me over the years, and all the things she has overcome to be the woman she is today.

"You've never meditated before, have you?" she asks.

"No, not before this summer," I answer honestly.

"I see…" she leads, her gaze piercing. "And the rosemary oil and smoking brahmi? If I didn't know better, I'd say you were attempting to enter a meditative trance to enhance Occlumency skills."

For a moment, I am struck dumb. _How does my mum even know what these herbs are, let alone what they are used for?_ "I, uh, well, I…"

"Why are you learning Occlumency?" she presses on, taking a seat next to me on the bed.

"How do you even know about this?" I retort, hoping to avoid having to answer, and genuinely curious.

"Eleanor," she begins almost sadly, "how do you think I survived ten years with your father…your biological father, that is?"

"Wait…what? You mean, you…you are an Occlumens?" I ask, flabbergasted.

She nods her head simply. "I had to be. It became very apparent in that first year of marriage that Valdus was not above using spells to determine exactly what I was thinking, and knowing the temper he had, I knew sooner or later he would catch me thinking something about him that would have pushed him over the edge. When I found out that I was pregnant, I knew I couldn't risk a baby's safety. I started researching in secret, and your grandfather helped by arranging a tutor who came to the house when Valdus was at work. She was fantastic, and she even posed as an interior decorator so no one would know what we were really up to. Needless to say it came in handy, especially with the…investigation."

"Wow. How come I never knew any of this?"

"You were just a child at the time, and to be honest, once Valdus was out of our lives and the investigation closed, I didn't have much need for the skill. I still practice every now and then, just to keep it sharp, but I haven't had to actually use it in many years. Now, why are you suddenly so interested in this craft?"

I weigh my options for a moment, and I know I can tell my mum that I can't tell her and she will accept it, but I find that I really don't want to shut her out completely. "I can't tell you exactly why, but I can tell you that I am helping with a very important cause, and secrecy is essential."

"A cause? Does this have anything to do with what happened to that poor boy in the Tri-Wizard Tournament?"

"Yes, I am afraid it does. We are trying to make sure something like that doesn't ever happen again."

"The other people you're working with, they are 100% trustworthy?" she asks worriedly.

"Yes," I respond confidently. "There are a plethora of security protocols in place to make sure everyone is loyal to the cause." I hesitate for a moment, debating how much I should divulge, but knowing that Voldemort has returned and Severus is being pulled back into his service to get the Order the information it needs to oppose him, I decide that my mum needs to have at least an inkling of what is going on, even if it isn't explicit knowledge, just in case it all goes to Hell. "Even the ones who may publicly appear not to be."

"Ah…well then. I trust you have a good tutor for the Occlumency?"

"The best," I instantly answer, and based on the shrewd look my mum gives me I suspect a bit of my adoration for "my tutor" has slipped through.

"I'm glad to hear that," she replies softly. "Not to step out of bounds, but if you want I can give you some tips to help improve a bit faster than usual."

"You can? Yes, that would be amazing!"

My mum chuckles but eagerly focuses on the task at hand. "Sure. My tutor was from India so she knew a lot of tricks we don't utilize in Western Society. I'm happy to teach them to you."

I launch myself at her and give her a strong hug, thinking that I am one step closer to Mastery and feeling my admiration for my mum grow even more than it was before.

* * *

Two weeks later I am settling down to my lesson with Severus, having completed his latest round of treatments, and I am excited to shock him with my progress.

"Concentrate," he bides, as he settles in across from me and prepares to invade my mind.

"Bring it on," I tease with a smirk. His only response is to raise a brow sardonically but I know he has accepted my challenge and won't be going easy on me. _Now if only he wouldn't go easy on me in another way…No! Focus El! You need to show him you can do this!_

"Legilmens!" he hisses, and I can feel his presence pushing into the outer reaches of my mind. Before he can even penetrate the superficial layer, though, I have centered myself and tossed him out on his metaphysical ear.

His surprise is evident for a moment, which is saying something for a consummate spy like Severus, but he gathers himself very quickly. "What was that?" he asks.

"That," I reply haughtily, "was chhodana."

"Explain," he commands shortly.

In response, I relay the story of my mum's experiences with occlumency and the tutor she had who taught her some far Eastern methods that were rarely seen in the Western world. As expected, Severus immediately launches into a hundred questions, the epitome of a true scholar seeking out new knowledge. I would bet a hundred galleons that he will be in the library tonight demanding Madame Pince order books on Eastern mind magic immediately.

"You want to see something else that's cool?" I ask, and I know that the answer is yes. "Invade my mind again," I direct.

"Very well," he acquiesces, immediately launching his attack without any spoken words. Luckily, though, I know him well enough to have expected that and I am ready. I feel his presence pushing into my consciousness, but this time I don't force him out. Rather, I relax and allow him in, going deep into my mind where my most closely guarded secrets are kept. Rather than finding those aforementioned secrets, though, he finds a looping soundtrack of "It's a Small World" courtesy of the trip my family took to the States a few years ago.

"You've learned targeted memory implementation," he says with just a trace of awe and I can feel myself beaming with pride.

"I sure have!" I reply ( _ok, ok, so I squealed it_ ). "Are you impressed?" I ask, honestly sitting on the edge of my seat, trying to tamp down the burgeoning hope that is trying to escape my heart.

For a moment, Severus blesses me with one of his exceedingly rare soft, genuine smiles. "Quite impressed," he admits sincerely.

At this confirmation, the hope bursts out of me and launches me into his lap. I nearly bowl him over in my enthusiasm, but he finds his footing and supports me, even going so far as to wrap his arms around me for a few moments.

"You have increased your skills exponentially in the time you have been away. At this point, you have almost attained Mastery."

"Really?!" I exclaim with exuberance. "How much longer do you think it will take for me to get there?"

He ponders my question for a few moments, and it occurs to me how much I appreciate that he is not the type of man to placate me with false, empty platitudes. "If we continue our sessions at least every other day, I think you can achieve mastery in another two months."

"Two months? Seriously!" I squeal as I launch into an improvised happy dance.

"Yes, _if_ you continue to work hard, and don't get overconfident," he warns, eyeing my unbridled enthusiasm with a pointed look.

"Oh, come on Sev, I know you have to keep your reputation as the dark, brooding, curmudgeon, but surely you feel a little bit of excitement for me," I ask, half joking, half worried that he doesn't actually feel any of the joy that I do for my progress, and what that means for our future together.

I guess my humorous facade isn't as convincing as I thought it was, because for once, Severus drops all cold pretenses and gently directs me to look into his eyes. "Of course I am excited for you…and for us. I just don't want you to think that our work is done. Even when you master Occlumency, we still have a long road ahead to defeat the Dark Lord; a road along which I will be regarded as untrustworthy at best, an evil murderer at worst. Any kindness you show me in public, no matter how slight, will be looked upon with derision and mistrust. You must be able to separate our private relations, and the feelings entwined with them, from our public personas. You must not only master Occlumency, but deception, as well, and not just in the presence of the Death Eaters or their sympathizers, but around everyone."

"I know, Severus," I begin.

"Do you, though?" he cuts me off with, terse and demanding. "Joining the Order, continuing to associate with me, especially, it means your entire life becomes a lie. You will never be able to be completely honest with anyone in your life, not your friends, not even your family. That level of pretext takes a toll, and before you know it, the lies become your life, and you can't even tell where the lies end and you begin. I don't want that life for you, El. I don't want to drag you down with me."

"Severus," I breathe as I take his hand to ensure his full focus, "I appreciate you wanting to protect me, and excuse the soppy sentimentality of my next statement, but it is the truth, so I feel like its warranted; without you in it, my life would be a lie anyway. I would just be a shell; a hollow veneer of a complete person, pretending to be whole and fulfilled, all the while missing my heart. I've never been one of those women who needs a man to be complete, or to be happy, but I can't deny that the time I had with you was the best of my life. I feel like you really understand me, and being with you is like coming home, finally belonging somewhere. I don't want to go back to the dreary rote existence that I had before you."

"Dreary it may have been, but it was safe," Severus nearly implores, "and you were free to be yourself. If you go, if you leave me-all this, behind, you can still retain that. You can remain unspoiled."

"Severus," I begin, gently reaching up to cup his face in my hands, "if I left you behind, I know my better half would fade. All of the things about me that you wish to preserve would wither and die anyways. A bird may be content in a cage as long as that is all she knows, but once that cage has been opened and she has explored the world, she can never go back to that cage and be content. If I walk away now, I will forever lambaste my cowardice, knowing I had a chance to help stop this madman, to save innocent souls, maybe even to help save you, and didn't take it. I would wither away under that regret, and if Merlin forbid anything happened to you, Severus, I could never forgive myself."

"I will drag you down into the cold, dark shadows," he replies forlornly.

"No, you won't. I'll _follow_ you down, and we'll keep each other warm. Once this is over, we will forge a staircase up out of the shadows and back into the light."

"I fear I've been too long in the dark to ever emerge and live in the light," he admits with measurable shame.

"On your own? Perhaps. But with me giving you a boost I believe it is possible. I'm not naïve, Severus," I cut him off before he can contradict me, "I know the things you have done. I've read the stories about the Death Eaters, attended some of their victims, and you yourself have told me of the deeds committed by your hand, but I also know your heart, and your convictions. When you realized the depth of your mistake in joining them you did not seek protection for yourself, you did not ask Albus to hide you, or to save you. Instead, you begged for him to protect Lily, even though just approaching him could easily have meant imprisonment or death for you. I heard how you put yourself in between Harry and his friends when Remus forgot his potion a few years ago on a full moon night. An unredeemable person would not do such things. You may not be nice, but you aren't evil, and I am not giving up on you. Lily used to tell me stories about you as a child, you know." I see the surprise in his eyes, and a bit of fear, but I hurry to temper it before it can grow into anger or sadness. "She told me about when you first met, how you taught her about magic and the wizarding world, and how you always made her smile with little charms when she fought with her sister. I know that boy is still inside you, albeit buried deep under the amour you have created in response to the cruel world. That boy is who you truly are, and although I don't believe any of us will ever be as innocent as we were as children, but we can tap into that well of who we inherently are. You can live in the light, I know you can, but even if you don't believe that, please at least try. If I mean anything to you, please try."

Severus nods his head, and I can tell he still does not believe, but that's alright. We have time, and I am a very stubborn and persistent woman. I will help him see in himself what I always have and I will be by his side no matter the dark turns his journey takes. We seal the deal with a kiss, far too brief for my liking, but Severus, always practical, hurriedly returns us to the task at hand. He does, however, take a moment after our hurried kiss to take my hand in his and give it a meaningful squeeze. In that moment, I know that he is proud of my progress, and has a tiny glimmer of hope for the future, afterall.


End file.
